University of Virginia Library

30. CHAPTER XXX.
ILLUSTRATIONS.

PERHAPS a few veritable extracts from the published
correspondence of him whom, following a
habit of his own, we have called Sir Asinus, may show
the origin of some allusions in our chronicle. These
short selections are arranged of course to suit the purpose
of the narrative. Beginning with the “rats,” we
very appropriately end with a marriage—as in the
case of that gentleman who was “led such a life” by
the rats, that “he had to go to London to get himself a
wife.”

..... “This very day, to others the day of greatest
mirth and jollity, sees me overwhelmed with more and
greater misfortunes than have befallen a descendant of
Adam for these thousand years past, I am sure. I am
now in a house surrounded with enemies who take counsel
together against my soul, and when I lay me down
to rest, they say among themselves, Come, let us destroy
him. I am sure if there is such a thing as a devil in
this world, he must have been here last night, and have
had some hand in contriving what happened to me. Do
you think the cursed rats (at his instigation, I suppose)
did not eat up my pocket-book, which was in my pocket,
within a foot of my head? And not contented with

plenty for the present, they carried away my jemmy-worked
silk garters, and half a dozen new minuets I had
just got, to serve, I suppose, as provision for the winter.
But of this I should not have accused the devil, (because
you know rats will be rats, and hunger, without the addition
of his instigations, might have urged them to do
this,) if something worse, and from a different quarter,
had not happened. You know it rained last night, or if
you do not know it, I am sure I do. When I went to
bed I laid my watch in the usual place, and going to
take her up after I arose this morning, I found her in the
same place, 't is true, but, quantum mutatus ab illo!
afloat in water, let in at a leak in the roof of the house,
and as silent and still as the rats that had eat my pocket-book.
Now you know if chance had had any thing to do
in this matter, there were a thousand other spots where it
might have chanced to leak as well as this one, which
was perpendicularly over my watch. But I'll tell you,
it's my opinion that the devil came and bored the hole
over it on purpose. Well, as I was saying, my poor
watch had lost her speech. I should not have cared
much for this, but something worse attended it; the subtle
particles of the water with which the case was filled,
had by their penetration so overcome the cohesion of
the particles of paper, of which my dear picture and
watch-paper were composed, that in attempting to take
them out to dry them, my cursed fingers gave them such
a rent as I fear I never shall get over! Multis fortunae
vulneribus percussus, huic uni me imparem sensi, et
penitus succubui. I would have cried bitterly, but I
thought it beneath the dignity of a man, and a man too
who had read . I do
wish the devil had old Coke, for I am sure I never was
so tired of an old dull scoundrel in my life. The
old fellows say we must read to gain knowledge,
and gain knowledge to make us happy and be admired.
Mere jargon! Is there any such thing as happiness
in this world? No. And as for admiration, I
am sure the man who powders most, perfumes most,
embroiders most, and talks most nonsense, is most admired.”

..... “This letter will be conveyed to you by the
assistance of our friend Warner Lewis. Poor fellow!
never did I see one more sincerely captivated in my
life. He walked to the Indian Camp with her yesterday,
by which means he had an opportunity of giving
her two or three love-squeezes by the hand; and like a
true Arcadian swain, has been so enraptured ever since
that he is company for no one.”

..... “Last night, as merry as agreeable company
and dancing with Belinda in the Apollo could make me,
I never could have thought the succeeding sun would
have seen me so wretched as I now am! Affairs at
W. and M. are in the greatest confusion. Walker,
McClury, and Wat Jones are expelled pro tempore, or
as Horrox softens it, rusticated for a month. Lewis
Burwell, Warner Lewis, and one Thompson have fled to
escape flagellation.”

..... “I wish I had followed your example and
wrote in Latin, and that I had called my dear, Campana
in die, instead of .”—(“The lady here alluded to is

manifestly the Miss Rebecca Burwell mentioned in his
first letter; but what suggested the quaint designation
of her is not so obvious. In the first of them,
Belinda, translated into dog Latin, which was there as
elsewhere one of the facetioe of young collegians, became
Campana in die, that is, bell in day. In the
second, the name is reversed, and becomes Adnileb,
which for further security is written in Greek characters,
and the lady spoken of in the masculine gender.”
—Note of Editor.)

..... “When you see Patsy Dandridge, tell her,
`God bless her.' I do not like the ups and downs of a
country life: to-day you are frolicking with a fine girl,
and to-morrow you are moping by yourself. Thank
God! I shall shortly be where my happiness will be less
interrupted. I shall salute all the girls below in your
name, particularly S——y P——r. Dear Will, I have
thought of the cleverest plan of life that can be imagined.
You exchange your land for Edgehill, or I
mine for Fairfields; you marry S——y P——r, I marry
R——a B——l, join and get a pole chair and a pair of
keen horses, practise the law in the same courts, and
drive about to all the dances in the country together.
How do you like it? Well, I am sorry you are at such
a distance I cannot hear your answer; however, you
must let me know it by the first opportunity, and all
the other news in the world which you imagine will
affect me.”

..... “With regard to the scheme which I proposed
to you some time since, I am sorry to tell you it is totally

frustrated by Miss R. B.'s marriage with Jacquelin
Ambler, which the people here tell me they daily expect.
Well, the Lord bless her! I say: but S——y
P——r is still left for you. I have given her a description
of the gentleman who, as I told her, intended to
make her an offer of his hand, and asked whether or not
he might expect it would be accepted. She would not
determine till she saw him or his picture. Now, Will,
as you are a piece of a limner, I desire that you will seat
yourself immediately before your looking-glass and draw
such a picture of yourself as you think proper; and if
it should be defective, blame yourself. (Mind that I
mentioned no name to her.) You say you are determined
to be married as soon as possible, and advise me
to do the same. No, thank ye; I will consider of it
first. Many and great are the comforts of a single state,
and neither of the reasons you urge can have any influence
with an inhabitant, and a young inhabitant too,
of Williamsburg. Who told you that I reported you
was courting Miss Dandridge and Miss Dangerfield? It
might be worth your while to ask whether they were in
earnest or not. So far was I from it, that I frequently
bantered Miss J——y T——o about you, and told her
how feelingly you spoke of her. There is scarcely any
thing now going on here. You have heard, I suppose,
that J. Page is courting Fanny Burwell. W. Bland and
Betsy Yates are to be married Thursday se'nnight. The
Secretary's son is expected in shortly. Willis has left
town entirely, so that your commands to him cannot be
executed immediately; but those to the ladies I shall do
myself the pleasure of delivering to-morrow night at the
ball. Tom Randolph of Tuckahoe has a suit of Mecklenburg
silk which he offered me for a suit of broadcloth.”

..... “I have not a syllable to write to you about.
Would you that I should write nothing but truth? I
tell you I know nothing that is true. Or would you
rather that I should write you a pack of lies? Why,
unless they were more ingenious than I am able to invent,
they would furnish you with little amusement.
What can I do then? Nothing, but ask you the news
in your world. How have you done since I saw you?
How did Nancy look at you when you danced with her
at Southall's? Have you any glimmering of hope?
How does R. B. do? Had I better stay here and do
nothing, or go down and do less? or in other words, had
I better stay here while I am here, or go down that I
may have the pleasure of sailing up the river again in
a full-rigged flat? You must know that as soon as the
Rebecca (the name I intend to give the vessel above mentioned)
is completely finished, I intend to hoist sail and
away. I shall visit particularly, England, Holland,
France, Spain, Italy, (where I would buy me a good
fiddle,) and Egypt, and return through the British provinces
to the northward, home. This, to be sure, would
take us two or three years, and if we should not both be
cured of love in that time, I think the devil would be
in it.

T. Jefferson.”

Many of these letters are written from “Devilsburg,”
which was the college name for the metropolitan city in
the days of yore. The reader is referred to the first
volume of Mr. Tucker's Life of Jefferson.

We shall make but one addition to our chronicle of
those former personages and their boyish pranks, and
that shall be a quotation:

“On the 1st of January, 1772, I was married to
Martha Skelton, widow of Bathurst Skelton, and daughter
of John Wayles, then twenty-three years old.”

See his memoir of himself.