University of Virginia Library

The Second Part to the same Sence.

When as a Woodcock did a Phœnix hatch,
Once in the Raigne of Iulian the Apostate,
When Spiders Nets an Elephant did catch,
The Alehouse had no fire to make a Toast at;
Then in those merry lamentable dayes,
Upon a Christmas Eve near Michaelmas,
New Market heath did hoarsly sing the praise
Of Apuleius, or the Golden Asse.
The Adamantine fall of seven fold Nile,
Had boyl'd Musk-Millions from the Mount Pernassus,
Whereas the sing song wanton Crocodile
Made Romane Cressus smile, and Lidian Crassus,
When Charing Crosse the Sun of Summers Leg,
Had Kitned in the eyelids of a Nowne,
And Christmas Carrols played at Mumble peg,
With the Buls pizzel of a Market Towne;
Then shall a Pronowne and a Participle
Fight doggedly for wagging of a straw,
And then Tom Thum with Gogmagog shall tipple,
And shew the Learnedst Lawyers what is Law.
Then Ghastly flesh of shillings fry'd in steaks,
And Oyntments drawn from warm ingratitude
Did draw the teeth of two and forty weeks
From out the heels of sqemish magnitude.
But yet (O yet) a new laid Madrigall
Had bak'd the haunches of a Spanish child,
And matcht 'em to Sir Guy the Seneschall,
Who liv'd Adulterously with Bosworth field,
Whilest this was doing, all undone, and Done,
As men undoe a Trowt to make a Loach,
For as with spoons a Lord may eat the Sun,
So layes a Bitch her Litter in a Coach.
The Times have beene, (but Time is turn'd to pap)
That men might speake like Sea-crabs with a Quill,
And old Devotion wore a corner'd Cap
Upon the Stomack of a Water-mill.
But as a Bag pipe-flying in the Ayre,
Doth water all the Earth with Scottish Jigs,
So Times do change their turns at Sturbridge Faire;
For all the World now rides on Ale and Wigs.
O that my wings could bleat like butter'd pease,
But bleating and my Lungs have caught the itch,
Which are as musty as the Irish Seas,
Which in their left side now have both the Stich.
I grant indeed, that Rainbows layd to sleep,
Snort like a Woodknife in a Ladies eyes,
Which makes her bark to see a Pudding creep,
For creeping puddings alwayes please the Wise.
The forc of custome makes a man to pisse
A cast of Merlins in King Dido's mouth:
Hence comes the squint ey'd Proverb, which is this,
All men are borne their backsides to the South.
A Letter late came from the Stygian Lake
That told me Cerberus himselfe had choak'd:
He took a Milstone for a butter'd Cake,
when first red Herrings were at Yarmouth smoak'd:
The Orientall Chilblains of the West
Flew like a Colliflower in Chequer broath,
And then the Fairy Queen in Buckrum drest,
Rod through the Ayre well mounted on a Moth.
Min as he is a Cloakbag, is a fish,
But as a humane Creature he's a Cock:
Which boyld with pindust in Chafing dish,
Eats like stew'd Mustard made in Vulcans smock.
Once in an evening when the morning Sun
Did hotly speak with cold Meridian splendor;
There was a jolly Frier told a Nun
That Feminine was Masculine Male Gender.
Things have their times, as Oysters have their wool:
Dogs have their dayes, as Distaffes have their Gall,
So all men living ought to dwell at Hull,
For Hallifax cannot containe them all.
A statesman once corrupted is a Gun,
That ferrets Screachowls from Bellona's Beard,
To make a handsome Codpiece for the Sun
To were upon the pommell of his Sword.
Man unto Man, is Man; but Man to Man,
Is Herrings flesh, made of a yard of Ale,
With the ingredients of a Dipping pan,
Whiles Pancradge Church begets an Issue Male.
An Oxe was lately in a Mouse-trap taken;
Read but the booke of Weekly Newes, and note
How many stock-fishes were made fat Bacon,
Broyl'd on the Top-mast of a Mussell Boat,
New Heroglyphick three-fold twisted Lines
Of things that were, and were not, how Augustus
With Ovids Metamorphoses combines,
To try us oftentimes, but never trust us.
The faculties of every humane soule
Are made of Turpentine and Venson bones:
Ingendred in the night-cap of an Owle
That gives a Glister to the Torrid-Zones:
For as a Pistoll lisps when he doth court
Three paire of guts, bound up in true loves knots,
So Easter Terme is cu.to'd but in sport,
While Hobby-horses cur'd are of the Bots.
Then smoth thy brow with milk-white discontent,
And raise thy spirits up beneath thy feet.
For Shrovetide now hath swallow'd Iack-a-lent.
Because few Marriners are in the Fleet.
I know I am a man abhorr'd of Bells
That ring in Concave of an Heteroclite;
I know the Cuckolds thoughts of Bathe and Wels,
Do sizzle like a Mil-stone in a Net.
I saw, but what I view'd, I never saw
A row of Teeth penfeatherd in a Trowt,
Whilst Perkins Horse orethrew a Case in Law,
And he himselfe got fee farme of the Gowt.
How can a Mayor Rule, but with a Lask,
That may squirt Steeples in the teeth of Fame?
For if they do, their touch-stone and their Flask
Will fill the Winde with Polecats of the name.
The clock doth strike when time bewrayes his hose,
And Oysters catch the cough with being kinde:
As Puttocks weare their Buttocks in their nose,
So Fables weare their Bables in their minde.
I grant indeed, that whoso may and can,
Can never may, sith may doth can abey;
But he that can and will, may will as man,
But man can will, yet his will cannot may.

Deep Philosophy.

Call True the Taylor hither presently,
For he must make a mantle for the Moone:
Bid Atlas from his shoulders shake the sky,
And lend and send me his left handed spoone.
For Pride's a Pitchfork that the waile doth fill
Of Ursa Mayor (God of Apple-Cakes,)
Sloath is the Cucking stoole of Holborne hill,
Much like a Sope-boyler upon a Iakes.
Oh that I were in love with Bobbin-lace
Or great with child of Tullies purple Gowne;
Then to mine Ankles I would screw my face,
To make a Paire of Boots for black Renowne,
Faine would I leave, but leave at me doth grin,
As doth a Custard when his nails doth ake;
Or like a blew Bore in a Pudding skin,
So I must manners leave for manners sake.
Then rest my Rimes, before my reason's done,
For women are all Wag tayles when they run:
Who sets his wits my Sence to undermine, is
A cunning man at Nonsence, farewell, Finis.