 | Modern chivalry |  |
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George III. Charon, Mercury.
When George came to the Stygian flood,
Quoth Charon in his surly mood,
Advance, and pay the ferriage due;
Which George in dudgeon took; what, you
Demand me ferriage, who scot free
May claim to navigate this sea;
Have been so good a customer,
And shipp'd you cargoes many a year;
At least a million in my time,
Of every origin and clime;
Abatement of a single copper;
But treated as an interloper;
A trespasser upon your docks,
And funds arising from your stocks.
Do you distinguish whom you have
About to enter in your nave;
And honour to your portage bring;
No common phantom, but a king?
Quoth Charon in his surly mood,
Advance, and pay the ferriage due;
Which George in dudgeon took; what, you
Demand me ferriage, who scot free
May claim to navigate this sea;
Have been so good a customer,
And shipp'd you cargoes many a year;
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Of every origin and clime;
Abatement of a single copper;
But treated as an interloper;
A trespasser upon your docks,
And funds arising from your stocks.
Do you distinguish whom you have
About to enter in your nave;
And honour to your portage bring;
No common phantom, but a king?
Quoth Mercury, and cock'd his eye,
Who, with his rod, was standing by;
This is king George the III. d'ye see,
Charon, his British majesty;
Not that St. George who slew the dragon,
And hack'd and hew'd some centuries agone;
But George, a namesake, and more skill'd
In cabinet, if not in field,
To deal about him better blows,
And knock down men instead of cows;
A very hero, in his day,
And murderer, in sort of way,
By ministers, and means of war.
Who, with his rod, was standing by;
This is king George the III. d'ye see,
Charon, his British majesty;
Not that St. George who slew the dragon,
And hack'd and hew'd some centuries agone;
But George, a namesake, and more skill'd
In cabinet, if not in field,
To deal about him better blows,
And knock down men instead of cows;
A very hero, in his day,
And murderer, in sort of way,
By ministers, and means of war.
D---m me, quoth Charon, if I care,
A hero or a man of Gotham;
'Tis all the same to me to boat him.
But if a champion of such mettle,
Surpassing far your common cattle;
Where are the badges of his order,
And his certificates of murder;
Accoutrement of lance and horse,
To tilt at tournament, and spurs,
And helmet with the beaver down,
The enemy to charge upon;
And other matters in campaign
That have cut short the lives of men
More like, he seems to me, to kill
A sheep; or rather like to steal.
A hero or a man of Gotham;
'Tis all the same to me to boat him.
But if a champion of such mettle,
Surpassing far your common cattle;
Where are the badges of his order,
And his certificates of murder;
Accoutrement of lance and horse,
To tilt at tournament, and spurs,
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The enemy to charge upon;
And other matters in campaign
That have cut short the lives of men
More like, he seems to me, to kill
A sheep; or rather like to steal.
Charon, quoth Mercury, a wag
You always were; and bullyrag.
In this your rhapsody of nonsense,
You know you speak against your conscience,
And do not believe the half you say;
For, a mere devil in his way,
His head, if not his hand, has sent
A million to your continent,
As I have a good right to know,
Charg'd with the driving them below;
And, from the multitude, can vouch
He has put thousands in your pouch;
For, not since Noah's flood, or yont,
Has boating turn'd to such account;
As since this man took to the trade;
The mystery of knocking on the head;
Not by his individual arm;
For that did very little harm;
But, by his cabinet of crimes,
War manufactures of his times.
Have you not found your toll increase
Beyond your customary fees;
And grown much richer than you were,
When traffic of the stream was bare:
Some say begun to realize—
We scarcely can believe our eyes,
To see the country seats that fix
Themselves upon the river Styx;
Of which, 'tis said, you have a box
Built up from profit of your docks,
In this great run of luck of late,
O wing a good deal to his pate,
Who made a war out of a tax,
On tea, and stuck to it like wax,
Occasioning a double douse,
Of grist to this your mill, you goose.
I shall say nothing of the East;
Or war in Ireland lately pressed;
And though the French folks bear the blame,
Else-where, they lighted up the flame.
To Pilnitz is the credit due,
And influx of the gain to you.
You always were; and bullyrag.
In this your rhapsody of nonsense,
You know you speak against your conscience,
And do not believe the half you say;
For, a mere devil in his way,
His head, if not his hand, has sent
A million to your continent,
As I have a good right to know,
Charg'd with the driving them below;
And, from the multitude, can vouch
He has put thousands in your pouch;
For, not since Noah's flood, or yont,
Has boating turn'd to such account;
As since this man took to the trade;
The mystery of knocking on the head;
Not by his individual arm;
For that did very little harm;
But, by his cabinet of crimes,
War manufactures of his times.
Have you not found your toll increase
Beyond your customary fees;
And grown much richer than you were,
When traffic of the stream was bare:
Some say begun to realize—
We scarcely can believe our eyes,
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Themselves upon the river Styx;
Of which, 'tis said, you have a box
Built up from profit of your docks,
In this great run of luck of late,
O wing a good deal to his pate,
Who made a war out of a tax,
On tea, and stuck to it like wax,
Occasioning a double douse,
Of grist to this your mill, you goose.
I shall say nothing of the East;
Or war in Ireland lately pressed;
And though the French folks bear the blame,
Else-where, they lighted up the flame.
To Pilnitz is the credit due,
And influx of the gain to you.
I own, quoth Charon, we have had
For some time past, our luck in trade,
A pretty tolerable run—
For some time past, our luck in trade,
A pretty tolerable run—
Tolerable! you son of a gun,
Quoth Mercury: Why? not since Cesar,
Or's predecessor Nebuchadnezzar,
Has there been such an emigration,
By folly caus'd, or by the passion
Of this same tyrant of the seas,
Who managed so to keep down peace
That in his whole reign there was war,
With those near hand, or those afar:
Not even your Bajazette, or Tamerlane,
Contributed so much to your gain;
Nor Alaric or Attila,
Did after them such havock draw;
Not by the maxims of his rule,
So much as obstinacy of mule.
But Charon have you no more wit,
Than never once to think of it,
The dangers of oeconomy,
Too much to Pluto's treasury,
Who, by your saving may grow rich
And build a bridge across this ditch,
And in your old age turn you off,
Having had your service long enough.
Quoth Mercury: Why? not since Cesar,
Or's predecessor Nebuchadnezzar,
Has there been such an emigration,
By folly caus'd, or by the passion
Of this same tyrant of the seas,
Who managed so to keep down peace
That in his whole reign there was war,
With those near hand, or those afar:
Not even your Bajazette, or Tamerlane,
Contributed so much to your gain;
Nor Alaric or Attila,
Did after them such havock draw;
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So much as obstinacy of mule.
But Charon have you no more wit,
Than never once to think of it,
The dangers of oeconomy,
Too much to Pluto's treasury,
Who, by your saving may grow rich
And build a bridge across this ditch,
And in your old age turn you off,
Having had your service long enough.
More likely turn me into hell,
Quoth Charon, since 'twill do as well.
But are you not a pretty god,
Dan Mercury, to spread abroad
Such doctrine that a man may cheat,
Provided he advantage get:
Bad ethic's in our school to teach;
Or for the devil himself to preach.
No wonder that with upper men,
You have been call'd the god of gain;
Nor much concern'd for common weal,
You make your shifts, some say you steal:
But as for me an honest tar,
I neither over-charge the fare,
Or rob my senior of his rent,
Defrauding him a single cent;
And hence it is I keep my place,
Nor yet have suffered a disgrace;
Charg'd with embezzlement, or fraud,
From speculation, just as bad;
Which conduct I shall not pursue,
Nor with your cheating have to do;
For not a single head shall pass
The stygian bourne, without the cash,
Whatever be his pedigree,
Or deeds that he has done, d'ye see.
Not if he had murdered every man
And woman, since the world began.
For such the will of Jove, and fate,
To change the rule would be too late;
And so it is, that every soul
That crosses in this boat, pays toll;
Will not abate a single copper,
To fighting warrior, or clod-hopper;
Must every one douse down his Obole,
Whether he peasant be, or noble.
Quoth Charon, since 'twill do as well.
But are you not a pretty god,
Dan Mercury, to spread abroad
Such doctrine that a man may cheat,
Provided he advantage get:
Bad ethic's in our school to teach;
Or for the devil himself to preach.
No wonder that with upper men,
You have been call'd the god of gain;
Nor much concern'd for common weal,
You make your shifts, some say you steal:
But as for me an honest tar,
I neither over-charge the fare,
Or rob my senior of his rent,
Defrauding him a single cent;
And hence it is I keep my place,
Nor yet have suffered a disgrace;
Charg'd with embezzlement, or fraud,
From speculation, just as bad;
Which conduct I shall not pursue,
Nor with your cheating have to do;
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The stygian bourne, without the cash,
Whatever be his pedigree,
Or deeds that he has done, d'ye see.
Not if he had murdered every man
And woman, since the world began.
For such the will of Jove, and fate,
To change the rule would be too late;
And so it is, that every soul
That crosses in this boat, pays toll;
Will not abate a single copper,
To fighting warrior, or clod-hopper;
Must every one douse down his Obole,
Whether he peasant be, or noble.
Just at that instant, an uproar
Was heard upon the other shore:
Ghosts wanting scalps, some wanting limb,
Wishing to get a claw at him;
And calling out to let him pass,
And they themselves would pay the brass.
The Hindo, with his staff in air,
And many an Irishman was there,
With his shilelah, to be at
His majesty, and give a pat.
Was heard upon the other shore:
Ghosts wanting scalps, some wanting limb,
Wishing to get a claw at him;
And calling out to let him pass,
And they themselves would pay the brass.
The Hindo, with his staff in air,
And many an Irishman was there,
With his shilelah, to be at
His majesty, and give a pat.
But stiffer than the stiffest mast
That ever bent before the blast
Stood Charon, and might still have stood,
Had not, from t' other side the flood,
King Pluto, hearing of the din
And uproar that the town was in,
Hung out his signal, from the shore,
For ferry boat to hasten o'er;
And telegraph with what was writ,
As far's we could decypher it;
Which was to draw an order on
The treasury, or score him down;
Or take a credit in account
For what his ferriage might amount.
That ever bent before the blast
Stood Charon, and might still have stood,
Had not, from t' other side the flood,
King Pluto, hearing of the din
And uproar that the town was in,
Hung out his signal, from the shore,
For ferry boat to hasten o'er;
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As far's we could decypher it;
Which was to draw an order on
The treasury, or score him down;
Or take a credit in account
For what his ferriage might amount.
Aye, Aye, quoth Charon, very well,
Since I have got the word of hell
'Tis all the same to me, and so
Hoist anchor, and set sail; ye ho.
Since I have got the word of hell
'Tis all the same to me, and so
Hoist anchor, and set sail; ye ho.
150
TOM RASCAL, OR RASCAL TOM—A BALLAD.
I sing a song of rascal Tom;
Tom rascal, do ye see;
And when you meet a rascal man,
Just sing the song with me.
Tom rascal, do ye see;
And when you meet a rascal man,
Just sing the song with me.
This Teague not many years ago,
Came with his broguery,
From Dublin city, where he had been,
Before he cross'd the sea.
Came with his broguery,
From Dublin city, where he had been,
Before he cross'd the sea.
What had he done, or what had not,
No matter, for he's here;
He said he was a lawyer bred,
Which look'd a little queer.
No matter, for he's here;
He said he was a lawyer bred,
Which look'd a little queer.
But no one ever doubted much,
He had been at the bar;
Though what his standing there had been,
They did not know, nor care.
He had been at the bar;
Though what his standing there had been,
They did not know, nor care.
But if he was a lawyer bred,
He had not read the books;
And scarce could make himself a pair,
Of hangers and pot-hooks.
He had not read the books;
And scarce could make himself a pair,
Of hangers and pot-hooks.
No matter what his learning was,
Nor what his share of sense;
He had what did to set him up,
A stock of impudence.
Nor what his share of sense;
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A stock of impudence.
Nor did he let his talent sleep,
Or in a napkin hide;
But put it out to usury,
With fortune on his side.
Or in a napkin hide;
But put it out to usury,
With fortune on his side.
No more he'll trot by Allen bog;
Bog-trotter there awhile;
He has a better trotting place,
The Alleghany soil.
Bog-trotter there awhile;
He has a better trotting place,
The Alleghany soil.
Some say he has a tract or two,
He now can call his own;
No more beholding for a place,
To shake his brogue upon.
He now can call his own;
No more beholding for a place,
To shake his brogue upon.
Not as it was in Dublin town,
And many such are there;
Where, had he stay'd, he might have gone,
To shake a brogue on air.
And many such are there;
Where, had he stay'd, he might have gone,
To shake a brogue on air.
Was it by pleading, that the 'squire,
Made out to make his jack?
As well you might expect a cow,
To give you latin back.
Made out to make his jack?
As well you might expect a cow,
To give you latin back.
The ways are more than one, you know,
The mower whets his scythe;
But how to whet it, there is none
Can tell until he try'th.
The mower whets his scythe;
But how to whet it, there is none
Can tell until he try'th.
No matter how you money make,
Provided that you make:
The less you have of character,
The less you have at stake.
Provided that you make:
The less you have of character,
The less you have at stake.
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I only dread that those may hear,
The luck, and cross with speed,
From Dublin or from Drogheda,
To overstock the breed.
The luck, and cross with speed,
From Dublin or from Drogheda,
To overstock the breed.
So have I seen a vermin hous'd
Soon followed by a score;
And what will be, we best can tell,
From what has been before.
Soon followed by a score;
And what will be, we best can tell,
From what has been before.
Lavater had a happy knack,
Of telling to keep clear,
Of such as might impose themselves,
Like Monsieur Braganeer;
Of telling to keep clear,
Of such as might impose themselves,
Like Monsieur Braganeer;
Cou'd read the faces, and take a hint
From brow, or lurid eye,
And made a book, and called it, of
The physiognomy.
From brow, or lurid eye,
And made a book, and called it, of
The physiognomy.
He seem'd just like a famished bird
In snow time, when he came;
The people gave him oats to peck,
And many were to blame.
In snow time, when he came;
The people gave him oats to peck,
And many were to blame.
We thought he had a partridge track,
But he turn'd out a crow,
Or harpy, in old times the bird
That plagued the people so.
But he turn'd out a crow,
Or harpy, in old times the bird
That plagued the people so.
I wish I had an Ovid here,
To change him to a bat,
Provided that he had no wings,
To keep him from the cat.
To change him to a bat,
Provided that he had no wings,
To keep him from the cat.
For some have been transmogrified,
And are not what they were;
If he was made a whip-poor will,
The change would make him stare.
And are not what they were;
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The change would make him stare.
When Don Quevedo was in hell,
He saw two devils busy,
In carrying in a rogue or so,
And here and there a huzzy.
He saw two devils busy,
In carrying in a rogue or so,
And here and there a huzzy.
But saw two others fast asleep,
And had been so full long,
With cobwebs overgrown their mouths,
The rubbish there among.
And had been so full long,
With cobwebs overgrown their mouths,
The rubbish there among.
They had been lawyer-carriers once,
No use now for the elves,
The lawyers of the later date,
Come fast enough themselves.
No use now for the elves,
The lawyers of the later date,
Come fast enough themselves.
I wish these devils were awake,
And had a mind to come;
I'd give them more than they would ask,
To carry off our Tom.
And had a mind to come;
I'd give them more than they would ask,
To carry off our Tom.
A gally-nipper could be spar'd
From the musqueto race,
And the extinction of a fly
Would make the evil less.
From the musqueto race,
And the extinction of a fly
Would make the evil less.
But nature has her lurking views,
In breeding many things,
The use of which we do not see,
Or why she gives them wings.
In breeding many things,
The use of which we do not see,
Or why she gives them wings.
The very sky itself has got
A scorpion and a crab;
As you yourself may ascertain.
By help of Astrolabe.
A scorpion and a crab;
As you yourself may ascertain.
By help of Astrolabe.
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But why allude to similies,
Or metamorphoses,
Or caricatura that we hate,
Of his immortal phiz.
Or metamorphoses,
Or caricatura that we hate,
Of his immortal phiz.
When circuit judges come to town
They'll surely taste his wine,
And were he even Cerberus,
Would not refuse to dine.
They'll surely taste his wine,
And were he even Cerberus,
Would not refuse to dine.
But such the world in which we live,
And such the state of things,
Republican the government,
Or under mighty kings,
And such the state of things,
Republican the government,
Or under mighty kings,
The worthless will have countenance,
The worthy be depressed;
Which having said, enough is said,
So let the matter rest.
The worthy be depressed;
Which having said, enough is said,
So let the matter rest.
But Tom has eat and drank so much,
And guzzled so much wine,
That em bon point, as Frenchmen say,
It makes his visage shine.
And guzzled so much wine,
That em bon point, as Frenchmen say,
It makes his visage shine.
His dewlap it hangs down like clout,
Or wallet under chin,
Would do to make an apron of
To put his luggage in.
Or wallet under chin,
Would do to make an apron of
To put his luggage in.
His goitre is not from the air,
Or water we have here;
And guttling that gives him a throat,
And dewlap looks so queer.
Or water we have here;
And guttling that gives him a throat,
And dewlap looks so queer.
The case has ever been the fact,
Since Brutus did exclaim,
Virtue I have followed thee,
But found an empty name.
Since Brutus did exclaim,
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But found an empty name.
Nay, long before, it was the case
Since Lumeck was a lad,
For all you got by being good;
You might as well be bad.
Since Lumeck was a lad,
For all you got by being good;
You might as well be bad.
I grant you may not go so far
As matter that will hang,
But any thing just short of this,
May take within your fang.
As matter that will hang,
But any thing just short of this,
May take within your fang.
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