1. CHAPTER I.
Containing an inkling of the life and habits of Mr. Arthur Megrim.
Having been carried from the scene of my late
transformation, as I mentioned before, physicked,
put to bed, and allowed to sleep off my troubles, I
awoke late on the following morning, feeling very
comfortable, notwithstanding the bruises on my ribs,
and with an uncommonly agreeable, though lazy
sense of the enjoyment of lying a-bed. Indeed,
this was my only feeling. I woke to a consciousness,
though a vague one, of the change in my condition;
and this, together with what I saw around
me, when I had succeeded, after some effort, in getting
my eyes a little opened, it may be supposed,
would have filled me with surprise, and excited in
me a great curiosity to inquire into matters relating
to Mr. Arthur Megrim.
Such, however, was not the case. I looked upon
the elegantly-adorned chamber in which I lay, and
the sumptuous robes of my bed, with as much indifference,
as if I had been accustomed to them all
my life; and as for the happy destiny that now
seemed opening upon me, I scarce thought on it
at all.
Nor can I say that I felt in any way elated at my
fortunate escape from the hangman and the anatomists.
I remembered that affair with a drowsy indifference
as being a matter of no further consequence
to me; and as for Mr. Arthur Megrim's
friends and kinsmen, his interests and relations in
life, I thought to myself, with a yawn, “I shall
know them all in good time.”
I was content to take things as they might come,
and eschew labours of mind as well as efforts of
body. Curiosity, I felt, was a tumultuous passion,
and I therefore resolved to avoid it. In this mood
I turned over on the other side, and took a second
nap.
From this I was roused, after a time, by some
one tugging at my shoulder, who proved, upon examination,
to be a very elegant-looking mulatto-boy
—that is, a boy of twenty-five years or thereabouts
—who signified, in language as genteel as his person,
that it was exactly half past eleven o'clock,
and therefore time for me to get up.
“Augh—well!” said I, taking about thirty seconds
to gape out each word, it seemed such tiresome
work to articulate; “what do you want?”
“Want you to get up, sah. Missie Ann says it
does you no good to sleep so long.”
“Augh—who is Missie Ann?”
“Lar bless us,” said the gentleman, turning up
the white of his eye, “Missie Ann is massa's sister!”
“Who is massa?”
“You, massa—Massa Arthur!”
“Augh—well; and who are you?”
“'Paminondas, massa. Coat very nicely brushed;
very fine day; will do you good, sah, to get up
and taste the air. Regular Indian summer, sah.”
“You may go to the devil.”
“Yes, sah.”
With that I turned over for another nap, which
I should undoubtedly have taken, had I not been
interrupted, just as I was falling asleep, by the entrance
of a lady of a somewhat starched and venerable
appearance, though not more than six or
seven years older than myself, I being perhaps
twenty-five or six.
“A'n't you ashamed of yourself, Arthur!” said
she. “Do tell me—do you intend to lie a-bed for
ever?”
“Augh—pshaw!” said I. “Pray, madam, be so
good as to inform me who you are, and—augh
—what you want in my chamber?”
“Come,” said the lady, “don't be ridiculous,
and fall into any of your hyppoes again. Don't
pretend you don't know your own sister, Ann
Megrim.”
“I won't,” said I; “but—augh—sister, if you
have no objection, I should like—augh—to sleep
till dinner is ready.”
“Dinner!” screamed my sister, Ann Megrim;
“don't suppose you will ever be able to eat a dinner
again. You know the doctor says it is your hard
eating and your laziness together that have destroyed
your digestive apparatus; and that, if you
don't adhere to the bran bread and hickory ashes
tea, you'll never be cured in the world.”
“What!” said I, “am I sick?”
“Undoubtedly,” said my sister Ann; “your
digestive apparatus is all destroyed, and your
nerves too. Did not you faint last night when
they were galvanizing the bodies? Have you not
lost all muscular power, so that you do nothing but
lie on a bed or sofa all day long? Oh, really,
brother Arthur Megrim, I am ashamed of you. A
man like you—a young man and a rich man, a
man of family and genius, a gentleman and a
scholar, a man who might make himself governor
of the state, or president of the nation, or any
thing—yet to be nothing at all except the laziest
man in Virginia, a man with no digestive apparatus,
a poor nervous hyppo—oh, it is too bad! Do
get up and stir yourself. Mount your horse, or go
out in the carriage. Exercise, you know, is the
only thing to restore strength to the digestive apparatus.”
“Sister Ann,” said I, “the more you speak
of my digestive apparatus, the more—augh—the
more I am convinced you don't know what you
are talking about. I am resolved to get up and
eat my dinner—”
“Of bran bread and hickory ashes,” said my
sister.
“Of canvass-back ducks and terapins,” said I.
At which Miss Ann Megrim expressed terror and
aversion, and endeavoured to convince me that such
indulgence would be punished by a horrible indigestion,
as had been the case a thousand times
before.
But cogent as were her arguments, I had, or felt,
one still stronger on my side, being a savage appetite,
which was waking within that very digestive
apparatus she held in such disesteem, and which
became the more eager the more she besought me
to resist it.
The discussion was so far advantageous that it
set me wide awake; and by-and-by, the zealous
Epaminondas having made his second appearance,
I succeeded, with his assistance, in getting on my
clothes and descending to the dining-room, where,
to the great horror and grief of my affectionate
relative, I demolished two ducks and a half (being
the true canvass-backs, or white-backs, as they call
them in that country), and a full grown tortoise, of
the genus emys, and species palustris. And in
this operation, I may say, I found the first excitement
of pleasure which I had yet known in my
new body, and displayed an energy of application
of which I did not before know that I was capable.
Nor am I certain that any ill consequences followed
the meal. I felt, indeed, a strong propensity to
throw myself on a sofa and recruit after the labours
of eating; but this Miss Megrim resisted, insisting
I should get into my carriage (for it seems I had
one, and a very handsome one too), and drive
about to avoid a surfeit.
In this I consented to gratify her wishes, whereby
I gratified one of my own; for I fell sound
asleep within five minutes after starting, and so
remained until the excursion was over.
Then, being as hungry as ever, and not knowing
what else to do, I picked my teeth over a newspaper,
and nodded at a novel until supper was got
ready, which (disregarding Miss Megrim's exhortations,
as before) I attacked with the good-will I had
carried to my dinner, eating on this occasion two
terapins and a half and one whole duck, of the
genus anas, and species vallisneria.*
The only ill consequences were, that I dreamed
of the devil and his imps all night, and that I awoke
in a crusty humour next morning.
