University of Virginia Library

It was just now 'tween Dog and Bitch,
Or Hawk & Buzzard, (chuse you which)
The Gods adventur'd out of Wood:
For they behalves had understood
Of Gyants course; and each had thought
There was no danger to be caught:
For from the biggest to the least,
Each God was turn'd into a beast
Or bird; their hazard nothing so,
That they should stand in fear of foe.
Gyants, although they oft pass by,
Yet when a Ram or Goat they spie;
In this same place an Hound, an Ape,
A Cow, or beast of different shape;
In other place a Rat, of nature
(No matter which) for land or water;
They little dream'd that there should lie
In any beast a Deity.
For who is he, that as he pass,
Would once imagine Cow at grass
Should be a God? The Gyants run
With eagerness as they begun;
Beset and search the wood, then finde
There's nothing like a God; so blinde
Was Gyants apprehension. Then
The Gods that were secure from men
Or Gyants, do consult a while
In Council by the river Nyle;
When in conclusion they agree
To be as Gods were wont to be,
Each to shake off his present shape:
For since they clearly made escape,
Why should great Jove in danger go
Of injuring his feet or toe?
For what with gravel, slime, and mud,
(Which border'd on the neighbourfloud)
Like sheep they forced are to slide,
Or else with bare-foot to abide
On stones: for Rams do never use
To clad their feet with Boots or Shooes;
Besides, so thick was Jove of Wooll,
He fum'd and sweat like any Bull
Whom angry dogs do put in fear.
And Madam Juno, as I hear,
A thorn had got within her toe,
That did produce her mickle wo:
But 'twas not Jove's nor Juno's grief
Alone; but being they were chief
O'th' company, I need not strain
To shew how all the Gods complain.

Jove thinking now 'twas time to speak,
Made an Oration in the Greek
To th' other Gods; and I thought good
(Because it should be understood)
To English it; and thus it follows:
My friends, we've now escap'd the gallows
(Thank Heaven for't) but what will say
Succeeding ages, that we stray
In these uncomely shapes? By this,
The Gods will all become a hiss
Or by-word: Gyants, if they know
My Juno takes the form of Cow,
They'll make her subject of their laughter
To ages that shall be hereafter:
Or when a God is seen, they'll say,
Beware of horns, or Mutton, Ba.
'Tis better never to be born,
Then so to live the mock and scorn
Of ev'ry mortal. Jove (whose eyes
Were wet before) now plainly cries;
And I my self could almost borrow
From other subjects of my sorrow
A tear or two. But Natures course
By this time spent, Jove did with force
Proceed; and what he said were words
To this effect: Though sticks and swords
Are wanting, yet it would be worse,
Should we be subject to the force
Of Gyants: heaven thus contrives,
They sha'n't be masters of our lives:
We are not far from Memphis-town,
Let's enter ere the Sun goes down;
But first let Mercury make haste
To change his shape, now danger's past:
'Twere well if he a Cloak could steal,
(For being bare from head to heel)
'Twill be uncomely if he go
Stark naked from the top to toe.
When Mercury is clothed thus,
I'd have him get some cloathes for us.
The God most forward to reveal
The stock he had of love and zeal
For Jove, said nothing but Amen;
Great Jove, it shall be done. And then
No sooner said, but straight he flies
In shape of Crane, till he espies
Some Youngsters washing in a pool:
The Crane (so like a harmless fool)
Lights neer the cloathes, as almost tyr'd:
The youths beheld, and all admir'd:
A Crane! says one; let's make a match
Immediately the Crane to catch:
Done, says another. Thus they talk:
The Crane mean time does bend his walk
To th' cloathes, and by and by amain
Cast off his borrow'd shape of Crane.
So having done, he puts on dress.
All were amazed, you may guess,
Who saw this sudden transformation,
More strange then ever was in nation.
Mercury like a pretty lad,
With all their cloathes begins to gad.
The youths belike had learnt some Oaths;
So swore the devil had their cloaths:
But they all naked, knew not how
To follow him; nor did they know
What to imagine: but the God
Made so much haste, that straight he trod
To Usurer, and pawn'd a Pearl
Of Juno's, or some other girl:
The owner of it was some Lass;
However, we may let that pass:
The Pearl it was of value such,
That he of Coyn procur'd as much
As bought up habits of the best,
For Jove, for Juno, and the rest;
Then bought a lusty Mule to bear
Unto the Gods his purchas'd ware:
It was not long until he came,
Redeeming all the Gods from shame,
Each of them with an earnest motion,
Measures habit with proportion.

Mercury thus performing part;
When done, quoth he, I know a tart-
Wench lives hard by at signe of trumpet,
Perhaps you'll take her for a strumpet;
But be she what she will, 'tis meet
We visit her to drink and eat.
This course they all applaud as best;
And Mercury, that was her guest
Before, was order'd to repair
Unto her, to bespeak the fare.
Mercury flew, until he lit
Just at the door, and then 'twas fit
He close his wings, and walk: beside,
He walkt not half a dozen stride
Until he enters. Welcome, Sir,
The Tapster cries. Then answers Mer-
Cury, I would converse with Dame.
Quoth fellow, May I crave your name?
Then straight the Goodwife does appear:
Quoth she, I pray, good Sir, draw neer;
You're welcome. She was frying Tripe.
The God then call'd for Pot and Pipe:
Down do they sit: but Oh the bliss
Was then in ev'ry glance and kiss,
Whenas they talkt! for you may think,
Their hearts were filled to the brink
With joy: for Mercury was mannish;
Soon he dispatcht his Pipe of Spanish;
Then having in a Note set down
What diet could be had in Town,
The Maid was call'd, and Hostess sent her
To buy o'th'best: and now does enter
The rest o'th' Gods, a worthy troop;
By turns, they ev'ry one do stoop
To kiss the Hostess: Jove began;
Then Neptune, Bacchus, Mars and Pan,
And so the rest. When Juno saw her,
In haste and anger calls the Drawer
To bring some Wine: for she did grutch
The goodwife should be buss'd so much,
And she her self had none. Quoth Pan,
Just now I to the Garden ran,
Where there are most delightful bow'rs,
And like for all the world to ours.
Oh me! quoth Juno, let's go there;
I love to have the smell of air.
No sooner were they out, but all
The town came flocking, great and small,
To see the Troop: for they had heard
An Army came, and were afeard.
One cries, Alas, we shall be undon:
Another says, They're blades of London;
For that's a wilderness, we know,
Where many such tall Cedars grow.

Thus while they chat, a world appear:
In time, the Cat does lick her ear.
One bauls, What Gallants trow are these?
Another answers, Hold your peace;
They're Kings that usually are wont
In numbers brave (as these) to hunt.
Another whispers, How the Inne
Smells sweet as 'twere of Benjamin!
The next more wisely gives a ghess,
They're Players. All of them express
Their thoughts: but som were apt to think
Players were not so full of Chink:
But others thwart them, saying then,
They're now the chiefest Gentlemen:
Are they not clad in Plush and Sattin?
And don't they sometimes visit Mattin?
Do they not strut with Muff and Sword;
Keep company with Knight and Lord?

Let me not now forget to tell
How Jove had sent where once did dwell
The great Alcides: he that went,
Was absent till eight days were spent.
About that time, Jove casting eye
From window, 'twas his chance to spie
Alcides: straight down stayrs he runs,
And clapping fist into his son's,
How dost, quoth he, my bonny Lad?
What, hast thou quite forgot thy Dad?
'Tis true, as ancient story goes,
That childe is wise, nown father knows.
Quoth Hercules, Oh, now I see
You are the same; I, you are he.
With that, the complements renew,
And each does render devil due.
Whilst they embrace, the other Gods
Were almost 'mongst themselves at oddes
Who first salutes Alcmena's son.
By this, Jove's complements were done:
With that, the Gods came all a-row
To honour great Amphytrio:
With tears in eyes they wept for joy,
Meerly for sight of Jove's great boy.
The strangers though the most were mutes
When they observed these salutes,
Flockt shrewdly: but when Jove they spi'd,
(Who now had re-assum'd his pride)
They great observance shew'd; for he
(All saw) was chiefest in degree.
But one amongst the rest, more bold
Then his companions, cry'd out, Hold;
Observ'd you him did just now nod?
(The devil take me) he's a God:
I know it by his garb and state,
By his deportment, and his gate;
His looks declare it: nay, (what's more)
I have been told as much before.
This News, as well as other things
As strange, immediately took wings;
So that in little space it came
To their High-priest, a man of fame;
Who hearing this, the truth to know,
Resolves with company to go
In person; and when there, to do
His duty, if report held true
That they were Gods: with him he brings
For presents, fine Cornelian Rings
Some thirty thousands; nineteen score
Of Crocodiles new come to shore:
Ichneumones, what beast is that?
Some do suppose it Pharaoh's Rat;
Of them threescore: Hippopotames,
Or a Sea-horse, the more known name is,
As tame as Pigeons; these a score:
Of Eel-skin-gloves some ten times more.
The high-priest come, the presents given,
The crowd o' th' people further driven,
Complements past on either part;
Jove seem'd content, and glad at heart:
The Priest makes offer of protection
Within his Land, with great affection:
Jove likewise does return him thanks,
With promise to protect his banks
From what doth usually harm;
He'd give them a preventing Charm
Against the strength of Creatures stature,
Or venom of depraved nature:
All this on free-cost. Mercury,
That present was, could even cry,
That Jove should not consider how
Through earth and air he us'd to plow
To serve the Gods both to and fro:
Yet Jove as much and more did know;
And for requital, bids him dance
Afresh perhaps as far as France.

Now Jove and Priest by this time sate
On breech, their stories to relate:
For being in an unknown clime,
Not knowing how to spend their time,
They will that each a passage tell
Of what had formerly befel.
When now it came to jocund Priest,
(Most ready to oblige the rest;
For he of all was much the lesser)
He story told of predecessor:
Silence he crav'd, and did prevail:
Then thus began

A crafty man in Country-town,
Had wife was of a comely brown,
And lov'd by neighbour-Parson, who
At vacant hours came there to woo.
The husband knowing Parson Fulpit
(Ycleped so) in fleshly Pulpit
Was wont to preach, casts how to catch
Them both; and thus contrives his watch
Sweetheart, quoth he, my business says
I must go travel seven days.
Nay, quoth the wife, if so you do,
Why may not I go travel too?
Then, as was wont, came in the Parson;
Spies Chair and Cushion, sets his arse-on.
Quoth wife to Priest, My husband, Sir,
Is taking journey. I infer,
Then cry'd the Parson, he hath cause.
The husband after making pause,
(Which shew'd he was in minde perplext,
That Priest should chuse his wife for text)
He doth befit himself with speed;
Gives kiss to wife, and mounts his steed.

The Parson then, and wife, by joynt
Consent, begin to handle point;
Thought of a Chamber, went into't,
As best befitting close dispute:
What were the arguments befel,
I make no doubt but you can tell.
But one thing should not be forgotten,
The Parsons principles were rotten;
A Sceptick, or as Martial saith,
A wanderer with waving faith;
Fickle, when he swore he loved
Beyond or Aretine or Ovid.
But th' honest man, whose mind did burn,
As he intended, made return;
Sees wife and Parson both withdrawn;
Peeps, and spies Priest in sleeves of Lawn,
As he suppos'd, but 'twas his Shirt;
Nor had he Girdle to begirt:
But as in Country-town no watch
Is us'd, so door had onely latch,
Which having lifted up, he enters,
And first upon his wife adventers:
So having chid, and scorn'd, & mockt her,
Leaves her, and thus accosteth Doctor:

Come now, Sir Leacher, you that stand
With Shirt on back, and Cloaths in hand,
Deliver habit, or at once
This Penknife sharp shall off with stones.
The Parson, who was sore affright,
As doubting whether man or spright,
Admir'd to see the husband come,
Who just before was gone from home.
But whether 'twas through fear or cold,
It matters not, his hands unfold,
And down apparel falls. The man
That stood with knife in hand, began
To lay them by: which having done,
Cries, Parson, sure as mothers son,
Thus naked without Cloathes or Crutch,
You shall immediately to Church,
And there do Penance thus in white.
Quoth Parson (vowing By this light)
I'd rather die: good neighbour chuse
Some other Penance; I'll refuse
Nothing that you'll impose, provided
You will not see your friend derided.
On that the husband makes behest
To wife, to reach him key of Chest:
With it doth straightway Chest unlock,
And makes the Parson put in Cock;
And having us'd an art to fasten
Priest Cock-sure, he away doth hasten
To Penknife which he hard by laid,
That made the Parson sore afraid:
He puts the knife in Parsons hand,
And caus'd his wife by his command
To fire the Chest: for you must know,
On purpose it was fill'd with tow.
The Chest of fire, both man and wife
Leave Parson there with Cock and Knife;
Run out of doors, and make a noise
By crying Fire. That dreadful voice
Rais'd all the Parish, and as Torch,
Might guide them unto what did scorch
The Parson: in they ran, but cry'd,
Neighbours beware, we shall be fry'd;
Or else if fire make house to fall,
'Twill surely be the death of all.
The Parson, who had heard them coming,
'Twixt shame & synging left his humming;
Takes knife, and with a valiant slash
Brings body off, but leaves poor Swash
Amidst the angry flames to fry:
Judge, did not Swash a Martyr die?
He hanged was, and quarter'd too;
And he was burnt: but I should do
Much wrong to Parson and to Cocks,
Should I maintain a Paradox.

Just now a messenger brings word,
Typhon did mean with fire and sword,
With clubs, with staves, & other weapon,
Visit the Gods, and warfare keep-on;
Sends thus to Jove, In spight of's nose,
In heav'n he'd suddenly repose:
To that same end, it was his will,
Mountain should bear the weight of hill,
Great Oss on Pelion should stand,
That heaven might be toucht with hand.

These News it seems were very true;
For Typhon and his Gyant-crew
Had ransackt wood throughout and round
(But th'devil a God was to be found)
And were come back to mighty hill,
To Crane it up (by strength and skill)
On th'other; and about threescore
Of hills, but less then those before,
Were got already on a heap.
Then Jove, who fetcht a sigh most deep,
Reply'd, We then will take our lot,
But beat the Iron while it's hot:
Though they are Gyants great and tall,
Their clambring may produce a fall;
And the event may make it plain,
They're hastie onely to be slain:
My son, we'll stop their course before
Upon those hills they set up more:
For if we all (ere they surmise)
Fall on, we cannot miss the Prize.
Hercules fingers itch to be
In action. Th' other Gods, who see
His courage, 'gin to banish fear;
Take heart a-grace, and prick up ear.
Quoth Hercules, My Club's a tongue,
That can both speak, and right a wrong:
Moreover, quoth the lofty Yonker,
I scorn to go to fight, but conquer.

Then up they get on legs again,
Boldly to follow their Chieftain,
Who leads them on through thick & thin
Sometimes up almost to the chin.
I will not be so tedious as
To give relation how it was
With all the Gods, or any one;
Or whether they had horse, or none,
Or rode on Elephants or Camels;
Whether they crost brooks, ponds or channels:
We will suppose them now to be
Arriv'd beneath a spreading tree,
Resting themselves for half an hour,
Not far from Gyant Typhon's Tow'r:
That time expir'd, Jove rouzes up,
Calls for some Wine, and drinks a Cup;
Chuses a lustie Bolt of Thunder.
(Did you but see it, you would wonder)
Out of a Cart-load they had brought
From Memphis, Bolts but newly wrought
By Vulcan's own hand, therefore good.
Hercules, who by's Daddy stood,
Takes up his weapon, and by night
They march, till they approached right
Against the place where Typhon lay
Asleep. Without the least delay,
Jupiter primes his Bolt so great;
From him the standers by retreat
For fear of harm, and Jove himself
Was wary to avoid that shelf
By which so many had been split:
For (in his anger) he had wit.
No God, though young, or old in years,
Should Thunder flie about his ears,
But would be scar'd; and days of yore,
Such thunder never saw before.
Sometimes Jove holds it on the right;
Then suddenly, as full of fright,
He changes it unto the left:
Then spying that the ground was cleft
On which he stood, he fastens it
Within the same: all being fit,
He puts his March upon a Spire,
His arm stretcht out, presenting fire;
Looks t'other way, & cries, Does't touch?
Then puffs and sweats, his fears were such.
But Hercules, who stood at distance
With Club and Sword in hand, assistance
Gives to his Daddy, in these words:
Let's leave these guns, & use our swords.
Go to, you fool, quoth Jove, and tell
Me, when I am aside, or well.
With that, he stretches out once more
His arm and Lintstock as before:
How am I now, quoth Jove? Too low,
Quoth Hercules; too high: so, so.
Pish, quoth the touchhole; bounce, the gun:
On th' earth both father and the son
Lie sprawling: Jove holds up his head
At last: How dost, my boy? art dead?
Quoth he; may we rise safely yet?
Amphytrio answers, I have fit
Of Shiv'ring on me, as an Ague.
Then fight, quoth Jove, & 'twill not plague you.

The noise soon reached Typhon's lugs,
Who lay on bed with thousand Rugs,
All large, and warm as so much Buff,
Yet all was scarce (or but) enough;
So big was he: from bed he starts;
Ods bobs, quoth he, who is't that farts
So loud, and thus disturbs my rest?
I'll pull his heart from out his brest,
Whoe'er it be. Then quoth his brothers,
'Twas none of us, Sir, but some others:
It sounded like the Thunder-crack
Of Jove; he may be at our back.
Keep a strict guard to night, quoth Typhon,
And when 'tis day, d'on each his knife-on;
Be sure you want nor swords nor trees,
When once you 'gin to kill the fleas:
Right early in the morn we'll rise,
To execute our enterprise:
We searcht (but all in vain) on ground,
No God nor Goddess could be found:
From heaven now they issue out,
Onely that we may rise and rout:
The glory of their mighty feat,
Is to come on, and to retreat:
Encelades shall scale their fort,
Whilst others of you finde them sport
With Oaks, and quarters great of Rocks;
Be sure you follow close your knocks.

Some slept till morn, as void of fear;
Others carouse in wine and chear,
Drink healths unto the Gods confusion;
None apprehending their delusion.

Mean while, the Gods do understand
Exactly, how from Gyants hand
Their distance stood, expecting hour
When to engage. Mars makes a sowre
Face, and is mad to fight the foe;
So is the great Amphytrio.
Great Jove at this doth fret and fume,
When Mars so boldly durst presume:
Then calling Hercules from chatter,
With him he does debate the matter;
Concludes they should a Council call:
And Jove thereunto summons all.