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Poems

or, A Miscellany of Sonnets, Satyrs, Drollery, Panegyricks, Elegies, &c. At the Instance, and Request of Several Friends, Times, and Occasions, Composed; and now at their command Collected, and Committed to the Press. By the Author, M. Stevenson

Stevenson, Matthew (fl. 1654-1685)

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To the Accomplish'd, and his Ingenious Friend, Mr. Matthew Stevenson, On His Facetious Poems.

To the fair Madam M. H. at Sharington-Hall in Norfolk.

To my Lord B.

To the Boy that brought up the Bottles of bad Wine.

Upon Madam A. C. a fair Lady that dyed of the Small-Pox.

Upon John Robinson, a pretty Witty Boy, that never Suckt.

Upon Madam E. B. of Blakeny in Norf. a beautiful Child.

Upon some Gentlemen Rowing down the River, on Friday, June the last, an exceeding hot Day.

Upon a Country Parson and his Man, and a Parishoner whose Name was Ivorie.

Upon a Dog call'd Fudle, turn-spit at the Popinjay in Norwich.

Upon a Confident Chast Young Lady.

To the thrice Lovely Guiana.

Upon Guiana's Farewell to Sharington.

To my Honoured Friend Mr. J. W. Student in Lincolns Inne, Upon the Death of his dear Wife Mrs. A. W.

An Elegy upon Mr. Robert Doughty of Grayes Inn, depriv'd of his Spouse.

Upon His Majesties Progress into Norfolk, Sept. 28. 1671.

Observations upon Lillie's Almanack.

Upon the Norfolk Largess.

To my dear Friend Mr. Sam. Stainer new come from Messina.

The Cooks Catastrophe.

Upon Shortwhite, the Noble Hampstead Cock.

To a Non-sensical Barbar wou'd seem Poetical.

Upon one Day that ran away, and laid the Key under the Door.

To T. B. Esq; wanting a Son, and Heir; and upon his two fair Daughters.

An Elegy on the Reverend John Crofts, D. D. and Deane of Norwich.

An Elegy upon a Reverend Divine Buryed in the Ruines of his Church.

Upon the Reverend Herbert Ashley, L L. B. Elected Dean of Norwich, from many Rivals.

Upon the Famous Sun Tavern behind the Exchange.

Upon a Silver Box presented to His Mistriss, with this Paper in It.

Upon the Vertuous Brown (I know who) at the Popinjay.

Upon a Token drunk at the Star, sent Me by Honest Tho. Ridland, at the Popinjay in Norwich.

Upon a Sparrow catcht at a Pipe of Canary.

The Willow Garland.

Upon a Miller's Son, Sometimes a Peticannon, but turn'd out for disaffectedness to Episcopacy.

Defiance to the Dutch.

Upon a Friend Lamenting the Loss of Learning.

To a Coy Lady that wou'd not come to a Treat.

Upon the great Fire at St. Catharines, on Whitsunday, 1672.

Upon a Rusty Patch on an Iron Face.

Upon one that promised me Four Cravats, boasting he had Fifty.

Upon a Trusty Taylor.

To the Gentile Drapers in St. Paul's Church-Yard, retorting to the Play call'd, The Citizen turn'd Gentleman.

Upon one Mrs. K---, who sets all her Neighbours together by the Ears with lying Tales.

CAROLINA.

Fair and Faithful.

The Quakers Wedding.

Upon a Camp should have been plaid, neer the black house by Kirby for a Crown a piece, and was not.

To Tom. Sharington, Commendations to mine Hostess, where his Mare was at Cure.

Upon a great Windy Night.

An Elegy upon old Freeman, us'd hardly by the Committee, for lying in the Cathedral, and in Church-Porches, praying the Common-prayer by heart, &c.

An Elegy upon Sir Joseph Payne, sometimes Major and Collonel of the Train'd Bands of the City of Norwich, who dyed in Harvest.

An Elegy Perpetuated to the Memory of Henry Terne, Esq; Captain of the Triumph.

An Elegy upon the Right Worshipful Sir Thomas Rant.

An Elegy upon Miles Hobart, Esq; who dy'd the Friday before good Friday.

An Elegy upon the Reverend John Porter, D. D. and Prebend of Christ-Church in Norwich.

Upon a Red Face

The Low Estate of the Low-Country Countess of Holland, on Her Death-bed, with the Advice of her Doctors, and Confessors.

The Royal Rendezvous. Or, the Magnificence of His Majesties Fleet.

Upon one Bacon Rob'd by a Red Coat.

Upon the New Vizor Mask.

A Vindication of the Vizor-Mask.

To One that told Me, He had Three Heads.

Upon a Hosier that carry'd His Wife to give Her a Lobster, and lockt Her up in an Apothecarie's House, pretending her mad, where She was kept Fourteen Days with Bread and Water.

Pallor in ore Sedet.

Upon One pretending to Treat His Wife with a Lobster, and putting of her in Lobspound.

SONG.

A Contest at the Hoop-Tavern between two Lawyers.

An Elegy upon Mrs. R. H. who dyed for Love of a piteous perfideous Presbyterian.

A. B. To an Old Woman was afraid He would steal her Daughter, who was ugly, and crooked as a Sythe, and Light withall.

An Elegy some Years after the Death of his honoured Couzen Mr. R. Cooke.

The Woman's Warre; Or, the Dutch beat to Dirt by the Frowes.

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Upon one Bacon Rob'd by a Red Coat.

The time and place, hunger and hazard set,
And th' Combatants, Calveshead & Bacon met.
Bacon set up his brizzels, one wou'd pawn,
Their life at present, Bacon had been brawn,
VVhom the keen Souldier collard, and so home
Laid at him, Bacon was all of a fome;

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VVho stoutly thus retorted; be n't mistaken,
To stay your stomack, Sir, know I am Bacon.
Bacon was of good chear, and thought to beat him,
But the rude Redcoat lookt as he wou'd eat him.
And being stomackful, he falls aboard,
In which sharp Conflict, Bacon lost his sword.
About his brains he brandisht his bright slasher,
The very sight of Bacon made him rasher.
And at each slive, cutting at Bacon's britch.
Sixteen by honours, made poor Bacon Flitch.
The Son of Iron follow'd, hackt, and chopt,
Bacon was fat, and in the broil he dropt.
VVho now his Belly full of fighting got,
Never alas, went Bacon so to Pot!
Tormented thus in his own grease, he fries
Poor Bacon turning up the Eggs of's Eyes.
And, seeing that the Souldier was so teasty,
Bacon repented he had been so reasty.
For now he knew not what himself to do with,
Bacon, alas, had ne'er a hamme to go with.
The Souldier from his bones the flesh had taken,
And made a very Sparrib now of Bacon.
At length the Souldier having out of measure,
Larded his leanness with fat Bacon's treasure,
Away marcht off that Rogue of the red list,
Whom, to his cost, Bacon had greaz'd ith' fist.
Bacon hoy'd home too, but he cou'd not gallop,
A man might see Bacon had lost a Collop.

104

But how must Bacon now recruit this Lent?
VVhy Bacon must to Pease incontinent.
To change conditions, Bacon did desire,
Out of the Frying-pan, into the Fire.
But it had been, had he been wise to hear?
Butter for Bacon he had ne'er been there.
VVho can but pitty what the whole destroyes?
Never was Bacon slic'd so in a froise!
But e're he meet again such two-edg'd talk,
Bacon swears he'l be hang'd upon a bawlk:
And that he might the powers above acquaint,
Poor Bacon took him to his Gridiron-Saint:
Yet when at last the matter up was taken,
The Souldier got many a Pound of Bacon.