University of Virginia Library

SCENE I.

Enter DEMÆNETUS and LIBANUS.
LIBANUS.
As you would wish your only son should happily,
And in good health survive you, I conjure you
By your old age, and her you stand in fear of,
Your wife, if you've this day play'd false with me,
Then may your wife survive you a whole age;
And whilst you live together, may she be
Your plague, till she has worried you to death.

Dem.
Since I'm so solemnly conjur'd, I see
I must speak out, and answer all your questions—
I dare not but discover all to you.
Be quick then, tell me what you'd wish to know,
That I may tell you all I know myself—

Lib.
Answer me seriously to what I ask;
Take care too, that you tell me not a lie.

Dem.
What is it you would ask?

Lib.
You'd not conduct me
To that same place where one stone grinds another.

Dem.
What is't you mean? Where is it in the world
That place is to be found?

Lib.
Where wicked men
Dine on coarse country food, and weep too over it.

Dem.
What is't you mean? I own I cannot tell,
Where should that country be, where wicked men
Dine on coarse country food, and weep too over it.

Lib.
Why, in club island, and in that of rattle-chain;
Where your dead oxen gore your living men.

Dem.
O ho! I take you now—Perhaps you mean
The place where meal is made.

Lib.
Not I, indeed;
I say not so, nor would I have it said so.
By Hercules! I would not; and I beg of you
That you'd spit out your words.

Dem.
It shall be done:
I will obey you.

[coughing and spitting.
Lib.
Come then, hawk away.

Dem.
What! more?

Lib.
Ev'n to the bottom of your entrails.

Dem.
Still more?

Lib.
Yes more—

Dem.
How far would'st have me go?

Lib.
Hawk till you hawk to death; 'tis what I wish.

Dem.
Take heed you draw not evil on your head.

Lib.
To your own death? No, no, I meant your wife's.

Dem.
Good! for that word I'll free you from all fear.

Lib.
The gods grant all you wish!

Dem.
Do me one favour:
Why should I ask you, what I know already?
Why threaten you, for that you've not inform'd me
All that you know yourself of this affair?
Or why should I be angry with my son,
As other fathers us'd to be?

Lib.
What's this?

Dem.
I know my son's in love here with a girl,
She lives hard by, her name's Philenium.
Libanus, is it not so?

Lib.
In troth you're right;
'Tis even so—But your son's very ill,

Dem.
What's his disorder?

Lib.
He is very ill.
Because he has not wherewithal to keep
His word.

Dem.
And are you one then who assists him
In his amours?

Lib.
I am, in troth, and then
There is another, our Leonida.

Dem.
Well done, by Hercules! Why this will gain
My favour. Yet you do not know, my Libanus,
The humour of my wife.

Lib.
You feel it first:
But we can give a guess.

Dem.
I own, she's troublesome,
And never to be pleas'd.

Lib.
That long ago
I knew; and that or e'er you told me so.

Dem.
Each father, Libanus, if to me he'd hearken,
Would ever let his son have his own way—
For by this means the son would be affectionate
The more, and would become his father's friend.
This is the thing I aim at. I desire
To be belov'd by mine: I'd act myself
Like my own father; who to pleasure me,
In a ship-master's dress, by stratagem
From a procurer stole a girl I lov'd.
Nor at his time of life, advanc'd in years,
Was he asham'd impostures to contrive,
And purchase with good turns his son's affection.
His conduct I'm determin'd now to imitate.
This very day did my son, Argyrippus,
Ask me to give him a supply of money,
Wherewith to forward his amours: in this
I'm willing to oblige him: am desirous
To forward his amours; that, as a father
He may sincerely love me—Tho' his mother
Holds a tight rein o'er every step he takes,
Keeps him with strictness, nor allows him liberty,
As fathers, not as mothers use to do.
But I do no such thing—especially
Since he has thought me worthy to be made
The confidant of his affairs; I ought
To shew regard to such a disposition;
When, as 'tis right a modest son should do,
He makes his application to his father.
Yes, I must doubtless find the money for him
To carry to his mistress.—

Lib.
[aside.]
I'm amaz'd
At this harangue, and fearful how 'twill end.

Dem.
For on the whole, I know my son's in love.

Lib.
You wish for that, which to my certain knowledge
You wish in vain for—Saurea, the slave
Your wife brought with her on her marriage, has
More money in her hands than you have, sir.

Dem.
In fact I've got a portion with my wife,
And for that portion giv'n up my authority.
In short, I'll tell you now what I would have.
My son now stands in need of twenty minæ.
You must procure them for him.

Lib.
And from whom?

Dem.
Why cheat me of them.

Lib.
Now you talk quite idly.
'Tis just as if you bad me take some garments
From one who is quite naked—What! cheat you?
Come on—and without wings fly off—Cheat you!
You, who yourself have nothing in your power,
Unless your wife you've cheated out of somewhat.

Dem.
Me, or my wife, or Saurea here her slave,
Which ever, and whatever way you can,
Defraud, impose upon, or rob—I promise you,
You shan't be hurt, if you this day procure it.

Lib.
You may as well go bid me fish in air,
Hunt with a javelin on the open sea,
And there to spread my toils—

Dem.
Well, if you please,
Your fellow slave Leonida take with you.
Devise, invent, frame some expedient, see
My son the money has this day, to give
His mistress—

Lib.
What are you about, Demænetus?
What if I fall into an ambuscade?
If taken by the foe, you will redeem me?

Dem.
I will—

Lib.
Then you may follow other game:
Whate'er you please—

Dem.
If then no more with me,
I'll to the forum.

Lib.
Go—What! and no faster?

Dem.
Yet one word more.

Lib.
Your pleasure, sir?

Dem.
Why this.
If I should want you, where shall you be found?

Lib.
Just where I please, and where my business calls me.
Troth, from this time I shall not stand in fear
Of any man; nor is there any one
Can hurt me, since from what you've just now said,
Your mind you have disclos'd—In this affair
If I succeed, I shan't think much of you.
I'm going where I thought of; and shall now
Employ my thoughts on what I have to do.

Dem.
Do ye mind? I'm to be found with Archibulus
The banker.

Lib.
What, i'th'forum?

Dem.
There, if need.

Lib.
Enough—I shall remember.

[Exit.
Dem.
'Tis impossible
To find a rogue more cunning or more sly
Than this same slave of mine—Nor one that's harder
To guard against—At the same time, if ought
You'd have well look'd to, you've nought else to do
Than trust him with it—He had rather die
Wretched, than not accomplish what he has promis'd.
That he'll procure this money for my son,
I know as well, as that I've in my hand
This walking-stick—But why do I delay
My going to the forum as intended?
I'll go, and there I'll wait him at the banker's.

[Exit.