Samuel Butler: Hudibras Written in the time of the late wars: The text edited by A. R. Waller |
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 | Samuel Butler: Hudibras |  |
CANTO I.
When
civil fury first grew high,
And men fell out they knew not why,
When hard Words, Jealousies, and Fears,
Set Folks together by the Ears,
And made them fight, like mad or drunk,
For Dame Religion as for Punk,
Whose honesty they all durst swear for,
Though not a man of them knew wherefore:
When Gospel-Trumpeter surrounded,
With long-ear'd rout to Battel sounded,
And Pulpit, Drum Ecclesiastick,
Was beat with fist, instead of a stick:
Then did Sir Knight abandon dwelling,
And out he rode a Colonelling.
A Wight he was, whose very sight wou'd
Entitle him Mirror of Knighthood;
That never bent his stubborn knee
To any thing but Chivalry,
Nor put up blow, but that which laid
Right worshipful on Shoulder-blade:
Chief of Domestick Knights and Errant,
Either for Chartel or for Warrant:
Great on the Bench, Great in the Saddle,
That could as well bind o'er, as swaddle.
Mighty he was at both of these,
And styl'd of War as well as Peace.
(So some Rats of amphibious nature,
Are either for the Land or Water)
But here our Authors make a doubt,
Whether he were more wise, or stout.
Some hold the one, and some the other:
But howsoe'er they make a pother,
The difference was so small, his Brain
Outweigh'd his Rage but half a Grain:
Which made some take him for a Tool
That Knaves do work with, call'd a Fool.
And offer to lay wagers that
As Mountaigne playing with his Cat,
Complains she thought him but an Ass,
Much more she would Sir Hudibras.
(For that's the Name our valiant Knight
To all his Challenges did write.)
But they're mistaken very much,
'Tis plain enough he was no such.
We grant, although he had much wit,
H' was very shie of using it,
As being loath to wear it out,
And therefore bore it not about.
Unless on Holy-days, or so,
As Men their best Apparel do.
Beside, 'tis known he could speak Greek,
As naturally as Pigs squeek:
That Latine was no more difficile,
Than to a Black-bird 'tis to whistle.
Being rich in both, he never scanted
His Bounty unto such as wanted;
But much of either would afford,
To many that had not one word.
For Hebrew Roots, although th' are found
To flourish most in barren ground,
He had such plenty as suffic'd
To make some think him circumcis'd:
And truely so perhaps, he was
'Tis many a Pious Christians case.
And men fell out they knew not why,
When hard Words, Jealousies, and Fears,
Set Folks together by the Ears,
And made them fight, like mad or drunk,
For Dame Religion as for Punk,
Whose honesty they all durst swear for,
Though not a man of them knew wherefore:
When Gospel-Trumpeter surrounded,
With long-ear'd rout to Battel sounded,
And Pulpit, Drum Ecclesiastick,
Was beat with fist, instead of a stick:
Then did Sir Knight abandon dwelling,
And out he rode a Colonelling.
4
Entitle him Mirror of Knighthood;
That never bent his stubborn knee
To any thing but Chivalry,
Nor put up blow, but that which laid
Right worshipful on Shoulder-blade:
Chief of Domestick Knights and Errant,
Either for Chartel or for Warrant:
Great on the Bench, Great in the Saddle,
That could as well bind o'er, as swaddle.
Mighty he was at both of these,
And styl'd of War as well as Peace.
(So some Rats of amphibious nature,
Are either for the Land or Water)
But here our Authors make a doubt,
Whether he were more wise, or stout.
Some hold the one, and some the other:
But howsoe'er they make a pother,
The difference was so small, his Brain
Outweigh'd his Rage but half a Grain:
Which made some take him for a Tool
That Knaves do work with, call'd a Fool.
And offer to lay wagers that
As Mountaigne playing with his Cat,
Complains she thought him but an Ass,
Much more she would Sir Hudibras.
(For that's the Name our valiant Knight
To all his Challenges did write.)
But they're mistaken very much,
'Tis plain enough he was no such.
We grant, although he had much wit,
H' was very shie of using it,
As being loath to wear it out,
And therefore bore it not about.
Unless on Holy-days, or so,
As Men their best Apparel do.
Beside, 'tis known he could speak Greek,
As naturally as Pigs squeek:
That Latine was no more difficile,
Than to a Black-bird 'tis to whistle.
5
His Bounty unto such as wanted;
But much of either would afford,
To many that had not one word.
For Hebrew Roots, although th' are found
To flourish most in barren ground,
He had such plenty as suffic'd
To make some think him circumcis'd:
And truely so perhaps, he was
'Tis many a Pious Christians case.
He was in Logick a great Critick,
Profoundly skill'd in Analytick.
He could distinguish, and divide
A Hair 'twixt South and South-West side:
On either which he would dispute,
Confute, change hands, and still confute.
He'd undertake to prove by force
Of Argument, a Man's no Horse.
He'd prove a Buzard is no Fowl,
And that a Lord may be an Owl,
A Calf an Alderman, a Goose a Justice,
And Rooks Committee-men, and Trustees;
He'd run in Debt by Disputation,
And pay with Ratiocination.
All this by Syllogism, true
In mood and Figure, he would do.
Profoundly skill'd in Analytick.
He could distinguish, and divide
A Hair 'twixt South and South-West side:
On either which he would dispute,
Confute, change hands, and still confute.
He'd undertake to prove by force
Of Argument, a Man's no Horse.
He'd prove a Buzard is no Fowl,
And that a Lord may be an Owl,
A Calf an Alderman, a Goose a Justice,
And Rooks Committee-men, and Trustees;
He'd run in Debt by Disputation,
And pay with Ratiocination.
All this by Syllogism, true
In mood and Figure, he would do.
For Rhetorick he could not ope
His mouth, but out there flew a Trope:
And when he hapned to break off
I'th' middle of his speech, or cough,
H' had hard words, ready to shew why,
And tell what Rules he did it by.
Else when with greatest Art he spoke,
You'd think he talk'd like other folk,
For all a Rhetoricians Rules,
Teach nothing but to name his Tools,
His ordinary Rate of Speech
In loftiness of sound was rich,
A Babylonish dialect,
Which learned Pedants much affect.
It was a parti-colour'd dress
Of patch'd and pyball'd Languages:
'Twas English cut on Greek and Latin,
Like Fustian heretofore on Sattin.
It had an odd promiscuous Tone,
As if h'had talk'd three parts in one.
Which made some think when he did gabble,
Th' had heard three Labo'rers of Babel;
Or Cerberus himself pronounce
A Leash of Languages at once.
This he as volubly would vent
As if his stock would ne'er be spent.
And truly to support that charge
He had supplies as vast and large.
For he could coin or counterfeit
New words with little or no wit:
Words so debas'd and hard, no stone
Was hard enough to touch them on.
And when with hasty noise he spoke 'em,
The Ignorant for currant took 'em.
That had the Orator who once,
Did fill his Mouth with Pibble Stones
When he harangu'd, but known his Phrase,
He would have us'd no other ways.
His mouth, but out there flew a Trope:
And when he hapned to break off
I'th' middle of his speech, or cough,
H' had hard words, ready to shew why,
And tell what Rules he did it by.
Else when with greatest Art he spoke,
You'd think he talk'd like other folk,
For all a Rhetoricians Rules,
Teach nothing but to name his Tools,
His ordinary Rate of Speech
In loftiness of sound was rich,
6
Which learned Pedants much affect.
It was a parti-colour'd dress
Of patch'd and pyball'd Languages:
'Twas English cut on Greek and Latin,
Like Fustian heretofore on Sattin.
It had an odd promiscuous Tone,
As if h'had talk'd three parts in one.
Which made some think when he did gabble,
Th' had heard three Labo'rers of Babel;
Or Cerberus himself pronounce
A Leash of Languages at once.
This he as volubly would vent
As if his stock would ne'er be spent.
And truly to support that charge
He had supplies as vast and large.
For he could coin or counterfeit
New words with little or no wit:
Words so debas'd and hard, no stone
Was hard enough to touch them on.
And when with hasty noise he spoke 'em,
The Ignorant for currant took 'em.
That had the Orator who once,
Did fill his Mouth with Pibble Stones
When he harangu'd, but known his Phrase,
He would have us'd no other ways.
In Mathematicks he was greater
Than Tycho Brahe, or Erra Pater:
For he, by Geometrick scale,
Could take the size of Pots of Ale;
Resolve by Signs and Tangents streight,
If Bread or Butter wanted weight;
And wisely tell what hour o'th' day
The Clock doth strike, by Algebra.
Than Tycho Brahe, or Erra Pater:
For he, by Geometrick scale,
Could take the size of Pots of Ale;
Resolve by Signs and Tangents streight,
If Bread or Butter wanted weight;
And wisely tell what hour o'th' day
The Clock doth strike, by Algebra.
Beside he was a shrewd Philosopher,
And had read every Text and gloss over:
What e'er the crabbed'st Author hath
He understood b' implicit Faith,
What ever Sceptick could inquire for;
For every why he had a wherefore;
Knew more than forty of them do,
As far as words and terms could go.
All which he understood by Rote,
And as occasion serv'd, would quote;
No matter whether right or wrong:
They might be either said or sung.
His Notions fitted things so well,
That which was which he could not tell;
But oftentimes mistook th' one
For th' other, as great Clerks have done.
He could reduce all things to Acts,
And knew their Natures by Abstracts,
Where Entity and Quiddity
The Ghosts of defunct Bodies flie;
Where Truth in Person does appear,
Like words congeal'd in Northern Air.
He knew what's what, and that's as high
As Metaphysick Wit can fly,
In School Divinity as able
As he that hight Irrefragable;
Profound in all the Nominal
And real ways beyond them all;
And with as delicate a Hand,
Could twist as tough a Rope of Sand.
And weave fine Cobwebs, fit for Skull
That's empty when the Moon is full;
Such as take Lodgings in a Head
That's to be lett unfurnished.
He could raise Scruples dark and nice,
And after solve 'em in a trice:
As if Divinity had catch'd
The Itch, of purpose to be scratch'd;
Or, like a Mountebank, did wound
And stab her self with doubts profound,
Only to shew with how small pain
The sores of faith are cur'd again;
Although by woful proof we find,
They always leave a Scar behind.
He knew the Seat of Paradise,
Could tell in what degree it lies:
And as he was dispos'd, could prove it,
B[e]low the Moon, or else above it.
What Adam dreamt of when his Bride
Came from her Closet in his side:
Whether the Devil tempted her
By a High Dutch Interpreter:
If either of them had a Navel;
Who first made Musick malleable:
Whether the Serpent at the fall
Had cloven Feet, or none at all.
All this without a Gloss or Comment,
He would unriddle in a moment:
In proper terms, such as men smatter
When they throw out and miss the matter.
And had read every Text and gloss over:
What e'er the crabbed'st Author hath
He understood b' implicit Faith,
7
For every why he had a wherefore;
Knew more than forty of them do,
As far as words and terms could go.
All which he understood by Rote,
And as occasion serv'd, would quote;
No matter whether right or wrong:
They might be either said or sung.
His Notions fitted things so well,
That which was which he could not tell;
But oftentimes mistook th' one
For th' other, as great Clerks have done.
He could reduce all things to Acts,
The old Philosophers thought to extract Notions out of Natural things, as Chymists do Spirits and Essences; and when they had refin'd them into the nicest subtleties, gave them as insignificant Names, as those Operators do their Extractions: But (as Seneca says) the subtler things are render'd, they are but the nearer to Nothing. So are all their definitions of things by Acts, the nearer to Nonsense.
And knew their Natures by Abstracts,
Where Entity and Quiddity
The Ghosts of defunct Bodies flie;
Where Truth in Person does appear,
Some Authors have mistaken Truth for a Real thing, when it is nothing but a right Method of putting those Notions, or Images of things (in the understanding of Man) into the same state and order, that their Originals hold in Nature, and therefore Aristotle says, unumquodque sicut se habet secundum esse, ita se habet secundum veritatem. Met. l. 2.
Like words congeal'd in Northern Air.
He knew what's what, and that's as high
As Metaphysick Wit can fly,
In School Divinity as able
As he that hight Irrefragable;
Profound in all the Nominal
And real ways beyond them all;
And with as delicate a Hand,
Could twist as tough a Rope of Sand.
And weave fine Cobwebs, fit for Skull
That's empty when the Moon is full;
Such as take Lodgings in a Head
That's to be lett unfurnished.
He could raise Scruples dark and nice,
And after solve 'em in a trice:
As if Divinity had catch'd
The Itch, of purpose to be scratch'd;
Or, like a Mountebank, did wound
And stab her self with doubts profound,
Only to shew with how small pain
The sores of faith are cur'd again;
Although by woful proof we find,
They always leave a Scar behind.
8
Could tell in what degree it lies:
And as he was dispos'd, could prove it,
B[e]low the Moon, or else above it.
What Adam dreamt of when his Bride
Came from her Closet in his side:
Whether the Devil tempted her
By a High Dutch Interpreter:
If either of them had a Navel;
Who first made Musick malleable:
Whether the Serpent at the fall
Had cloven Feet, or none at all.
All this without a Gloss or Comment,
He would unriddle in a moment:
In proper terms, such as men smatter
When they throw out and miss the matter.
For his Religion it was fit
To match his Learning and his Wit:
'Twas Presbyterian true blew,
For he was of that stubborn Crew
Of Errant Saints, whom all men grant
To be the true Church Militant:
Such as do build their Faith upon
The holy Text of Pike and Gun;
Decide all Controversies by
Infallible Artillery;
And prove their Doctrine Orthodox
By Apostolick Blows and Knocks;
Call Fire and Sword and Desolation,
A godly-thorough-Reformation,
Which always must be carry'd on,
And still be doing, never done:
As if Religion were intended
For nothing else but to be mended.
A Sect, whose chief Devotion lies
In odd perverse Antipathies;
In falling out with that or this,
And finding somewhat still amiss:
More peevish, cross, and splenetick,
Than Dog distract, or Monky sick.
That with more care keep Holy-day
The wrong, than others the right way:
Compound for Sins, they are inclin'd to;
By damning those they have no mind to;
Still so perverse and opposite,
As if they worshipp'd God for spight,
The self-same thing they will abhor
One way, and long another for.
Free-will they one way disavow,
Another, nothing else allow.
All Piety consists therein
In them, in other Men all Sin.
Rather than fail, they will defie
That which they love most tenderly,
Quarrel with minc'd Pies, and disparage
Their best and dearest friend, Plum-porridge;
Fat Pig and Goose it self oppose,
And blaspheme Custard through the Nose.
Th' Apostles of this fierce Religion,
Like Mahomet's, were Ass and Widgeon,
To whom our Knight, by fast instinct
Of Wit and Temper was so linkt,
As if Hipocrisie and Non-sence
Had got th' Advouson of his Conscience.
To match his Learning and his Wit:
'Twas Presbyterian true blew,
For he was of that stubborn Crew
Of Errant Saints, whom all men grant
To be the true Church Militant:
Such as do build their Faith upon
The holy Text of Pike and Gun;
Decide all Controversies by
Infallible Artillery;
And prove their Doctrine Orthodox
By Apostolick Blows and Knocks;
Call Fire and Sword and Desolation,
A godly-thorough-Reformation,
Which always must be carry'd on,
And still be doing, never done:
As if Religion were intended
For nothing else but to be mended.
A Sect, whose chief Devotion lies
In odd perverse Antipathies;
In falling out with that or this,
And finding somewhat still amiss:
More peevish, cross, and splenetick,
9
That with more care keep Holy-day
The wrong, than others the right way:
Compound for Sins, they are inclin'd to;
By damning those they have no mind to;
Still so perverse and opposite,
As if they worshipp'd God for spight,
The self-same thing they will abhor
One way, and long another for.
Free-will they one way disavow,
Another, nothing else allow.
All Piety consists therein
In them, in other Men all Sin.
Rather than fail, they will defie
That which they love most tenderly,
Quarrel with minc'd Pies, and disparage
Their best and dearest friend, Plum-porridge;
Fat Pig and Goose it self oppose,
And blaspheme Custard through the Nose.
Th' Apostles of this fierce Religion,
Like Mahomet's, were Ass and Widgeon,
To whom our Knight, by fast instinct
Of Wit and Temper was so linkt,
As if Hipocrisie and Non-sence
Had got th' Advouson of his Conscience.
Thus was he gifted and accouter'd,
We mean on th' inside, not the outward:
That next of all we shall discuss;
Then listen Sirs, it followeth thus:
We mean on th' inside, not the outward:
That next of all we shall discuss;
Then listen Sirs, it followeth thus:
His tawny Beard was th' equal grace
Both of his Wisdom and his Face;
In Cut and Dy so like a Tile,
A sudden view it would beguile:
The upper part thereof was Whey,
The nether Orange mixt with Grey.
This hairy Meteor did denounce
The fall of Scepters and of Crowns;
With grizly type did represent
Declining Age of Government;
And tell with Hieroglyphick Spade,
Its own grave and the State's were made.
Like Sampson's Heart-breakers, it grew
In time to make a Nation rue;
Though it contributed its own fall,
To wait upon the publick downfall.
It was Canonick, and did grow
In Holy Orders by strict vow;
Of Rule as sullen and severe,
As that of rigid Cordeliere:
'Twas bound to suffer Persecution
And Martyrdome with resolution;
T'oppose it self against the hate
And vengeance of th' incensed State:
In whose defiance it was worn,
Still ready to be pull'd and torn,
With red-hot Irons to be tortur'd,
Revil'd, and spit upon, and martyr'd.
Maugre all which, 'twas to stand fast,
As long as Monarchy should last.
But when the State should hap to reel,
'Twas to submit to fatal Steel,
And fall, as it was consecrate
A Sacrifice to fall of State;
Whose thred of life the fatal Sisters
Did twist together with its Whiskers,
And twine so close, that time should never,
In life or death, their fortunes sever;
But with his rusty Sickle mow
Both down together at a blow.
Both of his Wisdom and his Face;
In Cut and Dy so like a Tile,
A sudden view it would beguile:
The upper part thereof was Whey,
The nether Orange mixt with Grey.
This hairy Meteor did denounce
The fall of Scepters and of Crowns;
With grizly type did represent
10
And tell with Hieroglyphick Spade,
Its own grave and the State's were made.
Like Sampson's Heart-breakers, it grew
In time to make a Nation rue;
Though it contributed its own fall,
To wait upon the publick downfall.
It was Canonick, and did grow
In Holy Orders by strict vow;
Of Rule as sullen and severe,
As that of rigid Cordeliere:
'Twas bound to suffer Persecution
And Martyrdome with resolution;
T'oppose it self against the hate
And vengeance of th' incensed State:
In whose defiance it was worn,
Still ready to be pull'd and torn,
With red-hot Irons to be tortur'd,
Revil'd, and spit upon, and martyr'd.
Maugre all which, 'twas to stand fast,
As long as Monarchy should last.
But when the State should hap to reel,
'Twas to submit to fatal Steel,
And fall, as it was consecrate
A Sacrifice to fall of State;
Whose thred of life the fatal Sisters
Did twist together with its Whiskers,
And twine so close, that time should never,
In life or death, their fortunes sever;
But with his rusty Sickle mow
Both down together at a blow.
So learned Taliacotius from
The brawny part of Porter's Bum,
Cut supplemental Noses, which
Would last as long as Parent breech:
But when the Date of Nock was out,
Off dropt the Sympathetick Snout.
His Back, or rather Burthen show'd
As if it stoop'd with its own load.
For as Æneas bore his Sire,
Upon his S[h]oulders through the Fire:
Our Knight did bear no less a Pack
Of his own Buttocks on his Back:
Which now had almost got the Upper-
Hand of his Head, for want of Crupper.
To poize this equally, he bore
A Paunch of the same bulk before:
Which still he had a special care
To keep well cramm'd with thrifty fare;
As White-pot, Butter-milk, and Curds,
Such as a Countrey house affords;
W[i]th other Victual, which anon,
We further shall dilate upon,
When of his Hose we come to treat,
The Cub-bord where he kept his meat.
The brawny part of Porter's Bum,
Cut supplemental Noses, which
Would last as long as Parent breech:
But when the Date of Nock was out,
Off dropt the Sympathetick Snout.
11
As if it stoop'd with its own load.
For as Æneas bore his Sire,
Upon his S[h]oulders through the Fire:
Our Knight did bear no less a Pack
Of his own Buttocks on his Back:
Which now had almost got the Upper-
Hand of his Head, for want of Crupper.
To poize this equally, he bore
A Paunch of the same bulk before:
Which still he had a special care
To keep well cramm'd with thrifty fare;
As White-pot, Butter-milk, and Curds,
Such as a Countrey house affords;
W[i]th other Victual, which anon,
We further shall dilate upon,
When of his Hose we come to treat,
The Cub-bord where he kept his meat.
His Doublet was of sturdy Buff,
And though not Sword, yet Cudgel-proof;
Whereby 'twas fitter for his use.
That fear'd no blows but such as bruise.
And though not Sword, yet Cudgel-proof;
Whereby 'twas fitter for his use.
That fear'd no blows but such as bruise.
His Breeches were of rugged Woollen,
And had been at the Siege of Bullen,
To old King Harry so well known,
Some Writers held they were his own.
Through they were lin'd with many a piece,
Of Ammunition-Bread and Cheese,
And fat Black-puddings, proper food
For Warriers that delight in Blood;
For, as we said, he alway chose
To carry Vittle in his Hose.
That often tempted Rats, and Mice,
The Ammunition to surprize:
And when he put a Hand but in
The one or th' other Magazine,
They stoutly in defence on't stood
And from the wounded Foe drew bloud,
And till th' were storm'd and beaten out,
Ne'r left the fortifi'd Redoubt;
And though Knights Errant, as some think,
Of old did neither eat nor drink,
Because when thorough Desarts vast
And Regions Desolate they past,
Where Belly-timber above ground
Or under was not to be found,
Unless they graz'd, there's not one word
Of their Provision on Record:
Which made some confidently write,
They had no stomachs but to fight,
'Tis false: for Arthur wore in Hall
Round Table like a Farthingal,
On which, with Shirt pull'd out behind,
And eke before his good Knights din'd.
Though 'twas no Table, some suppose,
But a huge pair of round Trunk-hose;
In which he carry'd as much meat
As he and all his Knights could eat;
When laying by their Swords and Truncheons,
They took their Breakfasts, or their Nuncheons;
But let that pass at present, lest
We should forget where we digrest;
As learned Authors use, to whom
We leave it, and to th' purpose come,
His Puissant Sword unto his side
Near his undaunted Heart was ty'd,
With Basket-hilt, that wou'd hold broth,
And serve for Fight, and Dinner both.
In it he melted Lead for Bullets,
To shoot at Foes, and sometimes Pullets;
To whom he bore so fell a Grutch,
He ne'er gave quarter t'any such.
The trenchant blade, Toledo trusty,
For want of fighting was grown rusty,
And eat into it self, for lack
Of some body to hew and hack.
The peaceful Scabbard where it dwelt,
The Rancor of its Edge had felt:
For of the lower end two handful,
It had devoured 'twas so manful;
And so much scorn'd to lurk in case,
As if it durst not shew its face.
In many desperate Attempts
Of Wars, Exigents, Contempts,
It had appear'd with Courage bolder
Than Sergeant Bum, invading shoulder.
Oft had it ta'en possession,
And Pris'ners too, or made them run.
And had been at the Siege of Bullen,
To old King Harry so well known,
Some Writers held they were his own.
Through they were lin'd with many a piece,
Of Ammunition-Bread and Cheese,
And fat Black-puddings, proper food
For Warriers that delight in Blood;
For, as we said, he alway chose
To carry Vittle in his Hose.
That often tempted Rats, and Mice,
The Ammunition to surprize:
And when he put a Hand but in
The one or th' other Magazine,
They stoutly in defence on't stood
And from the wounded Foe drew bloud,
12
Ne'r left the fortifi'd Redoubt;
And though Knights Errant, as some think,
Of old did neither eat nor drink,
Because when thorough Desarts vast
And Regions Desolate they past,
Where Belly-timber above ground
Or under was not to be found,
Unless they graz'd, there's not one word
Of their Provision on Record:
Which made some confidently write,
They had no stomachs but to fight,
'Tis false: for Arthur wore in Hall
Round Table like a Farthingal,
On which, with Shirt pull'd out behind,
And eke before his good Knights din'd.
Though 'twas no Table, some suppose,
But a huge pair of round Trunk-hose;
In which he carry'd as much meat
As he and all his Knights could eat;
When laying by their Swords and Truncheons,
They took their Breakfasts, or their Nuncheons;
But let that pass at present, lest
We should forget where we digrest;
As learned Authors use, to whom
We leave it, and to th' purpose come,
His Puissant Sword unto his side
Near his undaunted Heart was ty'd,
With Basket-hilt, that wou'd hold broth,
And serve for Fight, and Dinner both.
In it he melted Lead for Bullets,
To shoot at Foes, and sometimes Pullets;
To whom he bore so fell a Grutch,
He ne'er gave quarter t'any such.
The trenchant blade, Toledo trusty,
For want of fighting was grown rusty,
And eat into it self, for lack
Of some body to hew and hack.
The peaceful Scabbard where it dwelt,
The Rancor of its Edge had felt:
13
It had devoured 'twas so manful;
And so much scorn'd to lurk in case,
As if it durst not shew its face.
In many desperate Attempts
Of Wars, Exigents, Contempts,
It had appear'd with Courage bolder
Than Sergeant Bum, invading shoulder.
Oft had it ta'en possession,
And Pris'ners too, or made them run.
This Sword a Dagger had his Page.
But was but little for his age:
And therefore waited on him so,
As Dwarfs upon Knights Errant do.
It was a serviceable Dudgeon,
Either for fighting or for drudging;
When it had stab'd or broke a head,
It would scrape Trenchers, or chip Bread,
Toast Cheese or Bacon, though it were
To bait a Mouse-trap, 'twould not care.
'Twould make clean shooes, and in the Earth
Set Leeks and Onions, and so forth.
It had been Prentice to a Brewer,
Where this and more it did endure.
But left the Trade, as many more
Have lately done on the same score.
But was but little for his age:
And therefore waited on him so,
As Dwarfs upon Knights Errant do.
It was a serviceable Dudgeon,
Either for fighting or for drudging;
When it had stab'd or broke a head,
It would scrape Trenchers, or chip Bread,
Toast Cheese or Bacon, though it were
To bait a Mouse-trap, 'twould not care.
'Twould make clean shooes, and in the Earth
Set Leeks and Onions, and so forth.
It had been Prentice to a Brewer,
Where this and more it did endure.
But left the Trade, as many more
Have lately done on the same score.
In th' Holsters, at his Saddle-bow,
Two aged Pistols he did stow,
Among the surplus of such meat
As in his Hose he could not get.
They were upon hard Duty still,
And every night stood Sentinel,
To guard the Magazine i'th' Hose
From two legg'd and from four legg'd Foes.
Two aged Pistols he did stow,
Among the surplus of such meat
As in his Hose he could not get.
They were upon hard Duty still,
And every night stood Sentinel,
To guard the Magazine i'th' Hose
From two legg'd and from four legg'd Foes.
Thus clad and fortifi'd, Sir Knight
From peaceful home set forth to fight.
But first with nimble active force
He got on th' outside of his Horse.
For having but one stirrup ty'd
T'his Saddle, on the further side,
It was so short, h'had much adoe
To reach it with his desperate Toe.
But after many strains and heaves
He got up to the Saddle eaves.
From whence he vaulted into th' Seat
With so much vigor, strength, and heat,
That he had almost tumbled over
With his own weight, but did recover,
By laying hold of Tail and Mane,
Which oft he us'd instead of Rein.
From peaceful home set forth to fight.
But first with nimble active force
14
For having but one stirrup ty'd
T'his Saddle, on the further side,
It was so short, h'had much adoe
To reach it with his desperate Toe.
But after many strains and heaves
He got up to the Saddle eaves.
From whence he vaulted into th' Seat
With so much vigor, strength, and heat,
That he had almost tumbled over
With his own weight, but did recover,
By laying hold of Tail and Mane,
Which oft he us'd instead of Rein.
But now we talk of mounting Steed,
Before we f[ur]ther do proceed,
It doth behove us to say something,
Of that which bore our valiant Bumkin.
The Beast was sturdy large and tall,
With Mouth of Meal and Eyes of Wall:
I would say Eye, for h'had but one,
As most agree, though some say none.
He was well stay'd, and in his Gate
Preserv'd a grave majestick state.
At Spur or Switch no more he skipt,
Or mended pace, than Spaniard whipt:
And yet so fiery, he would bound,
As if he griev'd to touch the Ground:
That Cæsar's Horse, who, as Fame goes,
Had Corns upon his Feet and Toes,
Was not by half so tender-hooft,
Nor trode upon the ground so soft.
And as that Beast would kneel and stoop,
(Some write) to take his Rider up:
So Hudibras his ('tis well known,)
Would often do, to set him down.
We shall not need to say what lack
Of Leather was upon his back:
For that was hidden under pad,
And breech of Knight gall'd full as bad.
His strutting Ribs on both sides show'd
Like furrows he himself had plow'd:
For underneath the skirt of Pannel,
'Twixt every two there was a Channel.
His dragling Tail hung in the Dirt,
Which on his Rider he would flirt
Still as his tender side he prickt,
With arm'd heel or with unarm'd kickt:
For Hudibras wore but one Spur,
As wisely knowing, could he stir
To active trot one side of's Horse,
The other would not hang an Arse:
Before we f[ur]ther do proceed,
It doth behove us to say something,
Of that which bore our valiant Bumkin.
The Beast was sturdy large and tall,
With Mouth of Meal and Eyes of Wall:
I would say Eye, for h'had but one,
As most agree, though some say none.
He was well stay'd, and in his Gate
Preserv'd a grave majestick state.
At Spur or Switch no more he skipt,
Or mended pace, than Spaniard whipt:
And yet so fiery, he would bound,
As if he griev'd to touch the Ground:
That Cæsar's Horse, who, as Fame goes,
Had Corns upon his Feet and Toes,
Was not by half so tender-hooft,
Nor trode upon the ground so soft.
And as that Beast would kneel and stoop,
(Some write) to take his Rider up:
So Hudibras his ('tis well known,)
Would often do, to set him down.
We shall not need to say what lack
Of Leather was upon his back:
For that was hidden under pad,
And breech of Knight gall'd full as bad.
15
Like furrows he himself had plow'd:
For underneath the skirt of Pannel,
'Twixt every two there was a Channel.
His dragling Tail hung in the Dirt,
Which on his Rider he would flirt
Still as his tender side he prickt,
With arm'd heel or with unarm'd kickt:
For Hudibras wore but one Spur,
As wisely knowing, could he stir
To active trot one side of's Horse,
The other would not hang an Arse:
A Squire he had whose name was Ralph,
That in th' adventure went his half.
Though Writers (for more statelier tone)
Do call him Ralpho, 'tis all one:
And when we can with Meeter safe,
We'll call him so, if not plain Ralph,
For Rhime the Rudder is of Verses,
With which like Ships they stear their courses.
An equal stock of Wit and Valour
He had laid in, by birth a Taylor.
The mighty Tyrian Queen that gain'd
With subtle shreds a Tract of Land,
Did leave it with a Castle fair
To his great Ancestor, her Heir:
From him descended cross-leg'd Knights,
Fam'd for their Faith and Warlike Fights
Against the bloudy Caniball,
Whom they destroy'd both great and small.
This sturdy Squire had as well
As the bold Trojan Knight, seen hell,
Not with a counterfeited Pass
Of Golden Bough, but true Gold-lace.
His knowledge was not far behind
The Knights, but of another kind,
And he another way came by't,
Some call it Gift, and some New light;
A liberal Art, that costs no pains
Of Study, Industry, or Brains.
His Wits were sent him for a Token,
But in the Carriage crackt and broken
Like Commendation Nine-pence, crookt
With to and from my Love, it lookt,
He ne'r consider'd it, as loath
To look a Gift-horse in the Mouth;
And very wisely would lay forth
No more upon it than 'twas worth.
But as he got it freely, so
He spent it frank and freely too.
For Saints themselves will sometimes be,
Of Gifts that cos[t] them nothing, free.
By means of this, with hem and cough,
Prolongers to enlightned Snuff,
He could deep Mysteries unriddle,
As easily as thread a Nee[d]le;
For as of Vagabonds we say,
That they are ne'r beside their way:
What e'r men speak by this New Light,
Still they are sure to be i'th' right.
'Tis a Dark-Lanthorn of the Spirit,
Which none see by but those that bear it.
A Light that falls down from on high,
For Spiritual Trades to couzen by:
An Ignis Fatuus that bewitches,
And leads Men into Pools and Ditches,
To make them dip themselves, and sound
For Christendom [in] dirty Pond;
To dive like Wild-foul for Salvation,
And fish to catch Regeneration.
This Light inspires, and plays upon
The nose of Saint like Bag-pipe drone,
And speaks through hollow empty Soul,
As through a Trunk, or whisp'ring hole,
Such language as no mortal Ear
But spiritual Eve-droppers can hear.
So Phœbus or some friendly Muse
Into small Poets song infuse;
Which they at second-hand rehearse
Through Reed or Bag-pipe, Verse for Verse.
That in th' adventure went his half.
Though Writers (for more statelier tone)
Do call him Ralpho, 'tis all one:
And when we can with Meeter safe,
We'll call him so, if not plain Ralph,
For Rhime the Rudder is of Verses,
With which like Ships they stear their courses.
An equal stock of Wit and Valour
He had laid in, by birth a Taylor.
The mighty Tyrian Queen that gain'd
With subtle shreds a Tract of Land,
Did leave it with a Castle fair
To his great Ancestor, her Heir:
From him descended cross-leg'd Knights,
Fam'd for their Faith and Warlike Fights
Against the bloudy Caniball,
Whom they destroy'd both great and small.
This sturdy Squire had as well
As the bold Trojan Knight, seen hell,
Not with a counterfeited Pass
Of Golden Bough, but true Gold-lace.
His knowledge was not far behind
The Knights, but of another kind,
And he another way came by't,
Some call it Gift, and some New light;
A liberal Art, that costs no pains
16
His Wits were sent him for a Token,
But in the Carriage crackt and broken
Like Commendation Nine-pence, crookt
With to and from my Love, it lookt,
He ne'r consider'd it, as loath
To look a Gift-horse in the Mouth;
And very wisely would lay forth
No more upon it than 'twas worth.
But as he got it freely, so
He spent it frank and freely too.
For Saints themselves will sometimes be,
Of Gifts that cos[t] them nothing, free.
By means of this, with hem and cough,
Prolongers to enlightned Snuff,
He could deep Mysteries unriddle,
As easily as thread a Nee[d]le;
For as of Vagabonds we say,
That they are ne'r beside their way:
What e'r men speak by this New Light,
Still they are sure to be i'th' right.
'Tis a Dark-Lanthorn of the Spirit,
Which none see by but those that bear it.
A Light that falls down from on high,
For Spiritual Trades to couzen by:
An Ignis Fatuus that bewitches,
And leads Men into Pools and Ditches,
To make them dip themselves, and sound
For Christendom [in] dirty Pond;
To dive like Wild-foul for Salvation,
And fish to catch Regeneration.
This Light inspires, and plays upon
The nose of Saint like Bag-pipe drone,
And speaks through hollow empty Soul,
As through a Trunk, or whisp'ring hole,
Such language as no mortal Ear
But spiritual Eve-droppers can hear.
So Phœbus or some friendly Muse
Into small Poets song infuse;
Which they at second-hand rehearse
17
Thus Ralph became infallible,
As three or four-leg'd Oracle,
The ancient Cup, or modern Chair,
Spoke truth point-blank, though unaware:
As three or four-leg'd Oracle,
The ancient Cup, or modern Chair,
Spoke truth point-blank, though unaware:
For mystick Learning, wondrous able
In Magick Talisman, and Cabal,
Whose Primitive Tradition reaches
As far as Adam's first green Breeches:
Deep-sighted in Intelligences,
Idea's, Atomes, Influences;
And much of Terra Incognita,
Th' intelligible World could say;
A deep occult Philosopher,
As learn'd as the Wild Irish are,
Or Sir Agrippa, for profound
And solid Lying much renown'd:
He Anthroposophus, and Floud,
And Jacob Behmen understood;
Knew many an Amulet and Charm,
That would do neither good nor harm:
In Rosy-Crucian Lore as Learned,
As he that Verè adeptus earned.
He understood the speech of Birds
As well as they themselves do words:
Could tell what subtlest Parrots mean,
That speak and think contrary clean;
What Member 'tis of whom they talk
When they cry Rope, and Walk Knave, walk.
He'd extract numbers out of matter,
And keep them in a Glass, like water,
Of Sov'raign pow'r to make men wise;
For dropt in blere, thick-sighted Eyes,
They'd make them see in darkest night,
Like Owls, though pur-blind in the light.
By help of these (as he profest)
He had First Matter seen undrest:
He took her naked all alone,
Before one Rag of Form was on.
The Chaos too he had descry'd,
And seen quite through, or else he ly'd:
Not that of Past-board which men shew
For Groats at Fair of Barthol'mew;
But its great Gransire, first o'th' name,
Whence that and Reformation came:
Both Cousin-Germans, and right able
T'inveigle and draw in the Rabble.
But Reformation was, some say,
O'th' younger house to Puppet-Play.
He could foretell whats'ever was
By consequence to come to pass.
As Death of Great Men, Alterations,
Diseases, Battels, Inundations.
All this without th' Eclipse of Sun,
Or dreadful Comet, he hath done
By inward Light, a way as good,
And easie to be understood.
But with more lucky hit than those
That use to make the Stars depose,
Like Knights o'th' Post, and falsly charge
Upon themselves what others forge:
As if they were consenting to
All mischief in the World men do:
Or like the Dev'l, did tempt and sway 'em
To Rogueries, and then betray 'em.
They'l search a Planet's house, to know,
Who broke and robb'd a house below:
Examine Venus, and the Moon
Who stole a Thimble and a Spoon:
And though they nothing will confess,
Yet by their very looks can guess,
And tell what guilty Aspect bodes,
Who stole, and who receiv'd the Goods.
They'l question Mars, and by his look
Detect who 'twas that nimm'd a Cloke:
Make Mercury confess and peach
Those Thieves which he himself did teach.
They'l find i'th' Phisiognomies
O'th' Planets all mens destinies.
Like him that took the Doctor's Bill,
And swallow'd it instead o'th' Pill.
Cast the Nativity o'th' Question,
And from Positions to be guest on,
As sure as if they knew the Moment
Of Natives birth, tell what will come on't.
They'l feel the Pulses of the Stars,
To find out Agues, Coughs, Catarrhs;
And tell what Crysis does divine
The Rot in Sheep, or Mange in Swine:
In Men what gives or cures the Itch,
What make[s] them Cuckolds, poor or rich:
What gains or loses, hangs or saves;
What makes men great, what fools or knaves;
But not what wise, for only of those
The Stars (they say) cannot dispose,
No more than can the Astrologians.
There they say right, and lik true Trojans.
This Ralpho knew, and therefore took
The other course, of which we spoke.
In Magick Talisman, and Cabal,
Talisman is a Device to destroy any sort of Vermin by casting their Images in Metal, in a precise minute, when the Stars are perfectly inclin'd to do them all the mischief they can. This has been experimented by some modern Virtuosi, upon Rats. Mice, and Fleas, and found (as they affirm) to produce the Effect with admirable success.
Raymund Lully interprets Cabal, out of the Arabick, to signifie Scientia superabundans, which his Comentator Cornelius Agrippa, by over magnifying, has render'd a very superfluous Foppery.
Whose Primitive Tradition reaches
As far as Adam's first green Breeches:
Deep-sighted in Intelligences,
Idea's, Atomes, Influences;
And much of Terra Incognita,
Th' intelligible World could say;
A deep occult Philosopher,
As learn'd as the Wild Irish are,
Or Sir Agrippa, for profound
And solid Lying much renown'd:
He Anthroposophus, and Floud,
And Jacob Behmen understood;
Knew many an Amulet and Charm,
That would do neither good nor harm:
In Rosy-Crucian Lore as Learned,
As he that Verè adeptus earned.
He understood the speech of Birds
As well as they themselves do words:
Could tell what subtlest Parrots mean,
That speak and think contrary clean;
What Member 'tis of whom they talk
When they cry Rope, and Walk Knave, walk.
He'd extract numbers out of matter,
And keep them in a Glass, like water,
Of Sov'raign pow'r to make men wise;
For dropt in blere, thick-sighted Eyes,
They'd make them see in darkest night,
Like Owls, though pur-blind in the light.
By help of these (as he profest)
He had First Matter seen undrest:
He took her naked all alone,
18
The Chaos too he had descry'd,
And seen quite through, or else he ly'd:
Not that of Past-board which men shew
For Groats at Fair of Barthol'mew;
But its great Gransire, first o'th' name,
Whence that and Reformation came:
Both Cousin-Germans, and right able
T'inveigle and draw in the Rabble.
But Reformation was, some say,
O'th' younger house to Puppet-Play.
He could foretell whats'ever was
By consequence to come to pass.
As Death of Great Men, Alterations,
Diseases, Battels, Inundations.
All this without th' Eclipse of Sun,
Or dreadful Comet, he hath done
By inward Light, a way as good,
And easie to be understood.
But with more lucky hit than those
That use to make the Stars depose,
Like Knights o'th' Post, and falsly charge
Upon themselves what others forge:
As if they were consenting to
All mischief in the World men do:
Or like the Dev'l, did tempt and sway 'em
To Rogueries, and then betray 'em.
They'l search a Planet's house, to know,
Who broke and robb'd a house below:
Examine Venus, and the Moon
Who stole a Thimble and a Spoon:
And though they nothing will confess,
Yet by their very looks can guess,
And tell what guilty Aspect bodes,
Who stole, and who receiv'd the Goods.
They'l question Mars, and by his look
Detect who 'twas that nimm'd a Cloke:
Make Mercury confess and peach
Those Thieves which he himself did teach.
They'l find i'th' Phisiognomies
19
Like him that took the Doctor's Bill,
And swallow'd it instead o'th' Pill.
Cast the Nativity o'th' Question,
And from Positions to be guest on,
As sure as if they knew the Moment
Of Natives birth, tell what will come on't.
They'l feel the Pulses of the Stars,
To find out Agues, Coughs, Catarrhs;
And tell what Crysis does divine
The Rot in Sheep, or Mange in Swine:
In Men what gives or cures the Itch,
What make[s] them Cuckolds, poor or rich:
What gains or loses, hangs or saves;
What makes men great, what fools or knaves;
But not what wise, for only of those
The Stars (they say) cannot dispose,
No more than can the Astrologians.
There they say right, and lik true Trojans.
This Ralpho knew, and therefore took
The other course, of which we spoke.
Thus was th' accomplish'd Squire endu'd
With Gifts and Knowledge, per'lous shrew'd.
Never did trusty Squire with Knight,
Or Knight with Squire jump more right.
Their Arms and Equipage did fit,
As well as Virtues, Parts, and Wit.
Their Valors too were of a Rate,
And out they sally'd at the Gate.
Few miles on horseback had they jogged,
But fortune unto them turn'd dogged.
For they a sad adventure met,
Of which we now prepare to Treat:
But e'er we venture to unfold
Atchievements so resolv'd and bold,
We should as learned Poets use,
Invoke the assistance of some Muse;
However Criticks count it sillier
Than Juglers talking t'a Familiar.
We think 'tis no great matter which,
They're all alike, yet we shall pitch
On one that fits our purpose most,
Whom therefore thus do we accost.
With Gifts and Knowledge, per'lous shrew'd.
Never did trusty Squire with Knight,
Or Knight with Squire jump more right.
Their Arms and Equipage did fit,
As well as Virtues, Parts, and Wit.
Their Valors too were of a Rate,
And out they sally'd at the Gate.
Few miles on horseback had they jogged,
But fortune unto them turn'd dogged.
For they a sad adventure met,
Of which we now prepare to Treat:
But e'er we venture to unfold
Atchievements so resolv'd and bold,
We should as learned Poets use,
Invoke the assistance of some Muse;
However Criticks count it sillier
Than Juglers talking t'a Familiar.
20
They're all alike, yet we shall pitch
On one that fits our purpose most,
Whom therefore thus do we accost.
Thou that with Ale or viler Liquors,
Didst inspire Withers, Prin, and Vickars,
And force them, though it were in spight
Of Nature, and their Stars, to write;
Who, as we finde in sullen Writs,
And cross-graind Works of modern Wits,
With Vanity, Opinion, Want,
The wonder of the Ignorant,
The Praises of the Author, penn'd
By himself, or wit-ensuring friend,
The Itch of Picture in the Front,
With Bays, and wicked Rhime upon't
All that is left o'th' forked Hill
To make men scribble without skill,
Canst make a Poet, spight of fate,
And teach all People to translate;
Though out of Languages in which
They understand no Part of Speech:
Assist me but this once, I'mplore,
And I shall trouble thee no more.
Didst inspire Withers, Prin, and Vickars,
And force them, though it were in spight
Of Nature, and their Stars, to write;
Who, as we finde in sullen Writs,
And cross-graind Works of modern Wits,
With Vanity, Opinion, Want,
The wonder of the Ignorant,
The Praises of the Author, penn'd
By himself, or wit-ensuring friend,
The Itch of Picture in the Front,
With Bays, and wicked Rhime upon't
All that is left o'th' forked Hill
To make men scribble without skill,
Canst make a Poet, spight of fate,
And teach all People to translate;
Though out of Languages in which
They understand no Part of Speech:
Assist me but this once, I'mplore,
And I shall trouble thee no more.
In Western Clime there is a Town
To those that dwell therein well known;
Therefore there needs no more be sed here
We unto them refer our Reader:
For brevity is very good,
When w'are, or are not understood.
To this Town People did repair
On days of Market or of Fair,
And to crack'd Fiddle, and hoarse Tabor
In merriment did drudge and labor:
But now a sport more formidable
Had rak'd together Village rabble.
'Twas an old way of Recreating,
Which learned Butchers call Bear-baiting:
A bold Advent'rous exercise,
With ancient Heroe's in high prize;
For Authors do affirm it came
From Ist[h]mian or Nemean game;
Others derive it from the Bear
That's fixt in Northern Hemisphere,
And round about the Pole does make
A circle like a Bear at stake,
That at the Chain's end wheels about,
And over-turns the Rabble-rout.
For after solemn Proclamation
In the Bear's name (as is the fashion,
According to the Law of Arms,
To keep men from inglorious harms)
That none presume to come so near
As forty foot of stake of Bear;
If any yet be so fool-hardy,
T'expose themselves to vain Jeopardy;
If they come wounded off and lame
No honour's got by such a maim.
Although the Bear gain'd much b'ing bound
In honour to make good his ground.
When he's engag'd, and take no notice,
If any press upon him, who 'tis,
But let them know at their own cost
That he intends to keep his post.
This to prevent, and [other] harms,
Which always wait on feats of Arms,
(For in the hurry of a Fray
'Tis hard to keep out of harm's way)
Thither the Knight his course did stear,
To keep the peace 'twixt Dog and Bear;
As he believ'd h'was bound to doe,
In Conscience and Commission too.
And therefore thus bespoke the Squire;
To those that dwell therein well known;
Therefore there needs no more be sed here
We unto them refer our Reader:
For brevity is very good,
When w'are, or are not understood.
To this Town People did repair
On days of Market or of Fair,
And to crack'd Fiddle, and hoarse Tabor
In merriment did drudge and labor:
But now a sport more formidable
Had rak'd together Village rabble.
'Twas an old way of Recreating,
21
A bold Advent'rous exercise,
With ancient Heroe's in high prize;
For Authors do affirm it came
From Ist[h]mian or Nemean game;
Others derive it from the Bear
That's fixt in Northern Hemisphere,
And round about the Pole does make
A circle like a Bear at stake,
That at the Chain's end wheels about,
And over-turns the Rabble-rout.
For after solemn Proclamation
In the Bear's name (as is the fashion,
According to the Law of Arms,
To keep men from inglorious harms)
That none presume to come so near
As forty foot of stake of Bear;
If any yet be so fool-hardy,
T'expose themselves to vain Jeopardy;
If they come wounded off and lame
No honour's got by such a maim.
Although the Bear gain'd much b'ing bound
In honour to make good his ground.
When he's engag'd, and take no notice,
If any press upon him, who 'tis,
But let them know at their own cost
That he intends to keep his post.
This to prevent, and [other] harms,
Which always wait on feats of Arms,
(For in the hurry of a Fray
'Tis hard to keep out of harm's way)
Thither the Knight his course did stear,
To keep the peace 'twixt Dog and Bear;
As he believ'd h'was bound to doe,
In Conscience and Commission too.
And therefore thus bespoke the Squire;
We that are wisely mounted higher
Then Constables, in Curule wit,
When on Tribunal bench we sit,
Like Speculators, should foresee
From Pharos of Authority,
Portended Mischiefs farther then
Low Proletarian Tithing-men.
And therefore being inform'd by bruit,
That Dog and Bear are to dispute;
For so of late men fighting name,
Because they often prove the same;
(For where the first does hap to be
The last does coincidere)
Quantum in nobis, have thought good,
To save th' expence of Christian blood,
And try if we by Mediation
Of Treaty and accommodation
Can end the quarrel, and compose
The bloudy Duel without blows.
Are not our Liberties, our Lives,
The Laws, Religion, and our Wives
Enough at once to lie at stake,
For Cov'nant and the Causes sake;
But in that quarrel Dogs and Bears
As well as we must venture theirs?
This Feud by Jesuits invented,
By evil Counsel is fomented,
There is a Machiavilian Plot,
(Though ev'ry Nare olfact it not)
A deep design in't to divide
The well-affected that confide,
By setting Brother against Brother,
To claw and curry one another.
Have we not enemies plus satis,
That Cane & angue pejus hate us?
And shall we turn our fangs and claws
Upon our selves without a cause?
That some occult design doth lie
In bloudy Cynarctomachy
Is plain enough to him that knows
How Saints lead Brothers by the Nose.
I wish my self a Pseudo-Prophet,
But sure some mischief will come of it:
Unless by providential wit
Or force we averruncate it.
For what design, what interest
Can Beast have to encounter Beast?
They fight for no espoused Cause;
Frail Priviledge, Fundamental Laws,
Nor for a thorough Reformation,
Nor Covenant, nor Protestation;
Nor Liberty of Consciences,
Nor Lords and Commons Ordinances;
Nor for the Church, nor for Church Lands,
To get them in their own no Hands;
Nor evil Counsellors to bring
To Justice that seduce the King;
Nor for the worship of us men,
Though we have done as much for them.
Th' Egyptians worshipp'd Dogs, and for
Their faith made fierce and zealous Warr.
Others ador'd a Rat, and some
For that Church suffer'd Martyrdome.
The Indians fought for the truth
Of th' Elephant, and Monkey's Tooth:
And many, to defend that faith,
Fought it out mordicus to death.
But no Beast ever was so slight,
For Man, as for his God, to fight.
They have more wit, alas! and know
Themselves and us better than so.
But we, we onely do infuse
The Rage in them like Boute-feus.
'Tis our example that instills
In them th' infection of our ills.
For as some late Philosophers
Have well observed, Beasts that converse
With Man, take after him, as Hogs
Get Pigs all th' year, and Bitches Dogs.
Just so by our example Cattle
Learn to give one another Battel.
We read in Nero's time, the Heathen,
When they destroy'd the Christian Brethren,
They sow'd them in the skins of Bears,
And then set Dogs about their Ears:
From whence, no doubt, th' invention came
Of this lewd Antichristian Game.
This Speech is set down as it was deliver'd by the Knight in his own words: but since it is below the Gravity of Heroical Poetry, to admit of Humor, but all men are oblig'd to speak wisely alike. And too much of so extravagant a Folly would become tedious, and impertinent, the rest of his Harangues have only his Sense exprest in other words, unless in some few places where his own words could not be so well avoided.
Then Constables, in Curule wit,
When on Tribunal bench we sit,
22
From Pharos of Authority,
Portended Mischiefs farther then
Low Proletarian Tithing-men.
And therefore being inform'd by bruit,
That Dog and Bear are to dispute;
For so of late men fighting name,
Because they often prove the same;
(For where the first does hap to be
The last does coincidere)
Quantum in nobis, have thought good,
To save th' expence of Christian blood,
And try if we by Mediation
Of Treaty and accommodation
Can end the quarrel, and compose
The bloudy Duel without blows.
Are not our Liberties, our Lives,
The Laws, Religion, and our Wives
Enough at once to lie at stake,
For Cov'nant and the Causes sake;
But in that quarrel Dogs and Bears
As well as we must venture theirs?
This Feud by Jesuits invented,
By evil Counsel is fomented,
There is a Machiavilian Plot,
(Though ev'ry Nare olfact it not)
A deep design in't to divide
The well-affected that confide,
By setting Brother against Brother,
To claw and curry one another.
Have we not enemies plus satis,
That Cane & angue pejus hate us?
And shall we turn our fangs and claws
Upon our selves without a cause?
That some occult design doth lie
In bloudy Cynarctomachy
Is plain enough to him that knows
How Saints lead Brothers by the Nose.
I wish my self a Pseudo-Prophet,
But sure some mischief will come of it:
23
Or force we averruncate it.
For what design, what interest
Can Beast have to encounter Beast?
They fight for no espoused Cause;
Frail Priviledge, Fundamental Laws,
Nor for a thorough Reformation,
Nor Covenant, nor Protestation;
Nor Liberty of Consciences,
Nor Lords and Commons Ordinances;
Nor for the Church, nor for Church Lands,
To get them in their own no Hands;
Nor evil Counsellors to bring
To Justice that seduce the King;
Nor for the worship of us men,
Though we have done as much for them.
Th' Egyptians worshipp'd Dogs, and for
Their faith made fierce and zealous Warr.
Others ador'd a Rat, and some
For that Church suffer'd Martyrdome.
The Indians fought for the truth
Of th' Elephant, and Monkey's Tooth:
The History of the White Elephant, and the Monkeys Tooth, which the Indians ador'd, is written by Monsieur Le Blanc. This Monkey's Tooth was taken by the Portuguese from those that worship'd it, and though they offer'd a vast Ransom for it, yet the Christians were perswaded by their Priests, rather to burn it. But as soon as the fire was kindled, all the People present were not able to indure the horrible stink that came from it, as if the Fire had been made of the same Ingredients, with which Seamen use to compose that kind of Granado's, which they call Stinkards.
And many, to defend that faith,
Fought it out mordicus to death.
But no Beast ever was so slight,
For Man, as for his God, to fight.
They have more wit, alas! and know
Themselves and us better than so.
But we, we onely do infuse
The Rage in them like Boute-feus.
'Tis our example that instills
In them th' infection of our ills.
For as some late Philosophers
Have well observed, Beasts that converse
With Man, take after him, as Hogs
Get Pigs all th' year, and Bitches Dogs.
Just so by our example Cattle
Learn to give one another Battel.
We read in Nero's time, the Heathen,
When they destroy'd the Christian Brethren,
24
And then set Dogs about their Ears:
From whence, no doubt, th' invention came
Of this lewd Antichristian Game.
To this, quoth Ralpho, Verily,
The Point seems very plain to be.
It is an Antichristia[n] Game,
Unlawful both in thing and name;
First for the Name, The word Bear-baiting,
Is Carnal, and of man's creating:
For certainly there's no such word
In all the Scripture on Record.
Therefore unlawful and a sin,
And so is (secondly) the thing.
A vile Assembly 'tis, that can
No more be prov'd by Scripture than
Provincial, Classick, National;
Mere humane Creature-Cobwebs all.
Thirdly, it is Idolatrous:
For when men run a-whoring thus
With their Inventions whatsoe'r
The thing be, whether Dog or Bear,
It is Idolatrous and Pagan
No less than worshipping of Dagon.
The Point seems very plain to be.
It is an Antichristia[n] Game,
Unlawful both in thing and name;
First for the Name, The word Bear-baiting,
Is Carnal, and of man's creating:
For certainly there's no such word
In all the Scripture on Record.
Therefore unlawful and a sin,
And so is (secondly) the thing.
A vile Assembly 'tis, that can
No more be prov'd by Scripture than
Provincial, Classick, National;
Mere humane Creature-Cobwebs all.
Thirdly, it is Idolatrous:
For when men run a-whoring thus
With their Inventions whatsoe'r
The thing be, whether Dog or Bear,
It is Idolatrous and Pagan
No less than worshipping of Dagon.
Quoth Hudibras, I smell a Rat;
Ralpho, thou dost prevaricate.
For though the Thesis which thou lay'st
Be true ad amussim as thou say'st:
(For that Bear-baiting should appear
Jure Divino lawfuller
Than Synods are, thou dost deny,
Totidem verbis so do I)
Yet there's a fallacy in this:
For if by sly Homœosis,
Thou would'st Sophistically imply
Both are unlawful, I deny.
Ralpho, thou dost prevaricate.
For though the Thesis which thou lay'st
Be true ad amussim as thou say'st:
(For that Bear-baiting should appear
Jure Divino lawfuller
Than Synods are, thou dost deny,
Totidem verbis so do I)
Yet there's a fallacy in this:
For if by sly Homœosis,
Thou would'st Sophistically imply
Both are unlawful, I deny.
And I (quoth Ralpho) do not doubt
But Bear-baiting may be made out
In Gospel-times, as lawful as is
Provincial or Parochial Classis:
And that both are so near of kin,
And like in all as well as sin,
That put them in a bag and shake 'em,
Your self o'th' sudden would mistake 'em,
And not know which is which, unless
You measure by their wickedness:
For 'tis not hard t'imagine whether
O'th' two is worst, though I name neither.
25
In Gospel-times, as lawful as is
Provincial or Parochial Classis:
And that both are so near of kin,
And like in all as well as sin,
That put them in a bag and shake 'em,
Your self o'th' sudden would mistake 'em,
And not know which is which, unless
You measure by their wickedness:
For 'tis not hard t'imagine whether
O'th' two is worst, though I name neither.
Quoth Hudibras, thou offer'st much,
But art not able to keep touch.
Mira de lente, as 'tis i'th' Adage,
Id est, to make a Leak a Cabbage.
Thou canst at best but overstrain
A Paradox, and th' own hot brain:
For what can Synods have at all
With Bears that's Analogical?
Or what relation has debating
Of Church-Affairs with Bear-baiting?
A just comparison still is,
Of things ejusdem generis.
And then what Genus rightly doth,
Include and comprehend them both?
If Animal, both of us may
As justly pass for Bears as they.
For we are Animals no less,
Although of different Specieses.
But, Ralpho this is no fit place,
Nor time to argue out the Case:
For now the Field is not far off,
Where we must give the world a proof
Of Deeds, not Words, and such as suit
Another manner of Dispute.
A Controversie that affords
Actions for Arguments, not Words:
Which we must manage at a rate
Of Prowess and Conduct adæquate;
To what our place and fame doth promise,
And all the godly expect from us.
Nor shall they be deceiv'd, unless
W'are flurr'd and outed by success:
Success, the Mark no mortal Wit,
Or surest hand can always hit:
For whatsoe're we perpetrate,
We do but row, we'are steer'd by Fate,
Which in success oft disinherits,
For spurious Causes, noblest merits.
Great Actions are not always true Sons
Of great and mighty Resolutions:
Nor doth the bold'st attempts bring forth
Events still equal to their worth;
But sometimes fail, and in their stead,
Fortune and Cowardise succeed,
Yet we have no great cause to doubt,
Our actions still have born us out.
Which though th' are known to be so ample,
We need no copy from example,
We'are not the onely person durst
Attempt this Province, nor the first.
In Northern Clime a valorous Knight
Did whilom kill his Bear in fight,
And wound a Fidler: we have both
Of these the objects of our Wroth,
And equal Fame and Glory from
Th' Attempt or Victory to come.
'Tis sung, There is a valiant Marmaluke
In foreign Land, yclep'd---
To whom we have been oft compar'd
For Person, Parts, Address and Beard:
Both equally reputed stout,
And in the same Cause both have fought.
He oft in such Attempts as these
Came off with glory and success.
Nor will we fail in th' execution,
For want of equal Resolution.
Honour is, like a Widow, won
With brisk Attempt and putting on;
With ent'ring manfully, and urging;
Not slow approaches, like a Virgin.
But art not able to keep touch.
Mira de lente, as 'tis i'th' Adage,
Id est, to make a Leak a Cabbage.
Thou canst at best but overstrain
A Paradox, and th' own hot brain:
For what can Synods have at all
With Bears that's Analogical?
Or what relation has debating
Of Church-Affairs with Bear-baiting?
A just comparison still is,
Of things ejusdem generis.
And then what Genus rightly doth,
Include and comprehend them both?
If Animal, both of us may
As justly pass for Bears as they.
For we are Animals no less,
Although of different Specieses.
But, Ralpho this is no fit place,
Nor time to argue out the Case:
For now the Field is not far off,
Where we must give the world a proof
Of Deeds, not Words, and such as suit
Another manner of Dispute.
A Controversie that affords
Actions for Arguments, not Words:
Which we must manage at a rate
Of Prowess and Conduct adæquate;
26
And all the godly expect from us.
Nor shall they be deceiv'd, unless
W'are flurr'd and outed by success:
Success, the Mark no mortal Wit,
Or surest hand can always hit:
For whatsoe're we perpetrate,
We do but row, we'are steer'd by Fate,
Which in success oft disinherits,
For spurious Causes, noblest merits.
Great Actions are not always true Sons
Of great and mighty Resolutions:
Nor doth the bold'st attempts bring forth
Events still equal to their worth;
But sometimes fail, and in their stead,
Fortune and Cowardise succeed,
Yet we have no great cause to doubt,
Our actions still have born us out.
Which though th' are known to be so ample,
We need no copy from example,
We'are not the onely person durst
Attempt this Province, nor the first.
In Northern Clime a valorous Knight
Did whilom kill his Bear in fight,
And wound a Fidler: we have both
Of these the objects of our Wroth,
And equal Fame and Glory from
Th' Attempt or Victory to come.
'Tis sung, There is a valiant Marmaluke
In foreign Land, yclep'd---
To whom we have been oft compar'd
For Person, Parts, Address and Beard:
Both equally reputed stout,
And in the same Cause both have fought.
He oft in such Attempts as these
Came off with glory and success.
Nor will we fail in th' execution,
For want of equal Resolution.
Honour is, like a Widow, won
With brisk Attempt and putting on;
27
Not slow approaches, like a Virgin.
This said, as once the Phrygian Knight,
So ours, with rusty steell, did smite
His Trojan Horse, and just as much
He mended pace upon the touch;
But from his empty stomach groan'd
Just as that hollow Beast did sound,
And angry answer'd from behind,
With brandish'd Tail and blast of Wind.
So have I seen with armed heel,
A Wight bestride a Commonweal;
Whil'st still the more he kick'd and spurr'd,
The less the sullen Jade has stirr'd.
So ours, with rusty steell, did smite
His Trojan Horse, and just as much
He mended pace upon the touch;
But from his empty stomach groan'd
Just as that hollow Beast did sound,
And angry answer'd from behind,
With brandish'd Tail and blast of Wind.
So have I seen with armed heel,
A Wight bestride a Commonweal;
Whil'st still the more he kick'd and spurr'd,
The less the sullen Jade has stirr'd.
| Samuel Butler: Hudibras | |