 | The poetical works of John Godfrey Saxe |  |
DEATH INSURANCE.
A FABLE.
A mountebank whose life displayed
Uncommon genius in the trade
Of getting much while giving naught
(Except a deal of knavish thought),
Gave out through all the country round
That he the magic art had found
Of teaching Eloquence to all
Who chose to pay, (the fee was small!)
Indeed, the rogue declared, his plan
Would educate the dullest man,
Nay, e'en a horse or ox or ass,
Till he in speaking would surpass
Immortal Tully! and would show
All modern arts that lawyers know,
Besides, to grace a brilliant speech
“All this I undertake to teach
The merest dunce,—or else,” he said,
“The forfeiture shall be my head!”
Uncommon genius in the trade
Of getting much while giving naught
(Except a deal of knavish thought),
Gave out through all the country round
That he the magic art had found
Of teaching Eloquence to all
Who chose to pay, (the fee was small!)
Indeed, the rogue declared, his plan
Would educate the dullest man,
Nay, e'en a horse or ox or ass,
Till he in speaking would surpass
Immortal Tully! and would show
All modern arts that lawyers know,
Besides, to grace a brilliant speech
“All this I undertake to teach
The merest dunce,—or else,” he said,
“The forfeiture shall be my head!”
Of course so marvelous a thing
Soon, through the courtiers, reached the king;
Who, having called the charlatan
Into his presence, thus began:
“Well, Sir Professor, I have heard
Your boasts, and take you at your word.
Between us be it now agreed
That to my stable you proceed
At once, and thence a donkey take,
Of whom—'t is bargained—you shall make
An orator of fluent speech;
Or, failing thus the brute to teach,
You shall be hanged till you are dead!”
“A bargain, Sire!” the fellow said;
“And ten years' time shall be allowed;
It is but fair.” The monarch bowed.
“And now my fee be pleased to pay!”
Then takes the gold and goes away.
Soon, through the courtiers, reached the king;
Who, having called the charlatan
Into his presence, thus began:
“Well, Sir Professor, I have heard
Your boasts, and take you at your word.
Between us be it now agreed
That to my stable you proceed
At once, and thence a donkey take,
Of whom—'t is bargained—you shall make
An orator of fluent speech;
Or, failing thus the brute to teach,
You shall be hanged till you are dead!”
“A bargain, Sire!” the fellow said;
“And ten years' time shall be allowed;
It is but fair.” The monarch bowed.
“And now my fee be pleased to pay!”
Then takes the gold and goes away.
A courtier whom he chanced to meet,
A fortnight later, in the street,
Began the fellow to deride
About his bargain,—“Faith!” he cried,
“A fine agreement you have made!
I mean to see the forfeit paid;
The art of rhetoric to teach,
Of course you'll make a gallows speech!”
A fortnight later, in the street,
Began the fellow to deride
About his bargain,—“Faith!” he cried,
“A fine agreement you have made!
I mean to see the forfeit paid;
The art of rhetoric to teach,
Of course you'll make a gallows speech!”
“Laugh as you may, my merry man!”
Replied the cunning charlatan;
“Although my wisdom you may flout,
I know quite well what I'm about.
If in the years allotted I,
The king, or ass, should chance to die,
Pray, don't you see, my giddy friend,
The bargain finds a speedy end?
My fee was but a premium paid
To one in the insurance trade.
Of one or other of the three
Ten years are pretty sure to see
The epitaph,—as chances fall;
I take the hazard,—that is all!”
Replied the cunning charlatan;
“Although my wisdom you may flout,
I know quite well what I'm about.
If in the years allotted I,
The king, or ass, should chance to die,
Pray, don't you see, my giddy friend,
The bargain finds a speedy end?
My fee was but a premium paid
To one in the insurance trade.
Of one or other of the three
Ten years are pretty sure to see
158
I take the hazard,—that is all!”
| The poetical works of John Godfrey Saxe | |