Certain Select EPIGRAMS, Translated Out of the Works of that upright Lord Chancellor,
and facetious Poet, Sr THO. MORE, &c.
Did they Acceptance finde, which went before?
To spéak of wit; these have Fourty times MORE.
1. To King Henry the Eighth.
Plato
asserts, that whatsoever was,
Did but revive; shall come again to pass.
As Spring and Winter, through the various Climes,
Make their Appearance, at appointed Times:
So after Six and thirty thousand Year,
All things shal be the same, which once they were,
After the Golden, came the Silver Age:
Then came the Brass; and Iron the last Stage.
The Golden Age is revolv'd, to your Reign:
I now conceive, that Plato did not feign.
2. Upon the Union of the York, and Lancaster Roses.
The White Rose was dy'd purple, by hot Jars:
The Red grew pale, as let Bloud, by fierce wars.
But now the Roses, mutually make One;
The Strife was quenched, by this knack alone.
Both Roses bud, and flourish, lively still:
Although Subjected, to a single Will.
One Species includes both; and both agree
Copartnership, in Beauty; Majesty.
They who were Parties unto either side;
Shall need no more, well-wishes to divide.
And He who Envies, in the Quag-mire Sticks:
Astonish'd when he feels, the Rose hath Pricks.
3. Upon an ignorant Rhetorician.
Five absurd Phrases, I let Flaccus have;
To requite my Good Will, he Fifty gave.
Take these in Hand, said He; Beyond the Seas,
When I have been; you shall have what you please.
4. Upon Suspicion.
Opinion bears great Sway; although I doe
No hurt, I pay for't; if men count it so.
So Philolaus, was by Grecians kill'd:
Although a Tyrant, He was falsly held.
5. Upon the accurate Picture, of a pitiful Oratour.
Sextus
is silent; Hark! his Picture speaks:
For Oratory that his credit breaks.
6. Upon a blinde, and a lame Begger.
There's nothing more commodious, then a Friend;
Who at a pinch, may his assistance lend.
A Begger who had lost his eyes, did frame
A League of Friendship, with another, Lame.
The blinde Mans shoulders, Lame Giles did bestride:
Whose Eyes directed, which way, He might ride.
Concord to Cottages, sometimes resorts;
When it cannot be found, in Princes Courts.
7. The complaint of a Ship, sunk in a Storm.
Since when I grew, strong blasts could make me trip;
What fool devis'd, to slice Me to a Ship?
I could not promise safety, from the Land;
How then could I, the raging Sea withstand?
8. Upon a Ships being Burnt.
The daunting Ship, hath quit the foaming waves;
The churlish Haven, it of life bereaves.
Now 'tis on fire, ye might it Water grant:
Before this time, it never us'd to want.
9. Upon a Rabbet, who having escap'd a Weasel, fell into the Hayes.
I but just now got from a Weasel Free;
And must I suffer worse Captivity?
When from one danger, I did safe evade;
A prey to Dogs, I dream'd not to be made.
When Tumblers Teeth, force me to curse my Birth.
The tearing out my Bowels, affords Mirth.
O ye hard Hearts of Men! who in this Sort,
Rage more then Brutes; what, make my death a Sport?
10. Innocency, is obnoxious to Injury.
The fearful Mouse, dares venture for to bite,
The vicious Man: Tush! Proverbs say not right.
A Mouse dares bite the Innocent; a Knave,
Out of a Dragons Mouth, himself can save.
11. Upon the Quality of Death.
If all the Kings, were by you captive led;
Of all the Lands, Alcides travelled;
Yet your victorious Body, needs not have,
More Elbow-room, then is in Irus Grave.
Reflect on him; for you as poor shall die:
And in your Heirs, not your own Ground, must lie.
12. Upon a Niggard.
Sir, Sir! you're Poor; say others what they please:
Use, Riches makes; saith Apollophanes.
Whilst you use your Estate, so long 'tis thine:
That ceasing, your Heir may cry; This is Mine.
13. The Spiders Hunting.
A busie Fly, laying aside due Care;
Was fast entangled, in a cobweb Snare.
The Spider Thanks good Fortune, now she's sure
To have a Dinner; Be not too secure.
Arachne's Stomach, did her Anger whet;
She leaps to seize the Fly, and breaks the Net.
The Spiders fall, making her very faint;
Away flies Spoyl-meat, from her loath'd restraint.
Under the very Ax, Hope may remain:
A thousand Guards, to wickedness; are vain.
14. Upon a Cynick, indiscreetly abstinent.
A stubborn, and grave Cynick, set his best
Side outwards, by this carriage at a Feast.
None could perswade him, Radishes to Eat;
Vertue abhors, such kinde of luscious Meat.
Casting about his dull, unpleasant Eye;
He chanc'd fine tender Onions to espie:
He snaps up those. Though Radishes a'nt Good;
It seems that Onions, are a vertuous Food.
15. Upon a Chamber-maid deceased.
Her Body serv'd; Her soul was alwaies Free
Kinde Death hath set, that too; at Liberty.
16. Upon a Fisher-man, who was faln in Love withall.
A fisher, intent on the dropping Net;
Cast it so well, He did a Sweet-heart get.
It was a Rich mans Daughter; so that He,
Prov'd Master of much Wealth, immediately.
Said He, Our Trade is Gainfull! In retort,
His wife made Answer; who may you thank for't?
17. Upon Mediocrity.
Pindar
tells us, envy'd Felicity,
Surpasseth far, lamented Misery.
The Rich are hated; the Poor scorn'd; God grant,
I either may abound, nor suffer Want.
Avant Extreams! the Mean is best of all:
Peasants are kick'd; Lords, can't prevent their fall.
18. Fear is altogether unprofitable.
And why so stupid, as to lend an Ear,
To the false Alarms, of amazing Fear?
If evils come not, then our Fears are vain:
And if they do; Dread, will encrease the Pain.
19. A Cause, finely pleaded.
A certain cause, was come to Tryal; where,
Plaintiff, Defendant, and the Judge, Deaf were.
The Plaintiff pleaded, that He had much wrong;
His Cash was due, Five Moneths since. All night long,
Said the Defendant, my Mill went. Why strive,
Reply'd the Judge? your Mothers are alive.
20. Upon the uncertainty, of the Hour of Death.
I weep not for those, conquered by Fate;
I weep the fear of Death, should Macerate.
21. Upon the same.
You would bewail, next Moneth to meet chill Death:
And can you laugh? next Hour, may stop your Breath.
22. Upon a certain Ridiculous Astrologer.
Cumæan
Sybils, could not more descry;
Although enlightned from Divinity;
Then our Astrologer: whose profound Art,
Could through the Stars, a thing, when past, impart.
23. Upon the same.
The Prophet counsel'd by the Stars; did crye,
No Man so happy in a Wife, as I!
Looking again, when She was run away:
He gravely foretold, that unlucky Day.
24. On the same.
Saturns
far distance, makes him think all hush:
He can't discern a Hare, from a Brake-Bush.
Thy Bashfull Moon, adventures not to see,
Actions; improper, for Virginity.
Great Jove, Europa lov'd. Kind Venus led,
Stout Mars a Captive, to her wanton Bed.
Sol courted Daphne. Lovely in the eye,
Dame Hyrce was, of craftie Mercurie.
Thy Wife securely, may spread forth her Sailes:
For their own Honours, Planets can't tell Tales.
25. Death not to be feared.
What Madness 'tis for Sickness, Poverty,
To refuse Death; the end of Misery?
That only once, inflicts a short-liv'd Pain;
And that endur'd, it troubles not again.
But some Diseases, are, so rude, that they,
Revisit; where they lodg'd, but th'other day.
26. Upon a certain Covetous, and sordid Bishop.
If old Methusalem I should outvie;
The Bishops Bounty, claims my Memory.
He's vastly Rich; doth many Cities owe:
To his Commands, an Hundred Servants bow.
Yet when, I of mean Rank, did him approach;
He kindly spoke; and chid not for Encroach.
Nay more, he search'd both Pockets, for the Key
Of's Wine-Cellar: saying, You may be Dry.
27. Upon the Inconstancy of Fortune.
Fortune observes no Method; for throughout
Humane Affairs, her Wheel is turn'd about
With great Inconstancy. Low things arise;
High are confounded, by her quick surprize.
Good Fortune, is transmuted into Ill;
For to make Evill, Good; is at her will.
Let not them grieve, who under hard Fates lie:
Good Fortune's near at Hand: for shame don't die.
28. Upon Death.
They who brag themselves Rich, shall quickly see;
When Death casts their Accounts; how Poor they bee.
29. Upon a Rabbet, that was catch'd twice.
I fled from a Mans hands, into a Net:
Ah sad Escape! must I pay twice, a Debt?
30. Concerning Wifes.
All Men exclaim, they never in their Lifes,
Met such great Crosses, as their brawling wifes.
Talke, is, but Talke; for should the sixth wife die;
The seventh should succeed her, presently.
31. On the same Subject.
A wife afflicts; yet She may usefull be:
If shee'l die quickly; and leave all to thee.
32. Upon an Emperick, who sold a Drop of Balsam, very Deer.
Sir Quack, his Patient told, nothing could cure,
The stubborn Feaver; did He not endure,
To pay for precious Balsam; to be found,
With none but Him; One Drop, would cost ten Pound.
Five I require, to have lay'd down, in Hand:
The other, when you're well; I shall demand.
But about this, there scarce can be a strife:
What is ten pound, to secure a Mans Life?
The Bargain's made; from a well-cover'd Glasse,
A Grain of this Elixar, taken was.
The sick crav'd all; as willing to be sound:
No; the Remainder's worth, an hundred pound.
Besides the present Dose, would stand instead:
And so it did; for He was quickly dead.
Unhappy Bargain! what won't the Fates do?
Life was not onely lost; but Balsam too.
33. Upon a Picture, much resembling the Party.
Your shadow, for your self, might almost passe:
'Tis not your Picture, but your Looking-Glass.
34. Upon a Picture, unlike.
I going lately to a Painters Shop;
Thy Pourtraicture, my wandring eyes did stop.
I am perswaded, that He did compact,
You should sit three Dayes; for to mak't exact.
At the first view, I understood 'twas you:
For I believ'd the Limner; swearing so.
35. Upon a Ridiculous Prognostication.
A fam'd Astrologer, all Ears did fill;
Saying, This year, the King of France, lies still.
New Almanacks were scarcely come in Date;
Before the Christian King resign'd to Fate.
The Prophet persists in Defence, of's ill
Roving; and askes, doth not France, now lie still?
The vulgar made his speech, a common Jest;
Often repeating, The French King's at rest.
This Pill, the Starres Interpreter did choake;
Therefore in Anger, He them thus bespoke.
Ye simple Souls! are all your skulls of Lead?
Doth not the King lie still; now he is dead?
36. Upon a Roman Nose.
Proclus
can't blow his Nose; but must confesse,
Though his Hand's great; yet then his Nose 'tis lesse.
Nor when he sneezeth, can He Himself hear:
His Nostrils are so remote, from his Ear.
37. On a certain Fool.
Flea-bitten
Morio, put out the Light:
Lest Fleas should see to finde Him, ev'ry night.
38. Aristotles Judgement, concerning Sleep.
Half of our Lifes, to gratefull Sleep we spare;
Thus half Their Time, Rich, and Poor, equal are.
Crœsus, and Irus, Rich alike, are found:
When silken slumbers, have their sences bound.
39. The difference betwixt a good Prince, and a Bad.
A good Prince, like a Shepherd, doth defend
His Flock; The Bad, like Wolfs their Sheep do rend.
40. Upon a good King, and vertuous Subjects.
The Kingdom is a Man; the King's his Head:
Subjects as Members, to it fastened;
Make the Compositum. Who knows what smart,
'Tis for a King, with one of's Limbs, to part?
The King's requited; for by filial dread:
No single Subject, but adores his Head.
[Accept this Banquet; and for it referre]
Accept this Banquet; and for it referre
Cordial Thanks; to the Just Lord Chancellour.
Our entertainment, may please ev'ry Guest:
Fourty choice Dishes; make a Noble feast.
