University of Virginia Library

THE Essence, Quintessence, Insence, Innocence, Lye-sence, & Magnifisence OF Nonsence upon Sence: OR, SENCEuponNONSENCE.

In Laudem Authoris.

Nonsense upon Sense, &c.

Moūt meekly low, on blew presumptuous wings,
Relate the force of fiery water Springs,
Tell how the Artick, and Antartick Pole
Together met at Hockley in the Hole:
How Etna, and Vessuvius, in cold bloud,
Were both drown'd in the Adriatick floud.
Speak truth (like a Diurnall) let thy Pen
Camelion like, rouze Lions from their Den,
Turne frantick Wolpacks into melting Rocks,
And put Olympus in a Tinder box:
Report how Russian Cats doe barke like dogs,
And Scithian Mountains are turnd Irish Bogs,
Feast Ariadne with Tartarian Tripes,
Transforme great Canons to Tobacco-pipes:
Make Venus like a Negro, white as jet,
And puffe-paste of the Tomb of Mahomet.
Then mounted on a Windmill presently
To Dunstable in Derbyshire I'le flie:
From thence Ile take the Chariot of the Sun,
And swim to Scotland, and bring news what's done:
From thence Ile soare to silver Cintha's lap,
And with Endimion take a nine years nap:
There Ile drinke healths with smug-face Mulciber,
At all the twelve signes in the Hemisphere.
Tush tell not me these things are past dispute,
I'le from th'Hesperides bring golden fruit:
Such as the Poets Palfrey Pegasus,
Fetch'd from the fertile Molehill Caucasus,
Tis not the Persian Gulph, or Epshams Well,
Nor Westminsters sweet Plum-broth (made in Hell)
Can change my resolution, I have vow'd,
To speake with silence and to write aloud,
That Bulls of Basan, and the Circean Swine,
Shall all dance Trenchmore at these words of mine.
Rowse up thou Ghost of Gusman, and apply
Thy selfe to me and let's write Tempe dry:
Be rul'd by me, we'le empty all Hellicon,
In scribling 'gainst the Whore of Babylon.
The Dunsmore Cows milke shall make Sillibubs,
And our Religion shall be brought in Tubs.
Make hast unto the faire call'd Bartholomew,
And thence from the Heroick Mungrell Crew,
Take the fine gugaw hobby horses all,
Which we will man, and then a Counsell call
And conquer Callice, Kent and Christendome,
Knock down the Turck, and bravely ransack Rome;
What can be done more? What more can be sed?
Let's play at Blind-man-buffe for Ginger-bread:
We'le have a dish of Dabs in Fish-street drest,
And with the Lobsters Ladies we will feast.
For as the Gowt is but a pleasing itch,
The best Bear-garden Bull-dog was a Bitch.
We have both eight and eighteen parts of speech,
Whereby I learn Ash burns as well as Beech,
Gargantua's scull is made a frying pan
To fry or follow the Leviathan,
That Gogmagog, Nick Wood, or Mariot,
Nor Creatan, Miloe or Iscariot
Were not such valiant stomack'd men as those
That eat the Devils gowty petitoes.
Hark, hark, how from the South fierce Boreas rores
Give me a Sculler or a pair of Oares.
Ile make the Orient, and the Occident,
Both friends at Smithfield in the wild of Kent:
For now Tom Holders Mare hath broke her Cruppe
Dresse me a dish of Æ-dipthongs to supper.
The Dean of Dunstable hath bought and sold
Twelve lies new Printed, for two groats in gold.
Tis almost past the memory of man,
Since famous Arthur first in Court began:
Yet though King Lud did raign in Troynovaunt,
Will Summers was no kin to John of Gaunt.
What news from Tripoly? ware horns there ho:
The West-wind blows South-North at Ierico.
Steer well and steady, boyes look, look to th'Helme,
Fetch Goesberries that Grow upon the Elme:
Like Cormorants lets live upon the Ayre,
And of a Whirle-poole make a Marble Chair.
Blind men may see, and deafe men all shall hear
How dumb men talk, because Cow-hides are dear.
Go to th'Utopian Kingdome and relate,
That to their King these lines I dedicate:
Bid him take note of me, and understand
He hath not such a Poet in his Land.
Down by the dale with milk and cream that flows,
Upon a Hill (below the Valley) grows
Hungarian Peacocks white as crimson Geese,
There sate a Rat upon a Holland Cheese:
No sooner did blind Bayard see the sight,
Two beauteous ugly Witches took their flight
To tell the King of China wondrous news,
Howall Scotch Knaves were hang'd and English Iews.
Th'Athenian Hidra, and the Bird Torpedo
Were catcht in France in Mouse-traps near Toledo.
A Scolopendra comming neare Pickthatch,
Made drunke a Constable and stole the watch.
Do what you can, Madge howlet is an Owle:
And Beans with Buttermilke is rare wilde Fowle.
The Coblers daughter, wee three both together,
Wee'le match, he'l give a thousand pieces with her;
Besides the smoak of Keinsam and Bell-Swagger,
Who oft at Mims did use his dudgeon Dagger:
Then shall the Perecranians of the East,
South, North, and West, with every Bird and Beast;
All knuckle deep in Paphlagonian Sands,
Inhabite Transilvanian Netherlands:
'Tis the onely gallant way to gaine promotion,
To squeese Oyle from the Cindars of Devotion,
Transsate our Rownd head Turnips into Carrets,
And turne the lowest Cellars to high Garrets:
Let Neptune be a shepheard, and let Vulcan
Make hast to Greeneland, and there drinke his full Kan.
Of Molehils in the entrance of Dame Theatis,
Titus Andronicus hath writ a Treatise,
Wherein a man may learn before he looks
To catch mince-pies with neither nets nor hooks:
There policy with practise cut and dri'd
Were carted both in triumph through Cheapside.
If Monday hang himselfe no further seek.
Henceforth Tuesday shall begin the week.
No more of that I pray, I am afear'd
Ther's not one haire upon Diana's beard.
Great Agamemnon late combin'd with Hector,
To preach at Amsterdam an Irish Lector,
Which shall convert the Horse, the Asse, and Mule
And all the Beasts in Hipperborean Thule
If Sun-shine will with shaddowes but consent
We'le make the winter of our discontent
To force fierce Crook-back into better tune,
And turne Decembers heat to frost in June.
When this externall substance of my soule
Did live at liberty, I caught wild fowle,
I was a Caiftiffe in the Court of Spaine,
And playd at shuttle-cock with Charlemaine:
Then I did magnifie and mundifie,
Then I the Fairy Queen did putrifie,
And purifie againe, and dignifie,
All such as did her greatnesse deifie,
Females did edifie and fructifie,
And Amplifie and coldly gratifie.
The Lake of Lerna I did clarifie,
My Verse the Æthiop Queen did beautifie,
With rage my patience I would qualifie,
I can both certifie and testifie
How death did live, and life did mortifie:
Feare alwayes did my courage fortifie:
He's crafty that his wits can rectifie,
To villifie, make glad and terrifie,
And with course words old debts to satisfie,
That man Ile ratifie and notifie
To be one that himselfe will Justifie,
And fie, fo, fum, concludes him with O fie:
Thus from complexions I have Mineralls drawne,
Brave Captaine Fumble layd his sword to pawn
To ransome Jeffery Chaucers Cipresse Gowne.
Thersitis with a Rush knockt Ajax downe
Imperious Momus wrote th'Atlantick story
Of wars betwixt Achilles and John Dory:
'Twas dedicated to the Isle of Lundy,
An Embleame right of transit gloria mundi.
Thus the great Amadis de Gal was able
With Nonsence (like sence) to endure a Fable
Thus Mirmidons, upon the plains of Sarum
Did beat up Pompies quarters with alarum.
Let not the distances of place molest us,
Abidos is not forty miles from Sestus:
As Hero lov'd Leander, I'le agree,
Though he and she were mad, what's that to me?
Tis like Cleopatra and Antonius
Met, but saw not the Cardinall Baronius:
The Capitol, and silken Rock Tarpeyus
In a Seadan to Lichfield shall convey us;
And like a wheel-barrow we'l cut and curry,
And fetch good news from Shropshire and from Surry:
There is no Eunuch of the Race of Brutus,
That either can confute us, or cornute us.
Old Solon was no jester, nor no jyber,
And English Thames is better than Rome's Tyber:
I took a Camel, and to Naples went I,
Of pickled Sausedges I found great plenty:
The Gudgeon catcher there o'retop'd the Nobles,
And put the Vice Roy in a peck of troubles:
Brave tag rag multitude of Omnium Gatherum,
Shuffle 'um together, and the Devill father 'um:
But now and then was squez'd a rich Delinquent,
By which good means away the precious chink went:
Renowned was the Raskall Massennello,
In fifteen dayes he was raw, ripe, and mellow.
Laugh, laugh, thou whining Foole Heraclitus,
And weep thou grinning Asse Democritus:
The grey Horse is the better Mare by halfe,
The Bull at Bear-Garden, and Walthams Calfe
Are reconcil'd, but not concluded fully
Who pleaded best, Demosthenes or Tully:
I am indifferent, fill the other Kan,
Logick hath art to make an Ape a man.
I weeping sing, to think upon the Quiblins
Twixt Romane, and Imperiall Guelphs and Giblins.
How Munsters John a Leide, and Knipperdoling
Were barbarous Barbers in the art of poling.
From Sence and Nonsence, I am wide, quoth Wallice,
But not so far as Oxford is from Callice:
Give me a Leash of merry blades, right Bilboes,
True tatter'd Rogues in Breech, Shirts, Skirts, and Elboes,
And each of them will make a fit Disciple.
To ride up Holborn to the tree that's triple:
A man may think his purse is quite turn'd Round-head,
When all the crosses in it are confounded:
'Tis sayd that Poetry a thriving trade is,
And gets a world of wealth from Lords and Ladies;
The Devill they do, false shamefull Lown thou ly'st,
And when thou canst no longer live, thou dy'st.
Lend me Rhamnussnes Flanders blade, Ile lash
The sober Centaure, turn great Oaks to Ash:
A long Devils broath, be sure you bring a spoon,
Our mornings shall begin at afternoon;
And Minos, Eacus, nor Rhadamantus
May rore and rant, but never shall out rant us.
As we are Temporall, let's be Temporizers,
We scorn to be surpriz'd, we'l be surprizers:
Let's make grim Pluto stink, the welkin rumble,
And Hollophernes bluster, blow, and grumble,
Rending up mighty Thistles by the roots,
Because an Ostler stole away his boots:
Then with a multiplying Gally pot,
Ile know the projects of the crasty Scot;
And then he shall be forc'd to hide his head
In Tenebris, in Poland, or in Swead:
Fough, this Tobacco stinks; thou dirty Hag,
Stand further near, Ile put thee in a bag.
Search Asia, Affrick and America,
To find the Goddesse Berecinthia,
And know how Pirramus and this befell
Together by the years late in Bridewell.
Words are but wind in Terme time, but Vacations
Are fit to publish silent Proclamations.
There was a businesse never understood,
The woman's suit in Law was just and good:
She lost the day, this did her Cause disgrace,
The Lawyer put some ill into her Case.
Before Ile live this life, Ile take a knife,
And drown my selfe, and then what needs a Wife?
Strange things are done by Art and humane power,
Quinborow Castle landed neare the Tower.
Much like a Prodigy old time played Rex:
A Kentish Castle came to Middlesex.
May not a man cal'd Newgate dwell at Higate,
And wed a Widdow at the Pie at Algate?
Therefore let us like or dislike Presbytery,
It will worke finely if it once besquitter ye.
Bring me a Salamander from Surat in France,
The Alps and the Pirenian hils shall dance.
In Greenewich Parke there smiling Nioby
Shall laugh and lye downe like an Oyster Pye.
Fame is a lying slut, she told me tayles,
That in October Christmas came from Wales:
Believe it take the wings of Icarus,
And walke to Hounsditch, and to Erebus,
There tell them playnly how the case stands here.
And bring us word how matters do goe there.
Unto the Market Ile run presently,
And there a peck of troubles I will buy,
One told me they would multiply and grow:
All England with them I will plant and sow.
Which as they ripen dayly Ile take care
That every living soule shall have a share:
Ile serve myselfe first, and Ile have such store
In time of need to serve a thousand more.
But I forget my Theame. O foule offence!
This nonsence hath a taste of too much sense:
The Asse, Goos, Woodcock, Buzard, and the Gull,
Beat out their brains, and put them in my scull;
And tell the men of Gotham tis thought fit
The Wisemen there should lend me all their wit:
For Nonsence I will tax all Christendome,
Great Emperours and Kings shall pay me some,
And many a Major, or justice of the Peace
Will give me tribute and the Tax encrease
To such a height, that Cardinals from Rome,
Cuckolds, and Costables shall pay me some:
Strong Hull, with fatal Hell, and Hallifax,
Shall naturally bring me tole and tax:
The mighty stock of Nonsence I will win:
Shalbe the universal Magazine,
For Universities to worke upon
The Rich Philosophers admired Stone:
Then I make Poets rich, and Usurers poor;
And thus resolv'd at this time write no more.

Or thus you may English it, in the transcending prayse of the Authour and his Booke.

Till Phœbus blustring blasts shall cease to blow,
And Æolus shall hide his radiant Rayes
Till Vulcans Forge be fram'd of Scithian Snow,
And Neptune like a Shepheard spend his dayes;
When Saturne shall sell Mouse traps and allow
Mars to sing Madrigals, and round delayes:
Then shall thy Book and thee be out of Date,
And scorn the envy of consuming Fate.

[Swift Pepasus lend me thy Hoofes and Wings]

Swift Pepasus lend me thy Hoofes and Wings
Tempe, and Aganipp, and such strange things
As Poets do call Hellicon, and Muses
(That with ingenious wit the braine infuses)
In nimble strains make my invention wag,
And tell the sad death of a Scottish Nag.
A Nag of Nags, (as those that knew him say)
Whose birth and breeding was in Galloway,
Which Countrey (though it barren be and bare)
His Mother was a well reputed Mare:
He had all paces, and more swift then Wind,
Could trot before and amble well behind;
He had two sorts of gallops, false and true,
That when he did but run, men thought he flew!
Sure he was kin to winged Pegasus,
And of the race of great Bucephalus;
But Ile not rake up old Antiquity.
To prove his Ancesters old Pedigree:
Let it suffice, that such a Horse he was
That could in measure bravely pace and passe,
A Bay, a gallant Bay, most swift and quick,
Not having one base scurvy jadish trick.
There's many brave men, in their finest trim
Wants what this Nag had, sound of Wind and Limb.
He di'd untimely by a sad disaster,
And death unluckily unhors'd his master.
Though Horses of diseases have too many,
Yet in his life time he had never any:
He had no Chin-gall, Wind-gall, Navell-gall,
Or Staggers, Spur-gall, Light-gall, Shacksgall,
Nor Wormes, or anticore, or Salenders,
Nor Scatches, Dropsie, or the Mallenders,
No Palsey, Feaver vext him, or Pompardy,
No frenzy troubled him, he was so hardy;
No Glanders, Cough, the Yellows, or Pole evill,
Or Spavens, Splinters, Fashions, or Colt-evill;
Nor Ring-bones, Quitter-bones, no Curbs or Hawse,
Were of this Nags death any griefe or Cause;
No Cramp or Canker, Crestfall, or the Vives,
Or bloudy Riffes that shorten Horses lives.
He had no Crown-scab, nor was ever found
To have the Hawkes, or Toothach, or Hide-bound,
Or Bots, or Botch, or Paps his health did wound.
No tongue-hurt Farley, rotten Frush, or Cloy'd,
No Kybes, or broken wind his health annoy'd;
No Bladders, Surbates, Wrench, or Tyrednesse,
No strain, no Scottish fleas, or lowsinesse;
No prick 'ith soale, Neck-creek, or shoulder splat,
Or Strangle, he ne'r troubled was with that;
He had no Pin and Web, loose-hoof'd, or gravel'd,
Bloud shot, or founder'd whensoere he travel'd;
Horse-hip'd he was not, or in's Groyn a Wen,
Nor Rot i'th Lungs, nor shed his hair, what then
Did kill him? some suppose it was the Pose;
But we are all deceiv'd, 'twas none of those:
No Megrim was his death, or Calenture,
He with a Surfeit dy'd an Epicure.
But change of Pasture, altring of the Ayre
The health of Man or Horse may much impaire:
For by old Par it plainly doth appear,
(Who liv'd in Shropshire sevenscore thirteen year)
Was by an Honorable Earles expence,
With Care and Cost to London brought from thence,
But change of Ayre and Dyet took short course,
And layd him dead, like Master Fradshams horse.
This Nag in Scotland kept a temperate dyet,
(For Gallaway's a Country free from Riot)
Nor can it be reported anywhere,
That ever Horse did dye of Surfet there:
With Provender they are not proud, prick'd up,
With moderation there they bite and sup;
Their fare is fruitfull Fearn, and wholesome Heath,
Which frugall food preserves long wind or Breath,
Or Mosse as soft as downe or good chop'd straw;
(For Horses there think Hay Apocrypha)
An English Horse-loafe's Antichristian,
And all their Nags are Presbyterian:
For had I Aristotiles wit, my pen
Would prove strange Sects in Horses as in men:
The Spanish Jennet, and the Flaunders Mare,
Betwixt them many strange opinions are:
The Sumpter Horse will prance a lofty Gate,
Proud with the Burthen of ill gotten plate;
The Naples Courser, and the German steed,
The Barbary Horse that 'mongst the Moors doth breed,
The Cart horse, French Cavalla, Irish Hobby,
The Welsh Tit that loves Oates beyond Couse-bobby:
A man may write and talke, and wast his wind,
Yet never make these horses of one mind;
And many sects there are that disagree,
Who in Religion like to Horses be:
And sure more Horses have to Churches gone
Within these ten years, then was ever known:
This Nag, neare Hampton Court, did catch his death
And to his Master did his skin bequeath;
His Brains, Wit, Reason, and his honesty,
He gave to's Countrey as a Legacy:
His Corps had near a hundred Graves and Tombs,
In light foot Hounds, Kites, Crows, and Ravens Wombs:
Thus at his Funerall solemnity,
He was most swift, and did both run and flie.

The Second Part to the same Sence.

When as a Woodcock did a Phœnix hatch,
Once in the Raigne of Iulian the Apostate,
When Spiders Nets an Elephant did catch,
The Alehouse had no fire to make a Toast at;
Then in those merry lamentable dayes,
Upon a Christmas Eve near Michaelmas,
New Market heath did hoarsly sing the praise
Of Apuleius, or the Golden Asse.
The Adamantine fall of seven fold Nile,
Had boyl'd Musk-Millions from the Mount Pernassus,
Whereas the sing song wanton Crocodile
Made Romane Cressus smile, and Lidian Crassus,
When Charing Crosse the Sun of Summers Leg,
Had Kitned in the eyelids of a Nowne,
And Christmas Carrols played at Mumble peg,
With the Buls pizzel of a Market Towne;
Then shall a Pronowne and a Participle
Fight doggedly for wagging of a straw,
And then Tom Thum with Gogmagog shall tipple,
And shew the Learnedst Lawyers what is Law.
Then Ghastly flesh of shillings fry'd in steaks,
And Oyntments drawn from warm ingratitude
Did draw the teeth of two and forty weeks
From out the heels of sqemish magnitude.
But yet (O yet) a new laid Madrigall
Had bak'd the haunches of a Spanish child,
And matcht 'em to Sir Guy the Seneschall,
Who liv'd Adulterously with Bosworth field,
Whilest this was doing, all undone, and Done,
As men undoe a Trowt to make a Loach,
For as with spoons a Lord may eat the Sun,
So layes a Bitch her Litter in a Coach.
The Times have beene, (but Time is turn'd to pap)
That men might speake like Sea-crabs with a Quill,
And old Devotion wore a corner'd Cap
Upon the Stomack of a Water-mill.
But as a Bag pipe-flying in the Ayre,
Doth water all the Earth with Scottish Jigs,
So Times do change their turns at Sturbridge Faire;
For all the World now rides on Ale and Wigs.
O that my wings could bleat like butter'd pease,
But bleating and my Lungs have caught the itch,
Which are as musty as the Irish Seas,
Which in their left side now have both the Stich.
I grant indeed, that Rainbows layd to sleep,
Snort like a Woodknife in a Ladies eyes,
Which makes her bark to see a Pudding creep,
For creeping puddings alwayes please the Wise.
The forc of custome makes a man to pisse
A cast of Merlins in King Dido's mouth:
Hence comes the squint ey'd Proverb, which is this,
All men are borne their backsides to the South.
A Letter late came from the Stygian Lake
That told me Cerberus himselfe had choak'd:
He took a Milstone for a butter'd Cake,
when first red Herrings were at Yarmouth smoak'd:
The Orientall Chilblains of the West
Flew like a Colliflower in Chequer broath,
And then the Fairy Queen in Buckrum drest,
Rod through the Ayre well mounted on a Moth.
Min as he is a Cloakbag, is a fish,
But as a humane Creature he's a Cock:
Which boyld with pindust in Chafing dish,
Eats like stew'd Mustard made in Vulcans smock.
Once in an evening when the morning Sun
Did hotly speak with cold Meridian splendor;
There was a jolly Frier told a Nun
That Feminine was Masculine Male Gender.
Things have their times, as Oysters have their wool:
Dogs have their dayes, as Distaffes have their Gall,
So all men living ought to dwell at Hull,
For Hallifax cannot containe them all.
A statesman once corrupted is a Gun,
That ferrets Screachowls from Bellona's Beard,
To make a handsome Codpiece for the Sun
To were upon the pommell of his Sword.
Man unto Man, is Man; but Man to Man,
Is Herrings flesh, made of a yard of Ale,
With the ingredients of a Dipping pan,
Whiles Pancradge Church begets an Issue Male.
An Oxe was lately in a Mouse-trap taken;
Read but the booke of Weekly Newes, and note
How many stock-fishes were made fat Bacon,
Broyl'd on the Top-mast of a Mussell Boat,
New Heroglyphick three-fold twisted Lines
Of things that were, and were not, how Augustus
With Ovids Metamorphoses combines,
To try us oftentimes, but never trust us.
The faculties of every humane soule
Are made of Turpentine and Venson bones:
Ingendred in the night-cap of an Owle
That gives a Glister to the Torrid-Zones:
For as a Pistoll lisps when he doth court
Three paire of guts, bound up in true loves knots,
So Easter Terme is cu.to'd but in sport,
While Hobby-horses cur'd are of the Bots.
Then smoth thy brow with milk-white discontent,
And raise thy spirits up beneath thy feet.
For Shrovetide now hath swallow'd Iack-a-lent.
Because few Marriners are in the Fleet.
I know I am a man abhorr'd of Bells
That ring in Concave of an Heteroclite;
I know the Cuckolds thoughts of Bathe and Wels,
Do sizzle like a Mil-stone in a Net.
I saw, but what I view'd, I never saw
A row of Teeth penfeatherd in a Trowt,
Whilst Perkins Horse orethrew a Case in Law,
And he himselfe got fee farme of the Gowt.
How can a Mayor Rule, but with a Lask,
That may squirt Steeples in the teeth of Fame?
For if they do, their touch-stone and their Flask
Will fill the Winde with Polecats of the name.
The clock doth strike when time bewrayes his hose,
And Oysters catch the cough with being kinde:
As Puttocks weare their Buttocks in their nose,
So Fables weare their Bables in their minde.
I grant indeed, that whoso may and can,
Can never may, sith may doth can abey;
But he that can and will, may will as man,
But man can will, yet his will cannot may.

Deep Philosophy.

Call True the Taylor hither presently,
For he must make a mantle for the Moone:
Bid Atlas from his shoulders shake the sky,
And lend and send me his left handed spoone.
For Pride's a Pitchfork that the waile doth fill
Of Ursa Mayor (God of Apple-Cakes,)
Sloath is the Cucking stoole of Holborne hill,
Much like a Sope-boyler upon a Iakes.
Oh that I were in love with Bobbin-lace
Or great with child of Tullies purple Gowne;
Then to mine Ankles I would screw my face,
To make a Paire of Boots for black Renowne,
Faine would I leave, but leave at me doth grin,
As doth a Custard when his nails doth ake;
Or like a blew Bore in a Pudding skin,
So I must manners leave for manners sake.
Then rest my Rimes, before my reason's done,
For women are all Wag tayles when they run:
Who sets his wits my Sence to undermine, is
A cunning man at Nonsence, farewell, Finis.

The third part of the fourth Edition to the five Senses, or Sence aforesaid.

Ile say no more, but what I mean to speak,
And speaking what I say shall silence break.
Mumbudget, let no words be utter'd neither,
Let's seperate our speeches close together.
Reach my fierce flye-flap, Van Trump, stand aloofe,
My Arms and Armour's close Committee Proofe;
Give me a Butterbox with not on rag on,
I'le pickle him like to a Dutch flap Draggon:
An Ordinance of Parliament shall scatter ye,
Our Ordinance is Ordnance, that can batter ye.
Me vat a whee, is Cambria Brittish French,
Dick shifts a Trencher, but Tom keeps the Trench.
An Annagram is John King, and King John,
Five quarters of one year is four to one:
May not a Miser wille a poor mans want,
And give him lodging, cloathing, and provant,
And hang himselfe, and give the Devill his due,
Perhaps the Newes is too good to be true.
I care not where mine Hostess, and mine Host lie,
T'have meat and drink for nothing, is not costly.
I could have written mad verse, sad verse, glad verse,
But you shall be contented now with bad verse;
I neither weep or sing of sweet Rebellion,
Or story old I list not now to tell ye on:
The Royall mad Lancastrians, and Yorkists
Scare harm'd so much as some cornuted Forkists,
The most uncivill civill Goths and Vandals
Did not on their owne Countrey bring such scandals.
The Turks, the Iews, the Canibals and Tartars
Ne're kept such wicked, rude, unruly quarters.
Ierusalems, Eleazer, Iohn, and Simon
Did ne're yield Poet baser stuff to rime on.
Like bloudy Sylla, and consuming Marius,
One mischiefe did into another carry us.
Amongst all Trades (some thousands zealous Widgeons)
Were hardly more in number then Religions.
In Preachers Roomes were Preach'd, for which I woe am,
The basest people Priests like Ieroboam.
That one may say of London, what a Town is't?
It harbours in it many a Corbraind Brownist:
Tis scatter'd full of Sects, alas how apt is't
To be a Familist, or Anabaptist!
Whilst Knaves (of both sides) with Religions Mantle,
Have rifled England by patch, piece, and Cantle;
That I may say of thee O London, London,
What hath thy Wealth, Wit, Sword, & furious Gun done?
And what hath many a mothers wicked son done?
Whereby (against their wills) there's many undone.
Thrice happy had it been for our tranquility,
If th'Authours of this incivility
Had been a little check'd by Gregory Brandon,
With each of them a hempen twisted band on.