 | Incidents in the life of a slave girl |  |
XI.
THE NEW TIE TO LIFE.
I returned to my good grandmother's house. She
had an interview with Mr. Sands. When she asked
him why he could not have left her one ewe lamb, —
whether there were not plenty of slaves who did not
care about character, — he made no answer; but he
spoke kind and encouraging words. He promised to
care for my child, and to buy me, be the conditions
what they might.
I had not seen Dr. Flint for five days. I had never
seen him since I made the avowal to him. He talked
of the disgrace I had brought on myself; how I had
sinned against my master, and mortified my old grandmother.
He intimated that if I had accepted his proposals,
he, as a physician, could have saved me from
exposure. He even condescended to pity me. Could
he have offered wormwood more bitter? He, whose
persecutions had been the cause of my sin!
“Linda,” said he, “though you have been criminal
towards me, I feel for you, and I can pardon you
if you obey my wishes. Tell me whether the fellow
you wanted to marry is the father of your child. If
you deceive me, you shall feel the fires of hell.”
I did not feel as proud as I had done. My strongest
weapon with him was gone. I was lowered in my
own estimation, and had resolved to bear his abuse in
silence. But when he spoke contemptuously of the
remembered that but for him I might have been a
virtuous, tree, and happy wife, I lost my patience.
“I have sinned against God and myself,” I replied;
“but not against you.”
He clinched his teeth, and muttered, “Curse you!”
He came towards me, with ill-suppressed rage, and exclaimed,
“You obstinate girl! I could grind your
bones to powder! You have thrown yourself away on
some worthless rascal. You are weak-minded, and
have been easily persuaded by those who don't care a
straw for you. The future will settle accounts between
us. You are blinded now; but hereafter you will be
convinced that your master was your best friend. My
lenity towards you is a proof of it. I might have punished
you in many ways. I might have had you
whipped till you fell dead under the lash. But I
wanted you to live; I would have bettered your condition.
Others cannot do it. You are my slave.
Your mistress, disgusted by your conduct, forbids you
to return to the house; therefore I leave you here for
the present; but I shall see you often. I will call to-morrow.”
He came with frowning brows, that showed a dissatisfied
state of mind. After asking about my health,
he inquired whether my board was paid, and who
visited me. He then went on to say that he had neglected
his duty; that as a physician there were certain
things that he ought to have explained to me.
Then followed talk such as would have made the most
shameless blush. He ordered me to stand up before
him. I obeyed. “I command you,” said he, “to tell
I hesitated. “Answer me this instant!” he exclaimed.
I did answer. He sprang upon me like a wolf, and
grabbed my arm as if he would have broken it. “Do
you love him?” said he, in a hissing tone.
“I am thankful that I do not despise him,” I replied.
He raised his hand to strike me; but it fell again.
I don't know what arrested the blow. He sat down,
with lips tightly compressed. At last he spoke. “I
came here,” said he, “to make you a friendly proposition;
but your ingratitude chafes me beyond endurance.
You turn aside all my good intentions towards
you. I don't know what it is that keeps me from killing
you.” Again he rose, as if he had a mind to
strike me.
But he resumed. “On one condition I will forgive
your insolence and crime. You must henceforth
have no communication of any kind with the father
of your child. You must not ask any thing from him,
or receive any thing from him. I will take care of
you and your child. You had better promise this at
once, and not wait till you are deserted by him. This
is the last act of mercy I shall show towards you.”
I said something about being unwilling to have my
child supported by a man who had cursed it and me
also. He rejoined, that a woman who had sunk to my
level had no right to expect any thing else. He asked,
for the last time, would I accept his kindness? I answered
that I would not.
“Very well,” said he; “then take the consequences
of your wayward course. Never look to me for help.
will never sell you, that you may depend upon.”
Hope died away in my heart as he closed the door
after him. I had calculated that in his rage he would
sell me to a slave-trader; and I knew the father of my
child was on the watch to buy me.
About this time my uncle Phillip was expected to
return from a voyage. The day before his departure
I had officiated as bridesmaid to a young friend. My
heart was then ill at ease, but my smiling countenance
did not betray it. Only a year had passed; but what
fearful changes it had wrought! My heart had grown
gray in misery. Lives that flash in sunshine, and lives
that are born in tears, receive their hue from circumstances.
None of us know what a year may bring
forth.
I felt no joy when they told me my uncle had come.
He wanted to see me, though he knew what had happened.
I shrank from him at first; but at last consented
that he should come to my room. He received
me as he always had done. O, how my heart smote
me when I felt his tears on my burning cheeks! The
words of my grandmother came to my mind, — “Perhaps
your mother and father are taken from the evil
days to come.” My disappointed heart could now
praise God that it was so. But why, thought I, did
my relatives ever cherish hopes for me? What was
there to save me from the usual fate of slave girls?
Many more beautiful and more intelligent than I had
experienced a similar fate, or a far worse one. How
could they hope that I should escape?
My uncle's stay was short, and I was not sorry for
as I had done. For some weeks I was unable to leave
my bed. I could not have any doctor but my master,
and I would not have him sent for. At last, alarmed
by my increasing illness, they sent for him. I was very
weak and nervous; and as soon as he entered the
room, I began to scream. They told him my state
was very critical. He had no wish to hasten me out
of the world, and he withdrew.
When my babe was born, they said it was premature.
It weighed only four pounds; but God let it live. I
heard the doctor say I could not survive till morning.
I had often prayed for death; but now I did not want
to die, unless my child could die too. Many weeks
passed before I was able to leave my bed. I was a
mere wreck of my former self. For a year there was
scarcely a day when I was free from chills and fever.
My babe also was sickly. His little limbs were often
racked with pain. Dr. Flint continued his visits, to
look after my health; and he did not fail to remind me
that my child was an addition to his stock of slaves.
I felt too feeble to dispute with him, and listened to
his remarks in silence. His visits were less frequent;
but his busy spirit could not remain quiet. He employed
my brother in his office, and he was made the
medium of frequent notes and messages to me. William
was a bright lad, and of much use to the doctor.
He had learned to put up medicines, to leech, cup, and
bleed. He had taught himself to read and spell. I
was proud of my brother; and the old doctor suspected
as much. One day, when I had not seen him
for several weeks, I heard his steps approaching the
inquired for me, of course; but I was nowhere to be
found. He went to his office, and despatched William
with a note. The color mounted to my brother's face
when he gave it to me; and he said, “Don't you hate
me, Linda, for bringing you these things?” I told
him I could not blame him; he was a slave, and
obliged to obey his master's will. The note ordered
me to come to his office. I went. He demanded to
know where I was when he called. I told him I was
at home. He flew into a passion, and said he knew
better. Then he launched out upon his usual themes, —
my crimes against him, and my ingratitude for his forbearance.
The laws were laid down to me anew, and
I was dismissed. I felt humiliated that my brother
should stand by, and listen to such language as would
be addressed only to a slave. Poor boy! He was
powerless to defend me; but I saw the tears, which he
vainly strove to keep back. This manifestation of feeling
irritated the doctor. William could do nothing to
please him. One morning he did not arrive at the
office so early as usual; and that circumstance
afforded his master an opportunity to vent his spleen.
He was put in jail. The next day my brother sent a
trader to the doctor, with a request to be sold. His
master was greatly incensed at what he called his insolence.
He said he had put him there to reflect upon
his bad conduct, and he certainly was not giving any
evidence of repentance. For two days he harassed
himself to find somebody to do his office work; but
every thing went wrong without William. He was
released, and ordered to take his old stand, with many
As the months passed on, my boy improved in health.
When he was a year old, they called him beautiful.
The little vine was taking deep root in my existence,
though its clinging fondness excited a mixture of love
and pain. When I was most sorely oppressed I found
a solace in his smiles. I loved to watch his infant
slumbers; but always there was a dark cloud over my
enjoyment. I could never forget that he was a slave.
Sometimes I wished that he might die in infancy. God
tried me. My darling became very ill. The bright
eyes grew dull, and the little feet and hands were so
icy cold that I thought death had already touched
them. I had prayed for his death, but never so earnestly
as I now prayed for his life; and my prayer was
heard. Alas, what mockery it is for a slave mother
to try to pray back her dying child to life! Death is
better than slavery. It was a sad thought that I had
no name to give my child. His father caressed him
and treated him kindly, whenever he had a chance to
see him. He was not unwilling that he should bear
his name; but he had no legal claim to it; and if I
had bestowed it upon him, my master would have regarded
it as a new crime, a new piece of insolence,
and would, perhaps, revenge it on the boy. O, the
serpent of Slavery has many and poisonous fangs!
| Incidents in the life of a slave girl | |