The Writings of Bret Harte :: :: University of Virginia Library

Count Rudolph was a noble gent, as lived upon the Rhine,
Who spent his money very free in Lager Beer and Wine;
The Baron Truenfels, likewise, was neighbor of the same,
Which had a rather uppish girl—G. Truenfels by name.

Rudolph would wed Miss Truenfels, but was n't it a go?
Each thought that t'other had the tin (you know how lovers blow),
But when old T. says, “Pungle down,” Count Rudolph he says, “Stuff;
I 've youth and rank, that's more than gold”; says G., “It ain't enough.

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“I wants a diamond thingamy—likewise a nice trossoo,
I wants a kerridge of me own, and so, young man, adoo”;
The Baron also cuts up rough—but Rudolph is content,
And merely takes a stiffer horn, observing, “Let her went.”

Now just before this jolly row, a gal they called Lurline
Was living down at Lurlineburgh, of which she was the Queen;
She was a Lady Dashaway—when water was on hand—
But had some spirits of her own she likewise could command.

This girl close by a whirlpool sat—this female named Lurline—
And played with most exquisite taste upon the tamborine;
The way the sailors steered into them whirlpools was a sin—
Young men, beware of sich sirens who thus take fellers in.

Now Count Rudolph was wide awake, beyond the power of suction;
Which caused Lurline to fall in love and seek an introduction.
And when he 's tight, one day, she slips a ring upon his finger;
And thus Count Rudolph is bewitched by that bewitching singer.

Then straightway in his boat he jumps, which soon begins to sink,
While all his brave com-pan-i-ons are yelling on the brink,
“You're half-seas-over now, you fool,—come back, you'll surely drown”;
Down goes the gallant German gent, a whistling “Derry Down.”

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Down, down among the oyster-beds, he finds the sweet Lurline,
A cutting such a heavy swell—a gorgeous submarine;
Her father Rhineberg's very rich, and fellers said, who punned,
“He took deposits from the tars and kept a sinking fund.”

Count Rudolph did consent to stay at Rhineberg's flash hotel,
And half-made up his mind that with Lurline he 'd ever dwell;
“I'm partial to the water-cure and fond of clams,” says he,
“But such as you, Miss Rhineberg, are a subject quite per se.”

But suddenly he hears a noise, which made him weaken some
The howling of his friends above—says he, “I must go home,
Good-bye, Miss R.” “Hold up!” says she, we'll do the handsome thing,
Pa gives this massy chunk of gold. You keep my magic ring.”

So Rudolph takes the ring and gold, and comes home with a rush,
And very glad his neighbors was to see him come so flush.
And even old Miss Truenfels to welcome him began,
And says, “I always thought you was a very nice young man.”

Likewise she says, “My eye,”, and makes believe to faint away,
And sich-like gammon. But the Count says, “Come, now, that won't pay!

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I loves another!” “Cruel man! That ring I now diskiver—
Say whose?” “My gal's!” She snatches it and chucks it in the river.

Now one of Lurline's father's help had caught the ring and ran
To her and says, “You see what comes of loving that young man.”
Poor Lurline feels somewhat cut up—and to assuage her pain
She takes her father's oyster sloop and comes ashore again.

'T was lucky that she did come up, for Rudolph's friends were bent
On sharing Rudolph's golden store, without Rudolph's consent;
And him they would assassinate, but Lurline she says, “Hold!”
And waves a wand until they stand like statoos, stiff and cold.

They stood like statoos on the bridge—it was a bridge of sighs;
For straightway most unpleasantly the tide began to rise;
It rose, but when the river swept away the bridge at last,
They found, although the tide was flood, their chances ebbing fast.

It rose until the wicked all had found a watery grave—
And then it sank and left Rudolph and neighbors in a cave.
Rudolph then marries Miss Lurline; is happy, rich, and able
To take the lowest bid to lay the next Atlantic Cable.