 | Poems by St. John Honeywood . |  |
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MODERN ARGUMENTATION.
'Twas at commencement tide, so goes the tale,At Harvard, Dartmouth, Princelon, King's, or Yale,
A candidate for Learning's prime degree
Propos'd this question to the faculty:
“This horse will always from a tan-yard fly,
“While that, unmov'd, a tan-yard passes by;
“Which is the wiser horse, say, learned Sirs,
“The one that starts, or he that never stirs?”
The question thus proposed and understood,
Pro more solito, debate ensued.
Eash side with warmth defended or oppos'd,
When the learn'd Præses thus the reas'ning clos'd:
“Much has been spoken, much may yet be said,
“Enough to puzzle many a wiser head;
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“When the sage question's view'd on every side,
“We then may prove what the old sophists tell,
“That truth lies buried in a baseless well.
“The starting advocates this truth premise,
“That of all excellence below the skies,
“Man is the standard; hence, whene'er we find,
“In beasts or birds strong semblance to mankind,
“We count it worth, and are well pleased to see
“In instinct ought that apes humanity.
“E contra, where this semblance least is found,
“We rate the brute at nought, and spurn him from the ground.
“Exempli gratia, who, since time began,
“E'er hurt the bird that builds her nest with man?
“If Mrs. Airy, though involv'd in debt,
“Paid ten bright dollars for a paroquet,
“And for a monkey six, the cause we know;
“This talk'd, that flutter'd like her fav'rite beau.
“Yet the same lady loath'd the serpent's form,
“And call'd for hartshorn if she saw a worm.
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“We deem him worthiest of the human race,
“Who, at the mention of atrocious deeds,
“Starts back with horror, and with pity bleeds.
“But the vile miscreant whose supreme delight
“Is plac'd in havoc and in scenes of fight,
“Who rudely revels in the house of woe,
“We hate, and blush that man can sink so low.
“Why starts the steed whene'er a tan-yard's spied,
“But that he sees a brother's reeking hide?
“Here then, they say, a strong resemblance lies,
“Ergo, the horse that starts is quasi wise.
“They who approve this reasoning say 'tis plain,
“That fellow-feeling marks the polish'd man.
“What then? 'cause polish'd man may write and dance
“Must fishes, beasts, birds, insects, rhyme and prance?
“Who dares affirm thus much will hardly miss
“To say that hogs and bears should bow and kiss.
“To every grade of being in its kind,
“The sapient former certain ends assign'd:
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“Who deviates from this end can ne'er do well.
“Alike to man and horse this rule extends,
“The means must be subservient to the ends.
“What's the chief end of horse? his lord to please,
“To bear his weight with safety, speed and case;
“'Tis not to start, to heave, to weep, to whine,
“In notes distracted, Methodist, like thine.
“Can he be said with safety to convey
“His lord, who starts and stumbles by the way?
“Doth he, with speed transport his master's weight,
“Who stops to start at every tanner's gate?
“And, lastly, where's the ease? at every breath.
“The rider fears the horse will prove his death;
“'Tis plain, the starter deviates from all the rule
“Of right, and when he deviates is a fool.”
Thus, sophists, have your arguments been plied,
What now remains but that we should decide?
On due consideration, then, we say,
“He is the wiser horse who fearless speeds his way.”
| Poems by St. John Honeywood . | |