Typhon or, The Gyants War with The Gods. A Mock-poem. In Five Canto's [by John Phillips] |
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| I. |
| II. |
| III. |
| IV. |
| V. | CANTO V. |
 | Typhon |  |
141
CANTO V.
The Argument.
Jove and his son Alcides go
By joynt consent in quest of foe.
Gyants scale heaven to a wonder;
From thence are headlong thrown by thunder.
A fight determines, where's the odds
On Gyants side, or on the Gods.
Gyants are slain, and Typhon flies:
Great Jove pursues, and Typhon dies.
By joynt consent in quest of foe.
Gyants scale heaven to a wonder;
From thence are headlong thrown by thunder.
A fight determines, where's the odds
On Gyants side, or on the Gods.
Gyants are slain, and Typhon flies:
Great Jove pursues, and Typhon dies.
Now come I to rehearse (in stile)
As blithe as is within a mile
Of Oak) the fierce and fearful blows
Which past between the Gods and foes.
Jove led the Gods, as 'twas his manner;
The Gyants under Typhon's Banner
Engage: and now was Gyants war
Worse then the Counter-scuffle far.
As blithe as is within a mile
Of Oak) the fierce and fearful blows
Which past between the Gods and foes.
142
The Gyants under Typhon's Banner
Engage: and now was Gyants war
Worse then the Counter-scuffle far.
When now Encelades design'd
Heav'n should be scal'd, 'twas in the mind
Of Jove, and Hercules disguis'd,
(Who by the Gods were so advis'd)
That onely they should lurk and spie
How Gyants Camp and they do lie:
Or having left their strong Ale tapping,
They thought perhaps to catch them napping.
But Oh the fire and noise so great!
Which when the Gods see, they retreat,
With this resolve, the following day
To fall upon them sans delay.
Heav'n should be scal'd, 'twas in the mind
Of Jove, and Hercules disguis'd,
(Who by the Gods were so advis'd)
That onely they should lurk and spie
How Gyants Camp and they do lie:
Or having left their strong Ale tapping,
They thought perhaps to catch them napping.
But Oh the fire and noise so great!
Which when the Gods see, they retreat,
143
To fall upon them sans delay.
By this time, day began to peep,
And Madam Moon was gone to sleep,
When Jove and great Amphytrio
Saw Gyants marching to and fro,
Scaling the skies without a Ladder,
It made great Jove be much the gladder:
For seeing Gyants so mistake,
His Thunderbolt he 'gins to make
Ready; and setting fire unto 't,
Plows hills and mountains up by root;
Down do they tumble flat as Pancakes:
To clear his face, he Juno's Fan-takes,
To brush the dust: he brought it out
On purpose: divers of the rout
Within the rubbish found their doom.
By this time, other Gods make room,
As from their lurking holes they run;
Then shout as if they'd ne'r have done.
Sometimes they hollow, then they bawl,
A Jove, a Jove; the Gyants fall.
Those that the dust did spare to smother,
Would give one eye to save the other.
And Madam Moon was gone to sleep,
When Jove and great Amphytrio
Saw Gyants marching to and fro,
Scaling the skies without a Ladder,
It made great Jove be much the gladder:
For seeing Gyants so mistake,
His Thunderbolt he 'gins to make
Ready; and setting fire unto 't,
Plows hills and mountains up by root;
Down do they tumble flat as Pancakes:
To clear his face, he Juno's Fan-takes,
144
On purpose: divers of the rout
Within the rubbish found their doom.
By this time, other Gods make room,
As from their lurking holes they run;
Then shout as if they'd ne'r have done.
Sometimes they hollow, then they bawl,
A Jove, a Jove; the Gyants fall.
Those that the dust did spare to smother,
Would give one eye to save the other.
Did you ne'er see on Lord Mayors day
The Green-men, how they clear the way
With firy Clubs; or in a Ring,
At Cudgel-sport, or Wrastelling,
A sturdy Butcher, Stick in hand,
On back Red Wastcoat, ne'er a Band,
Hat before eyes, and Bandying Shins,
Smiting by th' way Spectators Chins,
Till he has made a Circle, great
Enough for Blades to do the feat:
Or at Bear-garden, how Black Will
(The Bull, I mean) doth shew his skill
In tossing Butchers, when got loose,
With as much ease as Fox doth Goose?
Just so doth Thunder-thumping Jove
Sometimes beneath, sometimes above,
On right, on left, behinde, before,
Till compassed by Wounds and Gore,
And at his feet lay Gyants dead
Some score or two, which he had sped.
Alcides then with Club or Bill
Does follow him to slash and kill:
Alcyoneus by his arms
Soon was dispatched out of harms
Way, by a great blow with his Club:
So fell that great and mighty Lub-
Ber; he the first Alcides slew
In this hot Combat. Now with Yew
And Ivie crown'd, comes Bacchus on,
Pretty well fluster'd, half way gon;
Who gain'd great honour in the fray,
O'er-running all that stood in way
As torrents do; his train as free-
Ly drunk, or somewhat more then he.
One of them runs a Gyant through,
Another beats one black and blue.
Apollo then does shoot so right
With shaft that's sharp as well as bright,
Hits Ephialtes in the eye;
And Hercules that then stood by,
Pokes out his other: farewel he.
Mercury does no sooner see
But kills: Porphyrion made it good,
Surrendring up his life and blood.
Mimas gives Mars a maul o'th' pate;
But Mars, as with a mortal hate,
Runs to him, grasps him; so they tug:
But Mars, who knew the Cornish Hug
Full well, threw Gyant on his back,
So that his bones did seem to crack.
Dame Atropos in rage pursues
Pallenus, who in vain did use
Skill to avoid her; for in sum,
She follow'd till she wounded bum.
The Green-men, how they clear the way
With firy Clubs; or in a Ring,
At Cudgel-sport, or Wrastelling,
145
On back Red Wastcoat, ne'er a Band,
Hat before eyes, and Bandying Shins,
Smiting by th' way Spectators Chins,
Till he has made a Circle, great
Enough for Blades to do the feat:
Or at Bear-garden, how Black Will
(The Bull, I mean) doth shew his skill
In tossing Butchers, when got loose,
With as much ease as Fox doth Goose?
Just so doth Thunder-thumping Jove
Sometimes beneath, sometimes above,
On right, on left, behinde, before,
Till compassed by Wounds and Gore,
146
Some score or two, which he had sped.
Alcides then with Club or Bill
Does follow him to slash and kill:
Alcyoneus by his arms
Soon was dispatched out of harms
Way, by a great blow with his Club:
So fell that great and mighty Lub-
Ber; he the first Alcides slew
In this hot Combat. Now with Yew
And Ivie crown'd, comes Bacchus on,
Pretty well fluster'd, half way gon;
Who gain'd great honour in the fray,
O'er-running all that stood in way
147
Ly drunk, or somewhat more then he.
One of them runs a Gyant through,
Another beats one black and blue.
Apollo then does shoot so right
With shaft that's sharp as well as bright,
Hits Ephialtes in the eye;
And Hercules that then stood by,
Pokes out his other: farewel he.
Mercury does no sooner see
But kills: Porphyrion made it good,
Surrendring up his life and blood.
Mimas gives Mars a maul o'th' pate;
But Mars, as with a mortal hate,
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But Mars, who knew the Cornish Hug
Full well, threw Gyant on his back,
So that his bones did seem to crack.
Dame Atropos in rage pursues
Pallenus, who in vain did use
Skill to avoid her; for in sum,
She follow'd till she wounded bum.
Encelades now turning Chance,
Pipes to the Gods another Dance:
Quoth he, When Honour is in doubt,
Bravely to fight, is to get out.
This Devil, mad that he had mist
His enterprise, gave with his fist
A blow upon Silenus's Hide,
That broke the thing hung by his side;
It was a fair and ample Flask
(Which held as much as does a Cask)
Fill'd with the best Canary-wine
Extracted ever was from Vine:
At which he more amazed stood,
Then if it had been so much blood;
The which had given Gyant time
To have dispatcht him; but sublime
Alcides to his rescue came.
The Gyant, when he saw the same,
Was mad: for blows went up and down,
From side to feet, from thence to crown.
The Goddesses stand by and curse,
To see how things went worse and worse:
For bloudy Typhon hews and hacks
O'er legs and shoulders, arms and backs,
Among the Gods: he held in hand
A tall Pine, which he did command
With ease: it was the same with which
He formerly the Gods did switch.
But Æsculapius steps in,
And claps a Salve upon the shin
O'th' wounded Gods, that they were sound
As soon as Typhon gave the wound:
And none was able to reveal
Their swiftness or to hurt or heal.
Pipes to the Gods another Dance:
Quoth he, When Honour is in doubt,
Bravely to fight, is to get out.
This Devil, mad that he had mist
His enterprise, gave with his fist
149
That broke the thing hung by his side;
It was a fair and ample Flask
(Which held as much as does a Cask)
Fill'd with the best Canary-wine
Extracted ever was from Vine:
At which he more amazed stood,
Then if it had been so much blood;
The which had given Gyant time
To have dispatcht him; but sublime
Alcides to his rescue came.
The Gyant, when he saw the same,
Was mad: for blows went up and down,
From side to feet, from thence to crown.
150
To see how things went worse and worse:
For bloudy Typhon hews and hacks
O'er legs and shoulders, arms and backs,
Among the Gods: he held in hand
A tall Pine, which he did command
With ease: it was the same with which
He formerly the Gods did switch.
But Æsculapius steps in,
And claps a Salve upon the shin
O'th' wounded Gods, that they were sound
As soon as Typhon gave the wound:
And none was able to reveal
Their swiftness or to hurt or heal.
151
Jupiter mad to be withstood
By Gyant, in his heat of blood
Sets a great Thunderbolt on fire,
And throws the same in wrath and ire
At Gyants head, who with a flap
From tree in hand did make it snap
Like glass in shivers. Jove at that
Stept back to gather up his hat;
Which gave the Gyant time to seise
Him by the collar: then with ease
He 'gan to cuff him at his will;
I think h'had given him his fill,
Had not God Mercury ran by
I'th' shape of Hebe. Typhon's eye
No sooner saw the Girl, but she
Was heard to laugh aloud, Tee-hee.
At length, when Typhon spi'd the Cheat,
He throws great Jove beneath his feet;
But he himself had not the strength
To stand when Jove was laid at length.
Jupiter first got up again:
With Thunder, and with might and main,
He makes attempt at Gyants head,
And therein fortunately sped;
For ere the Gyant was aware,
He found he had a soft place there.
I' th' nick of this came great Alcides,
With the brave Club he bears on highdays,
And lays upon the Gyants head:
(The blow had surely struck me dead)
The Gyant backward reels, and falls;
No Lion could out-roar his bawls:
The three Gods fall upon his bones;
Cries Mercury, Cut off his stones.
But Madam Iris came to tell
Great Jove what newly had befel
His party; that they were almost
Just ready to abandon Post.
With that, the three Gods leave their foe,
But bruis'd and maim'd from head to toe:
Fast did they run as legs could carry;
For then it was no time to tarry.
But coming to the Gods recruit,
The Gyants do forsake pursuit:
The Gods their courage re-assume:
Jupiter swore he like a Broom
Would sweep the Rogues to ashes: Mars
Held one whilst Venus prickt his a---
With Silver Bodkin: you must know,
Mars took a pride in doing so:
And something too must be obscene,
Or this had no mock-Poem been.
At last, with pat upon the crown,
He fairly fillipt Gyant down.
Hercules killeth Euritus;
Pan, Athos; and Hypolitus
By Mercury on earth did lie:
It griev'd him dev'lishly to die,
Not being us'd to't heretofore:
Quoth he, I now shall say no more
But this, 'Tis sorrow makes men wise;
The Sun must set as well as rise.
By Gyant, in his heat of blood
Sets a great Thunderbolt on fire,
And throws the same in wrath and ire
At Gyants head, who with a flap
From tree in hand did make it snap
Like glass in shivers. Jove at that
Stept back to gather up his hat;
Which gave the Gyant time to seise
Him by the collar: then with ease
He 'gan to cuff him at his will;
I think h'had given him his fill,
Had not God Mercury ran by
I'th' shape of Hebe. Typhon's eye
152
Was heard to laugh aloud, Tee-hee.
At length, when Typhon spi'd the Cheat,
He throws great Jove beneath his feet;
But he himself had not the strength
To stand when Jove was laid at length.
Jupiter first got up again:
With Thunder, and with might and main,
He makes attempt at Gyants head,
And therein fortunately sped;
For ere the Gyant was aware,
He found he had a soft place there.
I' th' nick of this came great Alcides,
With the brave Club he bears on highdays,
153
(The blow had surely struck me dead)
The Gyant backward reels, and falls;
No Lion could out-roar his bawls:
The three Gods fall upon his bones;
Cries Mercury, Cut off his stones.
But Madam Iris came to tell
Great Jove what newly had befel
His party; that they were almost
Just ready to abandon Post.
With that, the three Gods leave their foe,
But bruis'd and maim'd from head to toe:
Fast did they run as legs could carry;
For then it was no time to tarry.
154
The Gyants do forsake pursuit:
The Gods their courage re-assume:
Jupiter swore he like a Broom
Would sweep the Rogues to ashes: Mars
Held one whilst Venus prickt his a---
With Silver Bodkin: you must know,
Mars took a pride in doing so:
And something too must be obscene,
Or this had no mock-Poem been.
At last, with pat upon the crown,
He fairly fillipt Gyant down.
Hercules killeth Euritus;
Pan, Athos; and Hypolitus
155
It griev'd him dev'lishly to die,
Not being us'd to't heretofore:
Quoth he, I now shall say no more
But this, 'Tis sorrow makes men wise;
The Sun must set as well as rise.
Then Mimas kill'd Silenus's Ass,
For which Mars made him such a pass,
That you might see his body through;
Mars crying, Friend, now there's for you.
Then Cupid with his little sword
Slew Cynus next; and on my word,
Diana smote poor Thoon, that
She laid him on his back so flat,
As she suppos'd he had been dead;
But some report he rose and fled.
The Goddess Pallas then fell on,
And she Pallenus slew anon.
Enceladus was slain the next;
(For so we finde it in the text)
And Neptune with his Trident fierce
The stout Pollibotes did pierce.
At last the Gods to Typhon come,
And he they found was biting thumb:
When he beheld the Gods, with rage
In combat fresh he doth engage;
With legs he spurns against the Gods,
Kicks on the Belly and the Cods,
On Shins, and sometimes on their Bum
He beats as fast as Stick on Drum.
Briareus with his hundred hands,
In each of them a Rock commands:
These Rocks at Jove he casts at once,
With hope thereby to crush his bones.
But soon this fear was at an end;
Nor he nor Typhon could defend
Themselves a minute longer. Jove
And Hercules with fury move:
Jove seizeth Typhon in his arms,
(For now his valour lost its Charms)
And having drawn a Pocket-gun
With Powder charg'd, he asked son
If he should shoot. The son reply'd,
They'd bury him before he dy'd:
But whether they did so or no,
It matters not, nor do I know.
But Typhon answer'd, Death or Fate
Can't strike too soon, or force too late:
For he was fitted ere they came;
Death brought no terrour but its name:
Since life attempts with wings to flie,
The Gods should see, he durst to die.
Thus cunningly he holds dispute,
Whilst Jove attendeth him as mute:
Anon (grown desperate) by strength
From Jove he struggles; and at length,
When gotten loose, with might and main
He nimbly trips o'er hill and plain
Till got to Italy; 'tis sed,
From thence to Sicily he fled;
And there his final overthrow
Surpris'd him: Jove from head to toe
With Ætna hid him. Stories tell,
This Ætna is the mouth of hell.
Briareus tasted of the fate
His brother did. And thus the State
Of Gyants was dethron'd: for why?
Who spurns against a Deity,
Can less expect? Let Gods be still
Unjust, no force can quell their will.
But Typhon, some are bold to say,
Has ever since that fatal day.
Spit through the Rocks both fire & smoke
Enough ten thousand men to choke.
However, Vice you see will finde
Its pleasures have a sting behinde:
And men must know, there's always Rods
In piss, for those blaspheme the Gods.
For which Mars made him such a pass,
That you might see his body through;
Mars crying, Friend, now there's for you.
Then Cupid with his little sword
Slew Cynus next; and on my word,
Diana smote poor Thoon, that
She laid him on his back so flat,
156
But some report he rose and fled.
The Goddess Pallas then fell on,
And she Pallenus slew anon.
Enceladus was slain the next;
(For so we finde it in the text)
And Neptune with his Trident fierce
The stout Pollibotes did pierce.
At last the Gods to Typhon come,
And he they found was biting thumb:
When he beheld the Gods, with rage
In combat fresh he doth engage;
With legs he spurns against the Gods,
Kicks on the Belly and the Cods,
157
He beats as fast as Stick on Drum.
Briareus with his hundred hands,
In each of them a Rock commands:
These Rocks at Jove he casts at once,
With hope thereby to crush his bones.
But soon this fear was at an end;
Nor he nor Typhon could defend
Themselves a minute longer. Jove
And Hercules with fury move:
Jove seizeth Typhon in his arms,
(For now his valour lost its Charms)
And having drawn a Pocket-gun
With Powder charg'd, he asked son
158
They'd bury him before he dy'd:
But whether they did so or no,
It matters not, nor do I know.
But Typhon answer'd, Death or Fate
Can't strike too soon, or force too late:
For he was fitted ere they came;
Death brought no terrour but its name:
Since life attempts with wings to flie,
The Gods should see, he durst to die.
Thus cunningly he holds dispute,
Whilst Jove attendeth him as mute:
Anon (grown desperate) by strength
From Jove he struggles; and at length,
159
He nimbly trips o'er hill and plain
Till got to Italy; 'tis sed,
From thence to Sicily he fled;
And there his final overthrow
Surpris'd him: Jove from head to toe
With Ætna hid him. Stories tell,
This Ætna is the mouth of hell.
Briareus tasted of the fate
His brother did. And thus the State
Of Gyants was dethron'd: for why?
Who spurns against a Deity,
Can less expect? Let Gods be still
Unjust, no force can quell their will.
160
Has ever since that fatal day.
Spit through the Rocks both fire & smoke
Enough ten thousand men to choke.
However, Vice you see will finde
Its pleasures have a sting behinde:
And men must know, there's always Rods
In piss, for those blaspheme the Gods.
| Typhon | |