LETTER LV.
To Henry Colden.
My mother allows me and even requires me to write to
you. My reluctance to do so is only overcome by the fear
of her displeasure—yet do not mistake me, my friend. Infer
not from this reluctance that the resolution of being
henceforward all that my mother wishes, can be altered by
any efforts of yours.
Alas! how vainly do I boast my inflexibility. My safety
lies only in filling my ears with my mother's remonstrances
and shutting them against your persuasive accents. I have
therefore resigned myself wholly to my mother's government.
I have consented to be inaccessible to your visits
or letters.
I have few claims on your gratitude or generosity, yet
may I not rely on the humanity of your temper? To what
frequent and severe tests has my caprice already subjected
your affection, and has it not remained unshaken and undiminished?
Let me hope that you will not withhold this last
proof of your affection for me.
It would greatly console me to know that you are once
more on filial and friendly terms with your father. Let me
persuade you to return to him; to beseech his favor. I hope
the way to reconcilement has already been paved by the
letter jointly addressed to him by my mother and myself;
that nothing is wanting but a submissive and suitable deportment
on your part, to restore you to the station you possessed
before you had any knowledge of me. Let me
exact from you this proof of your regard for me. It is the
highest proof which it will henceforth be in your power to
offer, or that can ever be received by
