34. LETTER XXXIV.
COUSIN EPHRAIM TELLS THE MAJOR HOW MATTERS GET ALONG AT AUGUSTA,
AND GIVES A SPECIMEN OF THE VALUE OF POLITICAL PROMISES.
Augusta, State of Maine, Jan. 30, 1833.
To Major Jack Downing, at Washington.
Dear Cousin Jack:—I got your letter some time ago, but I
hadn't time to answer it afore now, because I had to go back
up to Downingville to get another load of apples. These Legislater
folks cronch apples down by the wholesale between
speeches, and sometimes in the middle of speeches tu. That
afternoon that Mr. Clark spoke all day, I guess I sold nigh
upon a half a bushel for cash, and trusted out most three
pecks besides. The folks up to Downingville are all pretty
well, only your poor old mother; she's got the reumatics pretty
bad this winter. She says she wishes with all her heart
Jack would come home, and not think of going to South Carolina.
Ever since she heard about Gineral Blair she can't
hardly sleep nights, she's so fraid you'll get shot. I tell her
there's no danger of you as long as you have President Jackson
one side of you and Sargent Joel t'other.
The Legislater is jogging along here pretty well; I guess
they'll get through about the first of March, if they don't have
too many boundary questions come along We made some
major-ginerals here t'other day, and I tried to get you elected.
Not because I thought you cared much about the office
now, but jest for the honor of Downingville. I tried most all
the members, and thought to be sure you would come in as
slick as grease; for about forty of 'em told me they thought
it belonged to you. They said it was against their principles
to pledge their votes to anybody; but they whispered in
my ear that they would do what they could, and they hadn't
scarcely a doubt but what you'd be elected. Sixty-eight of 'em
told me you was the best man for it, and would undoubtedly be
chosen as a matter of course. And twenty-five of 'em promised
me right up and down, by the crook of the elbow, that
they would vote for you. Well, Jack, after all this, you didn't
get but two votes. By that time I begun to think it wasn't so
strange that it took you two years hard fishing before you
could get an office.
This is the most Democratic Legislater that they have ever
had in this State yet. They are most all real ginuine Demokrats,
and they have give Mr. Holmes and Mr. Sprague a terrible
basting for turning Federalists, and they have turned
Mr. Holmes out and put Mr. Shepley in.
The Legislater is talking of moving the seat of government
back to Portland again. They say it will be better all round.
They won't have to go so fur through the snow-drifts to their
boarding-houses, and won't have to pay much more than half
so much for their board. And here they have to pay fourpence
apiece every time they are shaved; but in Portland they can
get shaved by the half dozen for three cents apiece. I hope
they will go, for I can get more for my apples in Portland
than I can here.
P. S.—Bill Johnson was married last week, and he quarreled
with his wife the very next day. So you see he is the same
old sixpence he used to be. He says he'll send a petition to
the Legislater to be divorced, and he declares if they don't
grant it he'll cut the lashings as he did once on the raft on
Sebago Pond, sink or swim.
N. B.—Uncle Joshua wished me to ask you to ask the President
about that Post-Office again, as his commission hasn't
come yet.
I remain your loving cousin,
EPHRAIM DOWNING.
