 | Iyl of braintfords Testament |  |
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[Proface maistris Iyllian with your company]
Proface maistris Iyllian with your companyI pray you fil you not to much of the mutton
I promise you that it is very queisy
And or ye be ware wil make your bely button
Take no thought good sir how I shall be fild
But come you neer & take parte of our swilling
Leue your curtesy I pray you be pyld
And couer your head/I be shrew the filling
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Prologus of Robert Copland the auctor.
At
Brentforde on ye west of London
Nigh to a place that called is Syon
Ther dwelt a widow of a holy sort
Honest in substance & full of sport
Daily she could with pastime and Iests
Among her neighbours and her guests
She kept an Inne of right good lodging
For all estates that thither were comming
It chaunced this widow as it is supposed
In her sporte and merily disposed
After her death for a remembrance
Thought to haue some matter of pastance
For people to laughe at in such company
As are disposed for to talke merily
Mingled with many proper scoffes & boords
Of sundry sauntes, with some mery wordes
The which I haue heard at many seasons
Full of pastime with prety reasons
For yf any did a thing ouerthwart
They saide euer ye shall haue a fart
Of Iyll of Brantford for your paine
The which laying oft troubled my brayne
For I neuer knew what the matter was
Nor could the meaning bring to passe
Till at the last vpon a day
I met on Iohn hardlesay
A mery felow in ech company
Which said Copland thou lookest dry
The truthe quod I is as ye say
For I drank not of al this day
And of a short tale to make an end
to the red lyon at the shambles end
We went for to drink good ale
and as he was telling his tale
I offered him for to drink first
Copland quoth he art thou a thirst
And biddeth me afore the to drink
to my iudgement I do think
Of Iyll of Brentforde worthy thou art
by her bequest to haue a fart
And truly now is come to my mynde
not long ago how I did finde
An olde scrow all ragged and rent
beseming it is some mery entent
As diuers say that do it reed
but gallant toyes ther semes indeed
It is Antick, broken/and so raced
that all the cheef is clene defaced
Take it and I pray the hartely
looke theron and if thou espy
That it be of any substance
of mirth or of honest pastaunce
And where thou spiest that it dooth want
or where for lack the matter is scant
Put to it as is according
to the matter in euery thing
Keep it with thee, and take sum payne
the poore mare shall haue his man again
Nigh to a place that called is Syon
Ther dwelt a widow of a holy sort
Honest in substance & full of sport
Daily she could with pastime and Iests
Among her neighbours and her guests
She kept an Inne of right good lodging
For all estates that thither were comming
It chaunced this widow as it is supposed
In her sporte and merily disposed
After her death for a remembrance
Thought to haue some matter of pastance
For people to laughe at in such company
As are disposed for to talke merily
Mingled with many proper scoffes & boords
Of sundry sauntes, with some mery wordes
The which I haue heard at many seasons
Full of pastime with prety reasons
For yf any did a thing ouerthwart
They saide euer ye shall haue a fart
Of Iyll of Brantford for your paine
The which laying oft troubled my brayne
For I neuer knew what the matter was
Nor could the meaning bring to passe
Till at the last vpon a day
I met on Iohn hardlesay
A mery felow in ech company
Which said Copland thou lookest dry
The truthe quod I is as ye say
For I drank not of al this day
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to the red lyon at the shambles end
We went for to drink good ale
and as he was telling his tale
I offered him for to drink first
Copland quoth he art thou a thirst
And biddeth me afore the to drink
to my iudgement I do think
Of Iyll of Brentforde worthy thou art
by her bequest to haue a fart
And truly now is come to my mynde
not long ago how I did finde
An olde scrow all ragged and rent
beseming it is some mery entent
As diuers say that do it reed
but gallant toyes ther semes indeed
It is Antick, broken/and so raced
that all the cheef is clene defaced
Take it and I pray the hartely
looke theron and if thou espy
That it be of any substance
of mirth or of honest pastaunce
And where thou spiest that it dooth want
or where for lack the matter is scant
Put to it as is according
to the matter in euery thing
Keep it with thee, and take sum payne
the poore mare shall haue his man again
Whan I came home, at leisure
My hart not parfitly at pleasure
For the losse of a certain freend
As God knowes few be to finde
For recreation I it toke
to pas the time theron to loke
And of troth oft in the reding
it did stir me to fall on smiling
Considering the prety pastime
and rydicle order of the rime
The couert termes, vnder a mery sence
shewing of many the blinde insolence
Taunting of things past and to come
where as my self was hit with some
And for that cause I did intend
after this manner to haue it pend
Praying all them that mery be
if it touch them not to blame me
My hart not parfitly at pleasure
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As God knowes few be to finde
For recreation I it toke
to pas the time theron to loke
And of troth oft in the reding
it did stir me to fall on smiling
Considering the prety pastime
and rydicle order of the rime
The couert termes, vnder a mery sence
shewing of many the blinde insolence
Taunting of things past and to come
where as my self was hit with some
And for that cause I did intend
after this manner to haue it pend
Praying all them that mery be
if it touch them not to blame me
An end of the prologue.
Heere foloweth the preface and Testament of mistres Iyllyen of Braintford
This
mery widow mastres Iyllian
On a day dysposed ioyfully
By any way that I presuppose can
Ordeyned a little banket of deinty
At the which to bere her company
For certaine of her neighbours she sent
and for her Curat to be there present
On a day dysposed ioyfully
By any way that I presuppose can
Ordeyned a little banket of deinty
At the which to bere her company
For certaine of her neighbours she sent
and for her Curat to be there present
Praying him for to bring paper and ynke
To write somwhat after her entent
She made him cheere of her meat and drink
That doon she said, this is mine intent
That you as now shall write my testament
For I doo feel that age dooth me oppresse
Good is to haue all thing in redinesse
To write somwhat after her entent
She made him cheere of her meat and drink
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That you as now shall write my testament
For I doo feel that age dooth me oppresse
Good is to haue all thing in redinesse
My neighbours here shall be with you record
how I am penitent at this making
And whole of minde now thanks to our Lord
how be it I haue oft a shrewd shaking
Ye shalbe pleased for your pain taking
yea maistres quod he I am your curate
I am bound to serue you erly and late
how I am penitent at this making
And whole of minde now thanks to our Lord
how be it I haue oft a shrewd shaking
Ye shalbe pleased for your pain taking
yea maistres quod he I am your curate
I am bound to serue you erly and late
Wel than quod she, In dei nomine Amen
My soule I bequeth to our Lord almight
He hath it made, it is his owne then
he hath it bought, it is his be right
In heauen to be in the eternall light
and to the earth I bequethe my body
It is his owne I can it not deny
My soule I bequeth to our Lord almight
He hath it made, it is his owne then
he hath it bought, it is his be right
In heauen to be in the eternall light
and to the earth I bequethe my body
It is his owne I can it not deny
My sinnes all I commit to the Deuil
let him take them with him to hell
For he was the causer of all mine euill
My goodes to the world yf I doo wel
For they be his I can it not expell
heere I found them, heere they must remain
Saue fame & name/I leaue nothing certain
let him take them with him to hell
For he was the causer of all mine euill
My goodes to the world yf I doo wel
For they be his I can it not expell
heere I found them, heere they must remain
Saue fame & name/I leaue nothing certain
Now vnto my freends, reason is I should
haue a singuler aspect by nature
I giue vnto them all that they holde
Asmuch as I doo to any creature
if they get ought then are they sure
After my death yf they do for me
I bequethe to them of my charitie
haue a singuler aspect by nature
I giue vnto them all that they holde
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if they get ought then are they sure
After my death yf they do for me
I bequethe to them of my charitie
But now good sir I pray you for to take
This cup of ale and drink ones for Gods sake
For I am disposed to ordain a dole
to all manner people thorow a hole
For I would not haue to ouer much prease
Lest that with throng my almes should cease
This cup of ale and drink ones for Gods sake
For I am disposed to ordain a dole
to all manner people thorow a hole
For I would not haue to ouer much prease
Lest that with throng my almes should cease
Now ye haue drunk ones good ghostly father
I trust for to make an end the rather
I trust for to make an end the rather
And write as I doo bid you hardly
I bequethe a fart to him that is angry
with his freend, and wots not why
I bequethe a fart to him that is angry
with his freend, and wots not why
To him that selleth all his herytage
And all his life liueth in seruage
I bequethe a fart, for him in his age
And all his life liueth in seruage
I bequethe a fart, for him in his age
He that sets by no man, nor none by him
And to promotion fain would clim
I bequethe a fart, for to make him trim.
And to promotion fain would clim
I bequethe a fart, for to make him trim.
He that wil not lerne, and can doo nothing
And with lewd folk, is euer conuersing
I bequethe a fart, toward his liuing
And with lewd folk, is euer conuersing
I bequethe a fart, toward his liuing
He that boroweth, without aduantage
And euermore renueth in arrerage.
I bequeath a fart for to lye to gage
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I bequeath a fart for to lye to gage
He that giueth, and keepeth nought at all
And by kindenes to pouertie dooth fall
Shall haue a fart to help him with all
And by kindenes to pouertie dooth fall
Shall haue a fart to help him with all
He that is euer wayward at hart
And with euery man is ouerthwart
For to please him I bequethe a fart
And with euery man is ouerthwart
For to please him I bequethe a fart
He that hath drink in his hand and is dry
Bidding him drink first that standeth him by
I bequethe a fart his thirst to satisfy
Bidding him drink first that standeth him by
I bequethe a fart his thirst to satisfy
He that hath a faire wench in bed all night
And kisseth her not onse or it be day light
Shall haue a fart to clense his eye sight
And kisseth her not onse or it be day light
Shall haue a fart to clense his eye sight
He that lendeth a horse with all things meet
and on his own voyage goeth on his feet
Shall haue a fart to keep him fro weet
and on his own voyage goeth on his feet
Shall haue a fart to keep him fro weet
He that suffereth all maner of offence
and loseth his goods through neglygence
Shall haue a fart for a recompence
and loseth his goods through neglygence
Shall haue a fart for a recompence
He that taketh a wife and hath nothing
and boroweth althing to them belonging
I wil a fart toward their offering
and boroweth althing to them belonging
I wil a fart toward their offering
He that prepareth not for his housholde
Against winter, and him self is olde
Shall haue a fart, to keep him from colde
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Shall haue a fart, to keep him from colde
He that goeth to a feast, to sup or to dine
and hath no knife wt him, neither course nor fie
Shall haue a fart, for to drink wt his wine
and hath no knife wt him, neither course nor fie
Shall haue a fart, for to drink wt his wine
He ye boroweth so much, til none wil lend him
and swereth so much/til none wil beleeue him
Shall haue a fart/for to releeue him
and swereth so much/til none wil beleeue him
Shall haue a fart/for to releeue him
He that mourneth for that, he cannot haue
and vnpossible to get, that he dooth craue
Shall haue a fart/as a foolish knaue
and vnpossible to get, that he dooth craue
Shall haue a fart/as a foolish knaue
He that dooth nothing, but shaue and poll
and taketh no thought/to saue his soll
Shall haue a fart, his passing bel to toll.
and taketh no thought/to saue his soll
Shall haue a fart, his passing bel to toll.
A Prentice, or seruant that wil not obay
and wil not lerne, but oft run away
a fart for his freedome, I doo puruay.
and wil not lerne, but oft run away
a fart for his freedome, I doo puruay.
He that suffereth his wife to do her lust
and seeth that to folly she is ful trust
Shall haue a fart, though I should burst.
and seeth that to folly she is ful trust
Shall haue a fart, though I should burst.
A widdowe that once, hath been in the brake
and careth not whome that she dooth take
Shall haue a fart, though mine ars ake
and careth not whome that she dooth take
Shall haue a fart, though mine ars ake
A maid that marrieth, not caring whome
And dooth repent whan she commeth home
Shall haue a fart to by her a come
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Shall haue a fart to by her a come
He that dooth drink euermore
and wil not shift to pay therfore
Shall haue a fart for to set on his score
and wil not shift to pay therfore
Shall haue a fart for to set on his score
He that goeth to a fray at the beginning
and to a good meale at the latter ending
Shall haue a fart for his good attending
and to a good meale at the latter ending
Shall haue a fart for his good attending
He that goeth oft where he is not welcome
And to his freends house goeth but seldome
Shall haue a fart for his good wisdome
Maistres IyllAnd to his freends house goeth but seldome
Shall haue a fart for his good wisdome
Now holde your hand make a stay there
How many farts haue I bequest heere
For by my trothe I am almoste wery
The Curat.
For sooth maistres/heere is foure and twenty
Maistres Iyll
Nay set in one mo to make a hole quarteron
Curat
Tel me what, and it shall be doon anon
Maistres Iyll
Mary he that dooth his wepon lend
And hath nothing him self to defend
Shall haue a fart, and there an end
These I doo bequethe in especiall
But as for all the other in generall
that are without number shall not be swarued
But delt to all such as haue them deserued
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For I feel me sudenly euil at ease
It is a stich, rumbling in my side
which dooth greeue me at many a tide
I must rest me til the pang be gone
For other medisin knowe I none
It commeth in manner of a winde
That causeth my bely for to grinde
I feare it wil turn to a strangury
to an vndom, or to a timpany
With qualmes & stitches it dooth me torment
that all my body is torne and rent
I haue a little box ful of diaculum
I dare not for nigardship take sum
I wisse I am vnwise so for to spare it
For I should take therof a sore the fit
The Curat.
With that she groned as panged with pain
griping her bely with her hands twain
And lift vp her buttok somwhat a wry
and like a handgun, she let a fart fly
Maistres Iyll.
Ah sira, mary a way the mare
the deuil giue thee sorow and care
For thou hadst me almoste slain
I pray God thou come neuer again
The Curat.
With that sum laughed/and sum did frown
and for shame held their heads down
Mistres Iyll
Be mery neighbours, much good doo it you
I thank God, I am wel eased now
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I wist wel that it would not long last
I pray you all for to be mery
I giue it among this company
For to make you some cheer with all
For I tel you mine executors shall
Neuer haue all, by God I swere
I wil deale while I am here
Now and than, where as I list
By Christe I tell you, I haue a chest
Ful that shall be open while I liue
Secretly and openly for to giue
I shall haue inough/I wil not them spare
As wel for other, as mine owne welfare,
Whan I am dead they that come after me
Shall dele the rest, at their necessitie
Therfore as now, this is sufficient
As concerning this said Testament
To subscribe your names it shall not skil
For I make it but a copy of a wil
As touching the choyce of mine executours
Of my funeralles/and surueiours
And other trifles ye shall not take the paines
Another time whan it comes in my braines
It shall be ordered after such a sort
That some shall not take it as a sporte
But neighbours I pray you be not angry
Because that I am to bolde and homly
To keep you heere at my foolish reason
Some wil think my wittes be geson
But yet I tell you that all this season
We haue neither said heresy nor treason
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I wis it is but a bequest of farts
Willed to them that with out aduisement
Doo that thing where they repent
Therfore I wil you no longer trouble
what maid, come hither I shrew your neck
Bring vs vp shortly a quart of Seck
a cuple of Bunnes and set vs some cheese
Lo freends, ye shall not all your labour leese
I haue as now no better theer to make you
Be mery and welcome, to God I betake you
Finis.
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The auctor
When ye company was all passed & gonAnd ye curate with maistris Iil alone
maistres quoth he, if it be your plesance
ye know it is ye custome & ordinance
Of them that write a deed, indenture or Bil
That it is of right, reson and skil
Some recompence of labour for to haue
Giue what ye lust, for I wil not craue
By our Lady quod she, that is but wel said
what Iohan Howe/come hither maid
Go call the company again to me
For I haue to say/two woords or three
Whan they came, she said neighbours I pray
you beare record what I doo say
I sent for you/for a certain purpose
which a fore you. I did disclose
The trueth is so, after the same rate
I did send also for maister Curat
To write the same my simple Testament
Now indeed, as is conuenient
He dooth aske for his labour therfore
indeed, because he made no bargain before
And dooth put it to my conscience
Truely this shall he haue for a recompence
And because a fore hand he knew not my minde
he shall not finde me to him vnkinde
A fart and a half/I wil giue him no les
nor no more this is of my gentlenes
For he ye woorketh vnknowing what to haue
Not half a fart is woorthy for to craue
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why quod the preest, get I nothing els
Than to the deuil, I giue whole fart half & all
nay take it thy self, foolish sir hoball
Sir Iohn whipdok, sir Iak whipstock
Sir Iohn smelsmock, as wise as a woodcok
A hedge Curat, with asmuch wit as a Calf
To sit so long for a fart and a half
But to prooue your braines to be thinner
Or euer ye go/pay for your dinner
This she railed as her manner was to iest
and so without farwel lost her dayly gest
Finis.
Thus endeth Iyll of Brainfords testament containing xxvi. farts and a half.
An exhortation.
My maisters I pray you all that shall reed
Or heare this little prety fantasy
Passing foorth meryly in it to proceed
The manner how for to dele moste egally
This half fart, truely for to try
That the Curat, for his parte be not denyed
Of the fart and the half, and let the rest ly
and who shall haue ye half amōg you to be tried
Or heare this little prety fantasy
Passing foorth meryly in it to proceed
The manner how for to dele moste egally
This half fart, truely for to try
That the Curat, for his parte be not denyed
Of the fart and the half, and let the rest ly
and who shall haue ye half amōg you to be tried
In this matter if you doo agree
Who shall haue this half fart, say ye?
Who shall haue this half fart, say ye?
| Iyl of braintfords Testament | |