 | The new purchase, or, Seven and a half years in the far West |  |
CONTENTS.
JOURNEY.
CHAPTER I.
Reasons of some for going West, prosaic; of others, poetic: the latter the
Author's....Day dreaming....Injurious to Dilworth's spelling-book....how
dispelled....What was hoped in early manhood....Prepared. 1CHAPTER II.
How long once a journey to Pittsburg....Antiquated one wheeled car....
Stage-office, imposition, who could it be?....Stages, wore no boots....Exercise
in Etymology....Mysterious disappearance....Believing spirit....
How to fill a stage with tiers....Mr. Brown enters....Dialogue between
Foote and Fut....Democrats made....Solo talker, and wonderful history.
....Curious effect of nodding.....Making up.....Interesting scene at
washing faces....A discovery....Apology. 4CHAPTER III.
A horn....What to do with a new bonnet....Space for fut, and other articles....Introductions....Mr.
C., and his reasons for We-ing, &c.....Mr.
Smith....Mr. Brown, and his ignorance....Col. Wilmar....Character....
Gen. Winchester....River Raisin....Adventures....Story interrupted....
What Jacob and little Peggy could do....Mr. Brown repairing breach of
a battering ram....Wilmar's narrative....Charles Clarence, how, he went
to Niagara, what he was going to Kentucky after, recommended to ladies.
....Sudden flash....Lancaster....Caoutchouc stages....Reader yawns. 10CHAPTER IV.
How to set out....Ribbon of fire....Slower....Growling....Why ended....
Very interesting talk....Answers....Consequences....Refreshments....
Evil spirits....Danger of pocket pistols....Effect of music on an extra
driver, his ballad....Earthquake....Geometrical....Twelve and a half
cents worth of sleep....Sleep by the job....Sleep off hand....Exclamation. 18CHAPTER V.
Departure from....What we have said, though we should not....Ascent
....Usual feat....Waiting....Bonnet in and out....Not afraid of robbers
at a distance....Still going up....Reflections up there....Dreams....
Interruption....Descent....Peril....Caution and effect of it....How to
hold up a stage....View over ear-tips....Look! look!....What is it?....
Data for calculation....Dreadful fall!....Not ready either....Why....
Described as a model. 22CHAPTER VI.
Greek imitated....Col. Wilmar's adventure....Mr. Smith's remark, and interesting
narrative....Miss Wilmar begs Clarence to tell something....His
compliance....And throat nearly cut....Exclamation....Story resumed.
Cool bed....Bad words....Clarence ends by beginning, and is prevented
viii....A deer....Consequences....Wonderful adventure at night by Mr. and
Mrs. C....Gallant action....A long skip---owing to the reader's impatience 28PITTSBURG.
CHAPTER VII.
Iron age and musical hexameters....Milton's devils did not load scientifically....Scenes
when the wind blows....Folly of rash judgment....Beautiful
women....What takes from adds to....Cœlebs....Tribute to Mr.
Smith. 41VOYAGE.
CHAPTER VIII.
Spit-fire....Ark....How built....Captain.....His affection....All aboard....
Poetical burst.....Rude interruption....Curious result of “the slue.”....
Farewell!....An apostrophe....Wilmar's proposition....Meeting constituted....The
chair....Brown not elected....Debate....Officers....Orders
....Stores and furniture....Fixing....A tie....Figurative grammar....
Dangers....Sleeping on system....Whistling against....A fix....Episode
during an embargo....Untying....Planter.....Snag....Sawyer....
Curious male....Slick feller....Palinurus....Beats....Sings, and leaps
....Grand flotilla....Superior to....Romance....Old fashioned shower
....Witchery....Echo and Muses....Indignant lament.....Seventh day
....Hard spelling....“Halloo!”....Going over an old lesson....Liberal
proposal to reader....Broke up....Farewell. 43THE SEARCHING.
CHAPTER IX.
A question....no reply....First lessons....Travelling in Autumn and Spring
....Why, and how....Instincts of Hoosiers and Corncrackers, &c....First
night....The fan....Second night....A rite-dite!....Poetry cooling....A
description and inventory....Poetic justice for a ghost....Shifting....Talk
between a woman and a lady....Two things done at once....Bending
according to nature....Shorter by position....The “set-up” performed....
Half-and-half....Answer to Mr. Nice....Ditto to Miss....Calling names. 57CHAPTER X.
Agrees with the reader....Whither....Great peril....Vengeance....Two
sorts of oases....Reception....Why the children were modest.....Humanities....Tribute
to the Clergy....No pay taken....Episode about 50
cents....A very novel and useful society proposed....Contrast between
preaching fortunately interrupted at Bishop Baltimore's. 65CHAPTER XI.
Woodville capital of New Purchase....A halt....Strange animals....Dr.
Sylvan....Doubt about class....Dress and undress....Sweat rag....Adroit
manipulations.....Governor....Leaden casket....Aborigines....Arrows
....Grand buildings....Wizzard's box—how not to get in....Churches....
Steeple saints....Household churches.... Elocution....Scenes....Inscription....Anecdotes....“who
keeps house?”....“Put on the pot,”
....Taverns....Private houses....Dr. Sylvan's....Red fire....Doctor as
a hunter....House proper and L....Lamp-lighters....Expostulation....
ixMysterious perforations in a wall....“O fye” retaliated....Hydraulics
....Diplomas....A regret....Hint to Uncle Sam....Hark. 71CHAPTER XII.
Solemn league broken....Generosity....Start again....First snake story....
Path to Glenville....Legislative road....Stumps....Straddling....Exercises
of taste and fancy....Auxiliaries....whither they do not go....Curious
illumination of roads....Corner tree....Enormous Serpent coiled....
Mr. C. rushes forward in a phrenzy and seizes it by the tail....Screeching
....Escapes unhurt....Third snake hit on the tail, but the author does not
venture to seize....Error detected in a mathematical axiom....Neighbourhood
roads—in actu—in poese....Wide bottom—Sun caught at last in
an out of the way place—poetry reviving...Apparition of a hamadryad
—poetry dying again....Difference between halloa! and “holler!”....
Elocutional lesson gratis to all who buy the book....Perspicuous directions
to Glenville....Poetry of the whale....Getting into bed a mystery
—how Mrs. Major Billy Westland did—and our “Jess”....Good night. 84THE FINDING.
CHAPTER XIII.
What the Brushwoods thought....Straight directionns....Thrilling accident
....great snortings....A rational conjecture—an abrupt ending....Suburbs
....slipping down—uproar—looking out—what Mr. C. and his consort tumbled
into....Dear reader!—hugged over....Tenderness....Thanksgiving. 94FIRST YEAR.
CHAPTER XIV.
In the woods....Reader overcome by entreaties, and introduced to the Settlement....Terms
explained—origin of “absquatulate” and congnates....
What names a Settlement....Patriarchal cabin—Mr. Hilsbury's—Tannery
—Squatteree of a Leatherstocking....Other Settlements....Ranges....
Praises of semi-wild boars....S. East of Glenville—West—N. East....
Timberopolis—seat of two evils—Ins and Outs....Map-towns—Snail shell
towns....Compressibility of elastic families....History of the Seymours....
Mr. Carlton's courtship....Why here—and wider awake!....Disagreeable
visitor—what the woman did—what Mr. C. did with the end of a tail—fair
offer for a box of rosin!... Enormous expense....Cabin architecture—
Rough—Scotched—Double—Composite, &c. &c....Way to hang a door,
and have it eaten off—Gliding to next chapter. 98CHAPTER XV.
Thrifty housewives—289 feet....Puncheoned area—grand divisions—subdividings....Adroitness....Imaginary
lines....Potato....Carlton's study
....Kitchen proper and improper....Plunder....History of a waiter and a
cake of sugar....Great peril of Mrs. Seymour—remarkable escape of
something else....The old pier-glass—what mistaken for—packed away—
alas!. 100CHAPTER XVI.
Two arts learned....Grinding and kindred topics....Græcian bark....Curious
round thing described....Old Dick named—perpetual motion, and
xe pluribus unum....Instrument of torture recommended for the spread of
the gospel....New mode of calculating the contents of a circular area—
another last word—puncheons!....Old Dick trots up—his age—apprenticeship,
and how stunted, &c. &c....His practical jokes moral character—how
many he would carry—how steered, &c....His idyosyncracy....Blackboard—brass
band—Hogarth. 115CHAPTER XVII.
A secret whispered....Making believe....Scene on meeting a curious person
—his incredulity and surprise....How skill is acquired....Squirrel killed
by concussion....Why Western folks use rifles—what was done at the
Tannery....Captivating offer to the reader... The author refuses “to
bore” with a rifle....Sequel contains the story of something in behalf of
the Temperance Society, which commenced will be read through by all
cold watermen and members of the Peace Society....Gathering quadrupeds.
122CHAPTER XVIII.
Meetings—little and big....Riding twice....Dick's cargo—advantage of
heavy loads....How “critturs” are hung—and how they dance....Advertisements....Mistakes
of some missionaries....Character of missionaries
—hardships—zeal—poverty, &c....“Half a loaf”—applied ecclesiastically
....Salaries—Paul—Luke...Cruel logic....Recommendation to some at
ease in Zion....Something very wet....Apropos! of buckskin breeches
....Incidents—Glenville's—Leatherstocking's—Peggy's panthers—Missionary's
bears....Cries....Danger and escape. 136CHAPTER XIX.
A Bishop's whisper....The salam....Talk about “'mense heap of woods,
&c.”....Breaking ice—freezing and thawing....Copy of remarkable writing....Giving
the “invite.”....Episode about a bride elect and her friends
—Mr. Ashmore and his “idees”—dialogues about the earth—the sun—two
pennies....Susan—rose of wilderness—lovers....Day arrives—Glenville
folks, in several divisions, march....Old Dick and a hurricane—defence of
his nonsense....Place reached—a change—dead calm—a descent....Mrs.
Ashford at the foot of a ladder—what was seen—how to hook a woman
....Solemnization....Terror—with an appendix....Putting out and chasing....Noon—and
ferment....Holiday in a clearing....Old Dick can't
stand it any longer....What happened to three chaps on his back....Story
telling—“tarrifying a ba'r”—“gobbling a turkey,”—snake affair—Uncle Tommy's
long story....Dinner—“eating twice”....Inversion of matrimonial
chord—a short prayer....Amazing pot pie!....Fried leather!—other delicacies.....Natural
curiosity....Hint taken....Volunteers....Pulling up
and stopping a frolic. 153CHAPTER XX.
Occupation—merry time—treadles versus pedals....closet—shuttle—Flute
and Fiddle—Greek and Latin—“Tyture tu pat”....Hebrew....Evenings
and crackings....Family lamp....Axe-craft—Tom Robinson....Fire making—back
log—puffs and jumping back—hipping a log—puncheons wriggling....Fire—bursting
out—combustion not supported by a bladder of
gas....A tong....Bah!....Hurraw-aw. 185CHAPTER XXI.
Monotomy interrupted by a cow....Story of the skins....A deer hunt, in
which are introduced two, and the theory of opinion and instincts....Uncle
Tommy's cabin, inside, outside and all around, and the way to get water
....Sabbaths....Neighbour Sturgis---answer to a crack question....Description—a
pulpit, and how to handle it---inspriation, suckspiration and expiration....Awful
storm, effect on two hounds....Logic, cause and effect
....Advantage to a preacher of the modern chemical nomenclature....
Happy escape. 194SECOND YEAR.
CHAPTER XXII.
Campaign....candidates....Grounds of electioneering....Consequences of
laughing in meeting....Defences of laughing....Certificates....Poor Philip's
logic spouted....Price of Liberty....Pure Democracy—what boys do
....Stump speeches, action in oratory....Isam Greenbriar's cart....Sam
Dreadnought's wagon....Munificence and meanness of some candidates....Nobleness
of others....Political baptism no dry joke....A history
called for, and treated in next three chapters. 206CHAPTER XXIII.
Sameness of age....Born and educated....Difference between Quaker
school and quackery one....Duff Green....How to see the World....Party
50 miles beyond white settlement....Visit returned, a rich breakfast, and
a reflection like Uncle Tommy's....De gustibus non?....Encountered;
scene between a little and a big man....A pet dream; savage propensities
....Peril in Missouri; moral courage—affection of a hunter for a rifle—
anxiety---tenderness---heroism---escape....Rifle lost....Squatter's hut---
Hospitality. 213CHAPTER XXIV.
Rendezvous....Bee tree....Roundabout-abilitudiness!....English tourists
....Biggest tree in the world!....Bees again....How to get fruit contrary
to a proverb....How a mighty heart was broken!....What the sun saw
after a Millenium!....Honour—sublimity and littleness. 224CHAPTER XXV.
Return home....Produce....Medical recipe....Out of frying pan....Episode
---what's in our dark forests---“18 injins---15 wites &c.”....Interlude---a
farce between tragedies---encouraging to humble Democrats....A stock
vanishing....A robber---a lynching, commended to canting infidels and
puling moralists....Preparing for peril---incident on the way---robbers'
retreat---a scene, in which is shown the efficacy of powder and ball---editors
that recommend firing on mobs and abolishing capital punishments....
“Well! we might have had better luck!”---and “Well! what next?”. 227CHAPTER XXVI.
Hardness of a politician's way....Directions about eating—brimstone—and
so forth....Hints to Tract Societies...Benefit of young lawyers consulted
....Rabblerousing intentions of Mr. C....Niggering—off....Copy book
sentence illustrated....Martyrdom....How to make candidates work to
xiisome useful end....Our first speech, and whence none before was, and
never can be again!....Political balance, recommended to Fence people
....Gratitude for favours not received....Tempest of Fire!. 246CHAPTER XXVII.
Courteous dialogue....Post-office---famished mail---diluted news....Mutnal
indifference....Going to office---alarm---wheel-about---wonderment---and
wonderful downfall!....Dissertation on thingamies....Spiceburg---catching
a post-master....Dialogues....Uncle Sam's Cabinet—a search there—
what was buried alive resuscitated....defence of buyers---and how to
circulate a woodchopper....Dialogue between Sam and Mr. Johnson....
How to spend a fip....How to do justice by gulling a man....Sam and Mr.
C. start for home---melancholy interruption---and how Sam used irreverent
words....Gratitude, with an offer to row a man up a certain creek....Mistake
in “katter-korner'd like.” 262CHAPTER XXVIII.
The grave....Surprised there by the Indians....Story about Red Fire and
two young doctors....Hunting-shirt Andy....Remarkable interruption of
the story....Andy's request---puts off---performs several parts....Doubtful
gender. 285CHAPTER XXIX.
Miscalculation....Disappointed....Dick scampers off and brings back a wonderful
little man and another horse....No. 6 and No. 1....Modus loquendi....
Effect of an “acquotical solution.”....Terror occasioned by “dental surgery
and principal molares.”....Infallible inferences from external symptoms....
Blameable negligence of Mr. C. in not “exhibiting.”....Amazing power of a
Republican Legislature!....Journal of the House. 270CHAPTER XXX.
A court constituted....Difference between “Mister” and “Brother.”....Borther
Hillsbury---his labours and perils....Bishop Shrub of Timberopolis....
Mr. Merry....Decrees....Expedition....Coming to a mill....Solitude sweetened,
but not with sugar....“Come, let's have that preaching,” &c.....Mr.
Merry prepares....The saint end of a log....What scratches next to a large
saw---and what deserves it....Mr. M. begins and quits, and begins again....
Sudden shot---with its consequences....Deserted Indian town...Preaching at
Mr. Redwhite's---his history---his wife's, with massacre at Wyoming....
Supper. 276CHAPTER XXXI.
Sets out alone....A family in bed in the day time....Thanks to the reader....
The author seized---at first laught---exposes hypocrisy---is visited again by
Monsheer Tonson....Serious---yet tells an anecdote of Dr. Sylvan in kicking
an enemy off....Delirious....Jet black mammoth!....A frail canoe!....A
visit---bold practice---curious paper---how to say “oohh!”....Advice....The
author receives an appointment from Legislature---writes to Charles Clarence
....Three ends. 294
| The new purchase, or, Seven and a half years in the far West | |