Truth in Fiction Or, Morality in Masquerade. A Collection of Two hundred twenty five Select Fables of Aesop, and other Authors. Done into English Verse. By Edmund Arwaker |
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| XXXII. | FABLE XXXII. The Mad-house: |
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 | Truth in Fiction |  |
43
FABLE XXXII. The Mad-house:
Or, Expensive Sports, destructive Folly.
A grave Physician, for his Skill renown'd,
Had, by long Study and Experience, found
For Frenzy an infallible Relief;
Frenzy, that is of all Distempers chief:
Frenzy, that in the Hypochondria bred,
Scorns its mean Country, and affects the Head:
And, when, in fact, Possessor of the Brain,
Do's there exert an Arbitrary Reign.
Had, by long Study and Experience, found
For Frenzy an infallible Relief;
Frenzy, that is of all Distempers chief:
Frenzy, that in the Hypochondria bred,
Scorns its mean Country, and affects the Head:
And, when, in fact, Possessor of the Brain,
Do's there exert an Arbitrary Reign.
This Universal Tyrant o'er Mankind,
To no Degree, no Sex, or Age confin'd;
Is in the Palace and the Cottage found,
Among the Old, the Young, the Sick and Sound:
Alike its wild, ungovern'd Rage prevails
O'er feeble Females, and robuster Males:
Alike enslaves the Simple, and the Wise;
And whom it captivates, do's still disguise:
Who, strangely metamorphos'd into Apes,
Act various Follies, in as various Shapes.
To no Degree, no Sex, or Age confin'd;
Is in the Palace and the Cottage found,
Among the Old, the Young, the Sick and Sound:
Alike its wild, ungovern'd Rage prevails
O'er feeble Females, and robuster Males:
Alike enslaves the Simple, and the Wise;
And whom it captivates, do's still disguise:
44
Act various Follies, in as various Shapes.
This fierce, this savage Monster to subdue,
Was what the Doctor most profess'd, and knew.
His Remedy was this. Within his Court,
Accommodated to the vast Resort,
He had a spacious, deep, unwholsom Pool;
No Common-shore so nauseous, or so foul;
Its Filth so nasty, and its Stench so bad,
As wou'd make all Men, in their Wits, run Mad.
But all who thither Frantick came, were sure
In this Bethesda to receive a Cure:
Which the wise Doctor, for their quick Relief,
Proportion'd to the measure of their Grief.
Some, less distracted, he confin'd therein
Only above the Ancle, or the Shin:
Others, distemper'd to a worse degree,
He further drove, and wetted to the Knee.
But those, in whom the Frenzy did aspire,
He forc'd Chin-deep into the hateful Mire;
And, as Occasion did require it most,
Gave each a deeper or a shallow'r Post.
Was what the Doctor most profess'd, and knew.
His Remedy was this. Within his Court,
Accommodated to the vast Resort,
He had a spacious, deep, unwholsom Pool;
No Common-shore so nauseous, or so foul;
Its Filth so nasty, and its Stench so bad,
As wou'd make all Men, in their Wits, run Mad.
But all who thither Frantick came, were sure
In this Bethesda to receive a Cure:
Which the wise Doctor, for their quick Relief,
Proportion'd to the measure of their Grief.
Some, less distracted, he confin'd therein
Only above the Ancle, or the Shin:
Others, distemper'd to a worse degree,
He further drove, and wetted to the Knee.
But those, in whom the Frenzy did aspire,
He forc'd Chin-deep into the hateful Mire;
And, as Occasion did require it most,
Gave each a deeper or a shallow'r Post.
His fam'd Success, and happy Cures he wrought,
A num'rous Concourse to his Bedlam brought;
That in his Court appear'd, with mimick Pride,
Madness in all its Forms diversify'd:
For each, in height of Raving, seem'd intent
On that, to which his sober Thoughts were bent.
There pining sate the Wretch with Want oppress'd;
And there he vaunted, whom kind Plenty bless'd:
There was the proud Opiniator found,
And still did in his own vain Sense abound:
Thither was the Diffiding Mortal brought,
Who of himself as much too meanly thought:
The Atheist there did Heav'n and Hell despise:
There the Enthusiast rag'd in Ecstasies:
There he Complain'd, whom Sorrow did destroy;
And there he Laugh'd, who cou'd not bear his Joy:
There to hoard Treasure was the Miser's Care;
And vain Expences pleas'd the thriftless Heir:
There the Grave Blockhead made his dull Remark;
And empty Jests tickl'd the Witty Spark:
The poring Student there was learnd'ly Mad;
And there he rav'd, who never Learning had:
The Bankrupt Tradesman there design'd his Shop,
And there a fancy'd Mistress pleas'd the Fop:
The Jilt thought there she had her Cully met;
And he did there at Disappointments fret:
There the projecting Statesman form'd Intrigues,
And, for his Pension, broke, or patch'd up Leagues:
The Lawyer there contriv'd to split a Cause,
Find Flaws in Deeds, or double Sense in Laws:
The Patron there his vacant Livings sold,
And still presented leaden Clerks, for Gold:
The Parson there the Dev'l and Pope deny'd,
Tho' they his Tythe, and Matter too, supply'd:
There the great Lord his Chaplain's Service paid
With a guelt Parish, and crack'd Chamber-Maid:
The Broken Officer did there Parade,
And curs'd the fatal Peace that spoil'd his Trade:
The Lover there did his Amours reherse;
And there the Poet play'd the Fool in Verse:
The Merchant there, as shameless as unjust,
Sold, at dear Rates, his cheap-bought Goods, on Trust;
While there the Fools, undone by that Abuse,
Rail'd at ill Bargains, clogg'd with Use on Use:
There were the High, the Low, the Rich, the Poor,
'Till the throng'd Mansion cou'd receive no more.
Well might the Doctor have enlarg'd his Room,
Since all Mankind, in some respect, shou'd come.
A num'rous Concourse to his Bedlam brought;
That in his Court appear'd, with mimick Pride,
Madness in all its Forms diversify'd:
For each, in height of Raving, seem'd intent
On that, to which his sober Thoughts were bent.
There pining sate the Wretch with Want oppress'd;
And there he vaunted, whom kind Plenty bless'd:
There was the proud Opiniator found,
And still did in his own vain Sense abound:
Thither was the Diffiding Mortal brought,
Who of himself as much too meanly thought:
The Atheist there did Heav'n and Hell despise:
There the Enthusiast rag'd in Ecstasies:
45
And there he Laugh'd, who cou'd not bear his Joy:
There to hoard Treasure was the Miser's Care;
And vain Expences pleas'd the thriftless Heir:
There the Grave Blockhead made his dull Remark;
And empty Jests tickl'd the Witty Spark:
The poring Student there was learnd'ly Mad;
And there he rav'd, who never Learning had:
The Bankrupt Tradesman there design'd his Shop,
And there a fancy'd Mistress pleas'd the Fop:
The Jilt thought there she had her Cully met;
And he did there at Disappointments fret:
There the projecting Statesman form'd Intrigues,
And, for his Pension, broke, or patch'd up Leagues:
The Lawyer there contriv'd to split a Cause,
Find Flaws in Deeds, or double Sense in Laws:
The Patron there his vacant Livings sold,
And still presented leaden Clerks, for Gold:
The Parson there the Dev'l and Pope deny'd,
Tho' they his Tythe, and Matter too, supply'd:
There the great Lord his Chaplain's Service paid
With a guelt Parish, and crack'd Chamber-Maid:
The Broken Officer did there Parade,
And curs'd the fatal Peace that spoil'd his Trade:
The Lover there did his Amours reherse;
And there the Poet play'd the Fool in Verse:
The Merchant there, as shameless as unjust,
Sold, at dear Rates, his cheap-bought Goods, on Trust;
While there the Fools, undone by that Abuse,
Rail'd at ill Bargains, clogg'd with Use on Use:
There were the High, the Low, the Rich, the Poor,
'Till the throng'd Mansion cou'd receive no more.
Well might the Doctor have enlarg'd his Room,
Since all Mankind, in some respect, shou'd come.
Among the Crouds, who there their Senses sought,
A pert Attorney, for a Cure, was brought;
This Spark no mighty stock of Wit had lost,
Because his portion was but small, at most;
And ev'n when with the height of Madness seiz'd,
He had as much as for his Use suffic'd.
The Doctor found he wou'd be compos soon,
Since half the Bus'ness to his hand was done;
He therefore did the slighter Means apply,
And launch'd him in no deeper than the Thigh:
This cool'd him so, that soon he ceas'd to rave,
And sure Prognosticks of Recov'ry gave.
A pert Attorney, for a Cure, was brought;
46
Because his portion was but small, at most;
And ev'n when with the height of Madness seiz'd,
He had as much as for his Use suffic'd.
The Doctor found he wou'd be compos soon,
Since half the Bus'ness to his hand was done;
He therefore did the slighter Means apply,
And launch'd him in no deeper than the Thigh:
This cool'd him so, that soon he ceas'd to rave,
And sure Prognosticks of Recov'ry gave.
The pleas'd Physician freed him from his Hole,
And gave him leave about the Court to strole:
Then, as he found his Frenzy more abate,
Enlarg'd his Limits to the Outer Gate.
And gave him leave about the Court to strole:
Then, as he found his Frenzy more abate,
Enlarg'd his Limits to the Outer Gate.
There, as one day he stood, and gaz'd about,
Admiring at the madder Crouds Without,
An uncouth Object did his sight engage;
A brisk young Gallant, with fine Equipage:
Well mounted on a mettl'd Horse he rode,
That hardly touch'd the Ground whereon he trod:
Two Brace of coupl'd Spaniels ran before,
His Fist a Cast of hooded Marlins bore,
Adorn'd with Jesses, Varvels, and with Bells,
That rung their dying Captives mournful Knells:
Behind two Grooms, on able Geldings, came;
Their Liv'ries rich, the Cloth and Lace the same.
Admiring at the madder Crouds Without,
An uncouth Object did his sight engage;
A brisk young Gallant, with fine Equipage:
Well mounted on a mettl'd Horse he rode,
That hardly touch'd the Ground whereon he trod:
Two Brace of coupl'd Spaniels ran before,
His Fist a Cast of hooded Marlins bore,
Adorn'd with Jesses, Varvels, and with Bells,
That rung their dying Captives mournful Knells:
Behind two Grooms, on able Geldings, came;
Their Liv'ries rich, the Cloth and Lace the same.
The Mad-man thought the Sight surprizing new,
For he forgot what he, e're frantick, knew:
(To him the Pond a real Lethe prov'd,
And most Idea's of things past, remov'd)
Then, as the sprightly Beau approach'd, he cry'd,
Fine Thing, let me intreat you to abide:
Which done, with twenty Questions he ran on,
Without allowing time to answer one.
He ask'd, what that was call'd on which he sate;
And what they were that did behind him wait:
What were the little Things that ran before;
And what strange Creatures on his Fist he bore:
What was each one's peculiar Use and Trade;
And what Advantage of them all he made?
For he forgot what he, e're frantick, knew:
(To him the Pond a real Lethe prov'd,
And most Idea's of things past, remov'd)
Then, as the sprightly Beau approach'd, he cry'd,
Fine Thing, let me intreat you to abide:
Which done, with twenty Questions he ran on,
Without allowing time to answer one.
He ask'd, what that was call'd on which he sate;
And what they were that did behind him wait:
47
And what strange Creatures on his Fist he bore:
What was each one's peculiar Use and Trade;
And what Advantage of them all he made?
The Spark, who guess'd his Case, and thought the Wise
Shou'd humour Mad-men in their Fooleries;
As soon as he wou'd give him leave, reply'd,
This, Sir, is call'd a Horse, on which I ride:
The other two, whom you behind me see,
Are Grooms that dress my Horse, and tend on me:
These on my Hand are Hawks, that, when I please,
Will kill me Larks, or Quails, or Partridges:
And those, which foremost in the Couples came,
Are Spaniels, train'd to range, and spring my Game:
All these to my Divertisement conduce;
This is their Service, Sir, and this their Use.
Shou'd humour Mad-men in their Fooleries;
As soon as he wou'd give him leave, reply'd,
This, Sir, is call'd a Horse, on which I ride:
The other two, whom you behind me see,
Are Grooms that dress my Horse, and tend on me:
These on my Hand are Hawks, that, when I please,
Will kill me Larks, or Quails, or Partridges:
And those, which foremost in the Couples came,
Are Spaniels, train'd to range, and spring my Game:
All these to my Divertisement conduce;
This is their Service, Sir, and this their Use.
The Mad-man thought it was no little Charge
That cou'd maintain an Equipage so large;
And ask'd him what his Game was worth a Year,
And what his Annual Expences were?
That cou'd maintain an Equipage so large;
And ask'd him what his Game was worth a Year,
And what his Annual Expences were?
The courtly Gentleman (pleas'd to dispense
With his inquisitive Impertinence)
Reply'd; My Game's scarce worth Five Crowns, at most;
My Sport as many Hundred Pounds do's cost.
Tickl'd at this Account, the Man of Laws
Laugh'd out, as tho' he just had gain'd a Cause;
And said, Since you so dearly buy your Sport,
You shou'd be hamper'd in our Doctor's Court:
For never was a more egregious Fool
Brought to be Compos Mentis in his Pool.
Be gone in time; for if this Tale he hears,
In sooth, he'll plunge you over head and ears
With his inquisitive Impertinence)
Reply'd; My Game's scarce worth Five Crowns, at most;
My Sport as many Hundred Pounds do's cost.
Tickl'd at this Account, the Man of Laws
Laugh'd out, as tho' he just had gain'd a Cause;
And said, Since you so dearly buy your Sport,
You shou'd be hamper'd in our Doctor's Court:
For never was a more egregious Fool
Brought to be Compos Mentis in his Pool.
Be gone in time; for if this Tale he hears,
In sooth, he'll plunge you over head and ears
48
The MORAL.
‘They who on Sports their Time and Wealth bestow,‘With Cost themselves industriously undo;
‘Consume their Substance by the vain Expence;
‘And waste their Lives in an Impertinence:
‘They need some wise Physician's timely Care,
‘Their broken Brains and Fortune's to repair:
‘Such wild Extravagancies will require
‘The deepest Station in the Doctor's Mire.
| Truth in Fiction | |