University of Virginia Library

6. CHAPTER VI.
HOW SIR ASINUS STAKED HIS GARTERS AGAINST A PISTOLE,
AND LOST.

SIR ASINUS fled like the wild huntsman, although
there was this slight difference between the feelings
of the two characters:—the German myth was himself
the pursuer, whereas Sir Asinus imagined himself pursued.

He looked around anxiously from time to time, under
the impression that his worthy friend and pedagogue
was on his heels; and whenever a traveller made his
appearance, he was complimented with a scrutiny from
the flying knight which seemed to indicate apprehension
—the apprehension of being made a prisoner.

Just as Sir Asinus reached the outskirts of the town,
he observed a chariot drawn by six milk-white horses
approaching from a county road which debouched, like
the highway, into Gloucester street; and when this
chariot arrived opposite, a head was thrust through the
window, and a good-humored voice uttered the words:

“Give you good day, my dear Tom!”

Sir Asinus bowed, with a laugh which seemed to indicate
familiarity with the occupant of the carriage, and
said:

“Good morning, your Excellency—a delightful day.”

“Yes,” returned the voice, “especially for a race!
What were you scampering from? Come into the

chariot and tell me all about it. I am dying of weariness.”

The movement was soon accomplished. His Excellency's
footman mounted the horse, and Sir Asinus entered
the chariot and found himself opposite an elderly
gentleman, very richly clad, and with a smiling and
rubicund face which seemed to indicate a love of the
best living. This gentleman was Francis Fauquier,
Governor of his Majesty's loyal colony of Virginia; and
he seemed to be no stranger to the young man.

“Now, what was it all about?” asked the Governor,
laughing.

And when our friend related the mode of his escape
from the worthy Doctor, his Excellency shook the whole
carriage in the excess of his mirth.

They came thus to the “Raleigh Tavern,” before the
door of which the Governor stopped a moment to say a
word to the landlord, who, cap in hand, listened. The
Governor's conversation related to a great ball which
was to be held in the “Apollo room” at the Raleigh
very soon; and the chariot was delayed fully half an
hour.

At last it drove on, and at the same moment his
Excellency inclined his head courteously to a gentleman
mounted on horseback who was passing.

“Ah, worthy Doctor Small!” he said, “a delightful
day for a ride!”

Sir Asinus shrunk back into the extremest corner, and
cast an imploring look upon the Governor, who shook
with laughter.

“Yes, yes, your Excellency,” said the Doctor; “I

have been inhaling this delightful May morning with
quite a youthful gusto.”

“Riding for exercise, Doctor? An excellent idea.”

“No, sir; I went a little way into the country to see
a pupil.”

“You saw him?”

“No, your Excellency.”

“Why, that was very hard—a great reprobate, I fear.”

“No; a wild young man who has lately deserted his
Alma Mater.”

“A heinous offence! I advise you to proceed against
him for holding out in contumaciam.”

“Ah!” said the Doctor, “we must follow the old receipt
for cooking a hare in the present instance. We
must first catch the offender.”

And the good Doctor smiled.

“Well, Doctor, much success to you. Will you not
permit me to convey you to the college?”

The hair upon Sir Asinus's head stood up; then at
the Doctor's reply he breathed freely again. That reply
was:

“No, I thank you; your Excellency is very good, but
it is only a step.”

And the Doctor rode on with a bow.

Behind him rode Jacques, who had recognised his
friend's horse, caught a glimpse of him through the window,
and now regarded him with languid interest.

The chariot drew up at the gate of the palace. A
liveried servant offered his arm to the Governor; and
passing along the walk beneath the Scotch lindens which
lined it, they entered the mansion.

The Governor led the way to his study, passing
through two large apartmeuts ornamented with globe
lamps and portraits of the King and Queen.

Once in his favorite leather chair, his Excellency ordered
wine to be brought, emptied two or three glasses,
and then receiving a pipe from a servant, lit it by means
of a coal respectfully held in readiness, and commenced
smoking.

Sir Asinus declined the pipe proffered to him, but
applied himself to the old sherry with great gusto—
much to his Excellency's satisfaction.

“You were near being discovered,” said Fauquier,
smiling; “then you would have been made an example.”

“Ex gracia exempli,” said Sir Asinus, emptying his
glass, and translating into the original respectfully.

“Ah, you wild college boys! Now I wager ten to
one that you were not only playing truant at Shadynook,
but making love.”

“That is perfectly correct, your Excellency.”

“See, I was right. You are a wild scamp, Tom.
Who's your Dulcinea?”

“I decline answering that question, your Excellency.
But my rival—that is different.”

“Well, your rival?”

“The dandified Adonis with the Doctor.”

“Your friend, is he not?”

“Bosom friend; but what is the use of having friends,
if we can't take liberties with them?”

“As, courting their sweethearts!” said his Excellency,
who seemed to enjoy this sentiment very much.

“Yes, sir. I always put my friends under contribution.

They are not fit for any thing else. My rule is always
to play off my wit on friends; it coruscates more brilliantly
when we know a man's foibles.”

“Good—very profound!” said the Governor, laughing;
“and I suppose the present difficulty arises from
the fact, that some of these coruscations, as you call
them, played around the person or character of the worthy
Doctor Small?”

“No, no, your Excellency. I left my country for my
country's good—I mean the college. My ideas were in
advance of the age.”

“How?”

“I suggested, in the Literary Society, the propriety
of throwing off the rule of Great Britain; I drew up a
constitutional argument against the Established Church
in favor of religious toleration; and I asserted in open
lecture that all men were and of right should be equally
free.”

The Governor shook with laughter.

“Did you?” he said.

“Yes,” said Sir Asinus, assuming a grand tone.

“Well, I see now why you left your college for its
good; this is treason, heresy, and barbarism,” said the
Governor, merrily. “Where has your Traitorship taken
up your residence?”

“In Gloucester street,” said Sir Asinus; “a salubrious
and pleasant lodging.

“Gloucester street! Why, your constitutional civil
and religious emancipation is not complete!”

“No, my dear sir—no.”

“Come and live here with me in the palace; I'll protect
you in your rights with my guards and cannon.”

“No, your Excellency,” said Sir Asinus, laughing.
“You are the representative of that great system which
I oppose. I am afraid of the Greeks and their gifts.”

“Zounds! let me vindicate myself. I an opponent of
your ideas!” cried the Governor, laughing.

“You are the representative of royalty.”

“No, I am a good Virginian.”

“You are an admirer of the Established Church.”

The Governor whistled.

“That's it!” he said.

“You are the front of the aristocracy.”

“My dear friend,” said his Excellency, “ever since a
blackguard in Paris defeated me in a fair spadille combat—breast
to breast, card to card, by pure genius—I
have been a republican. That fellow was a canaille,
but he won fifteen thousand pounds from me: he was
my superior. But let us try a game of cards, my dear
boy. How are your pockets?”

“Low,” said Sir Asinus, ruefully.

“Never mind,” said his Excellency, whose whole
countenance had lighted up at the thought of play; “I
admire your garters—a pistole against them.”

“Done!” said Sir Asinus with great readiness; and
they sat down to play.

In two hours Sir Asinus was sitting at spadille in the
exceedingly undress costume of shirt, pantaloons, and
silk stockings.

His coat was thrown on a chair; his worsted shoes
were in one corner of the room; and his cocked hat lay
upon his waistcoat at the Governor's feet.

The Governor took extreme delight in these practical
jokes. He had won these articles of Sir Asinus's clothing

one after another; and now he was about to commence
with the remainder.

“Look! spadille, the ace!” he cried; “I have your
neckcloth.”

And his Excellency burst into a roar of laughter.

Sir Asinus slowly and sadly drew off his neckcloth,
and deposited it on the pile.

“Good!” cried his Excellency; “now for your short
clothes!”

“No, no!” Sir Asinus remonstrated; “now, your Excellency!—mercy,
your Excellency! How would I look
going through the town of Williamsburg breechless?”

“You might go after night,” suggested his Excellency,
generously.

“No, no!”

“Well, well, I'll be liberal—my servant shall bring
you a suit of clothes from your apartment; of course
these are mine.”

A sudden thought struck Sir Asinus.

“I'll play your Excellency this ring against ten pistoles,”
he said; “I lost sight of it.”

“Done!” said his Excellency.

Sir Asinus won the game; and Fauquier, with the
exemplary honesty of the confirmed gambler, took ten
pistoles from his purse and handed them across the
table.

“Nine pieces for my coat and the rest,” said Sir
Asinus persuasively; “it is really impolite to be playing
with your Excellency in such deshabille as this.”

“Willingly,” said Fauquier, shaking with merriment.

And he pocketed the nine pistoles while Sir Asinus
was making his toilet at a Venetian mirror.

They then commenced playing again—Sir Asinus
staking his pistole. He won, and continued to win
until night; when candles were brought, and they commenced
again.

By ten o'clock Sir Asinus had won fifteen thousand
pistoles from the Governor.

By midnight Fauquier, playing with the nerve of a
great gambler, had won them all back—laughing, careless,
but not more careless than when he lost.

At fifteen minutes past twelve he had won a bond for
two hundred pistoles from Sir Asinus; at sixteen minutes
past twelve his Excellency rose, and taking the cards
up with both hands, threw them out of the window.

Then rolling up the bond which Sir Asinus had executed
a moment before, he gracefully lit with it a pipe
which he had just filled; and, first telling a servant “to
carry lights to the chamber next to his own,” said to Sir
Asinus:

“My dear boy, I have done wrong to-night; but this
is my master passion. Cards have ruined me three
distinct times; and if you play you will inevitably
follow my example and destroy your prospects. Take
my advice, and never touch them. If you have no genius
for chance, twelve months will suffice to ruin you.
If you turn out a great player, one half the genius you
expend upon it will conquer a kingdom or found an
empire. If you prefer oxygen to air—gamble! If you
think aquafortis healthier than water—gamble! If
you consider fever and fire the proper components of
your blood—gamble! Take my advice, and never touch
a card again—your bond is ashes. Comes, Tom, to
bed!”

And his Excellency, laughing as good-humoredly as
ever, led the way up the broad staircase, preceded by
a servant carrying a flambeau.

Sir Asinus found a magnificent apartment prepared
for him—a velvet fauteuil, silk-curtained bed, wax
candles in silver candelabra; and seeing that his guest
was comfortably fixed, Governor Fauquier bade him
good night.

As for Sir Asinus, he retired without delay, and
dreamed that he ruined his Excellency at cards; won
successively all his real and personal estate; and lastly,
having staked a thousand pistoles against his commission
as Governor, won that also. Then, in his dream, he
rose in his dignity, lit his pipe with the parchment,
and made his Excellency a low and generous bow.

As he did so, the day dawned.