University of Virginia Library

4. CHAPTER IV.

Dashed away from the hotel the stage with such vengeance
and mischief in the speed that the shops ran backward
in alarm and lights streamed mere ribbons of fire, as
when urchins whirl an ignited stick! Discontent, therefore,
found a present alleviation in the belief that such driving,
by landing us in Harrisburg speedily, would soon terminate
our discomforts. But the winged horses, once beyond
Lancaster, turned again into hoofy quadrupeds moving nearly
three miles per hour! And then the watering places!
—the warming places!—the letting out places!—the letting
in places!—the grog stations!—and above all! the
post-offices!—and oh! the marvellous multiplication of
extra drivers!—and extra driver's friends!—and extra
hostlers!—it was like the sudden increase of bugs that
wait for the darkness before they take wing! And then the
flavour of the stable considerately tempered with the smell
of ginsling and apple whiskey!—both odours occasionally
overpowered by the fragrance of cigars bought six for a
penny!

At first, so decided a growl arose from the imprisoned
travellers whenever a cigar was lighted, that the smoking
tobacco was at once cast away; but the rising of the numberless
other gases, soon taught us “of two evils to bear
the least,” and the cigars were finally tolerated to the last
puff.

And then the talk on the driver's seat!—how interesting
and refreshing!—For instance, the colloquies about Jake!
and Ike! and Nance! and Poll! The talk, too, first about
the horses, and then the talk with the horses; on which latter
occasions the four legged people were kindly addressed
by their Christian names and complimented with an encomiastic
flourish and cut of the lash. To these favours the
answer was commonly an audible and impatient swing of
horse tails; sometimes, however, it came in form of a
sudden and malicious, dislocating jerk of the stage; and
sometimes, I am sorry to add, the answer was altogether
disrespectful, indicating an indulged and pampered favourite.

Within the den, the ominous pop, at irregular intervals,
(but not like angel's visits in the number and length,) and
the smell of fresh brandy, intimated dealings with evil spirits,
and that some carried bacchanalian pocket pistols—more
fatal even and much nastier than the powder and bullet
machines used in other murders and suicides. Olfactories
were regaled also with essence of peppermint, spicy gingerbread,
and unctuous cold sausage; such and other delicacies
being used by different inmates to beguile hunger
and tedium.

At length a jew pedlar with a design of selling the article
as well as gratifying a musical penchant, exhibited—
not to our eyes, it was an Egyptian night within—but to
our ears, a musical snuff box, if not enchanting yet certainly
enchanted, as it possessed the art of self-winding, to
judge from the endless and merciless repetitions and alternations
of the Copenhagen Waltz and Yankee Doodle. Its

tinkling, however, was ultimately drowned by a more
powerful musician on the driver's seat. This was an extra
driver, so wrought up by the pedlar's box, that his feelings
could be no longer controlled, but suddenly exploded
with the most startling effect in the following exquisite lyric
or ballad. Perhaps the words were not extempore, yet
from the variations of the wondrous hum-drum fitted to
them, and the prolongation and shortening of notes, and a
peculiar slurry way to bring in several syllables to one note,
it may be supposed our songster chose not to halt or stump
from any defect of memory.

The performance, rapturously encored ex animo by the
drivers and some cognate spirits within, but mischievously,
it is to be feared, by Mr. Carlton, Col. Wilmar and the
gentlemen of the party, was handsomely repeated and then
succeeded by other poems and tunes equally affecting, but
which we shall not record.

So passed that memorable night, till at long, very long
last we reached the suburbs of Harrisburgh. Here, whether
the horses smelled oats, or the road was better, or
the driver would eradicate doubts about his team, expressed
by us every half mile lately, here we commenced going
not like thunder but certainly in thunder and earthquake,
till in a few moments the carriage stopped at the hotel.
And this was where the stage was to sleep—but, alas! it
lacked now only one hour of the time when we must proceed
on our journey anew! The vehicle, however, disgorged
its cramming over the pavement; and then, how
all the people, with countless bags, boxes, cloaks, sticks,
umbrellas, baskets, bandboxes, hatboxes, valises, &c., &c.,
had been or could be again stowed in that humming-bird's
nest of a stage, seemed to require a nice geometrical calculation.
Pack the inhabitants of our globe stage-fashion
by means of dishonest agents and greedy owners, and be
assured, a less number of acres would serve for our accommodation
than is generally supposed.

It was arranged now that our two ladies should share
one bed at 25 cents, and take each 12½ cents worth of
sleep in an hour, the gentlemen to snooze gratuitously on the
settees in the bar room; and it is wonderful how much
sleep can be accomplished in a short time if it be done by
the job! Oh! it seemed cruelty to summon us from that
deep repose to renew the journey; yet, as all our innumerable
way passengers but one had swarmed off, we had more
room, and so were able to nurse the ladies during the day
into some uneasy slumbers and to sleep off hand ourselves,
or in other words, without a rest. Pshaw.