OWEN'S EPIGRAMS: THE FIRST BOOK.
1. To the most Illustrious, the Lady Mary Nevill, my ever honoured Patroness.
I want no Patrons, for to vouch my Books;
No places Rudeness, denies gracious Looks.
My Papers to the Reader, I shall vow;
The Dedication of my self, take you.
2. To the Reader.
If you applaud what ever I have writ,
I must deride your Indigence of Wit:
If you praise nothing, (then the cause stands thus)
Your epithite shall be, The Envious.
3. To Counsellor Hoskins concerning his Book.
This Book is the Mad World; these verses Men:
Choose Man, or verse; scarce one found good in ten.
4. To the Lady Mary Nevill.
Suppose
Pythagoras the white did kiss,
When he talkt of a Metemsychosis;
The proof is facile, that you are the same
with Pallas, Junos and the Lemnian Dame.
For Three rich Vertues shine in you, alone;
When many Threes, cannot lay claim to One.
5. To the same.
As
Phœbus revels in the arched skie,
And with him light, quarters her Majestie:
So ador'd Vertue proclaims it a Grace;
That shee's incumbent to your charming Face.
Whoever tell-tale Fame invites to see
Your Ladyship, bowes to captivity:
If he evade your Beauties Fetters; yet,
Inward endowments cast a faithful Net.
6. To her Ladyships Son, Mr. Tho. Nevill.
Your Genius is so eminent, that due
Belief is banish't; though the story's true.
He that will praise a Childe, doth Hope commend,
And not the Merits; which must crown the end:
Not Hope, but real Worth doth magnifie
The happy Torrent, of the Ingenie.
7. To her Ladyships Daughter Cæcilia.
The Mother you are like: when I say this,
Avant as useless, all Periphrasis.
8.
Nosce teipsum, upon Harpalus.
To some this (know your self) were good advice;
But in the application, be you nice:
You are not worthy Knowledge; seek abroad,
Something that is, may once fall in thy road.
9. To the Lawyer.
If he be happy that can Causes scan,
You ken to plead our Causes: Oh brave Man!
10. Upon John Protus.
I well remember Protus, you did threat,
That shortly, nothing should your wedding let:
Your Latine phrase, in my brest creates strife;
It signifies to Marry; Lead a wife.
VVhen Ale hath Crippled you, but in small stead
You'l stand, your VVife, or any one to lead:
Nay, shun such thoughts; and get a sober Spouse;
VVho in the dark may lead you; find your House.
11. Upon Aulus, an ignoble Nobleman.
For Honour (sordid Aulus) which you share,
To Predecessors, you indebted are.
But your base Spirit hath contriv'd to let
Posterity, from living in your debt.
12. Upon Hernicus.
You
Hernicus, did disburse twenty pounds
To buy a Fool, what squander without bounds?
In time, thy lavish Error, prethee see;
I would not give, such a large Price for Thee.
13. Venus.
Sowre is the Exit, though sweet the address,
Of the salacious Cyprian Emperess.
She dresses up the first salutes with Joy;
Till the sad parting proves her a Decoy.
So sweet and dulcid Rivers, when they thrust
Themselves on Neptune, borrow salt disgust.
14. To Doctor Gilbert.
You say the earth doth move; what wonders slip
From your sage mouth! writ you this in a Ship?
15. To the Physicians, and the Lawyers.
Our Sickness is thy Health, O Galen: prise
Our folly Plowden; for that makes ye wise.
16. O Times! O Reformation!
Renowned
Scaliger, in the worlds Eye,
Was the Refiner of Chronologie:
The shrivel'd Face of Time is washt. The Man
That will correct the Manners; finde who can.
17. The Judgment of Paris.
When
Pallas, Juno, Venus, did refer
Their cause to Paris, chose him Arbiter;
At first, his dazled eyes could not descry,
Which radiant Beauty, did the rest outvy.
The Majesty of Juno, yet at last,
And Pallas Wisdom, mist the winning-cast.
The golden Apple's Venus Trophie. Love,
On earth is Victor; rules the Gods above.
Were Judgment now reverst, the Golden Lump
Would win: and Juno Money turn up Trump.
18. The German Truth.
Merry
Democritus, affirm'd Truth did
In some deep Hogs-head (from Mens view) lie hid.
Grant but the Adage true, that Truth's in Wine;
Upstarts the Dutch-man, and swears, Truth is mine.
19. To Linus.
Linus
hath his Study fill'd; but what then?
Not Books, but Bags, make the most learned Men.
20. To a certain young Noble-man.
That until hoary Hairs you spin out Breath,
All your acquaintance wish; but none your Death:
Conjoynt desires, will afford a disease;
As for the Cure, to wish that none will please.
21. To a certain poor Medic.
You who of late came to our City Poor,
Now cleanse the pores; ('tis not as heretofore)
Physick you give the Sick; the sick gives Gold:
You cure his New disease; and he, your Old.
22. Upon a certain Woman.
Your Beauty begot Fame: but soon, alas,
The Mother, by the Daughter, murder'd was;
Whilst a loose Carriage, threw Ink on your Name;
And a good Face, was scratch'd, by a bad Fame.
23. Upon Marcus.
Why durst you offer Marcus to aver,
Nature abhorr'd a vacuum? confer
But with your empty skull; then you'l agree,
Nature will suffer a vacuitie.
24. Upon the Writers of our times. To the Reader.
Whether our Scriblers vent more Lies, would'st know,
In an Octavo, Quarto, Folio?
Thousands of Lies are nothing; in an Age,
Time bound in the Decimo-sexto Page:
If that the Sixteenth part, such knacks can do;
What can a sheet's, Gigantine Folio?
25. Upon Phyllis.
The world can't bribe Phyllis to kiss; But she
Will receive millions; if they profer'd be:
For cunning tricks, pray let this Lass alone;
Give, and Receive, she understands all one.
26. Upon the same.
If Love be fire, (as Proverbs talkt of old)
Accurst am I! 'cause your fire burns so cold.
27. The impious Atheist.
Snatch instant Time; use things whilst in their prime;
The time wil be, when thou shalt have no Time.
Resume let Grammar, Have been, Shall be; I,
To secure Is, will fix my industry.
28. The Epitaph of the Atheist.
He died, as if there were no Future state;
And liv'd, as one invincible by fate.
29. The Optative Mode.
The Mode call'd Optative's the same welnigh,
With that Mode, cousin to Infinity:
Instance in those, of most contented minde,
Yet such, an end of wishing, ne'er could finde.
30. Upon Alanus.
All the day-long Alanus, now a wife;
Rails like a Bedlam, at a wedded life.
After so many brawlings; in the night,
They that think Marriage a fine thing, think right.
31. Prophets, Poets.
The Prophets predict true, what is to come:
Poets, in Fictions sing, what hath been done.
32. Upon Life, and Death.
Life hurries on to Death; the foaming floud
Of Neptune, so, is Rivers period:
We ruminate on Life, as a sweet notion;
But to all tastes, Death is a bitter potion.
33. Of Vulcan.
Most glorious armour, was by Vulcan made,
For the fierce god of war; Mars drives a trade,
And gives him no less famous horns: How now,
Take Horns for Steel? not such a fool, I trow.
34. The Grammar in English.
Things only proper unto Males;
The Female Sex claim, as their Vales.
35. Free Will.
Free-Will, the nurse of sublunary Strife;
A man is cheated of, by his own Wife.
36. Of Life, and Venus.
All actions labour, to atchieve their ends;
But Life, and Venus, are to it no friends.
37. The Elysian Fields.
Grand-sire
Ænæas, (thank Poets) did come,
And view the levels of Elysium:
But in those times, he gave Elisa due
Benevolence; the fiction proved true.
38. The Cuckold, and Cuckold-maker.
The Cuckold.
This Wife I married; she doth me forsake:
Not for your selves, O Bees! you hony make.
Cuckold-maker.
These Boyes I got; another reaps the praise:
Not for your selves, O Birds! do you nests raise.
39. The new Rhetorick.
Hee that wants mony, labours but in vain,
In disputations for to squeeze his brain:
Not he, who knows to speak; but who, to give;
Under the roof of Rhetorick, shall live.
40. Upon Cotta, lately turn'd a Monk.
Cotta
, vext with his treble-tongued Wife;
Betook himself to a Monastick life:
To see this hour, 'tis happy you were born;
If putting on a Hood, you put off Horn.
41. The Arms of Geneva.
Geneva
Bears the Eagle; and the key:
The first proclaims, Emperial Majesty;
Unto the last, the Mitre, is right Heir,
Which is successor to St. Peter's Chair.
Of pure Geneva's Arms, what will become,
If Cæsar takes the Eagle; the Key, Rome?
42. Upon the Poet Borbonius his toyes.
You call your verses Trifles; be they so?
Ask your self privately, and you'l hear, No.
I shall refrain my verdict; yet I may
Take leave to think, what you thought good to say.
43. Faith.
Fides
, for Fiddle-strings, is Plural; when
It Faith denotes, 'tis singular; say then,
Our Predecessors were Emphatical:
They held a single Faith; that Faith was all.
44. Upon Paulinus the Physician.
Call you a sick-man Patient, since hee
Is so impatient, of his Pains, and Thee?
With much adoe, you are endur'd: you may,
That he's your Patient, positively say:
His spirits by his sickness, are much spent;
But 'tis the Doctor, which doth him torment.
45. Upon Cottula.
If
Delphos did not flatter Socrates;
The attribute of Wise, claim when you please;
Proud Plato's Master may stand in your Row:
You know for certain, that you nothing know.
46. Upon Fabiana.
Land bearing much, was fruitful call'd of yore;
Good Fabiana! Thou hast born great store.
47. A Joque, upon the Covetous.
VVhat foolish humour, makes men so intent,
Natures contentedness to complement?
Whilest on the other side, but few are nice,
To cast stones at flint-hearted Avarice.
But little Nature craves; well, you'l grant us,
That nothing will suffice the Covetous.
48. To a Lover of his Countrey.
'Tis Honour to dye for my Countrey; fit:
Suppose Death may my Countrey benefit.
Yet to Live for my native Countrey, I
Humbly conceive more pleasant, then to Dye.
49. The World.
No certainty; the world's turn'd upside down:
What wonder then, that there no good is known?
50. Upon Aretine.
Things have their scantlings; but our trials find,
A measure hateful to fair Venus mind.
Lust hath invented 1000 tricks; a part,
May Nature challenge; but the greater, Art.
51. Upon Silius.
Papists you might not be; nor could you love
The Protestants; thus Atheist did you prove.
52. Upon Atheists.
No house stands without owner; and will you,
Unto the worlds great House, no Lord allow?
53. The Physician.
Sir Mountebank will take gold, but none gives;
Physick will give, himself, without it lives.
The paunch Quack empties; his Pouch the diseas'd;
One thing, to crave anothers help, is pleas'd.
54. The Counsellor.
Lawyers by Law, are Jurisprudents named;
By their great wisdom, Bumkin's title's lamed;
Let who will smart, they for themselves provide;
No greater prudence, in the world beside.
55. The Courtier.
If you be Good already, then in time,
You will be better; but scarce higher climbe:
If you be great already, in time you,
May become greater; but scarce better grow.
56. Upon one-ey'd Marc.
One-eye wants honest Marc; one may suffice;
Discern more things, not better, can two eyes.
I have two ears; yet with those never cou'd
Hear truth of things: two eyes; yet see no good.
57. Upon Paul.
Lest that your Name should perish, edifie
You will a tomb, fond man! that tomb, must die.
58. A Receipt against Baldness. To Bithynicus.
No fear in age you should be Bald-pate cal'd;
Your youth (O happy Man) hath made you Bald.
59. Upon Theodorus.
Theodore
marrying, was of the minde,
That now he heavens narrow way should finde.
After experiment, the owl could say,
He found the road to Hell: the curst, Broad-way.
60.
Apollo and the Muses.
Females are the Muses; Apollo Male:
Nine Muses can he single, counter-vale.
61. Upon Alanus now grown old.
Alanus
wishing his cold limbs no harm,
Desires his wife to turn; his place is warm.
Here's wit at will; Girls must not at Age spurn:
But last night Alan's wife had a good turn.
62. New-years-Day.
To the Rich, Olus sends no New-years-Gifts;
Lest they should think he were put to his shifts.
Sending the poor 'tis Prudence to neglect;
From them, requital he can scarce expect.
Quintus to send, makes it his yearly task:
What he's asham'd to beg, his Gifts shall ask.
63. Upon Pontia.
His Wife told Pontius, there was a Law,
All Cuckolds should be thrown, where Surges aw
The Mariner; Pontia in love to him,
Cry'd out, For God-sake Husband! learn to swim.
64. The Work of Darkness.
To preserve species from wing'd decay,
Then Individuums what's fitter pray?
Yet nothing more mischievous is, then these
Soft Individuums, to Species.
65. You Lie.
Beware to Souldiers, lest you give the Lie;
There's no disgrace like this indignity.
You Lie, it seems, is a detested phrase:
To Lie, you love; that's little, no disgrace.
66. Upon an Hypocrite.
All Swearers, Superstitious you'l controul;
Yet, Lie all weathers; a religious Soul!
67. Upon an Hermaphrodite.
Androgynus
may boast himself the Race
Of Mercury, and Venus, by his Face.
Not Male nor Female; (Bless me!) what's he then?
Ask Maids, a Man; a Woman, ask but Men.
68. Venus.
Love hath his Flux, and Reflux; Venus bred
Was in the soyl where Tethys layes her head.
No credit Venus merits; her descry
You may, 'twixt Sol, and seduc'd Mercury.
The Planets are her Cronists: none so far
Can scout from sense, to call her fixed star.
69. Upon Rivals.
All Sutors, Phyllis would appropriate:
Call you it Love? 'tis Envy at this rate.
70. A Woman.
In that rich Language, which victorious Rome,
Bequeath'd to those, Cæsars did overcome;
A Woman drew her name from Softness; 'cause
Mans brawny hardness they excell; by th'Lawes
Of benign Nature. Why so? 'tis well known,
Eve was not Adams Flesh, but his hard Bone.
71. The Relation betwixt Physicians and Lawers.
The Lawyer, and Physician, for their pains;
Pick out of others Losses, legal Gains.
The Medic, heals the Body: Lawyers prate,
To cure the Falling-sickness of Estate.
Both will assist each moment, whilst you live;
If you subsist, each moment to Give, Give.
72. To Philip concerning Pamphilus.
Nature defies a Vacuum: We see
How sweetly She and Pamphilus agree.
73. To Bald-pate.
Trees regain Hair; & Fields the verdant Grass:
But when will your Head Leaf'd be, as it was?
74.
Nilus in my Eyes, Ætna in my Brest.
A briny
Nilus overflowes my Eyes;
Whilst with Ætnæan flames, my scorcht heart fryes.
Rivers of Tears, quench not my ardent Heat:
Nor my Loves Fire, dries up my brains salt sweat.
Water and Fire, in temper disagree;
Yet will accord, so they may torture mee.
75. If all things be alike. Upon Camilla.
Two Swashes did the fair Camilla court;
The one was handsome, but in stature short;
The other Features could not boast at all;
But (like a May-pole) was exceeding tall.
Camilla being question'd, which would do?
Exactly view'd them both, from top to toe.
Observing in the one, a Roman Nose;
Long legs, long arms, she prudently him chose:
And modestly reply'd, None can mislike
The proper man, if all things be alike.
76. Of Gyants and Dwarfs.
Two monstrous creatures, land at Natures wharf;
The Gyant, is an Oxe; a Dolt, the Dwarf.
77. Upon the spurious Off-spring of an Abbot.
VVhen you pray with the Covent; O how true
Is Abba Father, when pronounc'd by you!
78. To Parsons.
A priest, by marriage, did himself great wrong:
For wifes before did to his Tithes belong.
79. A Participle.
A verb is Eras; Mus, a Noun; pray pass
Your Censure Reader, what Erasmus was.
80. A Cause for the Lawyers.
A goatish man, led his own wife by chance,
(Supposing her his neighbours) Cupid's dance:
Admit a Childe the product of this Fate;
Is it a Bastard, or Legitimate?
81. The Morning.
Is it a wonder, light breaks forth before,
Phœbus begins, to blazon mountains Or?
Light as an elder Brother, did out-run,
By three daies journey, the life-giving Sun.
82. Of Day.
Let night with Argos have an hundred eyes:
Yet more with one, a duskish day descryes.
83. Of Night.
Hath Night no other gown, but black aray?
Alas poor Widow! dead's her Husband Day.
Were not Stars Lanthorns, to the mourning night;
We likewise might be vext, before Day-light.
84. Upon Marcus.
Your Verses praise me, Marc; I know these wayes;
You are so kind, that I, your verse might praise.
85. Death.
Petty theeves may restore; nay high-way men:
Death never will; what a Jade is she then!
86. To his Friend.
Half you, your Mistress claims; your self I fear,
The other half; what part fals to my share?
I reade you mine, in Complements thick sown;
But are you Mine, when you are not your Own?
87. A good Man.
If scarcity will estimation bring;
Beleev't, a good Man is a precious thing.
88. Upon a certain old Man.
Your beard, once black, cold age hath frosted gray;
Your mind, once white, is turn'd to black, they say.
89. Upon Paulinus.
Whatever old acquaintance beg of you;
Yes, yes, to morrow; Paulin will it doe.
Must I be grateful, for the Gifts you send?
My thanks, until to morrow; I'le suspend.
90. Upon painted Dames.
You who delight to paint, need not forbear
To cry with Horace; Shadowes, dust, we are.
91. Upon Cotta.
Cotta
his Wife is wholy; but not sole;
Camilla soly his; I can't say, whole.
92. The Politician.
Dissemble what you know; let falshood range;
To finde the yeelding grain of every change.
Feel the pulse of all times; that all may bee,
To thy desires subservient; good to thee.
93. Upon Venus.
Venus
and Mars, play the unlawful game;
Because in lawful sporting, Vulcan's lame.
94. Upon two Masters.
No man can serve two Masters; I confess,
Marinus saith, I serve two Mistresses.
95. Upon Marc.
Your beard grows fast, hairs fall off; thence is it,
Your beard becomes so long; so short your wit.
96. To Jo. Hoskins.
At
Winchester, a Boy; at Oxford, I
Being a youth; found your Fidelity.
In doubtful matters, you shew'd sincere love:
And sans deceit, to your trust true did prove.
Of sending this small gift, Love was the ground;
To me, Love ty'd you; Me to you hath bound.
97. Of Death: To Epicharmus.
Epicharm
will not die; yet his own Breath
Wishes exhal'd; would die; but not by Death.
Sorrows bring death; Death sorrows makes to fly:
Far worse then death, is grating Misery.
98. Upon Phyllis.
The
Parthians flying, backward cast their darts:
By flying, Phyllis wounds her Lovers hearts.
99. Upon Hallus the Grammaticastre.
Hallus
, whilst hungry, cry'd, I'm hugely fam'd;
I'm hugely full; when his guts were reclaim'd.
100. Of the Load-stone.
As from all Iron, Load-stones do exact
Coition: so, Lords all the Gold, attract.
Courtiers I ask ye nothing: for ye are
Stingy in giving; what ye ask, ne'r care.
You give for your own ends; I cannot see
Gifts retrograde; I shall scarce ask of yee.
101. Death.
Ask Me what Death is? pray stay till I die;
Come ask me then, your suit I sha'nt denie.
102. The Client.
Clients returning, before theefs may sing:
For back from London they can't money bring.
103. Upon Zoilus.
I blame bad manners; Zoilus you repine;
Perhaps misdoubting, that, I aim'd at thine.
Then all the world, you are more fearful grown;
When I chide Vices, I may mean my own.
104. Children and fools tell Truth.
The English Proverb, cals such Fools, as tell
The very Truth; a Liar bears the Bell.
Therefore if you speak Truth, to English Men;
You may be for your labour, Fool cal'd, then.
105. Upon Bald-pate.
You had a thing, call'd forehead, when shook down,
The leaves were not, from your well-shaded crown.
But since the hair fel off; (with reverence,)
'Twixt head, and fore-head, there's no difference.
In jumbling head and face, age hath mistook:
No credit can be given to your Look.
106. To the same.
How many hairs I have, I can't divine:
Nor you, (for all are lost) canst number thine.
107. An Apology for Fortune.
Bad
Fortune is a fancy; she is just:
Gives the poor, Hope; & sends the rich, Distrust.
108. Upon Cotta.
Cotta
went to a Bawd, to be befriended;
But did not return with his business ended.
109. Upon Procillus. A Noble.
If you, Procillus! would no Liars hear:
That hellish brood, your presence would revere.
110. To Paul, the Lawyer.
Your practice eats the year; your worships salf,
If for your own, you Register, one half
Your Wife will claim Vacations; by all Lawes,
You must be vacant, to attend her Cause.
The other part's ingrost; when as a Quirk,
Non-suits your Wife; succeeds your Clients work.
The years most busie months, are cal'd aright,
A term: They terminate your Wifes delight.
111. To the same.
A Lawyer, Terms; Vacations, never sees:
But alwaies findes the Leisure to take Fees.
112. To Marinus.
As oft as your abused Wife, bewails
Your impotency; you shall feel her nails.
In vain you flatter; good words nothing can;
She must, and will have Satisfaction, Man!
113. The Chirurgion.
My Trade will flourish; Jove send peace, send war:
Venus, and Mars, both my kinde patrons are.
114. The Venereal Disease.
Born an Italian; bred in France; quoth Fame,
Which Country strives, to give the Pox a name?
115. Calumniators. Flatterers.
Old
Anaxagoras, that snow was black,
Related; most like him, love truth to wrack.
Old Reynards suffrage, the Crow white decreed:
How many thousand Foxes, Our age breed!
116. Upon Ponticus.
You have repented: I sha'nt credit it;
None can repent, but they must have some wit.
117. An Herculean labour.
If strong Alcides, his wifes tongue could tame;
A thirteenth labour, might augment his fame.
118. War, Death.
War brings forth famin; famin is the cause,
That thrusts poor mortals, on the plagues sharp jaws:
Then plague, or famine, two-edg'd war is worse:
The humane glutton, supreme Jove's choice curse.
War is the Alpha, of succeeding Wo;
Death the Omega of all trouble: so,
When Canons thunder, to fly Mars counts cheap,
From Alpha, to Omega, at one leap.
119. Upon Cynthia.
The gods conform your Nature, to your shape:
And to your Lilly-hand, be your minde, Ape.
120. Upon Gellia.
You sin unseen; that is a feign'd pretence:
You never sin, but some give Evidence.
121. Upon Albinus.
O Albin!
Felix cry'd, your neighbor burn;
Home, home, with speed; for next will be your turn.
Albin surpris'd his Horn-maker, at home;
And cry'd, Wise Felix! Faith my turn is come.
122. Upon Claudius, the raw Philosopher.
Good, hath three species; which are inclin'd,
To sojourn in the body, estate, mind.
Sick, poor, and silly, Claudius we see;
He cannot challenge one, among these three.
123. Upon Bardella, the Mantuan Thief.
A Monk, Bardella, to be hang'd cheer'd up;
And said, To night in heaven thou shalt sup.
Bardel reply'd; This, I keep fasting-day,
If you please to accept my place, you may.
124. Upon lascivious Flora.
You tell of all your Bed-fellows; and so,
More hurt by prating, then by acting, do.
125. Upon Quintil.
Quintil
's friend can get nothing; Quintil's Lass,
Hath got himself; and what e'r worth he was.
126. To Aulus; concerning old Quintius.
Can't
Quintius marry, at decrepit years;
But Aulus, you must sting him, with your jeers?
Why Epigrams? Epitaphs, best befit,
Old doting Lovers, that have lost their wit.
An Elegie, (in all haste) let him have;
For he hath dig'd already, his own grave.
127. Upon Costus.
Scotfree he sins; that's all Costus can plead:
But this fail'd, when, you know what lost its head.
128. An Answer to Cynthia's Letter.
You sent white paper, but black was your Letter:
Your heart, and body; nothing express better.
129. To Sextilianus, A spurious Brat.
Your Father, never purpos'd to create
You, Sextil! But himself, to recreate:
If we not Gifts, but Donors mindes, respect;
To Thank him for your Life, you may neglect.
130. Upon Portia, an Hypocrite.
Fie! fie! your wit is bawdy: Good now grant
My Book that; which your Husband must not want.
131.
Saturn's three Sons.
The corrupt Lawyer; dubious Divine;
Cheating Physician; the whole world enshrine.
132. Of single-life, to a certain married Man.
The wisest King, saith, Wo to him alone:
Follow St. Paul, and Wives ye shall have none.
The wedded Man, cries, Wo to us; whilst he,
Who staies a Batchelor, cries, Wo to me:
Our wo is single; but yours is not so:
You, and your Wife, must share a double Wo.
133. Upon Corneus.
Hear, see, say nothing; observe for thy Life:
Since thou hast got a wag-tail to thy wife.
134. Upon Caius.
When lean Informers, Caius did espie,
To have two Wives; the Court they certifie.
Caius confest; and resolute, them told,
What they condemn'd, he did most lawful hold:
One Wife, St. Paul, a Bishop will allow;
I hope then, I, a Lay-man, may have two.
135. Upon Pomponia.
Pomponia
sets her self to Farm; who's able
To praise her joyning Sweet, to Profitable?
136. Upon Pinotus, sick of the Cholick.
Pinotus
regain'd health; by losing winde:
A Life, in that, which others kils; you finde.
137. Upon Pomponia.
Look how the Feather, daunces on her Hat;
'Twas Mars his badg; but Venus now gives that.
'Tis to grace Mars; Venus it deigns to wear:
This shews how friendly, Mars, and Venus are.
The Crow thinks her young ones fair.
Cicero Juscul. Quæs. lib. 5.
138. To H. L.
Your neighbours wife, best contents you; and he,
Counts yours most fair; thus nobly ye agree.
Tully to prove his words, may now despair;
Some Birds (it seems) think their own chick's not fair.
139. Venus.
You may hire Wenches, as well as buy Wines:
Why hath then Bacchus; and not Venus, signs?
140. Things of worth, are hard to come by. To Marinus.
If that fair Girls are nice, I'l choose the coy.
You may take leave, the coming to enjoy.
141. Upon Theodorus.
To marry, Gospel will not you allow:
Not a pin-matter; the old Law will though.
But you have transgrest Moses Law, before:
Your last wife was a widow; first, a whore.
Lev. 21. 7, 13, 14.
141. New-years-Day, to Germanicus.
I send you verses, instead of a gift:
Return me gifts; verses, you off may shift.
143. Sara.
She that will let her Husband kisse her maid;
We shall scarce match, (good Sara) I'm afraid.
144. To D. T.
You are your very Scholars servant; and
As your Lords School-master, you may command:
Whilst thus you serve as Low; command as High;
Your Titles I both pity, and envy.
145. Upon Paula, the Atheist.
A maid, two husbands, or a man two wifes,
Whether should have; to solve it Paula strives:
If you grant not a maid two Husbands; how,
Can in one flesh consist, the Plural two?
146. Vertue consists in a Mean.
A superb woman, praunc'd betwixt two men;
Vertue her Medium had banisht then.
147. Upon Acerra.
To's Father Acer, single did aver;
Happy is he, whom others horns deter.
148. To Pinotus.
What Lass is for my Mony? such an one,
As all would buy, but vendible to none.
149. Upon Quintus, and Quintina.
Quintus
kneels to his wifes commands, as though
Commission from the Gods, she could avow.
Her words are Laws; poor Quintus trots about;
Thinks himself blest, his eyes are not scratcht out.
'Tis against nature, manners, vulgar speeches;
Good Priscian never give, women, the breeches.
150. A Paradox. To his absent Friend.
I burn in Love; the more flames my desire;
By how much further, I go from the Fire.
151. Upon Paulina.
Paulina
her first husband, made a Stag;
Nor had the last, any great cause to brag.
She was as hard as horn, to first, and last;
But all the Interregnum, she was chaste:
Yet not for vertues Love, but her own sake;
Knowing her Tinder, would but touch and take.
Although most urgent Gamesters, came apace;
In her Vacation, she would give no Place.
152. Upon Gellia.
If to take Gifts for Benefices, be,
(Or such like things) accounted Simonie;
Then you are guilty; who no fault at all,
Count to sell Love: for love's spiritual.
153. Upon a certain Woman.
With wondrous speed, in stature, large you grow:
Omicron the last year; Omega now.
154. A Riddle.
To finde this creature, whither should I sail,
Whose Father is a Woman; Mother, Male?
155. To Ponticus.
It Startled me, when your two eyes, I spy'd:
Since that your Father, Mother, were one-ey'd.
156. Upon Mr. Calf.
I shall not say that horns sprout on your skull;
But this I'le swear to; that you are a Bull:
What though a Bull? I shall not call you mad;
Although of late, your Cow, 3 Calves hath had.
157. To a certain man, concerning a Dactyl.
Would'st Latin verses to thy Mris. show?
'Tis worth the while, what foot will please to know.
All women love, men should in Dactyls court;
Which have one long syllable, and two short.
158. Love Descends.
Love begins in the eye, by th'mouth descends;
Until at last, she in her centre ends.
159. Upon a stammering Woman.
Balba
took leave, of Phi-phi-philip, thus;
Make quick return, and Cuc-cuc-comfort us.
160. A problem for the Lawyers, concerning Theft.
To take a thing without the Lords consent,
Is Theft; what if the Lady be content?
161. To Ponticus.
You promis'd fair, but nothing will give me:
Galen gives nothing; yet cries, Recipe.
162. Upon Cerellia, married to Gallus, an Eunuch.
Had not we (fools) the Spartan fashion loath'd;
Then parties naked, should have bin betroth'd.
Cerel in thought, had married a game-cock;
But Cock, prov'd Capon; craven'd by a Smock.
163. Of Horns: A Problem.
A wife is light, her husband wears the Horn;
Why so? He is her head; it must be born.
164. On New-years-Day, to Germanicus.
Your gifts, or else my Verses, let me have:
Upon that same condition I them gave.
165. Christ-Church Colledge in Oxford.
Imperfect you were left, in Wolsey's daies;
Yet you may claim, a Quadrangle of Praise.
166. Upon Phyllis.
Phyllis
with pleasure, doth my Rythms rehearse;
But she loves Venus, better then a Verse.
167. Of Himself.
I spend the Time in trifling; and lest those
Years of my Life, should perish; I them lose.
168. To the Reader, concerning himself.
I think this Brevity, my Fame can't hurt;
'Tis not a little Labour, to be curt.
The vulgar talk much, to small purpose; I,
Perhaps talk Idle; yet use Brevity.
169. Upon Thraso, the Braggadocio.
Don't
Thrasos gingling Heels, make a fierce show?
Glory to all, is an huge Spur; you know.
170. Of Himself.
James
the Apostle saith, Ask, and Receive:
O that K. James to me, would grant like leave.
171. The Court-Musick for two Voices.
One Courtier cry'd,
When others climbe, I shall my Self advance.
T'other reply'd,
My Rise must be, A Favourites mischance.
172. To the Reader.
Let not my Book, Tobacco light; but rather,
Let it the Refuse, of your Close-stool, gather.
173. To his Book.
My Life perhaps, may my Books years, out-vie;
The Son, before the Father oft doth die.
But whether it dies first, or sees Me Rot;
I understand, A Mortal, I begot.
