 | The Breitmann Ballads |  |
238
Italy.
BREITMANN IN ROME.
Dere's lighds oopon de Appian,
Dey shine de road entlang;
Und from ein hundert tombs dere brumms
A wild Lateinisch song;
It rings from Nero's goldnen haus;
Evoe!—here he coom!
Fly oud, ye mœnads, from your craves!—
Hans Breitmann's got to Rome!
Dey shine de road entlang;
Und from ein hundert tombs dere brumms
A wild Lateinisch song;
It rings from Nero's goldnen haus;
Evoe!—here he coom!
Fly oud, ye mœnads, from your craves!—
Hans Breitmann's got to Rome!
For vhile de lamp holts oud to purn,
Or von goot shpark ish dere,
Dere's hope for all of dem whose lives
Ish doun in Lemprière.
Von real, shenuine heathen
Is coom at last to home;
Ye shleepin gotts, lift oop your hets—
Hans Breitmann lifes in Rome!
Or von goot shpark ish dere,
Dere's hope for all of dem whose lives
Ish doun in Lemprière.
Von real, shenuine heathen
Is coom at last to home;
Ye shleepin gotts, lift oop your hets—
Hans Breitmann lifes in Rome!
Silenus mit der Hercules,
Dere-to der Maia's sohn,
Ish all unite in Breitmann
To make a stunnin one.
Frau Venus mit de Bacchanals
Ist shmile to see him come;
De Vesta only toorn her pack
Vhen Breitmann kit to Rome.
Dere-to der Maia's sohn,
Ish all unite in Breitmann
To make a stunnin one.
239
Ist shmile to see him come;
De Vesta only toorn her pack
Vhen Breitmann kit to Rome.
He vented to de Vacuum,
Vhere de Bope ish keep his bulls;
Boot couldn't vind dem, dough he heardt
Dat all de blace vas fools.
Dere ish here and dere some ochsen,
Right manivest I see;
Boot de bools all comes from Irish priests,
Said Breitemann, said he.
Vhere de Bope ish keep his bulls;
Boot couldn't vind dem, dough he heardt
Dat all de blace vas fools.
Dere ish here and dere some ochsen,
Right manivest I see;
Boot de bools all comes from Irish priests,
Said Breitemann, said he.
Und goin' py de Vacuum,
Und passin' troo de yard;
Mein Gott! how vas he stoomple, vhen
He see de Schweitzer guard,
Mit efery kinds of colors tresst,
Like shtreamers in de van.
“Hans Wurst ist stets ein Deutscher g'west,”
Das marked der Breitemann.
Und passin' troo de yard;
Mein Gott! how vas he stoomple, vhen
He see de Schweitzer guard,
Mit efery kinds of colors tresst,
Like shtreamers in de van.
“Hans Wurst ist stets ein Deutscher g'west,”
Das marked der Breitemann.
Und dus replied an guartsmann:—
“I shoys to see you here:
Ich bin dem Bapst sei Laibgaertner.
Dazu a halberthier.
Dis purpur kleid of yellow-plue
Vas made, ash I hafe heard,
Py von Hans Michel Angelo,
Der tailor of our guard.
“I shoys to see you here:
Ich bin dem Bapst sei Laibgaertner.
Dazu a halberthier.
Dis purpur kleid of yellow-plue
Vas made, ash I hafe heard,
Py von Hans Michel Angelo,
Der tailor of our guard.
“Ve're shoost von hoondert dirty strong,
Ve list for twenty year;
De serfice ist not pad, boot dis—
Verdamm das Römisch bier!
For ven mit birra gazzosa
A maiden fills my glass,
She might ash vell gife gift ash say—
‘Feinslieb, ich schenk dir dass!’”
Ve list for twenty year;
De serfice ist not pad, boot dis—
Verdamm das Römisch bier!
240
A maiden fills my glass,
She might ash vell gife gift ash say—
‘Feinslieb, ich schenk dir dass!’”
Und dus rebly der Breitmann:—
“Un Tedesco Italianazato,
Ein Deutscher toorned Italian, ish
Il diavolo in carnato.
Your clothes are like infernal flames,
Dey burn my fery soul;
Boot to-night we'll trink togedder—nun
Lieb' landsmann lebe wohl!”
“Un Tedesco Italianazato,
Ein Deutscher toorned Italian, ish
Il diavolo in carnato.
Your clothes are like infernal flames,
Dey burn my fery soul;
Boot to-night we'll trink togedder—nun
Lieb' landsmann lebe wohl!”
At de Sherman artisds' festa,
Vhere all vas pright und fair,
'Tvas fairer und more prighterfull
Vhen Breitmann enter dere.
Und der vaiters in de Greco
(So long he trinked und sot)
Vas called him L'Ubbriacone—
'Tvas de name der Breitmann got.
Vhere all vas pright und fair,
'Tvas fairer und more prighterfull
Vhen Breitmann enter dere.
Und der vaiters in de Greco
(So long he trinked und sot)
Vas called him L'Ubbriacone—
'Tvas de name der Breitmann got.
He saw a veller in de shtreet,
Vot sell some friction-matches;
De kind dey call Infallible,
For dey blazes ven you scratches.
Dey dragged him off to brison,
Und tied him mit a rope;
For in Rome dere's nix Infallible,
Dey said, excebt de Bope.
Vot sell some friction-matches;
De kind dey call Infallible,
For dey blazes ven you scratches.
Dey dragged him off to brison,
Und tied him mit a rope;
For in Rome dere's nix Infallible,
Dey said, excebt de Bope.
Hans see de crate Prometheus,
In Corsini's gallery hang;
He tought apout de matches,
Und it made his heart go bang.
It's risk to carry light apout,
Too cheap for efery man;
How de Lucifers is fallen!
Ita dixit Breitemann.
In Corsini's gallery hang;
He tought apout de matches,
Und it made his heart go bang.
241
Too cheap for efery man;
How de Lucifers is fallen!
Ita dixit Breitemann.
He got among de Bope's Zouaves,
Dey trinked from morn to night;
Den frolicked colle belle
Ontil de shky crew pright.
It blease der Breitmann vonderfool,
And dus he often say:
“Zouaviter in modo ish
Der real Roman way.”
Dey trinked from morn to night;
Den frolicked colle belle
Ontil de shky crew pright.
It blease der Breitmann vonderfool,
And dus he often say:
“Zouaviter in modo ish
Der real Roman way.”
Boot oh, his heart burned vild mit fire,
His eyes gefilled mit tears,
At de gotts in efery bilder saal,
Mit goats' legs, tails, und ears.
Und he sopped—“Ach liebes Deutschland,
Bist here on every hand?
Was machst du Mephistophelés
So weit im Wälschen Land?”
His eyes gefilled mit tears,
At de gotts in efery bilder saal,
Mit goats' legs, tails, und ears.
Und he sopped—“Ach liebes Deutschland,
Bist here on every hand?
Was machst du Mephistophelés
So weit im Wälschen Land?”
Boot de wood-nymphs boorst out laughin,
Der Garten-gott dere to,
Und sait—“Oldt Hans! vile you're apout
Ve nefer can look blue.”
Den Pan blay on his Syrinx,
To de tune of Mary Blane,
“Don't gry pecause ve're out of town,
Ve're coming pack again.
Der Garten-gott dere to,
Und sait—“Oldt Hans! vile you're apout
Ve nefer can look blue.”
Den Pan blay on his Syrinx,
To de tune of Mary Blane,
“Don't gry pecause ve're out of town,
Ve're coming pack again.
242
“Von day you got de yolk und vhite,
De next day only shells;
Von day dey holts a council,
Und de next day—‘someding else!’
Id's bopes und kings, und gotts and dings,
Oopon dis eartly ball;
Boot for me id's all von frolic,
Und a high oldt carnival!
De next day only shells;
Von day dey holts a council,
Und de next day—‘someding else!’
Id's bopes und kings, und gotts and dings,
Oopon dis eartly ball;
Boot for me id's all von frolic,
Und a high oldt carnival!
“Rise oop, dou Odin-trafeler,
Und toorn dee to de Nort,
Wherefrom, as Bible dells dee,
Crate efil shall come fort.
Dere is mutterins in Ravenna,
Und ere long dere'll come a turn,
A real hell-bender from de land
Of Dieterich von Bern.
Und toorn dee to de Nort,
Wherefrom, as Bible dells dee,
Crate efil shall come fort.
Dere is mutterins in Ravenna,
Und ere long dere'll come a turn,
A real hell-bender from de land
Of Dieterich von Bern.
“Und ven der Breitmann's prototype,
Der Fictoor Manuel,
Cooms tromplin, tromplin troo de fern,
To give dis coontry hell.
Und ven in La Comarca,
Der is shtorm in all de air,
Dy Gotts vill gife dee vork, mein Sohn,
Hans Breitmann shall be dere!”
Der Fictoor Manuel,
Cooms tromplin, tromplin troo de fern,
To give dis coontry hell.
Und ven in La Comarca,
Der is shtorm in all de air,
Dy Gotts vill gife dee vork, mein Sohn,
Hans Breitmann shall be dere!”
For a yar will nod be ofer
Pefore de Fräntsch will run,
Und de game at last be ented,
Und Italy pe won.
Und denn in roarin battle,
For hishtory so grand,
Dy banner'll lead de Uhlan spears,
All in de Frankenland.
Pefore de Fräntsch will run,
Und de game at last be ented,
Und Italy pe won.
Und denn in roarin battle,
For hishtory so grand,
243
All in de Frankenland.
“Lucifers.” The first name applied in America to friction matches, and one still used by many people.
Nota bene.—Dis boem was all written in 1869, pefore de wars; und all de dings prophezeit in it coomed to bass. Herein der Herr Breitmann abbears ash a Seher or Prophet so crate as de cratest ash nefer vas. Der crate ardist, Mishter W. W. Story, for whom dis lied vas written, can proof all dis.
Fritz Schwackenhammer. [Redaktör.]244
LA SCALA SANTA.
“Robusti sono i fatti.”
—Discorso del Terremoto, del S. Alessandro Sardo. Venetia, A. D. 1586.
—Discorso del Terremoto, del S. Alessandro Sardo. Venetia, A. D. 1586.
In San Gianni Lateran,
Dey've cot a flight of shdairs,
More woonderful ash nefer vas,
As Latin pooks declares.
For you kits your sins forgifen,
If you glimes dem knee py knee;
It's such a gitten up a stairs,
I nefer yet did see.
Dey've cot a flight of shdairs,
More woonderful ash nefer vas,
As Latin pooks declares.
For you kits your sins forgifen,
If you glimes dem knee py knee;
It's such a gitten up a stairs,
I nefer yet did see.
Now as Breitmann vas a vaitin
Among some demi reps,
Ascensionem expectans,
To see dem glime de steps,
Dere came a sinful scoffer,
Who his mind had firmly set
To go dem holy sdairs afoot,
Und do it on a bet!
Among some demi reps,
Ascensionem expectans,
To see dem glime de steps,
Dere came a sinful scoffer,
Who his mind had firmly set
To go dem holy sdairs afoot,
Und do it on a bet!
Boot shoost as he vas startet,
To make dis sassy go,
Der Breitmann caught him py de neck,
Und tripped him off his toe!
Und den dere come de skience,
A la prenez gardez vous;
For he bung his eye and bust his shell,
Und shplit his noshe in dwo.
To make dis sassy go,
Der Breitmann caught him py de neck,
Und tripped him off his toe!
245
A la prenez gardez vous;
For he bung his eye and bust his shell,
Und shplit his noshe in dwo.
De briests vere so astonish,
To see him lam de man,
Dat dey shvore a holy miracle
Vas vork by Breitemann.
Says Breitmann, “I'm a heretic,
But dis you may pe bound,
No chap shall mock relishious dings
Vhile I'm a bummin round.
To see him lam de man,
Dat dey shvore a holy miracle
Vas vork by Breitemann.
Says Breitmann, “I'm a heretic,
But dis you may pe bound,
No chap shall mock relishious dings
Vhile I'm a bummin round.
“Und you owes me really noding,
For as I'll plainly show,
At last I've found out someding
Vot I alfays vant to know.
Und now dat I have found it,
In de newspapers I'll brag:
Evviva! Ho trovato,
Vot means a Scala-Wag.”
For as I'll plainly show,
At last I've found out someding
Vot I alfays vant to know.
Und now dat I have found it,
In de newspapers I'll brag:
Evviva! Ho trovato,
Vot means a Scala-Wag.”
246
BREITMANN INTERVIEWS THE POPE.
“Altri beva il Falerno, altri la Tolfa.
[OMITTED]
Toscana re, dite
Pria ch'io parli dite.”
—Bacco in Toscano, di Francesco Redi.
[OMITTED]
Toscana re, dite
Pria ch'io parli dite.”
—Bacco in Toscano, di Francesco Redi.
“Si regressum feci metro
Retro ante, ante retro—
Quid si graves sunt acuti?
Si accentus fiant muti?
Quid si placide, plene, plane
Fregi frontem Prisciani?—
Sat est Verbum declinavi
Titubo-titubas-titubavi.”
—Barnabæ Itinerarium. London, 1716.
Retro ante, ante retro—
Quid si graves sunt acuti?
Si accentus fiant muti?
Quid si placide, plene, plane
Fregi frontem Prisciani?—
Sat est Verbum declinavi
Titubo-titubas-titubavi.”
—Barnabæ Itinerarium. London, 1716.
Von efenin ash der Breitmann vent from his weinhaus vinkin,
So peepy mit Falernian vitch he vas starkly trinkin,
He found his hut and goat was gone,—dey'd dook em oud for dryin,—
Und in deir blace a priester hut und priester mantel lyin.
So peepy mit Falernian vitch he vas starkly trinkin,
He found his hut and goat was gone,—dey'd dook em oud for dryin,—
Und in deir blace a priester hut und priester mantel lyin.
Der Breitmann poot de triangel oopon his het, and whistled,
Den rop de cloak around his form, and down de Corso mizzled.
De beoples gazed mit staunischment as bey dem he go vheelin,
He look ganz oltra tramontane, so twisty vas his reelin.
Den rop de cloak around his form, and down de Corso mizzled.
247
He look ganz oltra tramontane, so twisty vas his reelin.
Next tay in Vaticano, while he shtared at frescoes o'er him,
Hans toorned und mit amazemend saw der Pabst vas shoost pefore him!
Down on his knees der Breitmann vent—for so de law it teaches;
He proke two holes in de bavement—und likevise shblit his preeches.
Hans toorned und mit amazemend saw der Pabst vas shoost pefore him!
Down on his knees der Breitmann vent—for so de law it teaches;
He proke two holes in de bavement—und likevise shblit his preeches.
“Ego video,” says de Bope—“tu es antistes ex Almania,
Est una mala gente et corrupta con insania,
Un fons hereticorum et malorum tut terribile,
Perche non vultis che ego—il Papa—sei infallibile.”
Est una mala gente et corrupta con insania,
Un fons hereticorum et malorum tut terribile,
Perche non vultis che ego—il Papa—sei infallibile.”
“Sit verbo venia,” said Hans, “permitte, Sancte Pater,
Num verum est ut noster rum gemixta est mit water?
In cœlis wo die götter live, non semper est sereno,
Nor de wein ash goot ash decet in each spaccio di vino.
Num verum est ut noster rum gemixta est mit water?
In cœlis wo die götter live, non semper est sereno,
Nor de wein ash goot ash decet in each spaccio di vino.
“Sunt mihi multi fratres qui si denkunt ut dicisti,
Ego kickerem illos, validê, per sanguine de Christi!
In nostro monasterio si habemus nostrum rentum
Contra infallibilità non curamus rubrum centum.
Ego kickerem illos, validê, per sanguine de Christi!
In nostro monasterio si habemus nostrum rentum
Contra infallibilità non curamus rubrum centum.
248
“Viginti nostrorum nuper convenere,
In quodam capitulo, simul et dixere;
Papa vult Concilium in Romam tenere,
Quid debemus super hoc ipsi respondere?”
In quodam capitulo, simul et dixere;
Papa vult Concilium in Romam tenere,
Quid debemus super hoc ipsi respondere?”
Et dixit noster presul, “Es ist mir omnis unus,
Si Papa est infalliblis, tanquam non sum jejunus,
Si Nonus est Pius aut Pius est Nonus—
Diabolus curat. Non accipio dieser onus.
Si Papa est infalliblis, tanquam non sum jejunus,
Si Nonus est Pius aut Pius est Nonus—
Diabolus curat. Non accipio dieser onus.
“Si possum me jacĕre circum vitrum Rhenovini
Es ist mir wurst si Papa est originis divini:
Deus se fecit olim homo, et nahm das irds'che Leben,
Et nunc Papa noster will sich selbst zum Gott erheben.
Es ist mir wurst si Papa est originis divini:
Deus se fecit olim homo, et nahm das irds'che Leben,
Et nunc Papa noster will sich selbst zum Gott erheben.
249
“Ita dixit Breitmann et sanctus Pater respondit:
Me piace semper intendere tutto cio che l'on dit,
Sed tu dic mihi la sua ragione:
Tu non homo natus es, solus mangiar maccheroni.
Me piace semper intendere tutto cio che l'on dit,
Sed tu dic mihi la sua ragione:
Tu non homo natus es, solus mangiar maccheroni.
“Tonitrus et cespes!” dixit Johanes Breitmann.
“Si veritatem cupies, tunc ego sum der right man;
Percute semper ferrum dum caldum est et malleable,
Nunc est tuum tempus te facere infallible.
“Si veritatem cupies, tunc ego sum der right man;
Percute semper ferrum dum caldum est et malleable,
Nunc est tuum tempus te facere infallible.
“In nostra America quum Præses decet abire,
Die ultimo fecit omne quod posset imaginire.
Appointet ambasciatores et post-magistros,
Consules et alios, per dextros et sinistros.
Die ultimo fecit omne quod posset imaginire.
Appointet ambasciatores et post-magistros,
Consules et alios, per dextros et sinistros.
“Quum Rex Bomba ista Neapolit—anus,
Compulsus fuit to shin it—ut dixit Africanus—
Fecit ultimo die ducos et countos, vanus.
(Inter alios M'Closkey, tuus Hibernicus chamberlanus.)
Compulsus fuit to shin it—ut dixit Africanus—
Fecit ultimo die ducos et countos, vanus.
(Inter alios M'Closkey, tuus Hibernicus chamberlanus.)
“Et quia tu es; ut credo; ultimus Poporum,
Facis bene devenire, quod dicitur High Cockalorum—
Sei magnissimus toad in the puddle, ite caput, magnamente;
Et ERITIS SICUT Deus, nemine contradicente!
Facis bene devenire, quod dicitur High Cockalorum—
Sei magnissimus toad in the puddle, ite caput, magnamente;
Et ERITIS SICUT Deus, nemine contradicente!
“Unus error solus, Sancte Pater commisisti.
Quia primus infallible non te proclamavisti,
Nam nemo audet dicere: Papa fecit quod non est bonus.
Decet semper jactare super alios probandi onus.
Quia primus infallible non te proclamavisti,
250
Decet semper jactare super alios probandi onus.
‘Conceptio Immaculata, hoc modo fixisti,
Et nemo audet dicere unum verbum, de isti:
Non vides si infallibilis es, et vultis es exdare,
Non alius sed tu solus hanc debet proclamare.”
Et nemo audet dicere unum verbum, de isti:
Non vides si infallibilis es, et vultis es exdare,
Non alius sed tu solus hanc debet proclamare.”
“Figlio mio,” dixit Papa; “Tu es homo mirablis,
Tua verba sunt mi dulcior quam ostriche cum Chablis
In tutta Roma, de Alemania gente,
Non ho visto uno con si grande mente.
Tua verba sunt mi dulcior quam ostriche cum Chablis
In tutta Roma, de Alemania gente,
Non ho visto uno con si grande mente.
“Vero benedetto es—eris benedictus,
Tibi mitterem photographiam in quo sum depictus.
Tu comprendes situatio—il punto et gravamen.
Sunt pauci clerici ut te. Nunc dico tibi.—Amen!”
Tibi mitterem photographiam in quo sum depictus.
Tu comprendes situatio—il punto et gravamen.
Sunt pauci clerici ut te. Nunc dico tibi.—Amen!”
This verse is parodied from the lines of a ribald old Latin song, “Viginti Jesuiti nuper convenêre.”
“If I could throw myself outside of, or around, a glass of Rhenish wine.” “If I could see a glass of whisky,” said an American, “I'd throw myself outside of it mighty quick.” Since writing the above, I have seen the expression thus given in a copy of La Belle Sauvage.—
Bill of the Play, London, June 27, 1870. “Nay these natives—simple creatures—Had resolved that for the future
Each his own canoe would paddle,
Each his own hoe-cake would gobble,
And get outside his own whisky.”
| The Breitmann Ballads | |