University of Virginia Library

A Courtezans Humour.

I am a Profest a Courtezan,
That liue by peoples sinne:
With halfe a dozen Punkes I keepe,
I haue great comming in.
Such store of Traders haunt my house
To find a lusty Wench,
That twenty gallants in a weeke
Do entertaine the French;
Your Courtier, and your Cittizen,
Your very rustique Clowne,
Will spend an Angell on the poxe,
Euen ready Mony downe.
I striue to liue most Lady-like,
And scorne those foolish Queanes,
That do not rattle in their Silkes,
and yet haue able meanes.
I haue my Coach, as if I were
A Countesse, I protest
I haue my dainty musicke playes
When I would take my rest.
I haue my Seruing-men that waite
Vpon me in blew Coates,
I haue my Oares that attend
My pleasure with their Boats.
I haue my Champions that will fight,
My Louers that doe fawne,
I haue my Hat, my Hood, my Maske,
My Fan, my Cobweb Lawne:
To giue my Gloue vnto a Gull,
Is mighty fauour found:
When for the wearing of the same,
It costs him twenty pound.
My Garter as a gratious thing,
Another takes away:
And for the same a silken gowne
The Prodigall doth pay.
Then comes an Asse, and he forsooth
Is in such longing heate,
My buske point euen on his knees,
With teares he doth entreat.
I grant it, to reioyce the man,
And then request a thing;
Which is both Gold and pretious stone,
The Wood-cockes Diamond Ring.
Another lowly minded youth,
Forsooth my shooe-string craues,
And that he putteth through his eare,
Calling the rest base slaues.
Thus fit I Fooles in humours still,
That come to me for game,
I punish them for Venery,
Leauing their purses lame.
In New-gate some take lodgings vp,
Till they to Tiburne ride,
And others walke to Wood-street,
With a Sargeant by their side.
Some go to Houns-ditch with their cloaths
To pawne for Mony lending:
And some I send to Surgeons shops,
Because they lacke some mending.
Others passe ragged vp and downe;
All totter'd, rent, and torne,
But being in thāt scuruy case,
Their companies I scorne.
For if they come and fawne on me,
Ther's nothing to be got;
As soone as ere my Merchants breake,
I sweare, I know them not.
No entertainement, nor a looke
That they shall get of me?
If once I do begin perceiue,
That out of cash they be:
All kindnesses that I professe,
The fayrest shewes I make,
Is loue to all that come to me
For Gold and Siluers sake.
To forward men, I forward am,
Most franke vnto the free;
But such as take their ware on trust,
Are not to deale with me.
The world is hard, all things are deere:
Good-fellowship decayes,
And euery one seekes profit now,
In these same hungry dayes.
Although my trade in secret be
Vnlawfull to be knowne,
Yet I will make the best I can,
Of that which is mine owne.
For seeing I do venture faire,
At price of whipping cheere,
I haue no reason but to make
My Customers pay deere:
Our charge beside is very great
To keepe vs fine and braue,
A Whoore that goes not gallantly,
Shal little doings haue.
Therefore all things consider'd well
Our charges and our danger;
A dayly fryend shall pay as much
As any Tearme-time stranger.