University of Virginia Library

SCENE IV.

Enter LEONIDA, counterfeiting SAUREA, the usher of the hall.
Leo.
What's here to do? No one obeys my orders.
I just now order'd Libanus to come to me;
Told him he'd find me at the barber's shop;
But he ne'er came. An ill affair for him!
His back and legs will fare the worse for it.

Ass-D.
A lordly fellow!

Lib.
Woe be to me now!

Leo.
Oh! Libanus, I'm to salute a freed-man.
What, you've obtain'd your freedom?

Lib.
Pray forgive me.

Leo.
By Hercules! e'er long you will repent
Your meeting with me here. What was the reason
You came not to me at the barber's shop?

Lib.
This man detain'd me here.

[pointing to the Ass-Dealer.
Leo.
By Hercules!
If you had said that e'en great Jupiter
Detain'd you, and he was himself to sue for you,
You should not 'scape due punishment—You rascal!
You've disobey'd my orders—

Lib.
[to the Ass-Dealer]
Stranger, friend,
I am undone.

Ass-D.
Saurea, I beg of you
Misuse him not on my account.

Leo.
O would I had now in my hand a club!—

Ass-D.
I beg you be appeas'd.

Leo.
To make your sides
All callous with my blows—Stand off, and suffer me
[to the Ass-Dealer, who interposes.
To be the death of him, he's always putting me
Into a passion. It is not enough
To tell the rascal once to do a thing;
I must command him o'er and o'er again
An hundred times, and ring it in his ears.
By Hercules! I've neither breath nor lungs
To hollow after him—Did I not order you,
Rascal! to take away the dirt which lies
Before the doors? to sweep those cobwebs there
From off the pillars? Did I not command you
To scour those nails upon the door, and make them
Shining and bright? And yet all this is nothing:
I, as if lame, must never walk without
A good oak towel in my hand—Because
I've been oblig'd these three days to attend
The forum, there to see if any wanted
To borrow money upon interest, here
At home you're all asleep; and my good master
Lives in a hogs-stye, not a house—Take that—

[strikes him.
Lib.
I beg you take my part—

[to the Ass-Dealer.
Ass-D.
I pray you, Saurea,
On my account, forgive him.

Leo.
Hark you! Sirrah,
The carriage of that olive oil, is't paid for?

Lib.
It is.

Leo.
To whom?

Lib.
Stichus, your deputy.

Leo.
Oh! you're preparing to appease my anger.
I know that deputy of mine to be
Much the best servant in the house—The wines
That yesterday I sold to Exœrambus,
The vintner, has he yet paid Stichus for them?

Lib.
I think so: for I saw the vintner coming
Here with his banker—

Leo.
May I ever find
Such customers! I've often sold beforehand,
And scarce been paid my money in a year.
This man is careful, brings the banker with him,
And gives an order to repay the money
At a fix'd time—Has Dromo paid his rent?

Lib.
Not half, I think.

Leo.
What then of the remainder?

Lib.
He says, as soon as he has receiv'd some money,
He will discharge it; and that he retain'd it
Till he had finish'd what he was about.

Leo.
The cups I lent to Philodamus, say
Has he return'd them?

Lib.
Not yet.

Leo.
What, not yet?
See, what it is to lend things to a friend!
You may as well give them at once.

Ass-D.
By Hercules!
[aside.
'Tis over with me—He's so out of humour
He'll drive me off, and not receive the money.

Lib.
Hark ye! [to Leo.]
No more on't. Hear you what he says?

Leo.
Yes; and I've done.

Ass-D.
At length, I think he has done.
Best to accost him now, ere he begins
Ringing again—Now, Saurea, will you give
[to Leonida.
Attention to me?

Leo.
O! most certainly.
Have you been here some time? By Hercules!
I did not see you; pray excuse me, so
My passion blinded me.

Ass-D.
That's not the matter.
Demænetus I want, if he's at home.

Leo.
Libanus says he's not—But if you'll pay
The money down to me, the obligation
I'll promise you again shall be discharg'd.

Ass-D.
I'd rather pay it when your master's by.

Lib.
My master knows him, and he knows my master.

Ass-D.
Well, when your master's present I will pay it.

Lib.
Pay it him, at my peril I'll engage
You shall be safe. For should our old man know
You did not care to trust him, he'd be angry:
For he himself trusts every thing to him.

Leo.
Well, 'tis no matter, let him have his way,
And keep the money, 'tis the same to me—

Lib.
Give it, I say. I'm wretchedly afraid
He'll think 'tis I've advis'd him not to trust you.
I beg you'd give it him, nor be afraid.
The money shall be safe, by Hercules!

Ass-D.
While in my hands, I verily believe so.
I am a stranger here, nor know I Saurea.

Lib.
Troth, know him now.

Ass-D.
It may be he, or it
May not be he—I know nought of the matter,
By Pollux' temple! If 'tis he, why then
It must be he—But this I know for certain
I will not pay the money to a man
I do not know—

Leo.
The gods confound the fellow!
Say not another word to him—He's so stout:
Because he has twenty minæ in his hands
He knows belongs to me. Here's none will take it.
Take thyself home: begone from hence, and be
No longer troublesome.

Ass-D.
You grow too angry:
It don't become a slave to be so stout.

Lib.
Dear will you pay for treating him so ill;
You will, by Hercules! Dishonest fellow!
Thou thing of nothing! Don't you see he's angry?

Leo.
[aside to Lib.]
So, keep it up.

Lib.
[aloud]
Rascal! [softly]
I do beseech you
Give him the cash, lest he himself abuse you.

Ass-D.
On your own heads you're only seeking evil.

Leo.
By Hercules, I'll instant have your legs broke,
If highly you do not provoke the scoundrel.

Lib.
Ruin'd, by Hercules! in my misfortunes
Won't you assist a brother, rascal?

Leo.
Still
Persist you in soliciting the scoundrel?

Ass-D.
How's this? You fellow, who're a slave, to speak
In this foul language to a man that's free?

Leo.
Give him the lash.

Ass-D.
Ay, that will be your portion,
If once I see Demænetus to-day.
I summon you before the judge.

Leo.
You may;
But I'll not go.

Ass-D.
Not go? Remember this.

Leo.
I shall.

Ass-D.
Your back shall answer this, by Pollux!

Leo.
My back be scourg'd on your account? you rascal!

Ass-D.
Yes; and I this day shall have satisfaction
For your ill words—

Leo.
What? rascal! How is that?
You hang-dog, do you think we want to fly
Our master's presence?—Go directly to him,
Our master, before whom you just now cited us,
And whom you've wish'd to see.

Ass-D.
Well then, I'll go.
But you shall never have from me the money,
Unless Demænetus your master orders me
To give it you.

Leo.
Do as you please—Walk off—
Ill language will you give, and yet not have it
Return'd?—I am as good a man as you.

Ass-D.
No doubt of it—

Leo.
This way then follow me.
And give me leave to say, no man hath ere
Impeach'd my merit; there is not a man
In Athens, of more credit than myself.

Ass-D.
Perhaps so: yet you never shall persuade me
To trust my money to a man I know not.
Man is to man, to whomsoe'er one knows not,
A wolf and not a man.

Leo.
A second insult!
Far, far is this from making satisfaction,
For the abuse you have bestow'd upon me;
As I had cause to think you would have done.
But tho' my dress is mean, I yet am honest,
A treasure so inestimable's mine.

Ass-D.
Perhaps so.

Leo.
I can tell you more: Periphanes,
A Rhodian merchant, rich, entrusted me,
During his master's absence with a talent,
A silver one; nor was deceiv'd in me.

Ass-D.
Perhaps so.

Leo.
You too, if you had but ask'd
My character of others, would have had
No scruple to have trusted in my hands
What you have with you.

Ass-D.
I deny it not.

[Exeunt.