Poetry of the Farm and Rural Life :: :: University of Virginia Library

You've heard 'em tell of “walks in life”?
Well, I have heard 'em too;
But the greatest walk I ever had
I guess I'll tell to you;
About it you may wish to hear,
Because it's awful true.

Never had been an extensive traveller.

I went the city once to see,
I'd heard so much about
(A dozen miles from home before
I never had been out);
I wore a suit of new sheep's gray,
And cow-hides thick and stout.

How he happened to go.

You see, that year my dad and I
Rais'd “notions” more 'n a plenty,
And he had promised me a share,
'Cause I was one-and-twenty;
So he to market with a load
Out to North River sent me.

How he got to town.

I hitch'd old Dobbin to a post,
Nigh where I'd stopped to trade,
And went aboard a steamboat there
To see how it was made.
First thing I knew, we were half-way
To York, the captain said.

Determines to “go it.”

I felt a little down at first,
Till we the town could spy;
My pockets, tho', were full of rocks
That I'd been laying by;
Methought, since most young fellows “train,”
So now for once will I.

Sagely exposes a lie.

Up what they called Broadway I walked;—
(A fellow told me 'twas.
But I have reason now to think
He lied to me, because
It wasn't wider than the lane
That leads to miller Shaw's.)

Buys a gold watch.

About the third man that I met
A gold watch offered me;
It was a splendid looking thing
As ever I did see;
I gave him for't my silver watch,
And dollars thirty-three.

Finds that all is not gold that shines.

I felt, as you may well suppose,
Elated with my trade,
Till afterwards a jeweller
A little reck'ning made,
And called a bushel of them worth
Less money than I paid.

Acts very discreetly.

A crowd was rushing up and down,
Some meetings sure were nigh;
And so I thought I'd wait until
The “heft” of them got by;
And thro' a window look at prints
That just then struck my eye.

But don't accomplish his object.

stood the pictures viewing there
For half an hour or more,
But faith! the crowd was just as great,
Or greater than before;
And some that pushed and jostled me,
About a greenhorn swore.

Makes an alarming discovery.

Well, on I went; but soon perceived
My coat behind felt queer,
And on examination found
'Twas cut off, “slick and clear!”
Thinks I, am I a-dreaming now,
Or what means all this 'ere?

Sundry valuables missing.

You see, my pocket-book was gone,
And “bran'-new” handkerchief,
And half a card of gingerbread,
And all, 'tis my belief,—
For now I've reason so to think,—
Were taken by a thief.

Meets with a slight disaster.

Thinks I, I'll cross to t'other side,
The coast there looks more clear;
A carriage struck my pantaloons,
And tore them in the rear;
I said that half the road was mine,—
The driver didn't hear.

Is accosted by an unknown fair.

Well, soon I met a lady fine,—
She must have been a belle,—
She smiled, and spoke to me, and seemed
To know me very well;
But who she was I couldn't think,
And now I cannot tell.

Feels flattered and puts his best foot foremost.

She asked me if my friends were well,
And seemed to pity me;
Invited me to walk with her,
And stop with her to tea;
You may believe I honored felt,
And tried polite to be.

Is suddenly taken from “the evil to come.”

I first apologized to her
For all my damaged plight,
And for her invitations kind
Thanked her with bows polite;
But scraping back a step or two,
I vanished from her sight.

Mysterious disappearance. Oblivion; and serious quotation.

For through a scuttle in the walk
I fell like so much lead;
And for a little season then
The light of reason fled;
But when my sense returned I spoke
These lines of Watts I'd read:—
“Down to the regions of the dead,
With endless curses on his head.”

Is unjustly accused.

But while attempting to escape,
A servant came for coal,
Who gave an outcry and alarm,
To find me in the hole;
Then people came and took me out,
And asked me what I stole.

An eventful night.

That night they locked me in a cell,
With scamps of every grade;
I “hollered” murder half the night,
The other half I prayed.
I've reason now to think my hair
That night turned gray a shade.

Thinks the judge piously disposed.

At morn they took me 'fore a judge—
A righteous judge was he!—
He heard my story with a smile,
And straightway set me free;
And made a pious speech about
Uncommon verdancy.

Exit, and home reception.

The next walk that I took was just
To walk straight to the boat,
And for a passage pawned my boots
And remnant of my coat.
When I got home my father said
He'd swap me for a shoat.