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APPENDIX
(Mather composed this passage exclusively for "Paterna." See page 192 and footnote 17.)
I think, If I were fastened unto a Cross, and under all the Circumstances of a Crucifixion, what would be my Dispositions, what my Exercises?
I should Look on my approaching Death, as Unavoidable; and the Approaches of it would now be Welcome to me, not having any Prospect of being any other way delivered from Numberless Uneasinesses.
I should Look on all the Delights and Riches and Honours of the World from which I am departing, as things of no Use and no Worth unto me.
I should have done Expecting of Satisfaction from any thing of This World; and no more propose a Portion in any thing that is done under the Sun.
I should be Extremely Sick of a world, which I saw filled with such Unreasonable, Unrighteous, Barbarous Things, where the Most Holy City is full of Murderers.
I should Expect a Series and Succession of Many Killing Things, to be with Repeated Strokes inflicted on me; And Mightily beg of GOD, that I may not be Left unto any Impatience or Miscarriage under them.
I should, as One Free among the Dead, forbid any Disturbance of Mind upon it, if People treat me as if they had Free Liberty to Do what they will to me, and Speak what they will of me; and as I should Pursue no Personal Revenges on them, So, I should pray for them, Father, Forgive them. Tho' I should have done with This World, Yett I should Express a Concern for the Relatives which I Leave behind me, in a Land of Pitts & of Droughts, & fiery flying Serpents.
I should utter Words, that may be for the Instruction and Advantage of People that are about me; and Lay hold on Opportunities to say what I could for the Advancement of Piety among them.
I should fly to Passages in the Word of GOD that may be Suitable for me; and fetch Support and Comfort from thence, in the Multitude of my Thoughts within me.
I should, with Continual Acts of Resignation, Committ my Spirit into the Hands of my FATHER, and my SAVIOUR; with Assurance of my Speedy Reception into a Paradise, where I shall be Comforted.
I should Endeavour to Look into the Heavenly World, and Rejoice in the View of the Joy Sett before me there, and Count the Light Afflictions here which are but for a Moment, abundantly Compensated in that far More Exceeding & Eternal Weight of Glory.
In these Things I should Propound a Conformity to my Crucified JESUS.
Thus Dying, Behold, I Live!
And finding myself brought into these Dispositions and these Exercises, the Faith of what must most certainly follow hereupon fills me with Joy Unspeakable & full of Glory.
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