University of Virginia Library

2. BOOK II.

1. CHAPTER I.

THAT is not a humane sentiment; for though we
have wrongs from England, yet I wish a war put off as long
as possible.[1] Though I see that in the nature of things
“offences will come, and wo to him by whom they come,”
says the scripture. The ultima ratio regum, though the
most effectual, is the hardest logic that can be introduced.
But when I used the words,

or when they came into my mind, it was as much as to
say, “another whet at the ram.” This means the same
thing, and is a well known allusion to the clergyman taking
his text from that portion of scripture, where the
ram was caught in the brake, for the sacrifice, instead
of Isaac; and having preached figuratively upon it, was
wont to introduce his remarks, with
This anecdote will be found in a book, entitled, Scotch
Presbyterian Eloquence.

It is a matter of great self-denial in me not to introduce
more quotations from the Latin classics; but I am
unwilling to incur the imputation of pedantry, which persons
who do not understand the language, are apt to bestow
upon those who indulge themselves in this liberty
of quotation from the Roman writers. And yet to myself
it is extremely pleasing; because I see great beauty
in the turn of expression in that language; but still
more in the Greek; though I do not quote it, because
there are few printers who are furnished with Greek
types, and can set the words. As to French, I am not

unacquainted with it, but never have come to like the
language; that is, to relish it, and to feel the delicacy of
an expression perfectly, as setting off the thought. Nevertheless
I am not wholly insensible of the neatness and
perspicuity of the stile of some writers in that language,
in preference to others, as of Voltaire, or Russeau, compared
with the bulk of those who have gone before
them. But of all languages that I have ever tasted, the
Greek, unquestionably, with me, has the preference;
and yet it cannot be supposed that I understand it as
well as my vernacular; nor within many degrees of it;
and yet I think it a thousand times superior. Bred in
a soft air, and warm climate; whereas the English
would seem to have been frozen in the north, before it
began to be spoken by man; or rather it was first spoken
by frozen men. Certain it is, that cold climates give a
rigidity to the fibre, and harden those muscles by which
the articulation is performed. Pinkerton the greatest
philologist of modern times, at least that I am acquainted
with, thinks that the Greek is derived from the German
and that the German is the original Persian: that
in some convulsion of the Persian empire, at an earlier period
than we have any account of, some portion of that people
had emigrated, and passing to the north, had made the
circuit of the Caspian, and Euxine seas; and, at length
established themselves in the heart of Europe. I can
more readily conceive the Persian hardening into the
harshness of the German sounds, than of the German
softening into the fluidity, and sweetness of the Greek
accent; but that there is a great affinity between the
German, and the Greek, there is no one who understands
both languages, but must admit. Both have a
dual number; but independent of this, it is a proof of
the affinity, that a German can easily learn to pronounce
the Greek gutturals; whereas to those of most other
nations, it is difficult. That the Germans used the Greek
alphabet in the time of Julius Cæsar, appears from his
commentaries; though some have attempted to lessen
the evidence of this, by changing the words, Grecis literis,
into Crassis literis utuntur; but clear it is, that a
long time must have elapsed in the amelioration of the
German into Greek; though I do not altogether reject
the idea of these being the same language originally, as
Pinkerton has endeavoured to prove, both by the authority
of writers, and by an historical deduction of the
origin of ancient nations. I must acknowledge that until
I had read his dissertation, I had been inclined to
think that the Germans had been a people distinct from
all others from the creation of the world; for it is remarkable
that in the time of Julius Cæsar, before any
mixture of other nations had intervened, the colour of
the eye, and the hair of all, were the same; the blue
eye, and the yellow hair—
This quotation is from Juvenal, who puts this national
characteristic of feature, upon the same footing as to being
common with the swelling of the neck in Switzerland.

Which swelling, called the goitre, is not confined to the
Alps; but is found at the foot of most high mountains:
at those of Thibet in Tartary, as well as of the Allegheny
mountains, on the west side: for it is remarkable
that no instance occurs on the east. And in Chili, which
runs an extent of 1300 miles between the Andes and the
Pacific ocean, being, at a medium, but about 350 miles
wide, there is nothing of this swelling; though the
streams are swollen with snow waters; which refutes
the hypothesis of those who resolve this protuberance into
the drinking snow waters. In examining into the history
of nature, there is nothing that has puzzled me more
than to account for this phenomenon; if the word phenomenon
may be applied to so small an object, which is
usually applied to large appearances in the atmosphere,
or in the phases of the heavenly bodies. As little can I
have an idea that the goitre is to be attributed to the
mixture of calcareous earth with the water that descends
from the mountains, which is the theory of Coxe; but
rather incline to that of Sassure, to account for it, viz.
the humidity of the atmosphere; but that mere humidity
can occasion it, I do not believe; because, in Ireland
or even the north of Scotland, which are moist climates,
there is nothing of it. Yet that this, which may
be called a malady, has some connection with moisture,
I incline to think; inasmuch as from my own observation
those situate near ponds, or in wet grounds, are most
liable to be affected. But, what is more to the purpose,
on interrogating individuals as to their sensations, I have
been informed by them, that they are sensible to every
change of weather, from dry to moist, and can perceive,
to use their own term, a fluttering in that part of the
neck, on the approach of rain. I am not of opinion,
however, that the cause, whatever it may be, has the
least relation to marsh miasma; for the locus in quo, as
the lawyers say, where this disorder is known, is as free
from fever, as the driest regions.

But I return from this digression to the subject we
were upon, the origin of the Germans, and the language
of that people. I feel the more interested in this disquisition,
because the Saxon, which was my vernacular
tongue, is a dialect of the ancient German; and the mother
of the English. The dialect that is spoken by the
common people in Cumberland, and the adjoining country
of Scotland, called the low lands, is Saxon. It is in
this dialect that the old comedy of Gammer Gurton's
Needle is written, which is the prototype of the Gentle
Shephard of Allen Ramsay. Many of the scenes, that
of Maudge the witch, in particular, are evidently borrowed,
so far as respects the character of the personage.
I wonder that it is not looked up, and printed with the
Gentle Shepherd, that it may be seen how nearly they
resemble. It will be found in a collection of old plays,
by Dodsley; amongst which the model of Shakespeare's
Othello, in a tragedy by a certain Jan, or John Pafre,
will be seen. In looking over these, it will appear that
what is called blank versification, was written with great
felicity before his time, in that fluent way which he has
preserved, and which is the only way in which it is tolerable
to me, that of Milton excepted. For the versification
of neither Thompson, or Young, do I greatly relish;
and that of Cowper as little. Congreve comes the
nearest what I can bear.

But I recur to a consideration of the language of nations,
not meaning stile in composition, but the sounds
by which ideas are expressed; and those sounds attempted
to be communicated by letters of the alphabet; I say,
attempted; for after all that can be got by the arbitrary
marks which we call letters, it is by the ear alone that
we can catch the real sounds that are intended; it is
only by a length of time that the ear can catch a sound, or
the tongue be brought to imitate it. It for this reason
that it is thought that those who have a taste for music,

and some facility in catching a tune, could most easily
acquire the pronunciation of a language; though I have
my doubts of this; for there seems to be no immediate
connection between the faculty of singing, and of speaking
merely; not that I will undertake to say that softness
of features and softness of voice are not connected;
for beautiful features always appear to have more delicacy
of expression, than the homely; and a handsome
woman to sing more sweetly, if she can sing at all, than
one that is what we call an ordinary person; whether
it is that the imagination cheats the ear, and what is
more lovely to the eye, is also more pleasing to that organ.
A young man in the pulpit is thought to possess
greater powers of oratory in proportion as he has the advantage
of personal appearance. In fact the goodly person
has the advantage before any audience. Cicero considers
stature, as an advantage to the orator. A public
speaker must be tall; or have such powers as to be able
to make those that hear him forget that he is of a small
stature. This was in the power of Garrick, according
to the poet Churchhill.

It strikes me as very extraordinary that those whose
province is speaking, do not think of assisting the personal
appearance more, by the article of dress: I mean
in the costume or model of the coat, which is that of the
labourer, rather than of the man of the gown; I meant
to have said of the long robe; for the vest and coat that
sits close to the body, and is short, has not the dignity of
a more loose and flowing garment. And hence a speaker
appears better in what we call a surtout, than in that
which sits tight to the body. He will feel more easy in
such a vestment; though he must be careful when he
turns his back to the fire not to burn the tail; but at the
same time, it will not do to take it up in order to warm

his backside, because a delicate man will not wish to
have it brought into view that he has a backside to warm.
For nature having an antipathy to the posteriors has turned
them behind, which Longinus notices, as an illustration
of a precept of good writing. It is true the jocky-coat,
being slit behind, a corner may be taken up under
each arm; but the attitude is ungraceful. A friend of
mine once, for whom I had a great good will, introducing
his son, asked my opinion what he should do with
him—He had given him some education, and was at a
loss, whether to put him to study law, physic, or divinity.
I recommended to a handycraft employment. But
an experiment of a learned profession being uselessly
made, the father, after some years, wondering at the sagacity
I had discovered, having had no opportunity at
the time I had given my opinion, of knowing any thing
of the lad, but just seeing him on his being introduced to
me, enquired on what ground I had formed my judgment;
I told him frankly, that I had seen at a glance
what he was in the stamina of his mind, by the manner
of his turning his back to the fire, and taking up his coat
behind. For there is a delicacy of feeling which always
accompanies genius; and which shews itself in even the
smallest particulars. A diligent observer will find in
what may be thought the most indifferent actions, enough
to indicate the portion of intellect which has fallen to the
share of a young person. For as a great general at a
coup d' oeil, or glance of the eye, can catch all the advantages
of ground to draw up upon, and manœuvre his
army; so one acquainted with the human physiognomy,
and is attentive to the movements of the body, can give
a pretty good guess whether the boy is to be denominated
a John Bull-calf, or Nicholas Bottom the weaver.
I have not the same skill in the female character, and
might be mistaken in my ideas of what a young lady
might be brought to be; but having been employed a
great part of my early life in the academies, and in the
instruction of youth, I had acquired some degree of sagacity
in distinguishing the aptitude for pursuits in life.
And I cannot say that this has been the source of much
advantage to me; but on the contrary, of much vexation,
to see those whom nature intended for hucksters, and
haberdashers of small wares, pushed forward into the
learned professions, and calling themselves lawyers, or
affecting to be politicians, and conductors of the affairs
of government. I well know that no man's opinion can
be considered as importing absolute verity; but so far
as my opinion will carry weight with it, I can say that
I have known judicial characters who, if things had taken
place according to their gravity in the moral world,
would have been at the bottom of the stair-case; at
least would never have risen higher than keeping a shop
of merchandize, and in that situation might have been respectable.
For far be it from me to undervalue men's occupations
under whatever denomination. It is the unfitness,
the incongruity of talents for the occupation, that I arraign.
Happy might the dunces be if they knew their happiness;
that is, could they distinguish where it was to be
found.

But returning from this digression to the thread of
our discourse. I take it, the Basternæ were that people
from whom the Saxons of the Weser and Vistula were
principally descended. For after their repulse by the
Romans, under Augustus, when they attempted to enter
Thrace, they would seem to have pressed upon the
west of Europe, and occupied this quarter. The Getæ
or Goths, were more upon the Rhine, and the heads of
the Danube.

Turner, in his history of the nations which have emigrated
from beyond the Elb, has proved or rendered it
extremely probable, that a great country was lost during
the dark ages, on the west of Europe, of which Greenland,
and Iceland are remains. For it appears from the archives
of Denmark, that from very ancient time, that kingdom
had colonies in that quarter; and an intercourse had
been kept up which had been discontinued during the
adumbration of the north from the inundation of barbarous
nations. We are certainly but little acquainted with
that corner of the earth; the Romans having had no
knowledge of it; much less the Greeks living more remote
from the scene. It is but extremely little we know
of the earth we live upon, so far as respects mankind;
nor, perhaps, is it to be regretted; for to what purpose
would it be to know more, but to increase our knowledge
of bloody battles; or, of individual misery. Would it
not rather be desirable that the whole remembrance of
past events was struck out of our minds, and that we
had to begin a new series? What happens every day

now, is so like what happened before, that the sameness
is wearisome. Instead of consuming so much time in
acquiring a knowledge of history, we might employ ourselves
in searching the mountains for simples, or digging
for minerals. Chemistry begins to be once more a fashionable
study; but the fine arts, music, painting, poetry
and architecture, occupy so much of the time of
education for a young person, that there is not leisure,
or space left for the more useful pursuits. I have not
mentioned statuary; for there are few amongst us that
handle the chisel in any other way than as joiners, or
carpenters. Caruchi was guillotined as being concerned
in constructing what was called the infernal machine,
for the purpose of blowing up Bonaparte. It is astonishing
that one so far above his species in the divine art of
imitating a man by the fabrification of the hand, should
have thought of destroying an original. It was this Caruchi
that proposed the representation of in
sculpture, ringing the rivers from her hair. David the
painter, is also one of those wonderful personages; for
such I call them, who possess the sublime of genius in
one of the fine arts; that of painting what would seem
extraordinary; he was said to be one of the most bloody
of the revolutionary tribunal, at least subservient to them.
Now there is a delicacy, and fineness of mind, so to speak,
in such kind of intellects, that it astonishes me, how cruelty
can find its way to mix with it.

Is there reason to suppose that this earth is, with respect
to some superior order of beings, but a beehive;
and that they are amused looking at our working? It
is humiliating enough, to conceive so of our insignificance,
and therefore I repel the idea; but supposing it
be so, it must be amusing to them to see the same revolutions
over again in the moral world. The like abstract
notions in metaphysics, and theology, with similar experiments
in government. For it is true what the wise
man observes, “there is nothing new under the sun.”

I have no idea that the Theagony of Hesiod, as it is applied
to action in the Iliad, and Odyssy of Homer, and
continued down in the Eneid of Virgil, will be revived
in the faith of nations while any vestige remains of the
credence. For there must be novelty in the hypothesis
that will attract. Though I will admit that boldness, or
rather extravagance in the belief, is most likely to be
successful.

The preceding dissertation on the origin of the languages
of Europe, and incidentally upon other subjects,
may seem incongruous with the nature of this work;
did it not occur to a diligent observer, that there can be
nothing incongruous, or inconsistent, with a book which
embraces all subjects, and is an encyclopedia of the sciences.
It is an opus magnum, which comprehends law,
physic, and divinity. Were all the books in the world
lost, this alone would preserve a germ of every art.
Music, painting, poetry, &c. Statuary it says the least
about. Nevertheless, some hints are given that will
serve to transmit the reputation of Phidias and Praxiteles;
and stimulate the efforts of the chisel upon stone,
in generations yet to come. Yet, disliking egotism, and
all appearance of vanity in others, I am unwilling to emblazon,
beyond what is moderate, a production of my
own. But, to speak my mind a little freely, leaving the
bible out of the question, which taking it even as a human
composition, may be termed a divine book; a collection
of tracts unequalled in all ages by other writers; and conceding
to Homer his superiority; and to Shakespeare,
and Plutarch's Lives, I do not know, but I certainly flatter
myself, that my performance may occupy the next
grade. But I will not say more at this time, least I be
accused of boasting, and be called a braggadocia; an imputation
carefully to be avoided by all who would escape
envy, and the vexations of that malignant passion.

2. CHAPTER II.

THE neighbouring country being peopled a good
deal from the north of Ireland, the early teachers of youth
were from thence. What were called redemptioners, or
persons unable to pay for their passage, contracting to be
sold in this country for what time might be necessary to
raise the money, were bought for schoolmasters; or put
to that employment in the summer; and in the winter to
weaving, or cord-waining, or whatever other trade, or
occupation, they were qualified to exercise, from the
use of it in the old country. It was in this way that
Greece had her first preceptors from Crete; and again,
Rome from Greece. And in the same manner, letters
were brought into Italy, by the emigrants after the fall
of Constantinople. It was under the tuition of one of
these that the governor had been taught the first elements.
The master, as he was called, had a small staff
attached to a strap of leather cut into thongs; the flagellum,
or whip, and ferule in the same instrument. Nor
was he sparing in the use of this inforcer of discipline.
For as he had not a facility of communication of ideas,
it was necessary to drive more by the hand; for “when
the iron is blunt, you must put to more strength:” which
was rendered still more necessary from the want of
those introductions to spelling, by division of words into
syllables, which are now in use. Thornton in his prize
essay, on the facilitating early pronunciation, has shown
the advantage of beginning with the consonants, to give
the sounds, and letting the vowels follow. Thus, ba, be,
instead of ab, or eb. But such nicety was not attended
to by the resolute men by whom the youth of that day
were initiated in the first mysteries. The conjoining,
and the reaching of sounds, was less studied; the system
being that of direct force. I have seen a score go through
their facings on a Monday morning, by flagellation; for
it was thought most advisable to whip first, and go to get
their tasks afterwards. And in proportion as the schollar
was a favourite, he was the more roughly handled.

A higher grade of men of this education, and discipline,
had got possession of the pulpits; the leading doctrines

of which, in the mouth of some of these, were not
calculated to give the most favourable impressions of the
nature of the divinity.

It is of a later period, that we are indebted to this cunabula
for editors of papers.

Said I, to one of these, why do you attack me, who have
no ill will to you? God love your shoul, said the Paddywhack,
it is not you I am attacking; it is the party. This
set me a thinking; and certainly one has no more reason
to be offended with a shot from one of these; for they
mean nothing more personal, than with the gunner who
points the battery. It is not an individual that he aims
at, as individual; but as one of the squadron; the more
eminent in character, the more prominent to the aim;
and instead of defamation, it is a compliment, to be
thought worthy of a piece levelled, or the artillery directed.
In the midst of abuse, this has reconciled me to the
bearing it; and, in fact, in the contention of parties, the
passing by a man, is a sure proof that he is insignificant.

Speaking of foreign emigration, it occurs to me to
say a few words on the subject of French influence: and
in doing this, I must take notice, that those who canvass
this matter, do not go far enough back. It could not
but have been agreeable to France, to hear of the revolt
from the authority of Britain, being a rival nation; and
the presumption was, that France would at least wish
well to the opposition. In fact, they did wish well, and
at a very early period, began to discover it in acts. If she
did not openly receive our ambassadors at first, she did
privately; and under the idea of commercial arrangements
by individuals, she slurred supplies of ammunition,
and the means of war. French engineers and soldiers of
fortune, came to serve in our armies; and young nobility,
as to a military school. Even an army came in due
time, when she had acknowledged our independence;
and French money was distributed: many thousand
French crowns were circulated. But for this we could
not have carried on the war. France is certainly opposed
to our giving up our independence, and returning to
our obedience to Great Britain. But, be this as it may,
certain it is, that the success of the French arms,
at Marengo, at Jena, at Austrelitz, at Friedland, at
Wagram, and other places, have obstructed our re

turn; which may be termed an indirect French influence.

I shall not pursue this train of thinking; it is enough
to have given a hint. It cannot be denied, however, but
that one thing the French have done for the world, the
advantage of which all protestants will agree in admitting;
the putting down the Pope. Nor is the prospect
hopeless, but that Mahomet will be reduced; a thing remembered
in the prayers of those whom we call the
faithful, for a long time in Christendom.

3. CHAPTER III.

THE mind of man is active, and the great secret of
managing it, is to find employment for it. L' ennui,
for which we have not a correspondent English word,
is the feeling of a vacant mind. We had a phrase in the
old Saxon, and which still exists in that dialect of it which
we call broad Scotch which hits it exactly; it is to think
lang.

The mind inactive loses its spring; and it ought to be
the study of all who are concerned in the early education
of youth, to devise employment for them; and in
communities, to find means of occupying the grown persons.
This to keep the man from pursuits that are injurious
to himself or to others. Where an army is not
to be raised, and soldiers enlisted, the making turnpike
roads, and digging canals, is an excellent substitute for
this draught of the superfluity of population, and a proportion
of society who have not the foresight, or perseverance
to devise employment for themselves. Hence
it is, that they are mustered in elections by the ambitious,
for their own private views; and these are they who are
made use of to call out for a change of the constitution;
Not that all who make use of them for this purpose,
mean more than to advance themselves by the aid of the
confusion which they excite. For when men are out of
power, they wish the drawing of the lottery to begin
again, and the prizes drawn to go for nothing. The blanks
that are drawn do not give satisfaction. Not but that the
common people are of themselves sufficiently disposed
to novelty. A desire of a change is the characteristic of
the multitude, at all times. And even if a man has no
prospect of ameliorating his condition, it helps a little
that it is not always the same. Though the next plank
is as hard as that on which a man lies, it is pleasant to
roll upon it. It is a great misfortune, when a restless

spirit has a faculty of haranguing; and still more so, if he
has ideas, and can get himself placed at the head of a
paper. He is restrained by feelings of delicacy only in
proportion as he wants terms to express himself. If
one of these should happen to be of the kingdon emphatically
so called, because it has been but nominally a kingdom
for some ages, he brings the same licence into his
paper, that he shewed at the fairs of Liffy, or Tipperary,
with a shamrock in his hat, and a shilelah in his hand.—
Yet there is in the history of that people in their own
country, something greatly to be valued: their hospitality,
and generosity. An Irishman has no mean vices.—
He is brave and open in his enmity; and sets the law at
defiance, at the same time with the public opinion.

It is an old adage, an ounce of prevention, is worth a
pound of cure: or, as the mock doctor of Smollet has it,
Bestum est curare distemprum ante habestum.

It is but a slovenly way of reforming a man, to hang
him. Some indeed have their doubts whether it is lawful
to hang a man at all, or take away life in society.—
Certainly nothing can justify it, but the necessity of self-preservation.
If a man had killed five hundred, and the
remainder can be safe, the necessity of taking away the
life of the murderer ceases; and it is unlawful to put
him to death. But where a man kills one, a presumption
arises that he will kill two, and it is on the principle
of precavention that he is suspended, or otherwise
taken from society. Banishment is unquestionably the
proper mulct to him who has forfeited the benefits of
society. But the culprit may come back, and take and
repeat his blows; or he may commit mischief in the
place to which he is sent, or to which he may come; or
another society may refuse to receive him. But the
Jewish lawgivers said, “Whosoever sheddeth man's
blood, by man shall his blood be shed:” but if that is to
be taken strictly, hanging is no shedding blood; and yet
the murderer is hung, not beheaded.

The meaning is predictive; and as much as to say,
that in the natural course of things, the taking the life of
a man, leads to the loss of a man's own. But taking it
even as injunctive, and as pointing out that punishment
which retributary justice ought to inflict, it must be taken
as applicable to the Jews in the wilderness, whose unsettled
life did not admit of places of confinement sufficiently
safe to secure offenders. While they were journeying

from Kadesh Barnea to Cushanrishatharim, they
must be at a loss what to do with the malefactor; and
therefore it saved trouble to despatch him from the
world. In a country where the sitting is permanent,
to borrow a phrase from the French national assembly,
and where strong buildings can be erected like the old
or new jail of Philadelphia, what necessity can there be to
put a man out of the world? He can be put to work, and
to make some amends to the community for the life he
has taken away, and the expence of bringing him to punishment.
As for himself, is he not more punished by
solitude, or labour, than by the infliction of death? It
does not follow, that if left to a man's self, he would prefer
confinement to death, that for this reason, the punishment
is lighter. He has not resolution to consult future
happiness, by the enduring present pain. But if it is left
to a man to consider whether he would wish to have his
enemy confined, or to undergo instant death, would he be
willing that his adversary should escape vengeance by
getting speedily out of the world? It might be a satisfaction
to him that the murderer should go to hell; but
he is not sure that he would go there; and when he has
him in a work-house, he is sure that he must work. Besides,
who can be of so diabolical a nature, as to be reconciled
even to a murderer going to hell; and why not allow
him space and opportunity to repent, as much as the
short life of man will allow, in a cell of confinement with
nothing but bread and water, at least until he gives signs
of repentance. Be this as it may, from all the examination
I have been able to give my own mind, I would think
a man more punished who had murdered, to see him in
a cell, than on a gallows; what I would think if I had
been murdered myself, supposing me still to have the
feelings of humanity, in another state, is a different question.
I might wish to have my adversary with me there;
in order to retaliate, and to have the gratification of retributary
vengeance. Unquestionably it must be a feeling
of this nature, and a putting ones self in the place of a
murdered person, that can lead to an idea that it is but
justice to the dead, that the murderer should die. It is
but an innovation in the common law of our ancestors,
the Saxons, to put to death, when a compensation could
be made to the public, and to the relations of the deceased
for the injury done, in taking away the life of an individual.

It seems to be a dictate of nature; for the early ages
of man in all countries, sanctions this mode of atoneing
for injuries, not excepting murder itself. Where there
was a community of goods, compensation could not be
made in this way, and confinement and hard labour would
be the only punishment.

But, be as it may, if life must go for life, I dislike the
mode of taking it. The sus. per col. is an ugly minute
on the docket. I do not know that they could have done
better before the invention of gun powder; for beheading
is not much better; if not rather more shocking, from
the mutilation of the body. I would prefer shooting;
at least if I was to die myself by the order of the law,
that would be my choice; and through the breast rather
than the head; for I would not chuse to have the human
countenance disfigured. I saw once four deserters shot,
sitting on their coffins, and their graves dug beside
them, and yet with these terriffic circumstances, I
thought them killed prettily in comparison of being put to
death by the halter. The guillotine is too appaling, on
account of the apparatus. My mode of death, were it
left to my choice, I mean death forced, would be to fall
by a pistol shot by the hand of a mild compassionate female,
drest in white muslin, who would have fortitude
to be unmoved; because, in that case, death would be
presented with as little terror as the nature of the case
would admit. “To paint death as we do, is an injustice,
says the duc de Ligne. We should represent it in
the shape of a tall, venerable, mild and serene matron
with traces of beauty left on her countenance, and her
arms opened gracefully to receive us. This is an emblem
of an eternal repose after a sad life, replete with
anxieties and storms.”

I will admit, that the sudden impression, the theatrical
effect, so to speak, of a public execution, is calculated
to strike the multitude; but it is passing, and as to
the deterring from the commission of crimes, no punishment
can have any great effect. All depends upon the
ways and means of preventing; caution a priore, is the
most effectual. I have weighed a good deal in my mind,
the speeches of Julius Cæsar and Cato in the Roman
senate, on the sentence to be passed on the conspirators,
the associates of Cataline. That of Cato prevailed,
which was for the putting them to death; and with
good reason, on that occasion, which was in the midst of

an insurrection, and when a confidence in the power of
government was necessary to be expressed, and the audacious
intimidated, shewing them what those who had
the administration dared to do, against those who had
so many of the populace on their side; and because also,
in those perturbed times, there was no secure keeping
them; they might have got out of custody in a short
time, and have gone to increase the numbers of the traitors.
Self-preservation, in this case necessity, dictated
the putting out of life; yet it is remarkable, with what
delicacy the Roman consul expresses the event, walking
down to the Forum after their execution: “Vixerunt,”
they have lived. The Greeks also, in their mode of expressing
the last offices, speak of having accompanied
the departed, a little way on their journey. “Odou cimarmenene,”
the appointed journey. What an impression
must we have of the manners of those times, when
torture preceded death; and death itself, was accompanied
with all the horror of circumstances. May not
the time come, when the putting to death at all, unless in
extreme cases, such as those alluded to, will be felt as
the proof of an uncivilized state of society; and a remnant
of barbarity still retained by the prejudices of the vulgar?

4. CHAPTER IV.

THE visionary philosopher had not yet abandoned
his project of civilizing the brute creation, and teaching
them the arts and sciences. He had caught a young panther,
and, with a chain about its neck, had put it to study
law with a young man of that profession, who wishing to
get forward in the business, thought it could do him no
harm, though it might not do the panther much good to
undertake the task. But there were those who bore
testimony against this, being of opinion that lawyers were
bad enough, even when made of the best materials.—
This idea was supported by some sensible men, who
could not conceive that this animal of the cat kind could
ever be brought to be capable of explaining a matter to
a jury, or stating a point of law to the court.

The visionary philosopher taking fire at this opposition
to his discovery, invention, or improvement, or what
else it might be called, exclaimed abundantly. What is
it, said he, whether he may be ever able to explain himself
intelligibly at the bar? Cannot he grin, bite—

[There would seem here to be an hiatus in the manuscript,
or the sheets misplaced. The editor cannot connect
the narrative.]

It had come to the knowledge of the people, or, at
least, was projected in the mean time, that after the proclamation
for scalps, and the hunt which took place in
consequenc of it, the governor had been guilty of the
most manifest partiality in screening the bog-trotter, who
was as much liable as any person, no one having been
more noisy in beer-houses, and active at town meetings,
to bring about a convention, than he had been; with the
exception of Thady O`Conner, who had taken the benefit
of the insolvent act; and a few others who had been
refused tavern licences at the sessions. It was thought
to be a ground of impeachment to connive at the secreting
any one on such occasion.

The fact was, the governor was as innocent of the
charge as any one among themselves, and so he declared
to them; that for a considerable time past, he had ceased
to have a controul over the bog-trotter; that like

Noctra Mullin's dog, he had been at his own hand, these
six weeks; that is, since he got in to be constable.

The affair was like to take a very serious turn, and
the people would not be satisfied; when Angus M`Donald,
the Scotch gardener, having knocked down the
panther that was studying law, and taken off a piece of
his hide, came forward with it, saying it was little matter
what had been done with Teague on the occasion alluded
to, since he had put the law in force against him
just now, and scalped him himself, as they might see by
the red hair, and the blood. There is nothing sooner
softens a passion, or calms a mad multitude, than the
yielding to it. Hence the fury abated in a moment; and
when it occurred to them that their remonstrance to the
governor had been the occasion of the tragedy, they began
to relent, and to blame themselves as having been
too precipitate in their representations.

The difficulty now occurred, what to do with the bog-trotter.
For it would not be safe that he should remain
in the government, and that it should be visible that the
scalping had been but a substitution, and not the genuine
exuvia of the man. Harum Scarum was of opinion
that it was best to knock him down in reality, and take his
scalp to the people, laying the deception at the door of
the Scotchman, as it really ought. The governor was
opposed to that, as it was to save him from an impeachment
that Angus, with great presence of mind, had bethought
himself of the stratagem, to divert the fury of
the populace.

But the visionary philosopher, in the mean time, enraged
at the murder of his crony panther, and the lawyer
with whom he was studying, dissatified, or seeming
to be so, the circumstance was explained to the people.
But they thought enough had been done for once, and that
it was not necessary to pursue the matter farther. In
fact, some of them were in the secret, and meant only
pastime from the beginning.

However, thinking it might not be amiss to be out of
the way for a while, the bog-trotter was sent over hill to
dig potatoes, at the farm of Niel M`Mullin, a neighbouring
gentleman.

5. CHAPTER V.

It may be thought that in my allusions to impeachment,
I may have in view what has happened in this
state. It is probable, or rather certain, that it is this
which has led me to think upon the subject, and to introduce
it in a picture of democratic government, such as
that I am now describing. But if it is inferred from
thence, that I approve or condemn what has taken place
in this state, it will be unfair; or at least a misconception.
For I do not mean that any inferences, favourable
or unfavourable, should be made from it. On the contrary,
I am far from reprobating the power of impeachment
in the constitution, or finding fault with a discreet
use of it in practice. I look upon it, as the means of
avoiding tumults, and assassinations. When dissatisfaction
with the conduct of public officers, is suffered to
shew itself, and to have a vent in this way, the public
mind, having an opportunity of hearing grievances discussed,
and getting to know the real demerit, good or
bad, of the functionary, is more likely to be satisfied,
and it is safer for the object of the obloquy. Nor, on examination,
will it be found, that in many cases, where
there is a public dissatisfaction with an officer, there has
not been some foundation laid; if not in the very particular
that is made the subject of enquiry, yet in some
other that has led to it. As for instance; even in the
case of Scipio Africanus, where, perhaps, a just cause
has been the least suspected to have existed of all instances
of a great man impeached, that are to be found in
history. Yet if any one will read Livy attentively, in his
account of the way in which this young man came forward
into public life, he may anticipate the vexations he
experienced after he had accomplished great things for
the commonwealth. His error was, a premature competition
for office. Before the age allowed by law, he set
up for the Edile-ship, and carried it by the undue favour
of the populace. “Si me, omnes Quirites edilem facere
volunt, satis annorum habeo.” How arrogant the
expression; how insulting to the tribunes and Fabius
Maximus, and others of the senate who opposed it? His
offering himself for the proconsulate in Spain before his

24th year, quatuor et viginti annos ferme natus, professus
se petere, was more excusable from the occasion.

But it was in some degree by an affectation of religion
and arts of dissimulation, that he had prepared the public
mind, to favour his premature pretensions. From the
time that he had put on the toga virilis, to this, he had
been preparing the minds of the people. There was
no day, before he did any thing private or public, but that
he went into the capital, and entering a temple, sat down,
and for the most part alone, in secret, and spent there
some time. This custom, which was preserved through
his whole life, whether designedly, or that it so happened,
procured credit to the opinion published by some, that
he was a man of a divine stock, and brought up the story
before common, of Alexander the Great, and equal to it,
in fable and variety, that he had been conceived of a
huge dragon, which had been seen in the bed of his mother;
and which tale he increased by the art of neither
contradicting nor assenting.

On his return from Spain, after the expiration of his
proconsulate, he was willing to have accepted a triumph,
though to that day, there had been no instance of
any one triumphing, for whatever successes, unless he
had had the command in chief; or, as the historian expresses
it, qui sine magistratu res gessisset. It is true,
it is said that “the hope of a triumph was rather tried
than obstinately persisted in.” But it shews a too great
forwardness to catch at honours. But the inordinate
nature of his ambition was more evident, on his obtaining
the consulship. He grasped at Africa for his province
though not according to his lot, “nulla jam
modica gloria contentus.” And this he said openly,
he would carry by the people, even if the senate set
themselves against it. He made his words good, and
the senate, with all the authority and reputation of Fabius
Maximus, venerable from age and wisdom, and
other aged likewise and experienced, were bullied by the
tribunes and people into an acquiescence.

I cannot help considering his conduct in procuring the
province of Africa for his brother Lucius, having Lælius
for his colleague in the consulship, who equally was ambitious
of that designation, as extremely indelicate in
throwing his weight into the scale, in the deliberation of
the senate between the two, by offering to serve under
his brother as his lieutenant; if they would prefer his

brother. By this means, and by his previous advice to
his brother in submitting the matter to the senate, rather
than to the chance of a lot, and thus having it in his mind
to use the address of offering his services in a subordinate
capacity, which was, in fact, obtaining the command
for himself, he fixed in the minds of the principle
men much chagrin and dislike. And deservedly; for
ambition is self-love; and when it is at the expence of
others, it is odious. Every man in a community has what
may be ranked among the imperfect rights in society,
a right to have his age considered, in pretention to office;
and not to be intruded upon by the coming generation
before its time; much less to have power engrossed even
by virtue itself, or the most distinguished ability. For
the keeping the flame of public spirit burning, is the
vital principle of republican government, to which there
is nothing more smothering than inequality in the chance
of obtaining offices, honours, and emoluments. And if
the next generation come on too soon, the seniors are
pressed out, and lose their chance. Nor is it only by the
younger intruding that this equality is effected, but the
usurping by those of any age, of what is not equal.—
And I call it usurpation, where any thing is obtained;
what is more, where any thing is even taken, that reasonably
ought to go to another, in consideration of standing,
ability, or services. If these are obtained by popular favour,
unduly coveted, what reason has the candidate to
complain, or good men to regret, if the same caprice that
has advanced, should, notwithstanding unimpeachable
conduct, nevertheless impeach. We shall see that this
was the case with Scipio.

He was impeached by the tribunes of the people on a
charge of peculation, and converting the public money
to his own use, in which there was no truth; but in the
remainder of the charge, there was truth; “that he had
pushed himself forward to foreign nations in a manner as
if peace and war with the Roman people depended upon
him alone: That he had gone out as a dictator to his
brother, rather than as a lieutenant; and for no other purpose,
but that he might shew himself, and have it believed
in the east, as he accomplished in the west, that he
should seem the head, and the pillar of the Roman empire:
That a state, the mistress of the world, should
seem to be under the shade of his power: That his nod

stood in place of the decrees of the senate, or the orders
of the people.”

The charge of peculation he could easily answer; but
these things he could not answer; nor was there any
thing so definite in them, that strictly speaking, they
could be made the ground of an impeachment; but it was
easy to see that by reason of them, the alleged offence
would be established, and which alone could come within
the laws. He chose to withdraw from the trial, and go
into banishment.

If, in like manner, impeachments that have brought a
reproach upon republics were examined, it might be
found, that in the greater part of them, bating sudden
errors, and mistakes, incident to all human affairs, there
would be found, though not the best foundation for the
particular charge alleged, and the sentence pronounced,
yet remotely something blameable, which had led to the
making the charge in question.

But even taking it as matters seem to be on the surface
of things, the wrongs of democracy, and injustice of
public characters, will be found to fall short of those under
lurid despotism. For a view of this, let the history of
the Roman empire, by Livy, be compared with that of the
same people under the emperors, as we have it by the
divine pen of Tacitus. There is no one who will consult
the nature of things, or look into what has taken place in
popular governments, but will think that there is greater
chance for justice to an honest man, than where this depends
upon the caprice of an individual. For it is not the
despot himself that is alone to be dreaded; it is those
he has about him, and will allege words spoken of him,
or acts done against his government; when, in fact, it is
their own resentment, for something done, or said, or
omitted to be done, or said, which they wish to gratify.

A despotic government is safer for a dishonest man, and
he has the best chance of coming forward there, where
it is not ability or integrity that recommends, but subserviency
to the passions of the prince.

But it is the rage of mere democracy that has brought
reproach upon republicks; democratic power unbalanced,
is but the depotism of many instead of one. It is the
balancing with stays and braces of distributed powers that
gives safety. This distribution of power is the highest
effort of the mind, and yet you will find but few,
who, like my bog-trotter, will not conceive that they

could form a constitution that would give energy and
guard liberty. It is this false idea, overweaning conceit,
that I have it in view to ridicule. I am willing to
give it the whole force of my indignation, in proportion
as I know the error, and the consequences. Let any man
look at a book published in this state, under the specious
title of “Experience the test of government,” and see
the crude conceptions that it contains; I do not know
by whom written, and he will be sensible of the consequences
of putting the modelling of a constitution into
such hands. “I am not afraid of the people of Pennsylvania,”
said a pompous orator to me. The fact was, he
had nothing to be afraid of, unless they would take his
scalp. Nor am I afraid of them on my own account;
but on theirs; at least I am afraid on their account, as
well as my own. For the formation of a government, is
not a matter to which the bulk are competent: or if
they will indulge caprice in changing, and they will go
to change; whenever a change is made, it will be but
a majority that is satisfied, and perhaps that not great;
and it is to be expected that a portion of the majority,
not finding their account in the change, will associate
with the former minority, and hence a change, and so toties
quoties, until only one remains that is to be satisfied.

It will be said, impeachment is of no use; the constitution
being such, that a conviction cannot follow; it requiring
such a proportion of the tribunal, before whom
the impeachment comes to trial, to be of a mind. Is it
nothing even in the case of an acquittal, to be scared half
to death? Even on a representation of the people, and a
citation before a committee of the house of representatives,
one may as well be half hanged, as to undergo the
terror.

Can any one, looking at the quarter sessions, think that
there is no good by trying, even where there is no condemnation?
I have known many a man tried, that I
thought guilty in the letter of the law, and perhaps spirit,
but if acquitted by the exclusion of testimony not legal, or
the leaning of the jury on the side of himself, or otherwise,
I did not think there was nothing in the having brought
to trial, and shaken the prisoner well over the indictment,
or rather the indictment over him. He might reform
and it would be a warning to him.

It is possible, that something like oppression and tyranny,
or bordering on these, both to people and bar, may
have been complained of in judges with some cause in
times past. Is it to be supposed that what has taken
place, has contributed nothing to arrest, or remove this
grievance? Would not the oppression and tyranny seem
to have veered to the other side now, and to be found, in
some degree, if not with the people, at least with the bar.
It has seemed to me to be so, and it is therefore, but an
emanation of my feelings when I pourtray in my imagination
the disorder of untamed animals admitted to be
advocates. It is doubtless a caricatura of what I mean,
but a thing has usually some excess in it, to be felt as
the proper subject of a caricatura. While the lawyer
has it in his power to influence his client; and even to
excuse his own ignorance or errors, by laying the loss
of a cause upon a judge, or alleging oppression, the client
can apply to a house of representatives, and the judge,
of course, be brought down with facility, the presumption
is, that he will bear a great deal of impertinence,
impudence, and irregularity, before he will think it advisable
to endanger the running the gauntlet, by entering
into a contest with a powerful member of the bar. I
do not mean powerful in point of talents; for there is
nothing to be apprehended from men of ability; it is
from the uninformed that the difficulty arises; and insults
are received from them, because it is the instinct of
their natures, to cover their defects by noise and arrogance;
or, from a want of knowledge, they think themselves
monstrously wronged, when they have the fairest
hearing, and the fullest justice.

The suitors of the court, the jurors, the circumstantes,
or bystanders, complain of the length of speech in
the lawyers, and of the judges for suffering them.—
There was a time when the judges might have taken some
liberty in restraining, or at least in frowning on diffusiveness
of explanation; but more caution must be used
now, lest offence should be given; judges being more
under the weather than formerly. A prudent man in a
judicial station, will bear for the present, what he will not
always bear; because he will discern that this is not the
time to make head; but that after some time, the current
may begin to set in a different direction; and that
may then succeed which now would but strengthen the

tide. Besides, it is difficult to say when the speech is
too long; and it may be a question whether the court
ought to be suffered to judge of that. The constitution
provides that a man shall be heard “by himself or his
counsel;” but it does not say how long he shall be heard.
Admit the court may have a right to say, that the
speech has been long enough as to them, have they a right
to say that it has been long enough for the jury. How can
they tell whether the jury are satisfied? What is more;
is it the court or jury that have the right to say, that
they have heard enough? Or, is it the suitor or his counsel,
who have a right to say, we have not been sufficiently
heard? Tyranny and oppression in refusing to hear,
may be charged; and thus it is a matter that must depend
a good deal upon the temper of the times, and upon
a discreet discernment of what is practicable, on particular
occasions, or with particular persons, that a judge
must determine what to do. A man of sense at the bar,
is easily manageable; but a weak man is as difficult to
manage, as the visionary philosopher's panther.

Do our representatives in our legislative bodies, always
confine themselves to the point, though they may to the
question? In other words, is it possible to keep them to
order, though it may be to call them? Is it found possible
to abridge their harangues while breath and strength
of lungs last? If those whose business is not speaking
can find such facility in prolonging a discourse, what
may not be expected of such as are more in the habit;
and without fatiguing themselves, can speak interminably?
Were our orators in the legislative bodies as much
in the hearing of the people, as the advocates of our
courts, they might be complained of as much for the
length of their speeches. In the courts, it is no uncommon
thing for the judges to express a weariness of the
tediousness of counsel; and sometimes to attempt to
bring them to the point, and to abridge their harangues;
but it will seldom, if ever, be found to answer
any end but to prolong the discussion; for if you restrain
at one point, there will be an overflowing at another;
and it being like to come to an altercation, which is indecent,
it will seem best to give up the contest, and let the
thing take its course. The line is so delicate between
unseasonable interruption by the court in calling to the
point, and what is justifiable, that it is difficult to fix it
without doing injustice, and impossible without giving

dissatisfaction. In human affairs, there is no reaching
the perfect in the application of principle. All that can
be done, is to come as near it as possible, by a just discernment
of circumstances. What is done, may be
blamed; but there might be more blame, had the contrary
been done.

6. CHAPTER VI.
CONSIDERATIONS ON THE POWER OF IMPPEACHMENT—Continued.

THE power of impeachment, is the most salutary
principle of a free government. Where there is a full
scope for this, there is no danger of convulsions; and
there is a prospect that the constitution may be preserved.
Injustice may be done: no doubt of that, and injustice
a thousand times, has been done. But it is the fortune
de guerre; the fate of war; in other words, a tacit
condition of the acceptance of an office. It is a maxim
of law, qui sentit commodum sentire debet et onus. A
good book might be written on the history of impeachments.
It would be instructive; and might be entertaining.

I would like to see the sentiment I have broached, fully
developed; and the history of impeached characters,
so far traced, as to see whether some conduct in a public
capacity, or in the ways and means of getting at public
office, or appointment, had not laid the foundation of
the ultimate prosecution. The presumption is, that the
shoe must have pinched somewhere, to have produced
that uneasiness which has been felt; and which has terminated
in a public accusation. And, in some particular
perhaps, in which the individual may have deserved
commendation rather than blame; but upon which it has
been thought the more practicable to succeed, taking
into view the prejudices of the times. Such an investigation
of causes and effects, might save the character of
democratic governments from much blame. I admit it
would not perfectly justify the impeaching for one cause,
while another was more in the minds of the public;
but it would account for it, and excuse it. One is less
shocked at the imprisonment and fine of Miltiades, when
we recollect his demand of an olive crown after the battle

of Marathon. It was answered to him, “when you
shall conquer alone, it will be time enough to ask to have
honours paid you alone.” It may easily be seen, from
his coveting this distinction, that his ambition was not
sufficiently regulated; and it may be inferred, that the
like spirit exhibited in other instances, may have given
just offence to a people jealous of equality.

I have known a man in office, whose sordid mind in
money matters, appeared to me to render him undeserving
of an office; and though this could not render him
liable to an impeachment; yet, if he was impeached for
something bordering on what was impeachable, there
would be a predisposition to be reconciled to his being
found guilty. For no man deserves an office in a republic,
that is mean in money matters, and is justly chargeable
with a sordid oeconomy.

Inordinate self-love in the accumulation of office, in a
single family, is at all times obnoxious to popular dislike,
and the most upright discharge of a public function, will
not atone for the engrossing money in one's own person, or
that of connections.

One consideration ought to go a great way in reconciling
the public mind, in a popular government, to the
bearing these things when they occur, that nature is
constantly acting to remove the grievance, by death, and
in this way to bring about rotation in office. Combinations
will be broken by the quiet operation of this general
law; pluralities will disappear; and the poor devil that
is disgracing himself by a nearness that is contemptible,
cannot always live to enjoy, if he ever may be said to enjoy
the savings of his penury. In the mean time, it is a
satisfaction, that if the general contempt is not felt by
him, it is felt by every one else.

Where a man is liberal in his private dealings, and
contributes to objects of utility according to his means, he
is thought deserving of office, and his generosity and
public spirit, like charity, will cover a multitude of sins.
It is rare that such a character becomes the subject of
popular prosecution. Where indeed his liberality is but
the stilt of his ambition; and this is indulged so as to
wound the self-love of others, we need not wonder if it
draws persecution. The most manly thing that I know
in the history of the Roman senate, is the impeaching
Manlius Capitolinus. Generosity, and public spirit

on his part had shewed itself to be but the stilt of ambition.
That is, it was not public spirit, but inordinate
self-love. He had saved Rome in defending the capital;
but he was not satisfied with the consciousness of this,
and the gratitude of his country on all occasions expressed;
but he must be the only man of any name in the
state. With a view to this, what were his arts? Affecting
to be the advocate of all confined for debt; paying
debts himself for some, with ostentation; shewing his
wounds and scars, and perpetually talking of having defended
the capital, haranguing against the senate, and
charging them with concealing the public treasures; remonstrating
with the community on their not knowing
their own strength, and doing themselves justice in the
government. From these arts, such was his influence
with the body of the people, that even the dictator Cornelius
Cassus the second after Romulus, who had taken
the spolia opima; and who was created dictator for this
purpose, amongst others, of checking the sedition, dreaded
it more than the war against the Volsci, which he
was obliged first to meet. For though returning victorious
over the enemy, and armed with the honour of a
triumph, yet he considered the contest at home as the
more formidable; and though he had ordered him into
custody, yet had not thought it advisable to proceed farther
against him. It was thought that his abdicating the
dictatorate, which he did at this time, was owing to his
not chusing to meet the tempest that was breaking out
on behalf of this demagogue to liberate him from the prison.
The consuls now chosen, and the senate, were in
consternation, when at the proposition of two tribunes
of the people, Marcus Mœnius, and Quintus Publius, the
bold measure was adopted of charging him before the
people themselves, and bringing him to an impeachment.
The result was, that the very people rallying onward to
support him, were arrested in a moment at the idea of
guilt charged upon him, and themselves made the judges.
What was the charge? Why simply that of attempting
to destroy the balance of the government, by
inflaming the populace, and running down the senate.—
Yet, strange as it may seem, this very populace who were
alleged to be the subject of his arts, and the means of his
treason, on a fair examination, found him guilty; and in
order to stamp his conduct with perpetual disgrace, it
was provided, that no one of the family of Manlius,
should ever bear the name of Marcus, which was his
name. He was thrown from the Tarpeian rock like the
vilost of criminals.

7. CHAPTER VII.

UNDER the existing constitution, the patronage of
the governor was considerable. This very thing which
at first view would seem to be a ground of his security,
was the cause of much uneasiness, and constant opposition
to his administration. For not in one case out of
ten did he make an appointment, but some concerned became
enemies. The one appointed was an enemy because
his appointment was not as good as he had expected;
and the others of the community were dissatisfied,
because he got any appointment at all. For there was
not one who did not think himself better entitled, at all
events, better qualified. Some were vexed because they
had not been chosen governor themselves, and no appointment
would have satisfied them. There was a weaver
amongst these who had pretensions to the chair, and raised
a clamour against the constitution, thinking that in
the confusion that would ensue, things being once
more put into hotch-pot, he might renew his chance for
the office of chief magistrate; that having failed to be
put in nomination under existing circumstances he might
have better luck under a new arrangement. A second
chance he would have at all events, and it might be more
favourable in the result; inasmuch as the very bustle he
was making in the affair of the new constitution, would
bring him into great notice, and increase his popularity,
there being now an indifferent mass of citizens who were
dissentients from the same motives with himself, and
might promise themselves something from the confusion
of affairs. But the proposition of a new constitution, as
being less alarming to the bulk, was suggested under the
idea of an amendment. For the revolutions in France
about this time had created some alarm, at the idea of
changing rapidly all at once from one constitution to another.
But who was there who could have any reasonable
apprehensions of risk or danger from an amendment?
But it being thought adviseable to specify some amendments
in order the better to bring about a convention,
there was no one that had not the sagacity to find out
some things that might be put on a better footing than
they had been. As for instance; the weaver seemed

to think that the price of weaving ought to be raised; and
that no customer should hereafter find fault with the
work done; and that he should pay for it as soon as it
was done.

All this seemed reasonable, especially as the cordwainer,
and the brick-layer could easily see that in the
course of the deliberation, it would naturally take a wider
range, and introduce a clause providing for them also.
For though not by name in the first instance; yet all occupations
would be virtually included and enjoy the advantage
of the like reform It had become a cry pretty
much prevailing, that the sitting of the people should be
permanent: and the constitution revolutionary; so that
whenever, and wherever, the shoe was found to pinch
it might be altered.

Amongst the malcontents with the constitution, it was
not a little unexpected by the governor, to find Teague
Oregan his late protegee and associate in his peregrinations.
For notwithstanding he had, in the first instance,
been appointed cryer of the court, and in the next, advanced
to the grade of auctioneer, he was dissatisfied because
he had not been made chief justice, or advanced
to that of secretary of state. For these reasons he was
amongst the loudest for a reform, and proposed an assembling
of the whole people, once more to fix upon a
new constitution. The governor conceiving himself to
have some kind of right to controul and regulate the
ambition of his bogtrotter, took an opportunity to expostulate
with him on the danger and inexpediency of
the proposition at this time; and more particularly on the
indelicacy of persons newly come into the country, taking
upon them to be the first to propose a revision of
that frame of government, which they had found prepared
for them, and what on becoming citizens, they were
under an implied obligation to support.

Teague, said he, you cannot but recollect the inconsiderable
station from which I originally advanced you;
being a redemptioner on board a ship from Cork in Ireland.
In fact though you called yourself a redemptioner
you were a bound servant for years, and in such capacity
you were under an obligation to serve me, nevertheless
I treated you as a redemptioner, paid the money for you,
the passage money, and told you that as soon as you had
served me to the amount of it at the yearly hiring of a
labouring person, I would give you your liberty. The

business that I set you about might be called drudgery,
because you were fit for nothing else; but did I not as
soon as I conveniently could, endeavour to amend your
station, by making you my body servant, and taking you
with me almost in the light of a companion in my rambles?
In the course of these, in proportion as I saw an
opening, I was disposed to advance you still more, and
to bring you forward. Was it my fault if in these
prospects which seemed to be occasionally flattering,
there were some disappointments? You know well what
happened from first to last when being made a judge
you kicked an associate off the bench.

Have I not done as much for you as I well could do,
since coming to this new country, and my advance
to the chair of government? Did I not make you a
crier of the court, and are you not now an auctioneer?
What reason had you to expect that I should make you
a chief justice, even though you did read law a while, and
had been upon the bench in another place? This very
circumstance if no other, was a reason against it; for
it gave me an opportunity of knowing that you were not
fit for it. You have not the patience of a judge even if you
had all other qualifications. I could not make you secretary,
for you cannot write; and though you might act
by deputy, yet it is but an aukward thing for a man to
be secretary, which imports by the usage of the term,
some ability to minute matters, and not to be able to
write his own name. It is impossible for me not to
know that whatever you and the others of you who call
out for a new constitution are moved not by your opinion
of defects visible in the old, but because you think a new
may be more favourable to your particular pretensions.
But setting aside all that could be said on this alleged
point of private views on your part and theirs, is there
not some decency to be observed on our part in coming
into this country, in proposing innovations? Can a bog-trotter
just from Ireland like you be supposed to be cognizant
of the genius of the people sufficiently to form a
constitution for them? Is it the most delicate thing in
the world to undertake to find fault with that which they
have formed? I feel it on my part a matter of peculiar
delicacy to sport an opinion. It hurts me even that you
lately in my train, should cavil against it, least it should
be supposed to be at my prompting. Though there can
be no ground of presumption that I who have been complimented

with the government, could cabal to overturn
it. Yet one cannot tell what those who are the advocates
of what they call a reform may do, or say in order
to acquire weight to their machinations. They may pretend,
that I who hold an office under the constitution
and am sworn to support it, do not approve of it. They
will allege in proof of this, my having an officer who is
foremost in his vociferation for a change. You do not
consider, Teague, where this may end. The termination
in France we have all seen; it was the guillotine.

What is de guillotine? said Teague. It is, Said the governor,
a thing in the shape of a crowbar or a harrow
with teeth of a foot long, which they draw over a man's
back, and scratch him as you would the earth in: which
seed is sown.

The truth is, the governor did not himself know precisely
the form of this instrument, nor the manner of
its operation; but it was necessary to seem to know,
and to give a description, as he had alluded to it.

It is, continued he, a horrible instrument; and the meddler
with constitutions, is in danger of coming under it.
A regular tenor of things is the safest condition. In order
to be safe from the irons of a saw-mill, let the unskilful
beware of meddling with the wheels. In the
same manner I may say that the prudent man will
keep aloof at these times, from the danger of unseasonably
intruding himself as a mender of constitutions —
Agreeably to this is the distich of the poet,

You enjoy the lucrative office of an auctioneer, and having
seen a great deal of the world, ought to have begun
to learn that those who advise, have not always the interest
of those whom they advise, in view. May it not be
in order to serve themselves, and perhaps in the turn of
affairs to get your office, that persons flatter your vanity
as whom it becomes to put yourself at the head of a reform
in the state? I would not be willing to take an oath
that even some of your own countrymen may not have
sinister ends in view, in putting you upon this project.—
For that you are propelled, I am strongly inclined to
think as I have always found you yourself disposed to be
contented with your station, except in cases where the
mistaken notions of others working upon your inexperience
and mine, have misled our understandings.

These reasonings had weight with the bogtrotter, and
more especially that part of the expostulation which respected
the danger of the guillotine; for though the mode
of its use was not minutely explained, yet the impression
made, was that of a cutting, or tearing instrument, in either
case, painful to the patient. But though intimidated
and of himself disposed to cease his opposition to the
constitution, and his clamour for a reform, yet his countrymen
out of doors, and others of the multitude desirous
of a change, still continued active at vendues, particularly,
to urge the bogtrotter to a perseverance in his endeavours
in favour of what they called liberty.

There was no station that could put him so much in
the way of being wrought upon by the designing, as that
of auctioneer. For it subjected him to flattery, giving
an opportunity to compliment the strength of his voice,
his vein of humour, which term they could give to his
coarse jokes, and call it wit. The bottle occasionally
going about, as is the custom in the country, at using
which he was no slouch, drew from the croud also much
applause; for in proportion as the cryer was pleased, he
put about the bottle, and it came in the way of the man
that had given the last bid. It was indeed a matter of
complaint against him by those who had articles to sell
that he would suspend the hammer; or as it was a mallet
that he used, he would stand with it lifted up until
some one had finished what he had to say about the constitution.
And instead of announcing the name of the article
put up, and describing its utility, expatiating on its value,
he would forget himself, and instead of a good thing,
this, or that, he would call out, an excellent constitution;
not at half its value; who bids more, another cent buys
the whistle. Three times.

There were petitions for removal on this ground. But
what could the governor do? The mania had become
general. Not an individual that was not affected with
the rage of constitution making: not an occupation in
the exercise of which something relative to amending at
least, the constitution, did not break out in the language
that was used. It was not alone in the case of the auctioneer,
that such a derangement as it might be called,
had begun to shew itself; but with persons in almost

every other employment. The common mechanic, and
labourer were led away both in speaking and acting, with
an enthusiasm for a change of constitution.

“I saw a smith stand with his hammer thus:

The whilst his iron did on the anvil cool.

With open mouth swallowing,” the news about a
change of constitution.

A tailor was asked what he was now making? He
said a suit of constitution.

A tinker what he was now mending? He said the
constitution.

All that could write had drawn up forms; all that
could not write, had meditated forms, and were reciting
them to their neighbours. It was amusing to attend to
the various suggestions of the fancy of these improvisatori;
or extempore makers of constitutions. Some proposed
for an article, the having a provision to fatten hogs
without corn; and it was in vain to explain to them that
this did not depend upon the constitution of the government;
but on that of the hog. Some wanted chickens
hatched without eggs: others, harvests raised without
the trouble of sewing seed. All were for an amelioration
of things in the natural or moral world.

A groupe had got together at a distillery; and were
endeavouring to put into words, what they would wish
with regard to the article of extracting more whiskey
out of a bushel of grain. But they were not all of them
in a capacity to articulate the article just then, and so
it fell through for that time.

In order to acquire knowledge on the subject of constitutions,
where any one entertained a suspicion that he
had not sufficient information, which was a rare case,
he applied himself to study the hiding places, or edifices
of beasts and birds. For instinct was surer than
reason. One man of very honest investigation, was stung
in the face as he was inspecting a wasps' nest, and his face
became much swollen, and was kept in countenance only
by another who was in something of the same plight,
from a hive of bees into which he had thrust his nose.
That republic being much celebrated, it was thought
the purest model that could be studied. A diligent
observer of the flight of wild geese, and of the manner
in which one stands sentry for the flock when
they alight to feed, drew thence what he thought a good

lesson towards qualifying him for the task of new modeling
a frame of government. But the play upon the
word goose which this naturally drew upon him, threw
it into ridicule. For it was observed that he must be a
goose who would think of modeling a constitution after
geese. By others it was called a wild goose chase that
he was upon, and little attention was paid to his draught.

8. CHAPTER VIII.

IN this phrenzy of the public mind, it is not to be
dissembled that the most active of the constitution menders,
were those who had ruined their own constitution,
or that of their estates. It was observable also, that
emigrants from beyond seas; and especially from the
green Isle of Erin, were the most forward in offering
themselves for this service. Not knowing the trouble
of making a constitution, they thought it light work;
being in the habit of calling out against the existing
government at home, they did not distinguish that partiality
which the people here must have for the work
of their own hands, and their unwillingness to have assistance
not asked but forced upon them. At all events,
supposing them justifiable in the innovation, it cannot
be maintained that the volunteers were altogether discreet,
in the time of undertaking it.

A number of these who had come from the county
Monaghan, and other places, being together singing Erin
go brah, and talking politics, the governor having actually
a regard for them, as a well meaning, but impetuous
multitude, thought proper to address them, and remonstrate
against their proceedings. A minute of his
discourse has been given me, and I have set it down
here to diversify the narration.

Gentlemen of the bogs, said he, or green hills of Erin:
for in the geography of your country, you talk of bogs;
but in your songs we hear of nothing but hills—For that
reason, I shall speak of hills—

Gentlemen of the green hills of Erin, when I cast my
eye over the Atlantic Ocean, or rather cast it upon the
map, I see your island like an emerald as you call it, set
in the waves. It is a pretty little spot, on the face of
the earth, I was going to say, but rather as I ought to
say, face of the water. Of the internal geography I do
not know much, but I have heard of Limerick, and Drogheda,
and Sligo, and other places—The Cunabula gentium
the birth place of your parentage. But as to

those, I have not much attended to them; my attachment
is chiefly to the history of the people. I know
your origin if I am to believe some, and I am inclined to
believe them, that you are of Punic origin, that you
have in you the blood of the Asdrubals, and Hamilcars,
and Hannibals of antiquity. But as the poet says,
I set more store by what has been done upon your island
in the persons of your immediate progenitors. I am
not unacquainted with the fame of many great characters;
Fin M`Coul, and Brian Borumy, and others. But
for your divisions in your own country, you might have
been England, and England Ireland. And though insinuations
have been made by writers of a proneness to
rob on the highways by some of you, I do not wonder at
there being some truth in this. It cannot be a matter of
surprize, if after the military spirit of a people has subsided
by subjugation, it should break out into petty robberies
of the proud victor, and a disposition should remain
for a long time, to indemnify ones' self at the expense of
the conquerors, for the loss of private fortune. What
could have been expected of those who were expelled
from the north of your country, the four counties of Ulster,
but that they would turn free-booters? I find no fault
with the opposition made to the government of England;
for you have been oppressed by it; and I do not
wonder that a reform was thought of, and zealously attempted
by the governor of the country. Though I do
not altogether approve the irregular, and consequently
useless, disturbances by hearts of oak, as they were called;
hearts of steel, white boys, break o' day boys, who
broke the peace of the country. For of what avail is
disjointed opposition; partial insurrections, which like
the struggles of beasts of burden, serve but the more to
intangle, and furnish a reason, or at least a pretence for
weightier chains, and stronger gearing for the future?
For you see that however good your cause, and I will
acknowledge that it is my opinion there could not have
been a better, yet from immature exertions, and a want
of concert, some of you have been under the necessity of
absconding, and others of you have been shot. Those of
you who have come to this country ought to distinguish
circumstances. You have no doubt meditated much, the
greater part of you upon political establishments; but
it is not a Lycurgus, or a Solon that is wanted so much
at this time, as cultivators of the soil. The constitution
that is already framed may do awhile until we get
more ground cleared, and fences put in repair. You
will not for a moment entertain the suspicion that I
undervalue your capacity for these things; but I make
a quere with regard to the expediency of the occasion.
You have all heard of what has happened in the neighbouring
country of France, from instability in government
and from a change of constitution. The guillotine
was the result, you have all heard of the guillotine.

The croud, or some one in the croud, acknowledged
that they had heard of the guillotine; but had not a perfect
knowledge or clear conception of what it was.

It is, continued the governor, a machine which works
as I understand it, something like a farmer's cutting box.
But the noise resembles that of a forge hammer, or a
slitting mill.

Governor, replied an orator, it is not the sound of
iron, or the working of hand saws, that would intimidate
an Irishman; nor is it that we think we can make a
better constitution than the one that is made, or set up
a better government than that of which your honour is the
worthy representative, and chief magistrate. But just
coming to the country, we like to be concerned in what
is going forward. When we see the game played we
like to take a hand. Nor is it we alone that are moving
in the matter. It is your own people that have been
bred and born in the country, that make the most ado.
We only come in to take a lift at the log; just as our
forefathers did in the war, that is past, where some of
us were shot as well as yourselves. Having cleared the
ground of the British, along wid you, we are entitled to
the raising a cabin on the spot; you may call it a constitution,
or what you please. But all we want is a bit
of ground to set potatoes and to plant cabbage, with the
free use of the shilelah into the bargain, as we had it in
our own country.

That being the case, said the governor, the constitution
that you have, will answer every purpose. It is for
securing you in your possessions; and the free use of the
shilelah subordinate to no law but that of the country,
that the constitution has been framed. But for the constitution
and the laws, what would you differ from the

racoons and opossums of the woods? It is this which
makes all the difference that we find between man and
beast.

This was an unfortunate expression of the governor, and
gave countenance to the theory that had begun to prevail
about this time, that there was no radical difference
between man and beast. And of this we may hear
more in the subsequent chapters of this book. But not
being in a hurry with this narrative, we shall not go
on with the history of this phrenzy of imagination just
immediately. It is time to rest a while; that is, to dip
the pen till one looks about and reflects upon what
has gone before, and may come after. What that may be
I cannot well tell; for though I have all the matter of
the book in my head, I have not arranged it in the series
and juncture of the particulars, so that I can tell before
hand what will come next. My pen moves almost involuntarily,
from the mere habit of writing; like people
that speak without being aware of what they say. And
this unconcern arises from a consciousness that I have
no harm in my mind, and therefore there can come none
out; I mean, actual and intentional harm. If the maxim
is true, quod non habet, non dabit, I can give no offence
to any one, for I mean none. For notwithstanding
all that has been said, or suspected, I never had a single
individual in my mind, in characters I have drawn, but
have been dipping my pen simply in the inkstand of human
nature. If any man sees himself in this glass, tanquam
in speculum, it is his own fault to put his face
near it. For, it is not my intention to put the glass to
him. I will acknowledge that a principal object with
me is amusement, and I would hope to keep it innocent,
if I cannot make it useful, and I do not see why it
may not be considered as having the like chance for
this, with the fable of Menenius Agrippa about the belly
and its members; or any of those which are called
Æsop's, under the similitude of beasts, and birds
speaking. But be as it may, if we should miss the
mark, all that can be said, is, that if we mean instruction,
we have but an aukward way of conveying it.

But call it even our own amusement alone that we have
in view. it is a picture of human nature, from childhood
to old age; from the baby-house to the laying out money
in bank stock; or the purchasing land for which
the owner has no occasion. It all goes to engage, and

employ the mind, whether it is throwing a long bullet,
or drawing up an address to the President of the United
States. Our hands must be employed, or our minds.—
And this I take to be a great cause of the restlessness of
a man in society, or out of it—the activity of the mental
powers. And in proportion as a man has less or more
of the vis inertiæ, in that proportion is he locomotive,
or stationary.

Thady O`Conor had taken the benefit of the insolvent act;
nevertheless he was an honest man, for he had nothing
that he did not surrender, never having had any thing to
surrender, unless his brogues in Ireland; which though
they might be considered as still his property, yet they
were not in his possession, having fallen from his feet, as
he made his escape from sheep stealing in the old country,
and so left behind when he came to this. He had
imposed upon the captain of a vessel, by telling him
that he was a nephew of general Washington, and would
have his passage paid for him three times over, the moment
he arrived. But no president Washington, or any
for him, appearing to claim him as a relation, the Captain
was at a loss what to do with him, and while he was
deliberating, Thady made a shift to do something for
himself; and making his escape from the vessel, had
been some years sojourning in the country, and at last
got into jail, from which he had not found it convenient
to escape, and so paid his debt with a ticket as the phrase
is and being liberated by due course of law, he set out
for the new settlement, of which he had heard. He was
for a new constitution, and swelled the squad of malecontents
with the administration of the government. He
was chosen for a convention, as soon as it had been agreed
upon, that there should be one.

FRAGMENTS.

WHAT is the reason that there is usually more talent
in a new settlement than in an old? Is it the fact?
That would lead to a discussion of some delicacy, in our
republic, and induce comparison, which, according to the
proverb, is odious. But there is doubtless some ground
for the assertion, that our best generals, and ablest orators
in congress, have come from the west, or been of the
new states. As to generals, Harrison, Brown, and Jackson
might be mentioned. As to orators, we have had
Patrick Henry, of a frontier in Virginia; and I might
mention one of my own name of Kentucky, though he
spelt it Breckenridge as my father did; but thinking
him wrong I altered it, because I found the bulk of the
same stock spelt it so; and particularly doctor Brackenridge
of the philosophical society in London. Clay,
Crawford, &c. of the congress in later times, are examples.
But supposing it the fact, can I assign the cause?
It is sometimes accident. Sallust in his introduction to
the Bellum Catalinarium, asks, How came it, that the Roman
state rose to such eminence, the Greeks being before
it in arts, and the Gauls in valour? Reflecting on
the subject, he resolves it into the circumstance of a few
great men having arisen in it.

Nevertheless, though it may be sometimes a matter of
casualty, yet it would seem to me that it cannot well be
otherwise, but that in new countries the human genius
will receive a spring, which it cannot have in the old.—
But the cause lies deeper; and in this, that the strongest
minds, and the most enterprising, go there. They
are thrown upon the vigour of their own intellect. Why
is it that subterranean fire bursts from the earth, but because
it has an energy that breaks through obstructions,
and ascends to a higher element? The plodding cub
stays at home, while the more active tatterdemalion, quits
his paternal roof, and goes to build a cabin, and make a
new roof for himself, in the wild woods of Tennessee, or
elsewhere. The same elasticity and spirit of mind, which
brought him there, gives him distinction where he is.—
The independence of his situation contributes to this;
fettered by no obligation, and kept down by no superiority

of standing. Why is it in the arts, that an age of great
men cannot but be succeeded by an inferiority of powers?
This holds true in poetry, which is the province of
the imagination. Why did the slaves, on a certain occasion,
defy the swords of their masters, but yielded to
their whips? It was owing to the subjugation of habit.—
People accustomed to feel superiority in a certain way,
are discouraged in their efforts.

The streams of a new country are more abundant, and
the springs burst more plentifully. This is owing to
the shades which hang over them; which not only render
their margins and fountain heads more pleasing, but
serve to protect from the exhaling heat, and conciliate
dews, and the moisture of the clouds. Hence it is, that
it is greatly blameable to cut down the trees about a spring
head; or, if it can be dispensed with, the grove on the
hill above. For these wonderfully contribute to preserve
the abundance of the current; and the perennial
flow. It is for this reason I was delighted with the cascades
of a new country, tumbling over rocks; because
when one thinks of bathing, there are mossy banks to
strip upon, and deep shades to embower, and conceal
from the nymphs. For one is not afraid of any one else
there, unless, perhaps, a young girl looking after cows,
who would not much mind it, being used to see people
without much covering to their carcases, nor much caring
whether they have any. For it is in cities and the
abodes of luxury and false taste, where we depart most
from the simplicity of Eve in paradise, who

or pantaloons, when he had a pair.

I feel the grandeur of these water falls, and at the
same time have a sense of the salubrity of the immersion.
For I take the application of cold water to the body
in hot seasons, to be not only pleasant, but wonderfully
medical. The effusion of cold water removes heat, and
by the direct action which we call a shock, braces the
system.

The visionary philosopher having put himself at
the head of an institution for teaching beasts, had collected
sundry of what he thought the most docile animals.
He had in his academy, as it might be called, under scholastic
discipline, a baboon, a pet squirrel, a young bear,
and half a dozen pigs, &c. &c. The squirrel, as in the
case of young masters, with the sons of rich people, he
encouraged, or coaxed, to get his task by giving him
nuts to crack; and the pigs, by throwing them rinds of
pompions, or parings of apples; the bear and the baboon,
in like manner, by something in their way; and so with
all the others. Some he intimidated by the ferule and
the birch. He was instructing them according to the
Lancastrian mode, or method, to make marks on sand,
and to write before they began to read.

Things were going on very well to all appearance, and
to the satisfaction of the tutor, when a catastrophe which
now took place brought the matter to a conclusion. It
was not from the lady who had brought the pet squirrel
to be taught, though she had expressed some impatience
at the favourite not making a more rapid progress, because
she was sure it had genius. But she had forbidden
the professor to use the rod; and what ground could
she have to expect a close application, and a quickness
of perception without a stimulus to the mind, by the
feelings of the body? However, it was not from the lady
taking away her scholar, or that of any of the other employers
and subscribers withdrawing their rabbits or
other students, but from that wicked fellow, Will Watlin,
followed by Harum Scarum with a switch, who, breaking
into the menagerie, exclaimed to the professor, or
principal; it is not of much consequence now which he
is called; What, said he to the master of the hall, is it in
imitation of your pupils, that you are here in your bare
buff? Sans culottes, have you nothing to cover your nakedness?
Had you put yourselves in your sherryvallies,
or overalls, there would have been some decency.—
Every thing is French now-a-days. Is it French that
you are teaching these to speak, or write? I see a baboon
there; Lewis, I suppose is his name. He will learn
French fast enough, if that is all you have put upon his
hands. He was a Frenchman as far back as Arbuthnot.
The squirrel may chatter something, and it may sound
to us like French. Do you mean to make the bear a parlez-vous?

No wonder that the two John Bulls, senior
and junior, the Old and the New England, should talk of
French influence. Do you expect your pigs will be
made officers under Bonaparte, interpreters, perhaps?
I would have you know that we have too much French
amongst us already. If the French should come over
to us in an oyster-shell; for I do not see what else they
have to come over in; and this they could not do, unless
like Scotch witches, there might be some use in currying
favour with Napoleon.

But is the discipline of your school correct, even if
there was something to be taught that would be of use,
in science, in agriculture, or in commerce. Do you instruct
them in history and good breeding? To keep
their persons clean, to pare their nails, and shave their
beards, those of them that are grown gentlemen? That
fellow there, the racoon, does not appear to me to have
had his beard shaved these two weeks. It is true, I do not
see any of them with a cigar in his teeth, like the American
monkies and opossums, the greater part of them
of a bad family education; and so farewell. But that
mongrel between the terrier and the pointer breed, with
a collar on his neck, may be said to have a collar without
a shirt to it. I am tired of these remarks; away with
you, away.

With that, Will Watlin drawing his watlin, and Harum
Scarum using his switch, they began to lay about
them. The monkey leaped; the pigs squealed; the
squirrel chattered, and ran into his cage; the bear growled;
the pointer howled, &c. &c. &c. The education
was thus interrupted, and the institution broken up.

The bog-trotter complaining of neglect; alleging
his services at the original establishment of the government
in trailing a pine log, and thereby intimidating the
populace at his coming to the settlement, the governor
was constrained to give him an office; and selecting one
for which he thought he might be, in some respects,
qualified, he made him an auctioneer. It could not be
said that he had not a pretty strong voice; and in knocking
down an article with his mallet, “once, twice, tree
times,” with the assistance of a clerk, the sales were pretty

rapidly effected. Occasionally he made a blunder, as
knocking down a frying pan, and at another time a brass
kettle, he rung too long, because the sound pleased him.
He alleged that a hive of bees had swarmed, and he was
wringing to get them to cluster. All agreed that he
made a pretty good vendue master; but still he was not
satisfied; and an ambassador being about to be appointed
to the Barbary powers, he was willing to go to Algiers
Tunis, or Tripoli. His friends favoured his pretension,
Thady O`Connor, and some others, who had an
expectation of accompanying him; Thady as secretary,
and others in different offices. The governor resisted
the application on the ground that one office was enough
at a time. His resignation even would not justify it; because
it would look as if there was a penury of men of
talents, when it behooved to take one from his duty, as if
another person could not be found who was as well qualified.
The junto, and Teague himself, spoke of the appointment
of John Jay to the court of London, while he
was chief justice, not resigning; and of Ellsworth, also
a chief justice, in a similar situation; and of Albert Gallatin,
who was secretary, and continuing such; yet maugre
all the clamour, and even good grounds, as Jefferson
and Madison, and others thought, he, the said Albert
was appointed by the said Madison to an embassy.

These things were all wrong, said the governor. I
do not mean the finding fault, but the doing that with
which the fault was found.

Could Washington do wrong? said a stickler on the
side of the bog-trotter. Yes, said the governor, and
Adams too. These were the bad precedents that Madison
followed. I shall not copy after; not questioning
but that these treaty-making people might be very capable,
or perhaps the most capable; but were they the only
persons to be found that were adequate to the task?
I will not say but that my bog-trotter might make a very
good ambassador, with instructions, and the advantage
of a secretary; but is Teague O`Regan alone, in all the
land, to be singled out for this trust? After searching the
whole country from Dan to Beer-sheba, can I find no
other that can sustain the weight of this negociation?
If I do appoint him, he must resign his place as auctioneer,
and does he know that the Algerines are

Turks? and if he goes there, I mean to the Barbary coast,
he must be circumcised, and loose—

Loose what? said Thady O`Connor.

I will not say what, said the governor; but you may
guess.

There is more effect in a hint, than when the story is
spoken out; and therefore Thady, and the auctioneer
also, their imagination outrunning their judgment, and
their fears their ambition, concluded it would be best to
stick to the hammer, and for Teague to remain a crier
of vendues, and Thady O`Connor clerk.

I have often thought, that if a president of the
United States in our time, had a Jewish prophet to denounce
to the people, their political transgressions; that
is to say, the swerving from the true faith; in other
words, his own party; how much more secure his standing
would be; how much less vexed by the calumny of
editors, and paragraphs in gazettes. Among the Britons,
the aborigines or early inhabitants, the druids, did
not denounce much; but what they lacked in speaking,
they paid away in acting; and a disturber of the government
being pointed out by these, it was not long before
he was in an ozier creel; the Simulacra contexta viminibus,
and his breath extinguished by the flame.

Would it not have been possible for president Madison,
for the $50,000 paid to Henry, to have secured as
many of the New England clergy in his favour, as would
have made them act as druidical priests in support of
his administration? I cannot, say I would wish to see the
wicker basket introduced; but I was thinking of the effect
of the practicability of establishing something that
would be in lieu of it: that is, the influence of the priesthood;
but not in the same way. Pulpit denunciations
have a prodigious effect to the eastward. It is no wonder
that the religious functionaries of that part of the
union have made a noise, both before and since the war.
If they really believed, and it is possible they did, that
Bonaparte had transmitted several tons of French crowns
to the United States; finding that none of them came
their way, what wonder if they became dissentients to the
war? Madison should have made a point of securing at

least a majority of these congregationalists. It was upon
this rock the witches split, in not having secured Cotton
Mather, when they made their descent upon New England.
The consequence was, that an uproar was raised
against them; and they were hanged, and drowned, till
the people began to be satisfied that there was not a witch
left; and for a plain reason, because there never had been
one. If the people were not satisfied at this, yet certain
it is, they ought to have been—so saith the writer of this
book. But I will not take a bible oath upon it, that there
are not John Bulls in that quarter, as true as ever crost
the ocean, and were imported to this country.

Take the individual man, and how difficult it is to
form him. Between the boy, and the man it is the most
difficult to govern him; from the time, that the voice
begins to break the treble of the puerile age to the
counter of that of manhood. Here we have to do with
the confidence of feeling some power of mind, and the
insolence of inexperience. It is the same with men in a
state of society. A constitution has been framed; it is
impossible to convince them that they cannot make a
better. The young, as they grow up, despise what has
gone before them. They are sanguine of temperament,
and take it for granted that the world has never seen
such a creature as they are, before. That whatever
errors others have committed, in the like situation, they
will have the judgment to avoid. It is not until by disappointment,
and the vexation attendant upon it, that
they can be brought to know themselves, and to rate
their natural talents, and their discretion at a lower estimate.
A man must be forty years of age, said lord
treasurer Burleigh before he begins to suspect that he is
a fool, and fifty before he knows it. It is on the same
principle that an individual must have lived a long time
in a republic before he can be a republican. Some have
gone so far as to say, he must have been born and brought
up under a republican government, to have the habits
and way of thinking of a republican. Rollin, I think it
is, who says, he must at least have lived fifty years before
he is fit to be trusted with affairs.

There is more in age as a qualification, for the right of
suffrage; or the right of delegation, than in that of property
REAL or PERSONAL. The longevity of our republic
will depend upon there being an amendment of
this nature. Young cocks should never be heard to
crow in the senate house, or young whelps to bark. It
is true the Scripture says, “Bray a fool in a mortar, and
he will not be wise.” All length of time and all experience
of consequences from his own errors, will not
correct. But he must be a fool indeed, an idiot, that
will not derive some advantage from what he has seen
and suffered. When a member has made a speech in
a deliberative body, of some hours continuance, and finds
that he grows no taller in reputation, and which he will,
in due time discover, he will not be unwilling to abridge
his ventriloquy on other occasions: for I call
it ventriloquy; it deserves no better name. There
were two Raneys here, some years ago, ventriloquists.
If we had them in congress to imitate jay-birds, and amuse
the members, till a decent time had passed to let
the question be put, it might be an improvement: I say
a decent time, because appearances would be saved, and
as we on the bench have an advisari vult sometimes out of
courtesy to the counsel as if the argument on the wrong
side had nevertheless puzzled us, so civility to adversaries
is not altogether lost, by affecting to think the matter
not just as plain as a pikestaff: you may conciliate,
and gain attention when you are wrong yourselves, that
is when they think you wrong.

There is no moral truth, the weight of which can
be felt without experience. What do I mean by moral
truth? I mean that which depends upon the nature of
man, and is the foundation of his actions. Who would
comprehend without feeling it, that it is of all things the
most difficult to govern men? The most simple way,
and doubtless the most effectual, is the same by which
you would govern a beast; the bridle and the whip. An
individual at the head of an organization may command
millions, and keep them in subjection: but in this case,
no one can be allowed a will of his own, to the smallest

extent. If the two legged thing that calls himself a man
under such a government, should attempt to speak or act
for himself, off his head goes, scalp and all, and there is
an end of the disturbance. There is one way, which is
to let the multitude alone altogether, and then there is
anarchy, or no government. If you let them alone,
it does not suit very well, for in that case, they rob;
and there being no security, there is no industry; and
consequently no improvement in the arts, or amelioration
in the condition of man. If you undertake to restrain
their passions, how will you go about it; but by force or
persuasion? Persuasion will go but a little way with a
man that is hungry to hinder him from puting his paw
upon whatever eatable there is before him. It must be,
therefore, force. All government must be therefore
founded in fear. It is but a conceit in Montesquieu, to
found a republic upon the principle of virtue; a monarchy
upon that of honour; and a despotism upon that of
fear. Fear, is the foundation of government, of man, as
much as of a horse, or an ass. The great secret is to
govern him, not just as you would a beast; but by the fear
of suffering a distant evil. The reason and reflection of
a man can comprehend this; that of a beast not so much.
What we have seen in this new settlement, is a
picture of the credulity, and restlessness of man, and
his constant struggle to break through that organization of
power by which he is restrained from that to which his passions
prompt. He will endeavour to break through, by
talking of changing the modes of government. But it is
not the mode, but the being governed at all that displeases
him. A constitution is that organization by
which a man is governed by rules that apply to every
individual of the community; and from which no one
is exempt, but all bound to obey. This is what is called
a republican government. The changing a constitution
begets the desire of change, and like a dislocated bone,
must produce a weak joint. It ought to be some great
defect that would justify a change. The one half the
effect of laws or general rules, is the being acted under.
It injures a saddle horse to put him in harness; because
he must change his gaits.

The governor had acquired considerable authority
over this mob, by the intimidation of scalping, and I take
it he will speak in a more decisive tone, and act with

proportioned firmness in the future exigencies of the
commonwealth. Fraud is sometimes called, pia fraus,
because it is a deception of the people for their own good.
But fraud is not admissible, but on the gound that they
are in a temporary phrensy, and not in a condition to hear
reason.

A book entitled, Incidents of the insurrection in
the western parts of Virginia and Pennsylvania, in the
year 1794, gives a picture of a people broke loose from
the restraints of government, and going farther than they
had intended to go. If that book was republished at this
time, and circulated in the Eastern states, it could not
but contribute to shew the danger of even talking of a
severance of the union, or an opposition to the laws.—
The bulk will take one another to be in earnest in these
matters, when individually, they never thought of carrying
the project farther than talk. It is not a want of understanding
that prompts dissatisfaction in this part of the
republic, but a want of self-denial, and humility. Doubtless
it may be said that Virginia, though she has ore of a
good quality, has wrought her mine too much, in protruding
presidents; and there is no intelligent man, but will
approve of an amendment to the constitution of the
United States, to remedy such engrossing in time to
come; but they will support the administration, since it
is the will of the majority for the time being. An error
in the expedient, and this could be considered only an
error in what was expedient, is a small matter compared
with a violation of principle. Opposition to an administration,
is an error in principle, and may lead, though not
intended by the actors, to the destruction of the machine.

If, in giving a picture of a Hartford convention, in the
narrative of the proceedings of the new settlement, I
should, in due time, have a convention here too, I will
have no chaplains, because it looks like a burlesque; and
it would be ten to one, if the governor could keep Teague
O`Regan from being one of them. If the people would
insist upon it, how could he help it? The Reverend
Teague O`Regan, I presume, he must then be called, to
give the greater solemnity to his function; but this very
designation would but increase the farce.

I wonder what business our legislative bodies, of the
individual states; or governors, or congress, or presidents
have with proclaiming days of festivity, or humiliation
which ought to be left to the societies of religious
denominations. It savours of hypocrisy for the temporal
power to interfere.

9. CHAPTER IX.

THADY O`Connor found a cousin here, Tom Snilloch;
a cousin by the mother's side, a half breed. He
appeared a good deal bloated; which besposke high feeding
and intemperance in drink. The history of this man
was singular. He had been an oastler; or, as it is spelled,
ostler, and pronounced hostler, to a counsellor Otterborn
a man of great eminence in his profession. The
counsellor having to go to attend the courts for some
time, and taking his horse with him, Snilloch, who was
left behind, had no currying to do. But not willing to
be idle, he took possession of the office, and the counsellor's
books. The clients calling, he passed for a partner
and gave advice and took fees. The counsellor returning,
he set up for himself, and said he had studied at
the temple, and practised in the four courts of Dublin.
Business fell into his hands without seeking it, and every
one that had a suit in court were anxious to engage lawyer
Snilloch. He took care not to write out opinions;
for it was not a clear case, that he could write. But he
was what you call an off-hand lawyer; and though his
oratory was not very intelligible, yet it had much pathos,
and was said to be accompanied with the action of Curran.
It was not astonishing, that he ran away with the
whole business from the old counsellor, whom he affected
to undervalue and despise, as one who could speak
nothing but common sense, while what he said was real
law, and had nothing to do with sense. By de holy fader,
he would say, every man can talk sense, but de law
is de ting.

So it was that his reputation grew; and though what
he said, was as unintelligible as a Delphic oracle, yet the
response was as much respected. He purchased lands,
though I cannot say he paid for them: he bought a
house; married a wife; set up a carriage; and had the
judges to dine with him when they came to the circuit,
and sometimes to sup. Who but the great counsellor
Snilloch! He might alter, or withdraw records; make
affidavits for his own use; no question being asked in
the case of a man of such high standing in society.

All that the poor counsellor, Otterborn, who was left
starving, could do, was to turn poet. This he did, and
consoled himself with writing a ballad upon Tom. As a
specimen of the border minstrelsey of this time, we give
it here.

The judges supping with the great lawyer Snilloc,
who had made an immense fortune at the bar, had this
ballad recited to them; Tom himself producing it, as the
effusion of that contemptible mortal, counsellor Otterborn.
The judges laughed immoderately, and shook
their sides; because, when a person is at the table of
another, it behooves him to laugh at what is thought ridiculous.
Snilloc anticipating the judges, who might
hear of the ballad, thought it advisable to bring it forward
himself as a good joke.

But these things did not last always. Tom had recovered
money that he could not pay over; he had contracted
debts that he could not discharge; and in his dealings
was found to be a rogue. People began to suspect
that it was not for building churches that he had left Ireland,
especially as he had not discovered much inclination
to build any here. He became insolvent; and the
alternative was to go to jail, or, as the phrase is, to cut
and run. He chose the latter; and was now with his
cousin in these woods.

10. CHAPTER X.

WILL Snickley had come to these woods, a short
time before Tom Snilloc. Snickley had absconded on
account of a duel in which he had been second, and in
which the principal was killed. For though not valiant
himself, Will Snickley, could be the cause of valour in
other men. Not altogether destitute of ingenuity, and
where he had to do with a simpleton, sufficiently successful,
this Snickley attacks an unsuspecting man in
the Gazette; whom he advises to cowskin the Journalist.
It is done; and the Journalist challenges. The
unsuspecting man declines, because the Journalist had
shewn himself a blackguard. But that the unsuspecting
man might have no excuse, a red hot Irishman is
prompted to offer himself, as no man could dispute,
but that he was a gentleman; Snickley in the mean time
offering himself to be his second. The unsuspecting man
could not well tell what to do, and was under the necessity
of accepting; and being in love with a young lady,
took her brother, a young man, for his second. It was
proposed that an apology should be made which Snickley
drew up, and couched in such terms, that it became
impossible for the unsuspecting man challenged to adopt.
Snickley took care to have the Irishman's pistol loaded
skilfully, and having the first fire, shot the unsuspecting
man dead.

So much for seconds; who, from what little I have
seen of the matter, if not the instigators of the duel, are
seldom without blame in not taking due pains to compose
the difference. A man of sense, and humanity,
in the capacity of second, will insist upon an investigation
of the cause of quarrel; and if the actor who has
called upon him, is in fault, he will dictate his apology
accordingly. The seconds on both sides being thus disposed;
and I assume it that on both sides they are
men of sense and humanity, a contest of this nature, will
never terminate fatally, and seldom without a reconciliation.
I own it to be, in most instances, the weakness, or
wickedness of seconds, that occasions it to happen otherwise.
From my own experience, I could give a hint to
a young man just going into the world, that in all probability

would save him from being challenged, or being
insulted, and reduced to the necessity of challenging
himself. This does not consist altogether in having good
pistols, or practising with pistols, and having the reputation
of a good shot; for this is what is known to every one,
as a preservative against the injuries, and insults of Ruffians.
But the secret I would communicate, is, the concealment
of your dislike to duelling, or the being principled
against it; for on letting that out, every villain
will be endeavouring to make what he will call a character,
at your expence. He will insult, or challenge, believing
that this may be done without risk to his carcase.
A surgeon of the British navy, happening, after
the revolutionary war, to settle in the same town with me,
and being intelligent, I cultivated his society, and conversation
for some time. But hearing him declare himself
a duellist, and the little hesitation, he would have to
give, or accept a challenge, I thought proper to draw off,
and to avoid as much as possible, occasions of being in
his company. This he appeared to feel very sensibly;
and addressing me, wished to know my reason. I stated
candidly my apprehensions of giving him offence inadvertently,
some moment when I might be off my guard;
and that as I must count upon a challenge in that case, I
thought it prudent to forego the pleasure of his society,
for my own safety.

I will tell you, said he; I am a small man, and not
of great bodily strength; and did I not hold out the
idea of fire arms, I could not protect myself. But I will
let you into the secret; I am the arrantest coward on the
face of this earth, so that you need be under no apprehension
from my duelling. It is all to keep those that
are stronger, from knocking me down, that I affect courage.

Snickley did not stay a long time in these woods. He
returned to the old settlement; and the matter blew over.
Party supported him; family connections gave him
countenance, the ladies danced with him; Judges supped;
he was elected to office; became director of
banks; and is in a fair way to be — — just what
he pleases.

I will acknowledge that I have no idea, that Snickley,
when he projected this duel with the unsuspecting man,
had any idea of the ultimate catastrophe; or that death
would ensue. There are so many chances in favour of

a wound, that a wound only was contemplated; and the
pistol was loaded upon the same principle that a gaff
is put upon a cock, by young men of silly minds, who
take delight in such barbarous amusement. But I
would not have the compunctions of Snickley, for all the
sensation of present pleasure, that he derived at the time
from the contrivance of the tragedy.

Teague, though a fool, had more of a certain sort of
sense, than the unsuspecting man. For being told by
one of these that take delight in exciting duels, that he
had been slandered by a racoon, calling him an opossum,
and was advised to challenge the racoon, as there could
be no avoiding the calling him to account: Master racoon,
said he, may tink me an opossum; and de opossum
may tink me a racoon, and call me so; but de racoon, and
de opossum may settle it between demselves two: you may
tell Mr. Racoon, dat I would just as soon be called an
opossum as a racoon. Dey may tink one anoder gentlemen;
but dere is not a hair's difference between dem,
except it is as to de colour, or de bulk of it. A blackguard
will always have de last word; dey may call me
opossum, or racoon. If dey could say any worse of me,
dey would do it. And it is a good joke dat each tinks
de oder, noting more dan a vile baste. Dey may talk
deir slander, and publish deir papers; but it is all de
same ting to Teague.

11. CHAPTER XI.

THE visionary philosopher, notwithstanding the
want of success which attended his speculations, had
still great weight amongst the people. I mean, his opinions
had great weight; for though a tall man, he was
not of great corpulency. It had been suggested that it
behooved to impose taxes for the support of government.
What? said the philosopher, have you not got a constitution;
and cannot a constitution work without taxes?
At all events, what is called an impost may suffice. An
impost; what is that? said a man amongst the crowd.
Why, an imposition, said another, what else could it be?
Impost, has nothing to do with imposition, said the philosopher.
It is to knock down a man when he comes
into the settlement, and take his money from him. The
English have what they call a pol-tax, or a tax upon
scalps. It cannot but raise a good sum from the red people,
who take so many from the whites. In some governments
they tax boots. Would it not be better to lay
a tax upon legs, as being more easy to be collected, and
less liable to evasion? said an honest man. Of all taxes,
said one in answer; I think this would be the most easily
evaded; because a man could run away with his legs.

Robbing people that come into the settlement, will not
do, said one; at least for a permanent revenue; because
it will keep people from coming. I am against all constraint
upon ourselves, or any one else. I propose voluntary
and occasional contributions.

You propose a fiddle, said his opponent. Voluntary,
and occasional! Do you conceive a man could spare a
pound of flesh, or an ounce of blood, occasionally, for
any great length of time? He might bear the first slash
that he got; but he would wince at the second.

Loans, loans, said a financier; you have nothing more
to do than to borrow a million now and then, when you
are out of money.

Why, if robbing pedlars will not do, said the Visionary
Philosopher, I think loans must be the next resort.

A pretty noise we have made about a constitution, said
a smart looking man in a pair of leather breeches; if

there must be force constantly applied to the wheels; and
money expended to keep it going.

How can a machine go unless it be wrought, said a
man with a sloutched hat, without some to work it; and
how can it be wrought without hands? I mean persons
hired for the purpose; and if hired, they must be paid.

I do not know, unless you apply steam, said an ingenious
mechanic.

Would you make the government a steam boat? said
one in a bear-skin coat. But supposing it the case; you
must have coals to boil the water, and produce steam.

At this point of the game, a simpleton came forward,
and spoke as follows:—Gentlemen, said he, I am but a
fool fellow, a mere ass, a sheep, and what not; but I do
not see how we can borrow, unless we expect to pay;
and if what is borrowed is to be paid, why not pay in the
first instance?

That will not do, said an artful member; we will be
turned out, if we lay a tax; the people must be cheated
by our borrowing in the mean time, and leaving it to
those that come after us to lay a tax, and pay.

What use in having a general financier, said the multitude,
if he cannot make money out of chips and whetstones
If nothing more is to be done, than to count the
money, or cast up the tax when it is paid into him, any
cod-head may do that.

A financier may do a great deal more than that, said
an intelligent person. He may determine and report
upon what a tax may be best laid, and to what amount.
But if we hesitate to tax at all, I grant you, any body
may be a financier; for it is an easy matter to borrow,
if you can get any to be fools to lend without funds to sustain
it, and at least, pay the interest. But why borrow
when a man has money in his chest? I would call for
this; every man his proportion according to his property,
just as we subscribe to an undertaking; and the
only difference is, that, in this case, we subscribe what
we think we can afford; in that, we contribute what the
community shall think we ought to advance; the community,
through some organization of officers, and these
being the judges. “Put yourselves in an attitude and
armour for war.” What is this but to raise money, which
is the means of war? It did not mean to clothe yourselves
in sheet iron, or in bull's hides; but to go to the
bottom of the matter, and to lay a tax to support a

war. No difficulty in procuring soldiers for a campaign,
if you have money; no necessity to call upon
militia; you will have enough to offer their services.
It is money makes the mare go. Give me money, and
I will shew you men; and when I have the men to shew,
there will be no war.

Aye, said Teague O'Regan, give me de boys, and a
shilelah, and I will clear de fair. If you will give me
de money, I will get de whiskey; and if I have de whiskey,
I will have de boys, and let me see who will like to
come to blows wid Paddy.

This speech pleased the people much; and they insisted
upon the Governor to place Teague at the head
of the finances.

It is more than probable he might have been advanced
to the head of this department, the Governor yielding to
the solicitation of the people, had not the popular voice
propelled him in a different direction. For about this
time it was reported that he had taught a cat to speak.
It is true, that as he had seen done in Ireland, by taking
the lower jaw between his finger and thumb of the left
hand, and pinching her upper jaw with the finger and
thumb of the other hand, moving the lower jaw, in the
mean time, as she mewed, he would make her pronounce
something that resembled the saying Erin go bra, which
was Irish; and by another kind of movement, and breaking
of the voice, it would seem to be, bacon, fat bacon,
which was English. From this specimen, it was thought
that if put at the head of an academy to teach beasts to
articulate, he might succeed better than any had yet
done. He was called principal, and being made a Doctor
of laws, was put at the head of the institution. But
it took more time to teach the principal, I mean the bog-trotter,
to make him mark and write something like
L. L. D. at the end of his name, than it had done him to
teach the cat; and if you had not known that it was L. L.
D. that the letters ought to be, you would have been at
a loss to know what they were. It is necessary that a
man in a station which bespeaks learning, be a Doctor
of laws; but it does not always follow, that he be learned
in the laws; at least I have known some that are not
the most profound scholars, on whom this degree has
been conferred. To make the bog-trotter a Doctor of
laws was some advance; but, it would be more to confer
that degree on one of his pupils, a bear, or a young
elk; at least it would occasion more surprise.

The Visionary Philosopher had made out a system of
rules and regulations for the government of the academy;
in other words, the discipline of the institution;
such as conditions of admission, price of tuition, grade
of classes, freshman, sophomore, &c. books to be read,
hours of study, and vacation; meals, kind of food, with
matters that regarded decency of manners, such as that
squirrels should not crack nuts, or pigs eat apples in
the school rooms; nor racoons chew tobacco or smoke
segars. It was particularly inculcated on all, that they
should rise early, wash their snouts, comb their hair,
and pare their nails, as becomes a student.

All things were arranged for this menagerie; and a
proper number of the more tractable of animals got together
to begin with, such as young cubs, whelps, &c.
when it was put into the head of the Principal, by some
of the more high minded of his countrymen, that it was
a degradation to have it said, that an Irishman was teaching
beasts; to be called a horse professor, and the like.
Whether it was that the pride of the bog-trotter took
alarm at this, or that he saw the ridicule himself;
he threw up the trust, and would have no more to do
with it. The people were dissatisfied, and his popularity
fell as rapidly as it had risen.

Transit gloria mundi; There is nothing so fleeting as
sublunary joys; and of all these, popularity is the most
evanescent. It was but a short time ago, which was the
occasion of the bog-trotter teaching the cat, and having
succeeded, that he was caressed by the multitude, followed,
chaired, &c. but it so happened that the chairing
took place in a small cabin; and when he was raised
suddenly, those hoisting, not having due regard to the
height of the story, he struck his head against the ceiling,
or rather rafters; for there was no ceiling; at which
the Latin schoolmaster exclaimed,

But what gave him more consolation, was the having a
dinner given him, the Chief Justice presiding, and toasts
drank. For it is not in our time as it was at the Olympic
games, or a Roman triumph, or ovation, that an oak leaf,
or a sprig of laurel, or a bunch of ivy, a branch of
olive, or some other unsubstantial vegetable was the
gift. In modern and more improved times, we have solid
food of flesh, and sauces, to gratify the palate. Certain
it is, the bog-trotter had been feasted abundantly
during his popularity; but now on the ebb of this, he
had declined so far in reputation, that he could not have
been made a constable. So fortuitous, and unstable is
the popular voice. Whereas heretofore during the current
in his favour, things were imagined to his advantage
that he had never done, and words framed that he had
never spoken; so now the reverse took place; speeches
were framed it is true, but they were all to his disadvantage;
as for instance, that he had said the moon was
made of green cheese; that a snake was a vegetable;
that the only conversion with the fanatics was the turning
the heels where the head should be; that he had reflected
on the general government, saying that gun boats
were only fit to make Virginia hog-troughs; that an
embargo was like yoking pigs where there was no fence;
that borrowing money only became a young spendthrift,
who was afraid to apply to his father or his guardians;
that there were faults on both sides, weakness on the
part of the administration, and wickedness on the part
of the opposition. These allegations might be all true
enough; but he had not the sense to make them; but
being down, every thing must be heaped upon him. An
editor of a paper, who had boasted he could write down
any man in six weeks, opened his battery; charged him
with tumbling, and bog-trotting, and shaving himself
with a bad razor; some things frivolous, and some things
false; but it went to compose a paragraph. There was
no standing this. The bog-trotter was at a loss what to
do; whether to withdraw from society, and take a hut
to himself in some corner of the settlement; or to quit
the country and to live amongst the savages, and wild
beasts, when a mere accident gave him some countenance
in the community. It was reported that he had
found a stone; and doubtless he had, for it was an easy
matter to find a stone on a piece of ground which had
been once the bed of the river; and these stones also
round and lubricous; but it was suggested to be what
is called the philosopher's stone. This hint, some wag
had communicated to the Visionary Philosopher, who
went immediately in quest of Teague. The truth is, the
stone had something singular in its configuration, and was
perhaps a petrifaction. The Philosopher, though somewhat
irritated at the Irishman's desertion of the trust in
educating beasts, yet as it is natural with visionary men,
was struck with this new idea, as what might be turned
to account in making gold and silver in the present scarcity
of specie, the banks having refused to issue any for
their notes; and adopting a conciliatory address, he bespoke
the bog-trotter. Teague, said he, I am not come
to take you up, not being an officer of justice; nor having
any thing to do with the matter of your teaching
beasts; for it has occurred to myself, that if taught to
speak, and sent to congress, they might gabble like
magpies, and the remedy would be worse than the disease;
so that I came, not displeased with you, on account
of your relinquishing the tuition; more especially as
you have found out the means of replenishing the national
treasury, by this stone that has fallen in your way.
It is a desideratum in chemistry that has been long
sought after; and if Redheiffer had turned his attention
to that, instead of the perpetual motion, it would have
been better for the public. For though an editor made
a demonstration of it as plain as a problem in Euclid,
yet some still doubt the fact of a perpetual motion being
discovered, except in the tongue of a member of congress.

Have you made any silver out of this stone yet? I
should like to see a little of it.

I have made a pewter spoon, said the bog-trotter, and
dat is de next ting to silver, and a lead bullet, and a piece
of copper; but de spalpeens have robbed me o' dese, and
took dem out o' my pocket whilst I was aslape, and no
body de wiser for it; bad luck to dem, de shape-stalers,
and tiefs.

Come back with me to the settlement, said the Philosopher,
and I will make a man of you.

Dat I will, said the bog-trotter; and see de Governor,
and shew him de stone.

The stone was shewn to the Governor, who was glad
to see the bog-trotter again; but had no faith in the discovery.
He knew Teague to be such a liar, that he
could give no credit to what he averred. The stone,
said the Governor, is a very pretty stone, made by the
rolling and tumbling of the water, in one part, and breaking
off in another; or has been originally a piece of wood,
cut by a joiner, and is petrified; but I would just as
soon take a stick to make gold, as I would a stone. A
stick to hold in one's hand and compel a robbery, would

be as efficatious as a stone; and this is the only way that
I know of making money, suddenly, which cannot be
done, unless you have some one to rob that has money.

The Philosopher with Teague, appealed to the people,
and reported that the Governor was averse to the
having money made. The only remedy in this case was,
the threatening that they would turn him out and
put Teague in or the Visionary Philosopher for
Governor. With a view to this, and to refresh his popularity,
a dinner was once more given to the bog-trotter.
The toasts were, Down with paper money; gold and
silver the genuine circulating medium, &c. &c. &c.

When the bog-trotter retired, a volunteer was given:
“Our noble bog-trotter.”

12. CHAPTER XII.

THE governor, wearied out by this folly of the people
of his government, and being somewhat in a passion,
at a meeting of the legislature, instead of sending a message,
came in, and with a speech made the welkin
ring. For it was out o doors that they were convened,
not having yet built a state-house; and being a man of
very powerful lungs, like some of your warriors of antiquity,
or Shelby of Kentucky, in modern times, and
mounting a stump, on a rising ground, the heavens his
canopy, he raised his stentorian voice. “Good people,
said he, I care no more about my popularity with you;
or whether I am again to be chosen governor or not, than
I care whether you are fools or knaves; it all comes to
much the same thing; for in both cases, you mistake
your own interest. If this fool fellow, Teague O`Regan,
that has been one day popular with you, so as to be fit
for any office, and at another day not fit to be your hangman,
has found a stone, which this politician, the visionary
philosopher, gives out as having the virtue of transmuting
metals, and changing wood or shells into gold
and silver; if this ragamuffin, I say, has found such a
stone, which I no more believe than that my horses' hoof
has the virtue of changing the earth that he treads upon,
into gold; what good would it do you, when the very
thing that makes such metal precious, scarcity, would
take away all use, or benefit of it? If you would make
gold and silver as plenty as bank notes, would it be of
more value? Do you take me for one that, for the sake
of keeping my place, would consult a temporary popularity?
I tell you that I will have no more teaching
beasts to speak, sing, or whistle: no more coining money,
by philosophers stones; or discoveries of perpetual
motions, or any such stuff. Your philosopher may
teach you to catch crabs in a new way, or to open oysters;
I look to what will establish the government, and
render it vigorous; taxation, and no borrowing from
Jew brokers, like minors that have their estates in expectancy.
Does the heart borrow from without; or does
it not take back the blood from the extremities, which it

has circulated to them? It is a cheat and deception of
the people not to tell them truth—
Said the latin schoolmaster. No, said the governor, they
shall not be deceived by me. I disregard their caucusing,
and talking of taking up another candidate for governor
They may have my bog-trotter, or the visionary
philosopher, when they please; and they may impeach
me when out of office, or let it alone: I am at their
defiance, having acted to the best of my judgment, for
their true happiness. Do they take me for a coward in
politics, that am afraid to touch their pockets, and apply
to a philosopher's stone, even if it had the virtue of making
gold, when the making gold or silver, would do more
harm than good?

“You may have my bog-trotter, and welcome, for a governor;
I am pretty well tired of bothering myself with
him, to make use of a phrase of his own; I have had as
much trouble on my hands with him as Don Quixotte
had with Sancho Panza; and I cannot but acknowledge,
as some say, that I have resembled Don Quixotte myself,
at least in having such a bog-trotter after me; save
that Sancho rode upon an ass, and this O`Regan trots on
foot. But I hope I shall not be considered as resembling
that Spaniard in taking a wind-mill for a giant; a common
stone for a magnet that can attract, or transmute
metals. It is you that are the Don Quixottes in this respect,
madcaps, and some of you from the madcap
settlement, Thady O`Connor and several others, tossing
up your caps at every turn, for a new constitution; not
considering that when a thing gets in the way of changing,
it will never stop until it gets to the end of
liberty, and reaches despotism, which is the bourne
from whence no traveller returns. Do you take me
for Jefferson? You are mistaken if you think I have
so good an opinion of you. I would ill deserve your confidence
if I made your whims my guide; or regarded
popularity obtained in such a way. It never came into
my head that, because I had got the chair of government,
there was a millenium about to come, when all men would
do justice, and there would be no occasion for judges
and lawyers; nations could be coerced by proclamations;
and no war would ensue. Your philosopher's
stone will stand you in little stead if an army is to be

raised and a fleet supported; and without an army and a
navy, are you safe within or without? Not while you
live in a country where there is a water on one side and
savages on the other. John Bull will come by the water,
and Tecumseh by the wilderness. A navy is the safe
defence of a republic where it must, or at least, will have
commerce. It always rallies round the government,
and not faction. I want money to support a navy and an
army, and this I will have, not by a philosopher's stone,
but by drawing on yourselves; and when you cannot
pay, then borrow; but lay yourselves to the wheels, and
see what you can do first.

“The mischief is, you have too much money, and hence
it is we hear of banks in every quarter, depreciating the
medium until a paper dollar comes to be an oak-leaf;
and if you were to make silver as plenty, it would be the
same thing. I will have none of your philosophers
stones, I will put my veto on it.

“The priesthood have young John Bull, I mean New
England, under complete subjection; because they alarm
them with the idea that but for them, the clergy, the
witches would be let loose, and carry them to the red sea.
Now, I neither wish such subordination, or by such
means; but I tell you the truth, that I will resign the
government, and go about my business, bog-trotting as I
used to do, with some new waiter, if I should leave
Teague upon your hands. I neither know nor care, but
I should not be surprized, if some of you should have
your necks in the guillotine, before a fortnight; (and
here he gave a description of the guillotine.) This happened
in the French revolution, and it will happen with
you, if you give way to your reveries. I will abdicate
this moment. I am off; and I would not wonder if
some of you had a guillotine about your necks before the
morning.”

At this, descending from the stump, and making as if
about to go off, a great dismay fell upon the legislative
body, and the multitude without. They had a confused
idea of the matter threatened, but could not well conceive
what it was. Some thought it was at least a hanging
matter that was to come upon them; but all apprehended
some bad consequence, there having been a rumour of
philosophers in France having brought the nation to
much suffering, by guillotines; the royal family having
fallen victims to this mammoth kind of execution. They

began therefore to intreat him to retain his place as governor;
and even hinted at a resolution to guillotine the
bog-trotter. It was moved, and seconded, and passed
nemine contradicente, that the bog-trotter should be
guillotined. The visionary philosopher afraid that in
this turn of the public mind, he might also be guillotined,
fell in with the current of the popular opinion, and
said he was for the guillotine; that he had a model of one
in his pocket. It was the fact, he had a model, not in
the least expecting such a result of things; or that there
would be any occasion for a guillotine; but merely as
the model of a machine that had been in use, at a distance,
but not introduced here. I have, said he, the
model of a guillotine, pulling it out, and, I take it, with
the help of a carpenter or two, I could have one constructed
of a proper size for the bog-trotter in the course
of this evening. Resolved and seconded, that a guilletine
should be made, and that the bog-trotter should be
executed at ten o'clock the next morning.

I would just observe, said the governor, that the guillotine
has fallen into disrepute in France. Deportation is the modern manner of disposing of the criminal. And
without much time lost, it may be perfectly convenient
to carry a deportation into effect. Here is a tin cart of
one of these young John Bulls; I mean one of those carts
that carry tin-ware, watering-cans, and cullenders. You
can make use of one of these for deportation from the
country, not that I can spare my bog-trotter from digging
potatoes, but here is Thady O`Connor, a loose fish, that
can be put into it. No sooner said than done; Thady
O`Connor was taken up and put into the cart.

13. CHAPTER XIII.
CONTAINING OBSERVATIONS.

IN some things in the above, I may be considered
as having a fling at president Jefferson, in the article of
not looking at the nature of things, or judging nicely upon
them; though, I will acknowledge, that in some matters
I erred with him: approving of an embargo, and not
seeing until a late day, that the policy was ineffectual. I
approved of gun-boats to some extent, and may do so
still; but, not so as to supersede a navy, which was the
error of the president; though, if I recollect right, it
was the project of Thomas Paine.

It is natural for a person to think what he would have
done, had he been in the situation of another, even though
he never had the idea of being in that situation. But
having an interest in common with others in the management
of the helm, it becomes more essentially natural
for one to think what ought to be done; and it is not an
after thought with me in saying that I saw the first error
of the Jeffersonian administration; and this was in
the attack upon the Federal Judiciary, which was a cingulum
to bind the states; the belt of Protagoras, to keep
together the bundle of sticks which had been so well arranged
by the constitution. The next error was the repeal
of the excise and the stamp duties. The people
had become reconciled to the excise, and I do not recollect
a single petition for a repeal. The objection to the
stamp duties was founded in a prejudice against the
name; because the Britons had had such an act, and had
attempted to enforce the like upon these colonies, on the
principle that the parliament had the power, as was declared,
“to bind us in all cases whatsoever,” and this
without representation in that body. It was an objection
also, that it was not productive to a great amount; the
remedy for which was to increase the duty: it was a
mode of taxation the best that was ever devised. It fell

upon the monied men, and the poor paid little or nothing.

The next error was, the not continuing, or reviving
the direct tax, and to a greater amount than before; not
upon improvements by building, and on windows, &c.
but upon the value of the soil, and the proportion holden
by any one. What would I have done with the revenue
arising from these? I would have had a navy augmented
by this time to fifty ships of the line, an hundred frigates,
and two hundred sloops of war, with brigs and
schooners in proportion. These things are not an after
thought with me; for I can vouch the new president,
the then secretary of state, James Madison, that in Philadelphia,
in the summer of 1805, I stated to him all
these errors; and as a consequence of these, the paying
tribute to the Barbary powers, when with a navy
which we might by that time have had, we could have
burnt up their towns like wasps' nests.

It was upon these grounds that I have said a thousand
times, that Jefferson, so far as respected our interior
arrangements, was not a great commander. I saw
it before he was three months at the helm of government.
My idea of his talents upon a great scale had been high;
but they were lessened. But it is only with regard to
the management of the interior, that I had applied
the dignus regnandi si non regnavisset. I was always
with him in his apprehensions of John Bull; and I
deplored his errors only because he left himself in a situation
to invite the horns of that madest of all mad cattle
Good fences restrain fencebreaking beasts, and preserve
good neighbourhoods.

All idea of the nonsense of French influence, I have
ever rejected from my creed; nor did I go so far as to
be of opinion that Bonaparte had usurped the government
in France; for there was no government when that
man took the helm; so that if he did usurp it, it was only
as respected the Bourbons, and not as respected the
French people. There was no government in France at
the time he took the helm; there anarchy, the guillotine,
and despotism. The people were ready to “call upon
the mountains and the rocks to cover them.” But the
now Elba emperor deserves the contempt of the world,
also for his want of true wisdom, and his injustice with
regard to Spain, Russia, Holland, &c. &c. As to his

conscriptions of the French people, it is nothing more
than our militia laws. It is ridiculous to call in question
the principle; but the use that was made of it.

This chapter, when the scenes have passed away
to which it refers, may be struck out, or omitted in the
subsequent editions of this work.

14. CHAPTER XIV.

INCLINATION prompts me to give some account
of the locus in quo, as the lawyers say, or the place
where the Governor had pitched himself; I say pitched,
which is a metaphor from the pitching tents by an army.
It is expected that I am to describe the situation of the
hill above, and dale below; shade of tree, or falling fountain
by the house. Will it not be proper that I first
describe the house itself; which I do not mean to do
minutely; because I have no idea that it will stand many
years; but that he will get a better, as the country improves,
and saw-mills erected. What can be expected
from early settlers, but the choice of a situation? and
every thing is not always made with the best judgment.
For it is inconceivable by any one who is not acquainted
with it, how little of the ground can be seen, and particularly
explored, while it is under wood. The best situations
will be overlooked; or, if they are seen, some
less superb is chosen with a view to present convenience
of water, or vicinity in some other particular. It was
not such a mansion as would hurt the pride that is natural
to the mind of man; and might lurk in the bosoms
of other early settlers, not so well lodged themselves.
I do not know that the builder had thought of the uneasiness
occasioned to Valerius Publicola, by the loftiness
of his dwelling on the Velian eminence. But his
mind not running upon superb edifices, he had thought
only of convenient accommodation. The simplicity of
his taste was at a distance from every thing of shew and
splendour; so that, not from the reflection of a wise precaution,
but from the natural disposition of his mind, he
was satisfied with a structure that could not affect the less
opulent. But what it wanted in grandeur, he endeavoured
to make up in taste, if that can be predicated of a
building where little cost had been expended. Taste
there was, in having it in such a style, that it would not
have occurred to any one that taste had been thought of;
for there was no ornament, nor was there room for it.—
For what ornament could there be bestowed upon an
oblong in the proportion of one hundred and twenty, by
twenty feet; the sides and floor of hewn logs, and the

roof of split timber? What was it but a suit of rooms
under the same cover, divided by entrys, or intervals,
of ten feet transversely to the length; which had the appearance
more of a range of barracks than of a farm house.
The fact is, the humanity of the governor had intended
it chiefly for that use, the accommodation of individual
families for a night, in their emigration to a new settlement.

It stood east and west upon a ridge of ground like a
whale's back, with a stream on each side running in a direction
contrary from each other, but falling into two sister
rivers on the east and west, which joined their silver
currents at a small distance, and in prospect of the building.
As there was a suit of rooms, so there were stacks
of chimneys on the north of the range, and these of stone,
built strong to resist the tornados not uncommon in that
country. These, with a cellar underneath the whole
length, walled with stone, and the lower timbers of the
building laid half their depth in the wall, there being but
one story above ground, rendered the structure pretty
secure from the most violent blasts of wind.

Having given this outline, it may suffice. I shall say
nothing of the subdivisions, because they may be imagined.
Nor shall I describe the extent of level or of
rising ground in view; or the bearing of the mountains at
a distance; or the circling of the floods. What attracted
my attention more, was a beautiful water fall in one of
those springs that issued from the hill on which the mansion
house stood. It was a perennial stream, and issued
from a crevice in a moss-covered rock, with a current
of about two inches in diameter. It was as clear as
crystal, and as cool as the Hebrus. The projection was
in its first pitch, clear of the rock, several feet, into a
bason of pure white gravel large enough to bathe in, and
shrouded with a group of wild cherry trees on the sides,
but above with the shade of the tulip-bearing poplar, and
the oak. The spring on the other side of the small dividing
ridge, and towards the west, at the distance of perhaps
one hundred feet, issued more abundantly, and fell
from one ledge to another, but with some murmur of the
current, as dissatisfied to quit the fountain. The new
town, as it was yet called, stood in sight, and had begun
to shew two streets of houses at the confluence of the
two rivers, and parallel with each, with the public buildings
at equi-distance from the banks; and towards the

base of the right angle which the two streets formed.
I shall say nothing of the garden grounds; for these were
laid out but in imagination, save as to a kitchen garden,
with such vegetables and essential roots as could immediately
be cultivated and were the most necessary. The
collection of indigenous plants, and native flowers, or
sought from abroad, could be the object of a more leisurely
attention at a future day. People were thinking
more of cutting down trees, than of planting them, which
may be a fault. For individual trees, as well as groves
in some places, ought to be spared, in removing a wilderness.
The depth of a native grove in a hot day, surpasses
all description in the sensations that it gives. The
power of art with all her skill can never equal nature. I
think it a great pity that we have lost so much of the ancient
mythology as respects the sylvan deities, such of
them to whom no worship was addressed, unless in the
figurative language of the poet, which we still use, but
do not feel, as those who believed in the existence. It inspired
a tenderness to rural scenery; and in sparing shades
was favourable to taste. One could tell a rustic who had
no conception of the pleasures of imagination, that if he
cut down this or that groupe, he would have all the
Dryads on his back; the Hamadryads would come to
their assistance; the Oreades would not send him storms;
the Naids would order the spring that furnished water
to his reapers to be dried up. But now we have no hold
upon him; and much pain has it given me to see a
fringe of willows by the brook, or a semi-circle of trees
on the brow of a hill, entirely cut away.

Nor, is it only in matters of taste, that the settlers of a
new country are, in most instances deficient. They have
not the most perfect judgment in the use of the small
means they usually possess to establish themselves. I
do not mean to undervalue the good intentions of public
bodies, in sending missionaries among the Indians, to
teach the doctrines of supralapsarian predestination;
but might not other funds be constituted to assist settlers
in removing and in fixing themselves in a new settlement,
and to instruct them in the principle of an agriculture
adapted to the soil and climate? The thoughts of a scientific
man of experience in agriculture, would be a
great advantage in a district of country, to advise in the
making improvements. Men of public spirit in some
instances, have combined their own interest with the benefit

of others, in improvements in a new country. Disputed
titles are the bane of settlements in new districts:
this is owing to a want of specialty in the original granting,
or correctness in the laying out the lands. Would not
the salus propuli justify in such instances, the settling
disputes in a summary manner, by commissioners? Does
not such a transcendental right of government exist in
all cases? It is not enough that the rind of shrubs, or
wild berries, and the juice of the maple, should constitute
the principal part of the food of a settler for a time;
that he should put up with the shelter of bark stript from
the trees, for the first summer, but after he has cleared
his ground, and has raised corn, his field is taken from
him by an error of the survey, or the equivocal description
of an office right. The soil of a new country is wet,
the air moist, the winter longer, of course, in the bosom
of a wooded country; hand-mills for a time must
suffice, and every man must be something of a jack of
all trades. He must be a worker in iron, and in leather,
and in wood. Invention as well as industry, is requisite.
But the principal defect, as in all other objects of human
application, is the want of original thought, to adopt new
modes to new circumstances. Things are rather done in
this or that way, because they have been so done elsewhere,
and heretofore. For this reason, I would wish to
see missionary agriculturalists sent into the country;
societies instituted for the propagation of agricultural
knowledge among the people, and the relief of distressed
inhabitants. There might not be just as many Indians
brought into the pale of the church, but there might be
more churches built amongst the whites on the frontier
of the country.

The establishment of churches in the frontier country,
is not amiss; but on the contrary, deserves commendation,
where the preachers employ themselves in explaining
and inculcating the intelligible principles of moral
duty; and even when they take up the time of the people
in supporting or overthrowing the speculative opinions
of their adversaries, it amuses the congregation.
That institution is not wholly useless, which supplies
amusement. It reconciles the labouring part of the community
very much to hear the rich and the luxurious denounced
as not likely to come so well off hereafter, having
had their good things in this life. Cold, and heat,
and fatigue are better borne under these impressions;

there is less murmuring in the community. In a political
point of view also, religious institutions have their
use. Obedience to the laws, is a christian duty, and the
support of government is favourable to that settled state
of society, in which alone any system of mental cultivation
can be the object of attention. In the late commotion
of the public mind in this new government, respecting
the calling a convention to alter the constitution, we
had an instance of what might be done by an honest open
hearted clergyman, of good sense, among his profession.
He had a few acres of ground to clear, by cutting down
the timber and rolling it away; and for this purpose,
made what is called a frolic: that is, an assemblage for
labour, and a feast at the same time; the feast was in the
fete champetre way; though they did not give it that
name. While they were at work, the pot, which might
be rather called a kettle, was boiling: for it was a large
boiler which had been employed in making sugar from
the maple tree, more like a kettle for distilling, than a pot;
it suited extremely well to make the soup, or broth on this
occasion. A pile of wood had been set on fire, and the
kettle suspended over it on a cross beam, supported by a
fit arm at each end. The maker of the frolic, the owner
of the clearing, going forward, had told the men, as the
truth of the case warranted him in doing, that as the female
part of his family had not come out to the settlement
as yet, nor would until he could get some shelter
built and improvement made, they must stand cooks
themselves. There were fleshes of venison, and beef,
and pork, and some fowls, and vegetables, and articles of
seasoning: each might put in according to his liking.
Each did put in according to his notion of making broth;
and like the wierd-sisters in Macbeth, they stirred the
kettle, singing as they stirred, till the pot was boiled, and
taken off the hanger, to assemble round and put their
ladles in. Some thought the broth had too much salt, or
pepper, or cabbage; others too little. The proportion
of every article of fish, flesh, or fowl was found fault
with by some one. My ingredient, said the master of the
entertainment, is yet to come, that is a flask of whiskey;
to which they all assented to have poured in. A ladle of
the broth enlivened with the spirit, put them in good humour;
and it was a safe thing to jest with them, and to
slur good hints under the veil of parable. “Good folks,
said he, being of an occupation which the wags in their
humour sometimes call pulpit whacking, it is not difficult
for me to strike a doctrine out of any thing, as easily
as Moses did the water fall out of the rock at Meriba;
and hence it is, that we are apt, even on common occasions,
though not in the pulpit, to spiritualize. This I
am not about to do at present, but rather, if you please, to
moralize a little. We have a constitution, or frame of
government, which has stood some time, and for any thing
I can see, might stand a while yet. It was framed by
men of great political skill, at least, great information;
and it was with great deliberation that it was formed. It
was not until lately that any one thought to disturb, and
new model; and in fact to make another. Reform, is a
popular word, and it is that which is chosen. But every
one must foresee an entire overhauling. Now, as I
would wish to see our young timber sawed into planks
to line houses, or to make floors; or by hewing, made
fit for harrows or plough beams, rather than erected into
guillotines, I am for putting up with the constitution until
we get our fields cleared, and our meadows made;
until we look about us, and get time to think a little, lest
going hastily about it we make it worse. For you see, in
making this broth, where every thing was put in that
any one said he liked, it was not savoury, until a dash of
whiskey made it palatable—

15. CHAPTER XV.

IT may not be amiss, at this stage of our history, to
mention that the governor had not yet been a married
man; and it was not the death of his lady that propelled
him to enter on an unsettled, and rambling way of life;
as was the case with Sir Thomas Graham who, to relieve
his grief for the loss of a beloved wife, sallied out with a
regiment of English troops against the French, to kill all
that he could. It was not the loss of a dear woman that
had made the captain half mad when he set out with the
bog-trotter,

But it was a cause that had some relation to it; disappointments
in love. These had happened to him frequently
and from an early period. His first attachment
that took a strong hold of him was about the twenty
eighth year of his age. He had taken it for granted that
it was a thing of course for the maid to affect coyness,
and to be won with great difficulty. And hence it was
that he persevered too much and too long; and when
repulsed he bore it the more hardly, because he had not
expected it. The effect also was produced, that in his
advances to a future mistress, a very small matter discouraged
him; in the same manner as a steed in a
curricle, once baulked, will stick at a small impediment,
and refuse to draw. For falling in love with another
beauty, and learning that poetry was essentially necessary
in a matter of love to a young person, he wrote verses,
and presented them. The lady wishing to bring him to
the point, affected to consider his madrigals as a burlesque,
returned them to him, telling him that she had
not expected such ridicule from a gentleman of his good
breeding. The poor captain in the honesty of his heart
took her to be in earnest, and never went to see her
more.

The third that he addressed; for a lapse of a long
time intervened before he could muster resolution to pay
his respects to any one; the third I say, that he addressed;
or rather purposed to address, was a blue-eyed
beauty, with black hair and a white skin, whom he took

by the hand, which trembled so, that he let it go; and
gave up his pretensions. The truth is, it was sensibility
in the young lady; and her joy in the good fortune that
she had to be addressed by one whom she prized so much.
He mistook it for a feeling of horror at her situation.
His next campaign was with one whom his heart
loved but his reason di approved, for she was as handsome
as an angel, but as ill tempered as Jezabel. He
would have married her; but he was relieved by a
richer wooer who made a present of a bread tray, and
chicken coop to the mother; and having her good wishes,
succeeded with the daughter so far at least as to gain
her consent to matrimony.

His last attack, to speak in a military phrase, was on
the heart of a young widow, who would have yielded
incontinently had he pressed his advances, but her little
boy calling a gentleman pappy who gave him sweetmeats,
he took it that the child had the hint from the
mother, and that the other was the favoured lover. Considering
the matter all over, he resolved not as the
English novelists say, upon a trip to the continent, but a
journey on the continent to dissipate his ennui, and recover
himself from the softer affections which had obtained
the ascendant. For a change of objects diverts the
mind; and going to watering places cures love as it does
the rheumatism; not that it has any other primary effect,
than cheating the imagination of its reveries.

The people of the settlement had built the governor a
house. The mansion of his excellency, was spacious,
and furnished with several large tables, and some long
benches, but was deficient in one particular, a lady of the
castle who might attend to household affairs, and receive
company. His senate thought that he ought to
marry. Having weighty reasons to oppose, he did not all
at once accede to the proposition. The truth is, as
we have seen he was apprehensive of a repulse.

For he had laid it down from his own experience, that
as some attract women, so others repel; and there is no
contending against nature. But though of great candour,
he did not wish to acknowledge, or profess the real
motives which led him to hesitate; but rather to evade,
and raise difficulties.

The setting an example of matrimony for the sake of
peopleing a new country, was suggested as an obligation
upon every good citizen: and that it behooved every good
man to see to it that he multiplied himself. To this he

replied, that he was not so sure of the truth of that proposition.
That when we saw nature using means to put
people out of the world by pestilence, and earthquakes,
we could not be certain that it was the will of Providence
there should be more brought into it. And as it is of no
consequence to such as have not yet come into life, whether
they ever come at all, he did not see that those who
did not come had reason to complain of those who were
but the negative causes of the non-existence.

There was a subtilty in this reasoning which the people
could not answer; yet they were not satisfied. It came
to this at last that he was under the necessity of explaining
to them the delicacy of his situation, that it did not
become him, the governor of a republic, to compel matrimony
in his own case, or indeed in that of any other;
and that he had no reason to suppose that in any other
way, he could obtain the hand of the inamorata that he
might pitch upon.

It seemed to the multitude a ridiculous idea that there
could be any spinster in the colony who would refuse the
hand of a man of station when offered to her. But that
if there should be any one found so recreant, the voice
of the people should compel an acquiescence: that they
would send out through all their border, and find out a
damsel for my Lord, the governor, as in the case of king
David, Ahasuerus, and others that are read of in the
scripture times.

Appalled at all idea of constraint, he was disposed to
try rather what might be accomplished by fair means.
He had heard of the emigration of the Creoles from St.
Domingo, which happened about this time, being driven
from their own country, by the revolt of the negroes, some
of these half mulattoes themselves; or what are called
mustachees, and not being of the fairest complexion, and
pressed by great necessity, might wish to match themselves
with any person for a livelihood. Or, as another
expedient, he thought of sending by a trader, a keg or
two of whiskey, to the Indian towns to purchase a princess
who could be reconciled, for a little calico, to relinquish
her connections. But the people would hear of no
Creole, nor savage, who would be running back like a
pig that is brought from another settlement; or bringing
her relations along with her of foreign manners, and
attachments. They insisted on his issuing a proclamation
to call in all the spinsters, and selecting one from

the assembled; some Abisha, the Shinamite, or Easter;
not for a concubine; for they would have no concubine,
but to be the lady of his hall, in a decent manner, as became
the magistrate of a christian people.

His excellency could not reconcile it to himself to procure
an assemblage of females by proclamation; as in
that case one must be rejected, and another chosen,
which could not but wound his own mind as well as that
of the unsuccessful candidate; and he could not marry
them all, even were they so disposed; for a plurality of
wives, in modern times could not agree in one house,
however it might have been in ancient, when women
were better tempered than at present. Besides the accommodation
of the country would not admit it. If he
took two, some honest settler might be without one.

To obviate the delicacy of a selection, it was suggested,
the procuring a number to be got together under the
idea of a spinning match, a thing well known in the
country, and let the best spinner take the prize; or to
draw lots, as marriage is but a lottery, which would be
a way of avoiding all idea of a preference.

That may do, said the Governor, provided that my
man, Teague O'Regan, is put out of the way, or fastened
up; for if they once see him, the matter is at an end; I
shall get none of them to take a chance for me. But all
things considered, it was thought the most convenient
course to do, as others did; and without making
any noise, to ride about the country a little to see the
damsels in their hamlets and at their spinning wheels,
in their virgin state and simple habiliments, with unadorned
tresses.

In visiting the settlement, his excellency admired
much the spinning wheel, a piece of machinery which
he saw in almost every cabin. The attitude of the spinster
is unquestionably finer than that of a lady at the forte
piano, or harpsichord; not altogether because it connects
grace with industry; and charms imagination at
the same time that it engages reason in its favour; but
because the position of the body behind the instrument,
and with a front view to the beholder, has a great advantage.
The fact is, that a finely formed woman can be
seen in no possible attitude, to more advantage, than at
the spinning wheel. At the forte piano, at a side view,
which is the best; for you cannot have a front view, but
a side view only, the instrument being in front, you see

but the profile of the face, and the person in an inclined
posture, with the shoulder stooping, somewhat. Even
the fingers, however lightly they touch the instrument,
are not seen to more advantage, than those of the
spinster when she draws the lint from the rock with one
hand, and rests the other on her lap. I consider the Irish
harp as but approaching the spinning wheel in exhibiting
the person to advantage; but independent of connecting
the idea of utility, figure to yourself this simple
piece of mechanism, combining the circle with the triangle,
in its form; the lever, the inclined plane, the axis
in the principle of motion; the orders of architecture in
the rounding of the pillars, from the turning loom; and
the white maple stained in concentric circles of bright
yellow, or scarlet die; the yellow by the rind of the shumack,
and the scarlet by the pacoon root, gathered by
the female hand from adjoining woods. The tripod of
Appollo, made of ebony, may present a resemblance;
but the trapezium, on which the foot rests, and puts in
motion the machine, with the neat ankle, and morocco
slipper, is not so easily painted to the fancy. But when
you raise your eye to the auburn, or golden, or hair of
raven wing; with a skin milk white, and a brow of jet,
and eyes of the crystal blue; when you add to this the
finger of Hebe, disporting with the lint; the chest of
Juno, thrown back from the position; the cincture and
the smile of Venus, and the vivacity and sense of Mnemosyne,
you may have an idea of what I have seen of
beauty, and loveliness of the use of this instrument. A
woman, on horseback, presents her form to advantage;
but much more at the spinning wheel.
is a part of an old song; and if we ever get our Don
Quixotte married, it is ten to one, but it will be to a spinster.

15. CHAPTER XV.

WERE I to imitate the action of an epic poem, it
would now be the time to give the history of the Governor,
before he was a Governor, and had set out upon his
travels; deducing my narrative from his early years.
His ancestry also might be touched upon; but the fact
is, as I have said, I know little about him prior to the
time of his setting out; and still less of his descent, and
pedigree. I should be better pleased if I had it in my
power to give some account of the progenitors of Teague,
as being a character of greater singularity; but that is
not in my power. From his ambition for eminence, I
should think it very probable that his descent was noble,
and from some of the old Irish kings, if the heraldry
could be traced; but, in the sacking of towns, and burning
of castles in the civil wars in Ireland, and foreign
conquests by Danes, and by John Bull, all documents of
ancestry have been lost; so that we are at liberty to imagine
what we please upon this head. Philosophers dispute
with each other; but the divines all agree that we
all came from Adam. If the divines are right, we are
all relations, tag rag, and bobtail; kings, emperors, and
bog-trotters. I am content to have it so; for it is a way
of thinking, favourable to benevolence; and I do not
know that I should gain any thing by the idea of there
having been different stocks; for though I should get
quit of some rascals, that have sprung from Adam, I
might have others on my hand not much better. The
truth is, I know nothing of my own ancestry, farther back
than the year 1715, where a certain M'Donald did good
service with his claymore at the battle of Killicrankey,
under Dundee. He was the grand father of my father,
by the maternal line. I mention him, because he is the
only one I have ever heard spoken of as being a dead-doing
man. My father's father, called out in a conscription
of feudalists under Argyle, fell at the battle of Culloden;
and this is all I know of him.

It has occurred to me sometimes, that coming from
a remote island, and an obscure part of it, I might feign
an ancestry with coats of arms, as others have done.
The bracken, or brecken, as it is indifferently spelled by
the Scottish poets, is the most beautiful ever-green of that

part of the island; and might furnish something towards
an escutcheon. The brecken is introduced by Burns, as
an ornament of Caledonia.

The ridge, o' green brecken, would have done as well
as the glen; for it grows on the ridge as well as in the
valley, which is the meaning of the word glen, a narrow
valley, overhung by a ridge on each side; and so lone
or lonely; that is, wild and romantic, by the small stream
murmuring through it. This is the origin of the name
breckan, or brackenridge. But I am running off at a
tangent, and wandering from my subject. Having nothing
to say of the ancestry of the Governor, or of that of
the bog-trotter, I must omit, or rather cannot accomplish
the dramatic form of the epic, but must proceed in a
prosaic way with the narrative, a parte post, and say nothing
of the exparte ante.

The Governor was thinking of a lady for his castle, or
mansion house; but does not seem to have succeeded;
for he remains yet unmarried. Teague, as we have seen,
had been heretofore much in request with the ladies;

and still more so from the late reputation of his generalship,
and the display of his tumbling at the camp-meetings
But the circumstance of his having taught a cat
to speak, was against him; for no woman would like to
have a tell-tale of such domestic animal. It would render
it unsafe to have a cat about the house.

16. CHAPTER XVI.

HOW shall we account for this eternal babbling in
our public bodies, which delays and confuses business?
Can it be French influence? No. I have no idea that
Bonaparte ever expended a single sous for the purpose
of inculcating this tediousness, or loquacity. The French
themselves are far from being a taciturn people; nevertheless
I do not find reason to believe that it is from an
imitation of the French orators, that this prolixity occurs.
There was no great length of time taken up by
the member of the constituent, or national assembly,
when he ascended the Tribune.

Some have thought that it was a proof of the hypothesis
of Darwin, that men have been once magpies, and parrots.
I am of opinion that it resolves itself into one of
two natural causes, want of self-denial, or want of sense.
I know there are babbling schools at the present time,
as there were at a former period; debating societies among
the manufacturers in towns and villages, as there
is in Great Britain. In some of the New-England seminaries,
I am told, debating and discussing questions
is made a part of the academic exercises. Of this I do
not approve, if the students are to take, one, one side,
and another a contrary, to whet their wits; and to say
what ingenuity prompts, without a reference to the truth,
and a just decision of the question. It would vary the
exercise, at least that, of the class each should propound
a question in his turn on the science which makes the
subject of his studies; and the one who explains best,
and forms the soundest judgment on the question, and
with the greatest brevity expressed, should take the
prize. I would commend brevity and truth, not the diffuse
harangue, with sophism and errors. This would
lay a foundation of eloquence for a legislature. Something
ought to be done to correct this logomachy, or war
of words, and nothing else. The vox, et preterea nihil is
at all times abominable. If those of this class will speak,
let them pronounce the word whippor-will a reasonable
length of time, and that may suffice. Whippor-will;
whippor-will; whippor-will; imitating the sound of that
bird, for a quarter of an hour, might pass for a speech.

O, how I have wished for a gag or a muzzle, when I
have seen four or five columns of a newspaper taken up
with verbosity. I would take it off only on condition of
giving a good instead of these. The fact is, an amendment
of the constitution would be the reducing the ratio
of the representation; fewer to speak, there would be
less said. Many hands make light work; but this applies
to bodily labour only, where a certain object is to
be accomplished; such as the removing a fence, or cutting
down a wood. Fewer members would do more in
a short time; and perhaps would do it better; for though
in a multitude of counsellors there is safety; yet if all
speak there is delay. Could we not give a power to the
chairman, or president of a deliberative body, to knock
down a member, when he had seemed to trespass on the
patience of the house. At any rate, he might be permitted
to give him a wink, or a nod, which it should be understood
as a hint to have done. But there is great difficulty
in breaking bad habits; and there are some whose
tongues, according to the expression of the poet, speaking
of a stream,

Things have come to such a pass, that I generally
take it for granted, that the man who gives his vote, and
says nothing, is the man of sense. Adonizabee, in the
scripture, “had three score and ten kings, having their
thumbs cut off.” Why did he cut off their thumbs?
It must have been to keep them from writing out their
speeches. At least I have been led to think that it would
be a gain to our republic if Adonizabee had our members
of Congress in hands a while.

17. CHAPTER XVII.

LOOKING back upon this work; for I do not
know that I shall add any more; it occurs to me
to reflect whether it will do good or harm. I cannot
think it will do harm. It contains a good deal of moral
sentiment, the result of my own reading, observation and
experience; “All which I saw and part of which I
was.” I have myself been of the bar; have had to do,
in a canvass for elections; and have been of a legislative
body; like all young orators, I have babbled as others
have done. This day do I remember my faults; and if
I were to go over the same ground again, I would make
one word do where two were used. The fact is that I
have spoken upon subjects I did not understand; and
had an ambition to display oratory. In correcting the
errors of ambition for place, or the mere display of powers,
this book may be of service in a republic. It is a
caricatura doubtless; but it is by caricatura, that the
ridiculous is discovered. For this painting I claim credit;
but I have more the useful in view than the amusing
of the work. I will acknowledge that I value myself a
good deal upon the performance. Any animal of the human
species, with a mediocrity of talents, may come to be
a judge, and may appear pretty well in a book of reports,
provided he cites precedents; but how many are there
in an age that could write such a book as this? And yet
to my astonishment, it has not got up in the world as I
think it ought to have. But a great deal depends upon
having a felicitous introduction. When it comes to be
published with drawings, or what are called cuts, it will
look quite another thing to grown gentlemen; and will
come into vogue, and be a stock book.

I do not affect to be the first in this line of writing that
has appeared in America. There is a New-England publication
entitled, “the Cobbler of Wagram,” which I have
never seen, but have heard of; and which, I would thank
some of the New-England literati to procure for me.

For though I have made some flings at our young John
Bull, yet I have had in view, but a few persons of the
present time,and as touching a political way of thinking
in alluding to them under the appellation of young
Johnny; but as to their literary standing, I have a high
respect for them; and at the same time am sensible, that
the great body of them are true men, and err only in
particulars; and this, a good deal from the not having
the helm in their hands. They will get it in due time, as
much as will fall to their share. But they expect too
much, and cannot have every thing their own way. A
separation of the Union they never thought of; it is all
in Terrorem; but such talk may lead to the catastrophe
which of all people, as they border on the British settlements
it concerns their safety most to avoid. When I
say the states of New-England never thought of a disunion,
I distinguish individuals, who, for ambition, and
the hope of obtaining power from a change, may not
talk, but think, of such a thing. I am persuaded, there
are in those states, at this moment, a minority, perhaps
approaching a majority, that are as much anti-John
Bull, as any other part of the Union. This
is said as explanatory of what may be thought otherwise
from my allusions to young Johnny Bull. I call
them young Johnny, because old England, is old Johnny,
and they are New-England; and because there are some
of their editors at least who advocate British politics,
and call the war unjust. I do not say British interest;
because it is not less the interest of Britain to yield her
claims of domination on the sea than it is for us to resist
them. If the war continues seven years, I do not wonder
if we should burn London; at least then that we have
it in our power to burn it. For I should be sorry to burn
any thing, or kill any one. But, I will acknowledge myself
an enragee against uncle John on account of the injustice
of his claims, and the barbarities of his allies. I
am confident there are few of the people of that island,
who if they were to see a single scalp taken, as I have
done, and hear the savage yell, would not have the same
impression. The war in disguise upon the western parts
of the Union, in furnishing with implements, not of agriculture,
but of hatcheting and scalping, the Indian tribes,
was a cause of war long before it was declared by our
republic. The invasion, was justifiable only on the
ground, and it was expedient on the ground, of interposing
between the vendors of scalping knives, and the
purchasers, the Indians. The love of gain propels all
the measures of John Bull; I speak of the government.
It is an inconsistency, and a calamity at the same time,
that a people who have the character of humanity,
generally, and bravery, should exhibit with regard to
nations, a conduct so profligate.

18. CHAPTER XVIII.
A KEY TO THE PRECEDING.

THIS will be found in the history of the times; and
especially of that of the state of Pennsylvania. And indeed,
I flatter myself, that it is not a little owing to this
book, published in portions, from time to time, that a very
different state of things now exists. I do not believe,
there has been a single bog-trotter, as I may designate
them, admitted by the American Philosophical Society,
for many years past; at least I have not heard of any
since Oric M`Sugan, the house carpenter, who did the inside
work of a stable for one of the members, and was
therefore admitted.

In the winter of 1787, being then of the legislature of
Pennsylvania, it was signified to me that I might be put
in nomination, with several others, that were about to be
balloted for, if I thought proper to skin a cat-fish, or do
something that would save appearances, and justify the
society in considering me a man of philosophic search,
and resources. Enquiring who these might be, that had
been nominated, and put upon the list, and not chusing
to be of the batch, I thought proper to decline the compliment.
It was this which gave rise to my idea of such
a candidate as Teague O`Regan for that honour. Some
time after this, when delegates were about to be chosen
from the county where I resided, to frame a constitution
for the United States, after the adoption of the federal government,
I offered myself for this, as considering it a
special occasion; but to my astonishment, and before I
was aware, one of Shakespear's characters, Snout, the
bellows mender, was elected. This led me to introduce
Teague as a politician.

An excise law, under the federal government, having
been carried into effect; and, it being obnoxious in the
western country, and excise officers tarred and feathered,
as you would a sheep, or an Indian arrow, it was with
no view, but to burlesque the matter, that I made Teague
a guager, or exciseman; and being a sans-culotte; which
signifies, — I thought, a pair of breeches, might not be
amiss of any sort.

Being in a public station from the year 1800, I had to
pay the usual tax of obloquy to men in office, from Paddy
from Cork, &c.; and, paying more than I thought my
proportion, it was natural for me, to think of my bog-trotter
as one who would make just such an editor as some
of these were. It was for this purpose, therefore, that
it came into my mind to give him a journal to edit.

It was a retrospection to a past period when a batchelor,
and recollecting the competition of those whom I
thought undeserving persons, that I was led to caricature
their pretensions with the success of my bog-trotter.
The fact is, I thought it might be of service to the young
women in the choice of a husband, and save them from
swindlers, who differed little from the quadruped, but
in the horn and the hoof, which they had not about them.

I have had individuals in my eye, in all these matters,
no doubt; but I do not name them; because they are not
worth naming; nor would the subject admit it. General
strictures of human nature, is all that can be expected, in
these matters.

From the talents of some new editors of papers, who
had never yet fleshed their maiden swords in a republic,
but were from Ireland, Scotland, or England, and some
that were from neither, but turf-born, in this country,
the press came to daggers-drawing with the law. The
types disposed themselves; 1, against the judges; 2, against
the law, and finally against the constitution. They
got help from partisans on all sides; and these establishments
were likely to be blown up. Learning was decryed
and it was no uncommon thing to hear members
of the legislature thanking God “that they had never
been within a college.” There is now a considerable reform
of the public way of thinking; candidates for state
trusts begin to value themselves for having been at school,
and find their account in being thought able to read. It
is not as it used to be, the enquiry altogether, whether
a man be a plain unlettered person; or has had a tincture
of the law to poison his faculties. There is now actually
a lawyer a speaker of the senate. Heretofore you might
have seen caucus-holding men at their wits end for some
extraordinary kind of dunce to send to the house; upon
the same principle, that the philosophers dig into the
earth for a mineral, a science which is called Oryctognosy;
or that they look for a shell on the sea-shore, or a
beetle in the woods, to send to a museum.

The enquiry now is by these caucus people in every
county, not only who is honest, but, who is capable?
There are said to be sixty-two new members in the present
session; I cannot say whether in the two houses, or
in one, the old having been left out; and this on the principle,
that they had missed a figure in calculation, and
read four for three dollars.

In the courts of judicature, in this state, there had always
been much delay; and this, in a great degree, owing
to the length of speeches; and note-taking. What
else but this book has put that down. Does any body
now hear of much excess in harangues? On the contrary,
there is the utmost precision of thought, and brevity
of expression.

Nor has it only been in forensic eloquence that there
has been a curtailing, but in that of deliberative bodies.
It is not from Pennsylvania, that those interminable
speeches come, which we hear of on the floor of congress.
Is it not to be hoped that, when my book gets a circulation
beyond the state, and into other parts of the Union,
a retrenchment will be perceptible in the verbosity of
members from other places, and that quality will begin
to be consulted, and the quantity reduced. I could wish
a tax were laid upon the time taken up in a debate. Why
is it that congress do not buy up an edition of my book,
and distribute among the members? It would be of
more use to them than the library of Monticello. If it
lay with the President, I am confident he would not hesitate,
had there not been so much said about the $50,000
to John Henry.

The people of Pennsylvania are so sensible of the use
that it has been in this state, that there is scarcely a parlour
window without a MODERN CHIVALRY. Five
booksellers have made a fortune by it; for I have never
asked a cent from any of them for the privilege of printing
an edition, save in this last instance, where a few copies
have been stipulated for the amanuensis to whom I
have dictated what has been added to the work, and this
for the purpose of distributing to his uncles, aunts, and
first cousins, as the members of congress do the copies
that are ordered to be printed, of President's messages,
reports of ambassadors, &c.

I have said that I do not know that I shall write more,
though I have some transactions in my mind, that I could
wish to Chronicle; and characters that might be drawn.

I know, that after the present war, which, in the nature
of things, cannot last always, an ambassador will be sent
to England; and Teague may be a candidate. I can carry
him it I will; but, in that matter, I shall hesitate, because
I should have to take the trouble of presenting him
after his outfit; and going through the ceremonies of an
introduction, with which I am not so well acquainted.
For though a great deal might be said in favour of a republican
going from a republican government, being less
in need of a knowledge of etiquette, like an Indian prince
that comes from the woods; yet, as those who had preceded
him. Adams, Jay, King, Pinkney, &c. had not
gone with their coats buttoned behind, but accommodated
themselves to the dress, and the customs of the
courts of Europe; my bog-trotter could not well depart
from precedent.