 | More fooles yet |  |
More Fooles yet.
Loues Metamorphosis.
Oh cryes kind Dolusif shee hate my feature,
Sweet Cupid turne mee
to some other creature.
Make me a Bull like Ioue, if that may passe;
Or let me be an Horse as Neptune was:
Or like to Mercurie a Goat ile be,
If such a shape will please so faire as shee.
Loue was attentiue to his imprecation,
And quicklie thought vpon some transformation.
And in a moment rysing from his stoole,
Transformd him to a creature cal'd a Foole.
A thriftie Gallant.
Fogh cryes spruce Curio what a smell is here,As if some house of Office troubled were?
Is there some foysting Spaniell in the roome,
Or is it pesterd by some stable Groome.
There's some thing putrified, search round about.
O tarrie, tarrie, I haue smelt it, out:
It is my sute, the Sattin is impure,
Or else my Taylors hands were nastie sure.
I must expell this sent with some perfume,
Counsell me sirs, your iudgements may presume:
Why then sayes one, I thinke a Siuit best,
No saies another 'twill atract the pest:
Why then that pouder which your Sempsters sells,
Come you are fooles I will haue something else.
There is a kind of sweet your brokers vse,
Tis that alone ile take, the rest refuse:
For that effectuall is, and of such power,
Twill purge a stincking garment in an howre.
And many Gallants vse it for a shift:
Therefore to frugall be and winne repute,
To Lauender he doth commit his sute.
A confident Cuckold.
You wrong Zelopio to repute him so,Tell me that he is iealous, faith sir no:
He will permit his wife to see a play,
And let her drinke with Captaines by the way.
Will giue her leaue to walke to Westminster,
To see the Tombes and monuments are there:
Will suffer her to drinke and stay out late,
To be led home by each associate.
This prooues him confident, and which is more,
When his wife knocks, himselfe will looke to the doore:
But wot you why Zelopio seems content,
She keepes the house, keepes him, & paies the rent.
A variable humorist.
The humor of Muander is most strange.Hee's still extreame, and nothing makes him change:
Today he is accoutred like your knight,
Tomorrow like a stalking broome-man right.
He weares a sute to day that's cut and slasht,
Tomorrow one slit on a shirt nere washt.
Now hee's extreamely merrie, and anon
He prooues a Tymon, all his mirth is gone:
Will you of his extreames the reason know,
His Loue, as well as Fortune, is his foe.
A wondrous trauailer.
Wonders most admirable you shall heare,If you with patience will permit your eare:
That trauailer (beleeue him if you please)
Sweares he hath been beyond Th'antipodes.
And with his hand hath turn'd the Moone about:
And to approoue his courage could not faile,
He tooke the horride Dragon by the taile.
And which is more, he sweares by all the gods,
He challengd Mars to fight, and giue him ods.
All this he hath perform'd he verifies it,
And he will kill the pezant that denies it.
Moreouer now he meanes with expedition,
To trauaile down into the lower Region.
Doe sir I pray you, and to Pluto tell
These nouelties, and bring vs newes from hell.
A familiar Tobacconist.
Signior Snuffe that rare Tobacconist,Who many a whiffe hath to the ayre dismist,
Doth oft frequent Apoticaries shoppes,
To minister Tobacco to his sloppes.
And to the smoake-monger this speach he bends,
Sir giues the best, as farre as this extends.
With damme him if he paid it not to morrow.
Tush ile haue none of your lowe vallued trash,
Reserue it for your gulls, or those want cash.
Giue me of your rich leafe, or by this light
You shall expulse me and my custome quite:
So you respect me now, a pipe I pray,
Ile none of that, reach one of Snells I say.
Y'are payd, farewell. Adue penurious asse,
That doth thy substance into vapour passe:
Such is thy fate, if could thou't pawne thy cloake,
To warme thee by Tobaccoes fire and smoke.
Anger soone appeased.
When Iohn Cornutus doth his wife reprooue,For being false and faithles in her loue:
His wife to smooth those wrinckles on his brow,
Doth stop his mouth, with Iohn come kisse me now.
A woman hater.
Misoginos that lately lou'd a wench,Wisheth them now the torture of the French:
Let me not liue (sayth he) men are befoolde,
In being by such creatures ouer-rulde.
What can a man discerne in such a creature,
A little paultry beautie, forme, and feature:
Which is but trash of no preheminence,
Then why is't powerfull to distract your sence?
Tell me what women are, that you adore them,
Surely naught, being so you should abhorre them:
What vertues haue they which do merrit praise,
As many as this weeke hath Christmas dayes.
What qualities, inconstancy, and pride,
Still in lasciuious actions occupied.
O peace Misoginos, why do'st thou wrong them?
Thou wilt cōmend them whē thou art among thē:
But will you know how this his hate was bred,
A wench in Turnbull-street did breake his head.
In Criticum.
Now Criticus doth summon all his wit,And with the title says there's more fooles yet:
(Quoth he) these asses are not left alone,
The Author makes the number more by one.
Thus Criticus will censure and correct,
Calumniate, detract without respect:
Affoord the foole to all, O that may be,
For none can shew a foole so well as he.
A bare conceite.
Svch ill successe last night had Ned at play,That no man can discouer him to day:
No maruaile sir he keepes him from the light,
He was discouerd to the skin last night.
An arrogant foole.
Grosse and il-tutor'd fellow, why wert thouelected here? each rascall now
Will with a Gentleman familiar be:
Forgetting difference twixt each degree.
Ile pay you sirha, what's vpon my score?
I will abiure this house for euermore.
Good Master Insolence, sir hold your tongue,
The slaue doth practise still to do me wrong.
Master; you ill-taught rascall doe me right,
Know that this moneth & more I haue bin knight:
Yet you as ignorant of what I am,
Entitle me like each mechanicke flam.
In troth sir, my rude ignorance doth greiue me,
I tooke you for a Gentleman beleiue me:
Pardon my error, may I so implore,
Ile take you for a Gentleman no more.
A kind young man.
Young Iasper once led an impure life,But now he is conuerted by a wife:
An antique of some threescore yeares & ten,
Hath Iasper snatcht from many richer men:
Not that he loues her, but he deemes her trash,
Onely he marryes her to gaine her cash.
Which cash of hers (being possest with store)
Shall keepe his wench, which wench kept him before.
Captaine Nynnie.
Braue Magnaninny swayes in Turnbull-street,Commands the whores be prostrate at his feet:
Fetch me some wine you baud & shut the dore,
Come hither varlot, wheer's the other hore?
Tell her from me, ile bast her and her groome:
Here's a damd crew indeed, sbloud who am I,
I must be faine to thrash you by and by.
Thus Magnaninny brauely dominiers,
Breaks Looking-glasses, and Rabatoes teares,
Slits Couerlets and Curtaines, burnes their haire:
For which the punckes conspire to shaue him bare:
And in a moment so to quit this cullian,
They fire him from the confines of Turnbullian.
In Libidinosum.
A penitent venerist.
Last night Libidinosus rashly wentVnto a wench lose, and incontinent:
To whom he did participate that euill,
Which did possesse him like an eager diuell.
But now Libidinosus is contrite,
And sorry for his rashnes ouer night:
Heele deeme a whore as men do drosse & slime.
You may beleeue him, he determins so,
For drosse is good enough for swine you know.
A quarrell well answered.
Pray you diswade me not, you do me wrongThus to detaine me from reuenge so long:
Throwe water in my shooes and runne away,
Grosse iniurie, firrha come forth I say.
Wilt thou come forth, doe and here I sweare,
For this abuse ile giue thee a box athe eare:
Thanks quoth the fellow, but be it knowen to you,
Ile not come forth if you would giue me two.
A rare man in action.
Bvt why doth Friuolus that actiue squire,(Hauing abiur'd the Tenniscourt) retyre
Or to recouer there some spending treasure
Or is it that his humor verifies.
It is a Gentleman-like exercise:
Or may it be as some perhaps may brute,
There to discouer his new Sattin sute.
No sir you misconiecture his intent,
For none of these, the sport he doth frequent:
But if youle know the truth, sir vnderstand
He comes to shew the wonders of his hand.
How that by force of arme and Tennis-ball,
To admiration he vntopt the wall:
He is no vulgar fellow in his tricks,
Where others bandie Balls, he bandies Bricks.
And he is thither drawne by one thing more,
For to augment his credit on the score.
A great obseruer.
Will you of Vinolentus gladly knowWhy he is drunck, this reason he will shew:
In his associates as druncke as he.
Will you likewise inquire (when he is druncke)
Why he doth range the purleys for a puncke:
He will resolue you thus, for to descrie
A whore in fashion and in qualitie.
But Vinolentus tell the truth for shame,
And do not more pollute thy hatefull name:
Thou art not druncke each humor to behold,
But thou art druncke to make thy vice more bold.
Thou doest not visite whores to note their fashions,
But to be deepely knowne in their transgressions:
Well, drinck, be drunck, proceed & catch the Fox,
Hunt all the purleyes ouer for the P.
An accomplisht Gallant.
Poore Tom goes barely, his best sute is prestTo be forth comming in a Brokers chest:
And aske you Thomas why he goes so bare,
He answeres you, for pride he doth not care:
Vnto the seruice of a Barbors chayre:
As fit for euery lacke and Iourneyman,
As for a knight, or worthy Gentleman.
And therefore sweares poore Tom, I scorne it I,
To imitate such vulgar rascaldry:
But by and by when fortune gins to fawne,
The Gentleman redeems his sute from pawne.
And now abiures those raggs for euermore,
Which but as yesterday his worship wore:
And aske him now the reason of this change,
And why he is transformed thus so strange:
He answers you 'tis base, and much reiected,
To be a gentleman and not respected.
Rich habits cause each vassall be esteemd,
When raggs make Gentlemen be vassals deemd:
Now sir because hee's generous, therefore
He scornes to be attyred like a Bore.
Thus Tom penurious doth excuse his raggs,
And if reform'd, scornes beggery with braggs.
A prouident whooremaster.
Lvpurio so to compasse his desire,Makes his wench druncke, if you the cause inquire,
He hath a filthy face, his nose is shruncke,
And's wench would lothe him if shee were not druncke.
A conuertite.
Strangely addicted now is Brutus found,He doth suppose the world is at an end:
He will not drincke not ramble foote of ground,
Nor take a pipe neither with foe nor friend.
Hee meditates on heauen, no 'tis not so,
Another place he thinkes on which is lowe:
O'tis his purse which nere doth measure keepe,
He cannot reach a penny 'tis so deepe.
In Rusticum.
A charitable Clowne.
Rvsticus an honest country Swayne,Whose education simple was, and plaine:
Hauing surveyd the Citie round about,
Emptyed his purse, and so went trudging out.
But by the way he saw, and much respected,
A doore belonging to a house infected:
Whereon was plac't (as 'tis the custome still)
Lord haue mercie vpon vs, this sad Bill
The sot perusde, and hauing read, he swore
All London was vngodly, but that doore.
Here dwells some vertue, yet sayes he, for this
A most deuout religious saying is:
And thus he wisht (with putting off his Hatte)
That euery doore had such a Bill as that.
A well affected louer.
My Rose sayth Amorosus, is the flowerOf all her sex, her beautie hath the power:
To stirre affection in a dying creature,
No female Europe yeelds equals her feature.
True Amorosus shee's a flower indeed,
But scents more rancke than doth the stinckingst weed,
Shee growes i'the Garden Allyes all the yeare,
But differs frō most flowers that appeare:
For in the spring when many flowers florish,
She hides her head, the spring her pride doth perish.
An absolute Gallànt.
If you will see true vallour here displayd,Heare Poliphemus, and be not affraid:
Sir let me go, or by these hilts ile braine yee.
Shall a base patch with such apparance wrong me?
Ile kill the villaine, pray do not prolong me:
Call my Tobacco putryfied stuffe,
Tell me it stincks, say it is drosse, I snuffe.
Sirrha, what are you? why sir what would you,
I am a prentice, and will knocke you to:
O are you so, I cry you mercy then,
I am to fight with none but Gentlemen.
Mounsier the Englishman.
Note the industry of our gallant here,Which imitates all fashions that appeare:
Th'Italian, Spanish, Dutch, ô but the French
Especially, he followes to an inch.
His Garters, Roses, all befrindg'd with gould,
Were made in France, & by a Frenchman sold:
His sute (so quaintly wrought) is truely sayd,
To be by'th Frenchman at the Fryars made.
Sir, all is French he weares, be it known to you:
Yet not withstanding this our gallant sweares,
The world's deceiud, there's nothing French hee weares.
Yet it appeares most plainely to his face,
His Nose is frenchified, a small disgrace:
But how ridiculous is he and vaine,
To be so proud and haue aface so plaine.
Selfe doe, selfe haue.
Credus affirmes, his wife and he are one,They are both form'd of equall flesh & bone:
And being one, their natures cannot varry,
Credo is circumspect, his wife as warie.
But he cornuted is, pray who did that,
If's wife, then Credo did consent that's flat.
A penitent drunckard.
When Will is druncke, he is obsequiouslyDeuoted to his prayers, doth weepe & cry:
And will a new and vertuous life beginne.
But when religious Will hath left the pot,
His zeale growes cold, his prayers are quite forgot:
Then why is drunkennesse entitled sinne,
When Will doth alwayes pray when he is in.
A fellow all wit, or wit all.
I pray you giue attention and be mute,Here comes old Spunge the Barbor with his Lute:
Giue him his lap, and let him (gratis) feed,
And hee's your Fidler till his fingers bleed.
But harke you sir, he hath a wife I thinke,
True sir shee takes Tobacco, and will drincke
Carowses with a Dutchman while heele stand,
Will sweare with any ruffian in the land.
Will giue the lye to any Captaine too,
Then sheele be stab'd, sir what is that to you:
And liues as chast as Dyan for her eares.
For should shee (as heele tell you) tread awry,
Hee'd slit her nose for her impuritie:
But's tongue goes false, as any tongue may trip.
Thrice in afternoone he knew her slippe.
| More fooles yet | |