 | Poems by St. John Honeywood . |  |
45
THE PURSE: ADDRESSED TO A FRIEND.
[_]
The author was journeying with a friend: for convenience they pursed their money. When they parted they divided their money and their purse (which was of the double construction), each taking one half of it. When he understood his friend was a candidate for matrimony, he returned the half purse, with the following lines.
This purse, long sever'd from its mate,
The grateful muse returns to thee;
'Tis not oppress'd with golden weight,
Nor yet from cash entirely free.
The grateful muse returns to thee;
'Tis not oppress'd with golden weight,
Nor yet from cash entirely free.
This trifling sum, in prudent hands,
May raise, in time, a fair estate;
And, truth to say, its silken bands
Are well-constructed to dilate.
May raise, in time, a fair estate;
And, truth to say, its silken bands
Are well-constructed to dilate.
46
Adieu! fond purse; what though no more
You hold society with me,
May fortune bless thy master's store,
And cram thy sides with many a fee.
You hold society with me,
May fortune bless thy master's store,
And cram thy sides with many a fee.
For well I ween the marriage state
Full oft thy succour must require,
With gen'rous food to heap the plate—
To crown the glass, and feed the fire.
Full oft thy succour must require,
With gen'rous food to heap the plate—
To crown the glass, and feed the fire.
The parson, sure, will ask his hire
For making one who once were two;
And eke, when seasons may require,
For sprinkling round the holy dew.
For making one who once were two;
And eke, when seasons may require,
For sprinkling round the holy dew.
The licens'd quack, of solemn face,
Of want and pinching times shall tell;
And take a fee, devoid of grace,
For making sick what late was well.
Of want and pinching times shall tell;
And take a fee, devoid of grace,
For making sick what late was well.
47
The merchant next, with craving airs,
Hopes to receive his bill from you;
And, in sarcastic tone, declares,
“He will discharge the balance due.”
Hopes to receive his bill from you;
And, in sarcastic tone, declares,
“He will discharge the balance due.”
The landlord, rough, ungen'rous wight,
Proclaims your year and credit spent:
Then swears, occasions press so tight,
“He must expect a higher rent.”
Proclaims your year and credit spent:
Then swears, occasions press so tight,
“He must expect a higher rent.”
The tailor, cloth-curtailing rogue,
His long-stretch'd bill will oft display:
The lingo-prating pedagogue
Shall greet thee ev'ry quarter-day.
His long-stretch'd bill will oft display:
The lingo-prating pedagogue
Shall greet thee ev'ry quarter-day.
The French friseur shall oft complain
Of thirst, of hunger, heat and cold;
And what would best relieve his pain,
I trust you never need be told.
Of thirst, of hunger, heat and cold;
And what would best relieve his pain,
I trust you never need be told.
48
The simp'ring milliner shall prate
Of caps, of stays and negligees:
Then bode, O! purse impending fate,
Whene'er she whispers, if you please.
Of caps, of stays and negligees:
Then bode, O! purse impending fate,
Whene'er she whispers, if you please.
The cobler, too, when hunger plies,
At madam's foot will lowly bend;
Admire its shape and handsome size,
And hopes that you will prove his friend.
At madam's foot will lowly bend;
Admire its shape and handsome size,
And hopes that you will prove his friend.
Then honest John comes in to tell,
He longs to drink your worship's health,
And that, your honour knows full well,
Poor servants are not born to wealth.
He longs to drink your worship's health,
And that, your honour knows full well,
Poor servants are not born to wealth.
Next Doll, with ill-affected blush,
Hints how she soon expects to wed;
That cash don't grow on every bush,
And that she late was brought to bed.
Hints how she soon expects to wed;
That cash don't grow on every bush,
And that she late was brought to bed.
49
Then every black that dwells below
In sable order shall arise;
First beg they may a Pinxt'ring go,
Then hint the want of fresh supplies.
In sable order shall arise;
First beg they may a Pinxt'ring go,
Then hint the want of fresh supplies.
Now master Jack or Dick shall come,
And in discordant whine relate,
How the rude boys have broke his drum,
And stole away his other skate.
And in discordant whine relate,
How the rude boys have broke his drum,
And stole away his other skate.
Start not, my friend, thy better half
Shall join to bear the burden down:
She screams, and tells you, in a laugh,
“The sweetest China's come to town.
Shall join to bear the burden down:
She screams, and tells you, in a laugh,
“The sweetest China's come to town.
“'Tis true, we should not run in debt;
“But such rare bargains, must not pass:
“And Mrs. Mayor has bought a set,
“And so have all the better class.
“But such rare bargains, must not pass:
“And Mrs. Mayor has bought a set,
“And so have all the better class.
50
“And O! my dear, I cannot bear
“To miss the family of West;
“The ablest connoisseurs declare,
“Of all engravings 'tis the best.
“To miss the family of West;
“The ablest connoisseurs declare,
“Of all engravings 'tis the best.
“Ten guineas only is the price;
“'Twill do to pay the money soon:
“It is so elegant and nice
“To hang in parlour or saloon.
“'Twill do to pay the money soon:
“It is so elegant and nice
“To hang in parlour or saloon.
“A harpsichord, at price still lower,
“The auctioneer has now to sell;
“And little Billey always swore,
“My fingers mov'd divinely well.
“The auctioneer has now to sell;
“And little Billey always swore,
“My fingers mov'd divinely well.
“A singing-bird, of tender age,
“From India's groves has lately flown:
“'Twill match the robin in the cage;
“And birds should never live alone.”
“From India's groves has lately flown:
“'Twill match the robin in the cage;
“And birds should never live alone.”
51
“Stop here,” you cry, “O wretch profuse!”
Have patience, friend, I scarce begin:
Proceed, and tell, celestial Muse,
The charges of a lying-in!
Have patience, friend, I scarce begin:
Proceed, and tell, celestial Muse,
The charges of a lying-in!
The accoucheur, in gratitude,
Must be well paid for every boy;
And surely all would deem it rude,
You treat not such as wish you joy.
Must be well paid for every boy;
And surely all would deem it rude,
You treat not such as wish you joy.
Panado, caudle, many a cup;
Choice figs and raisins of the sun;
And cakes of every sort made up—
Pound cake, wig, woffal, cruller, bun:
Choice figs and raisins of the sun;
And cakes of every sort made up—
Pound cake, wig, woffal, cruller, bun:
Imperial, souchong, congo teas,
When gossips come to pay their court;
But bucks will not take up with these;
Be their Madeira, Sherry, Port.
When gossips come to pay their court;
But bucks will not take up with these;
Be their Madeira, Sherry, Port.
52
Pins, too, in many a shining row;
Caps, bibs, and shoes of crimson skin;
Small ornaments of wond'rous show,
And robes to wrap the infant in.
Caps, bibs, and shoes of crimson skin;
Small ornaments of wond'rous show,
And robes to wrap the infant in.
A cradle to receive the child
When fortune sends a downy nap:
A pious nurse, of temper mild,
To hush its cries, and get the pap.
When fortune sends a downy nap:
A pious nurse, of temper mild,
To hush its cries, and get the pap.
Get many a volume neatly bound,
And give the wanton baim to rear;
Whistles of shrill unpleasing sound,
And coral sticks, the gums to wear.
And give the wanton baim to rear;
Whistles of shrill unpleasing sound,
And coral sticks, the gums to wear.
And next—But stop, nor think to count
Unnumber'd cares, unnumber'd things:
First tell the stars, then the amount
Of the vast costs which wedlock brings.
Unnumber'd cares, unnumber'd things:
First tell the stars, then the amount
Of the vast costs which wedlock brings.
53
O! who in this unfathom'd pit,
In sober sense, would dare to plunge;
Run the mad chance of duns and debts,
To rot in jail—to starve—to spunge.
In sober sense, would dare to plunge;
Run the mad chance of duns and debts,
To rot in jail—to starve—to spunge.
Far better on his luckless throat
A millstone's pond'rous bulk were hung;
Far better, in unmanly note,
He to Italian ears had sung.
A millstone's pond'rous bulk were hung;
Far better, in unmanly note,
He to Italian ears had sung.
| Poems by St. John Honeywood . | |