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Mr. Gales & Seaton

My Dear Old Friends:—I am as happy as happy can be,
and Uncle Joshua is a great deal happier. And as for Aunt
Keziah, about the second day arter the election, when New
York, Pennsylvania, and Ohio, came rolling on for Pierce and
King, she was so completely overflowed with oceans of happiness,
that she fell into conniption fits, and has had 'em,
more or less, every day since. And as for Cousin Sargent
Joel Downing, he don't hurrah for Gineral Scott no more; but
ever since the election he hurrahs for Gineral Pierce, day and
night, till he's got so hoarse he can't speak above a whisper.
You remember I told you in my last letter how Uncle Joshua
and I found Sargent Joel, some time before the election, out
behind the barn, standing on a stump, and swinging his hat
and hollerin', “Hurrah for Gineral Scott,” with all his might.
Arter that he did it openly, and said he didn't care who heard
it. And he kept it up till the day arter the election, when
the telegraph wires brought in the thunder and lightnin' news
that all creation had gone for Gineral Pierce, and then Cousin
Joel chopt round quicker than you ever see a nor-wester set in
arter a south-east storm. Cousin Joel is a cunning dog; he
knows on which side his bread is buttered, and you may depend


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he will be on hand in Washington next winter; and if
Pennsylvania Avenue don't ring from one end to t'other with
his hurrahs for Gineral Pierce, I won't guess agin. I don't
know what Gineral Pierce will do for Cousin Joel when the
time comes, but he will be bound to do something pretty
handsome for him, for no man has hurrah'd louder and heartier
for him than Cousin Joel has, especially since the election.

And as for Uncle Joshua, he seems to be in kingdom-come.
It does my heart good to look at him, he seems to be so satisfied.
He says the good old Jackson times is coming back
agin, and the Bank, and the Tariff, and Internal Improvements
has got to stand from under, or else be swamped.

“But,” says I, “Uncle Joshua, we haint got no Bank now,
so it can't stand from under, nor be swamped nother.”

“Well, that ain't nothing at all to the argument,” says he.
“Supposin' we had a Bank, it would have to stand from under,
wouldn't it?”

“Well, Uncle Joshua,” says I, “you ask me as puzzlin' a
question as Bill Johnson did t'other day.”

“What was that?” says he.

“Well,” says I, “you know Bill is always bantering every
one he meets to swap watches. So he comes up to me t'other
day, and says he, `Major, how'll ye swap watches?' Says I,
`Mr. Johnson, I haint got no watch' Says he, `No matter for
that; supposin' you had one, how would you swap?' Now,
Uncle, if I had only had a watch, I could a told Bill how I
would swap. And so if we only had a Bank, may be I could
answer your question, too. For if it was a Whig Bank, I
should say, pretty decidedly, it would have to stand from
under, or be upset. But Gineral Jackson killed the Bank, and
now Gineral Pierce has killed the Whig party. It has always
been your doctrine, that the Democratic principle is to fight
agin the Whigs. But now there ain't no Whig party, nor no


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Bank, I don't know, for my part, what Gineral Pierce is going
to do; for of all the hard things in this world there ain't
nothin' harder than to kick agin nothin'. And, Uncle, I
shouldn't be at all surprised if Gineral Pierce should go to
work now and build up a new Bank; and I don't know but I
almost wish he would.”

Uncle Joshua rolled up his eyes, and says he, “Major, you
aught to be the last man to say that arter working as hard as
you did to help Gineral Jackson kill the old Bank monster.”

“I know that,” says I, “but circumstances alters cases.
It is being a Whig Bank that makes a Bank bad, and does all
the mischief. A Democratic Bank might be a very good
thing, and I hope Gineral Pierce will try the experiment.
The Bank of England has worked well for more than a hundred
years, and why shouldn't the Bank of America, if there
wasn't no Whiggery mixed up with it? I hope Gineral
Pierce will go in for a true Democratic National Bank.”

“Well, Major,” said Uncle Joshua, “I s'pose you see deeper
into statesmanship than I do, and I don't know but you're
about right. I think Gineral Pierce aught to take you for
one of his Cabinet, if he wants to get along safe; and I think
if you would sit down and write a letter to the Gineral, giving
him some of your notions about things, it might be a help to
him; and I think, Major, it's your duty to do it.”

I couldn't help thinking about this last remark of Uncle
Joshua all day, and finally I begun to feel as though 'twas my
duty to write to the Gineral. But I see something in the
papers about his going to Virginia, or somewhere off South,
and I don't know where my letter would find him. But I
s'pose, Mr. Gales & Seaton, you keep the run of him, so I will
inclose the letter to you, and get you to send it on. By so
doing you will much oblige your old friend,