 | The collected works of Ambrose Bierce |  |
IN DOGLAND
A Man who fared along a road
That passed a yellow Dog's abode
Incurred a paralyzing bite
From that incarnate appetite,
Creation's joy and hope and crown—
The pride and terror of the town!
The Man in anger went before
The nearest Magistrate and swore
A warrant out for the Dog's Master,
As author of the dire disaster.
Haled into court, that citizen
Employed attorneys, eight or ten,
Who as one man arose, and O,
The kind of things they said were so!
All honest souls, a crowd immense,
Were witnesses for the defense,
And when they came to testify
Of that bad plaintiff—my, O my!
Defendant rose and gravely swore
The Dog had never bit before.
“How could I know, till he transgressed,
The serpent lurking in his breast?”
And all the people cried: “That's so!
How could he know? How could he know?”
That passed a yellow Dog's abode
Incurred a paralyzing bite
From that incarnate appetite,
Creation's joy and hope and crown—
The pride and terror of the town!
The Man in anger went before
The nearest Magistrate and swore
A warrant out for the Dog's Master,
As author of the dire disaster.
Haled into court, that citizen
Employed attorneys, eight or ten,
Who as one man arose, and O,
The kind of things they said were so!
All honest souls, a crowd immense,
Were witnesses for the defense,
And when they came to testify
Of that bad plaintiff—my, O my!
Defendant rose and gravely swore
The Dog had never bit before.
“How could I know, till he transgressed,
377
And all the people cried: “That's so!
How could he know? How could he know?”
That won—Defendant left the place
On shoulders of the populace.
The miserable Plaintiff slunk
Away and soon was dead or drunk,
Tradition says not which; I think
Death is inferior to drink.
But that's irrelevant: what now
Concerns us is the bow and wow
Made by the snapdogs of that region
(Their name, tradition says, was Legion)
When, with a sound of trumpets blown,
The great decision was made known
From Sweetpotatoville to Pone.
They said, the dogs did, that the law
Was good—pro bonos mores (Latin
That dogs and lawyers mostly chat in).
They said, the while their bosoms burned
With ardor, that their souls discerned
“The dawn of a new era,” which
They promptly “hailed” at concert pitch!
On shoulders of the populace.
The miserable Plaintiff slunk
Away and soon was dead or drunk,
Tradition says not which; I think
Death is inferior to drink.
But that's irrelevant: what now
Concerns us is the bow and wow
Made by the snapdogs of that region
(Their name, tradition says, was Legion)
When, with a sound of trumpets blown,
The great decision was made known
From Sweetpotatoville to Pone.
They said, the dogs did, that the law
Was good—pro bonos mores (Latin
That dogs and lawyers mostly chat in).
They said, the while their bosoms burned
With ardor, that their souls discerned
“The dawn of a new era,” which
They promptly “hailed” at concert pitch!
As dogs had now the legal right
To trouble Man for one free bite
'Twas voted that they would. They did:
That land, from Glorypool to Squid,
With snarl and yelp and snap of teeth
(Flashing like falchions from the sheath)
Was vocal till each cur beneath
The sun had fleshed his maiden fang
In some one of the human gang!
True, all the dogs whose heads were frosted
With age had long before exhausted
Their lawful privilege, and these
Died of chagrin among their fleas;
But there were pups enough at heel
Of every human leg to deal
Out floods of hydrophobia's sap
And wash that country from the map.
To trouble Man for one free bite
'Twas voted that they would. They did:
378
With snarl and yelp and snap of teeth
(Flashing like falchions from the sheath)
Was vocal till each cur beneath
The sun had fleshed his maiden fang
In some one of the human gang!
True, all the dogs whose heads were frosted
With age had long before exhausted
Their lawful privilege, and these
Died of chagrin among their fleas;
But there were pups enough at heel
Of every human leg to deal
Out floods of hydrophobia's sap
And wash that country from the map.
| The collected works of Ambrose Bierce | |