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The Carnival

A Comedy
  
  
  

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 1. 
SCENA I.
  
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SCENA I.

Enter Ferdinando, Beatrice, at a low Window.
Ferd.
Pedro , stay you there:
And whistle if any chance to pass this way:
Let me not be surpriz'd I charge you.
Hem! Beatrice! my Life! Hem!

Bea.
Hem! softly: I come.

[Opens the door: Enters.
Fer.
Now all the blessings of Auspicious Heaven
Fall on so beauteous and so kind a Mistress!

Bea.
I now must owne this as my duty, Sir;
And yet I will confess,
That Love does prompt me to it with a joy
As great as yours.

Fer.
Still kinder! and I most happy!

Bea.
But you did promise me, the other night,
You would prefix a time wherein my Brother
Should be acquainted with all what has past;
It were not kind to doubt his Love,
And keep him (in it) longer ignorant.

Fer.
My fairest Beatrice, I'le tell you why
I hitherto have kept it from him:
That you and I are now made sure

4

I still shall thank your mercy for that goodness;
But he's unsatisfied in his affections,
Sad with despairing Love is froward grown,
Brooks no discourse but what tends to his Cure.
If I can serve him in his business ought
I then make sure of him too;
And I would fain remove all possibilities
Of Letts to my most wish'd Adventure here.

Bea.
And has he, Sir, implor'd your help?

Fer.
'A has, to wait upon him as a friend,
And to secure his walks by night.
She is the Sister to a man of Quality,
Though he be absent now, imploy'd about
Some business in his Charge of Barcelona:
Her kindred being of the greatest Rank
May boggle at the least of Gallantry
To this young Lady without his admittance.

Bea.
You have not yet seen her?

Fer.
No; but this time of Carnival
Allows more freedom then all the year besides:
And in a Masque we are resolv'd to see
The Saint your Brother prays to.

Bea.
But my Fernando tell me when—

Pedro
within.
Pheu! Pheu!

Fer.
Be gone, be gone my Soul,
[Exit Beatrice.
Here comes Company.
Who are they, Pedro?

[Enter Pedro.
Pedro.
Don Alvaredo, with your Brother, Sir.

Fer.
O! walk as if you came from his house.
Enter Alvaredo, Felices.
Welcome, dear friend, I had sent my Man
To see if you were at home.

Alva.
'Twas thither I was going; I just now sent my Servant
To desire you would come to me.

Fer.
I'm glad my Fates have brought me to your wishes.
O Brother! 'tis a wonder to meet you:

5

How do you imploy your time?
Ha? merry still! what device now on foot?

Feli.
Any to be doing,
Except making Love at Churches;
For there a man is bound at least
To a serious look, (and that I hate)
Turning up the whites of your Eyes
Look more precise then a Dutch Puritan,
Or play tricks with your fingers
To tell the hour of visitation:
When the poor vulgar think
You thereby count your Ave-Maries,
Having forgotten your Rosario.
Out on't! what a damn'd Device
To cloath Dame Venus in sackcloth!

Alva.
Well, Gallant, would I had thy mirth,
And thou my Love.

Feli.
So would I, if she be handsome.

Alva.
Nay, I mean the Passion I have for her,
Not her Person, Sir.

Feli.
O bezo les Manos Signior; I thank you for nothing:
But marry, prithee marry;
And to please you I will be in love with your wife,
Or any mans wife in Christendom that desires it:
And then we'l see what will come on't.

Ferd.
Why what will come on't think'st thou?

Feli.
Children, brave lusty Children, if she be but kind as she should be.

Alva.
Away Madcap; come let's in, Friend, I must now implore
Your help and counsel.

Exeunt
Enter Quintagona and Miranda.
Quin.
Come, come, I must not have you so inquisitive.

Mir.
Well, if I do not serve ye both a trick—
What, do ye think because I'm young
I cannot keep counsel?

Quin.
What counsel? what counsel?
I'de have you to know I'm no Counsel-keeper.


6

Mir.
Nay, on my Conscience, I do believe thee, Nurse.

Quin.
You do so; well, well,
God send all Proverbs prove not true.

Mir.
Prithee what Proverbs, Nurse?

Quin.
E'en one I have often heard.

Mir.
Come out with't, out with't, good Nurse.

Quin.
Marry I have heard them say,
Soon Ripe soon Rotten:
God bless thee, and send thee grace.

Mir.
And thee wit.

Enter Felices.
Feli.
O have I caught ye?

Mir.
A Rape! Nurse, a Rape!
Run for the Alquazil,
He's a grave man, and will do women justice.

Feli.
I, run, Nurse, run,
Your young Mistress may be undone;
Is this your diligence?

Quin.
Well Gallants, well,
Thus must I be abus'd and jeer'd:
I wonder what the Devil was in my Masters mind
To give you leave to use his Sister so;
He thinks she's young, but if he knew her
As well as I, he would trust her no farther then
He could throw a Milstone.

Fel.
Do you remember, Nurse,
When you took away my young Mistress from me,
And were, forsooth, so scrupulous.

Quin.
I, I, but she is grown half an inch since.

Feli.
How good Nurse! how dost thou mean?

Quin.
Away you wag, I mean no harm.

Feli.
Nor I truly, Nurse;
But remember still as I told you.

Quin.
What should I remember?

Feli.
Why, how you were call'd:
I'le but repeat his words.


7

Quin.
Nay, nay, good Sir, let it alone;
I'm sure my heart has been ready to break ever since.

Mir.
Alas poor heart!
Pray Signior Felices rub not old sores;
She'll fall into a fit of the Mother.

Feli.
A fit of the Grandmother you mean, ha, ha, ha.

Mir.
Ha, ha, ha, ha! O Donna Quintagona!

Feli.
O Donna Quintagona!

Mir., Feli.
Cheri chink, cheri chink, cheri chink, tery chink chink.

Quin.
I'le not stay to be abus'd thus.

[Exit running.
[Exeunt laughing and singing, Miranda, Felices.
Enter Sancho.
San.
Vizards I have got, and all the tricks and devices
Necessary for our Gambals; troth I have
A great mind to practise here a little
Upon these City Gallants; fools I'm sure they
Are as well as we, only drest better, and
Keep their gravity more; for the first learned
Counsel a Mother gives the Don her child,
Though but of two years old, is, Guarda la
Gravidad. Hi, hi, hi, hi! Here's your fools face,
[puts on a vizard.
And here's your Don's:
[looks fantastically, blowing up his cheeks.
Pray which is better, to play the fool well,
Or to dissemble the wise man,
And be an errant Cockscomb here?
[Shews his head.
Why I have seen the Lord of our Village,
When he has been ask'd what a Clock 'tis,
Look on the Meddal of his Rosario, (as if
That could direct him;) and durst not (as
We do) look in the Sun; for that dazling
Of him makes him grin, and then,
Boutoua Crispo, a looses his Gravity.

Enter Ossorio running.
Osso.
Why Pedro! Pedro! come away Man!

San.
I do, d'ye hear? pox, how a stays!


8

Osso.
Why, what are you, friend?

San.
One of Gods making, and his own undoing.

Osso.
Prithee about thy business.

Sancho.
So I am. Oh! in good time.

[Enter Pedro.
Pedro.
Bezo los Manos.

San.
Hi, hi, hi, hi!

Pedro.
Ossorio, what a Devil ails this fellow?

Ossor.
He's mad I think; what Trade art of?

San.
A Giber, sweet Gentlemen.

Ossor.
Why then about thy business, I say again;
For we are not for thy Turn.

San.
The properest men in Sevil.

Osso.
Nay, that we are not neither;
My Friend Pedro is not tall by any means.

San.
O Signior, I meant it not in that sence.

Pedro.
How then?

San.
Pray, Gentlemen, what's likest a Horse and
Is no Horse?

Pedro.
Oh I can answer that, I read it in a Book
T'other day; 'tis a Mare, friend.

Sancho.
Troth and that's true; but I thought
Ye would have answered, an Ass.

Osso.
Well, come, suppose I answer so.

San.
Why then, Gentlemen, you come much
Nearer my Conceit;
For you two are as like one another
As one Ass can be to t'other. Hi, hi, hi!

Osso.
You Rogue, if I light on you—

[Exit.
Pedro.
What a Rascall's this! But come,
Our Master stays for us:

[Exeunt.
Enter Alvaredo, Ferdinando, Felices.
Alva.
I have her leave this night;
And yet I fear this favour may all turn
To my undoing.

Ferdi.
She cannot have so much of Marble
'Bout her heart;

9

Or indeed, why should she grant you this,
Without she meant it kind?

Alva.
She bad me bring a friend with me,
And he should judge between us of our Case;
Nay she will freely there confess (she says)
That her denial does not spring from hate;
For she has so much Justness in her Nature,
To see that all the Actions of my Life
Are bent to court the honour of her Love:
And yet I fear shee'l never understand
An Argument so much to my advantage
As may confute her of her too much Coldness.

Feli.
This needs must be your fault:
Talk of a womans Coldness!
Why who should warm the poor Wretches
But we? we who are the sprightly active Animals,
And they the phlegmatick passive,
Sweet or not sweet,
Leering or lowring visible Creatures.

Fer.
Peace, prithee, Brother, peace:
For shame shew not your mirth
When your poor friend lays open thus his wounds.

Alva.
Nay, let him talk;
I could wish that I could talk so too:
It moveth not my Anger but my Envy,
To see him in so much a better state.
Stay here, we're near the house.
Come friend, now thou shalt see if I have
Cause to mourn,
That can behold the Joys of Heaven
Wrapt in Hells chiefest Torment, black Despair.

Fer.
I hope your Love, like Children in the dark,
Fancies the Bugbear you shall never see.
Brother, pray stay, and see that none come up this
Street till we are entred; I'le call upon you here.

Feli.
Well, Gallants, remember ye owe me a watching.
Pedro! Ossorio! are not you two stout enough
To keep this Streets end? I'le go but hard by,

10

And be back again before they come forth.

Osso.
O Lord! Sir, your Brother will take it unkindly.

Pedro.
Indeed, Sir, my Master will wonder if he hears on't.

Feli.
And I should wonder if he did not hear on't,
As long as such a Tadpole, Rascally, Gurmudgeonly
Whelp as thou know'st it: Sirrah do you remember
The fright you put me and my poor Whore in
At your Masters house, you Rogue? I got the
Whole truth out of him; and I yet owe thee
A beating for't, and now I have nothing
Else to do I will pay my debts.

Pedro.
Hold, Sir, for Heavens sake hold:
Here comes Company.

[Enter Sancho.
San.
Oh cry you mercy, Sir!
I find you were busie: pray, Sir,
Let not my presence put any constraint
Upon your humour; but kick him again
Soundly; and that Fellow too, if your Worship
Pleases: you have my leave freely.

Feli.
Your leave, Rascal!

San.
Yes my leave, Sir:
Why, I can give any body leave to kick me
If I please.

Feli.
I am one of those never ask it,
[kicks him.
Especially of such sawcy Companions.

San.
Oh, your humble servant, Sir:
Pray no farther; 'tis too much honour
I assure you, Sir.

Osso.
This is the Rogue that jeer'd us to day.

Pedro.
I, I, peace, peace, man:
The young Signior's blown;
How a pants!

Feli.
This is the pleasantest Rogue that e're I
Met with—

Sancho
within.
Help! help! murther! murther!

Feli.
Ha, what's that? let's go see.

San.
No help? good people help, help.

Feli.
Come fellows, this way the Cry is.

[Exeunt all drawn.

11

Enter Sancho.
This way Gentlemen I'm.

[Exit.
Enter Feli. &c.
Where art thou? sure 'tis some Ghost.

Peeps in Sancho.
Hi, hi, hi, hi!

Pedro.
'Tis that Rogue jeers us.

Feli.
If I can but catch you—

[Exeunt all running.