The Probationary Odes of Jonathan Pindar, Esq A cousin of Peter's, and candidate for the post of Poet Laureat to the C. U. S. In two parts |
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ODE V.
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 | The Probationary Odes of Jonathan Pindar, Esq |  |
ODE V.
TO ECONOMY.
Jonathan revileth Economy—and by a variety of Examples proves how prejudicial her advice hath been to the United States
Whose hands like millstones grind us all to dust,
Though once a vot'ry to thy name,
In thee, no more, I put my trust,
Since H *** n and K * x have clearly shewn,
Where thou art found no good can e'er be done.
Careful, and prudent as a Quaker trim,
Then tell me how it comes to pass,
That thou art grown so wond'rous grim?
Like strolling Dinah hast thou been betray'd,
And turn'd pickpocket 'cause thou 'rt not a maid?
When St. Clair was supplied with damag'd powder;
Could we have pop'd a little louder:
But who could hope to make the Indians run,
When all agree they never heard a gun!
We now behold the gallant General Wayne,
Amidst the desart left alone,
Pays tenfold for a peck of grain ;
On these cheap terms he holds the very place
Where Butler fell—while hundreds run a race.
And boldly vent'ring for the Public Weal,
That all might see those good effects,
Which few, too few, were doom'd to feel,
Our half-dead public credit to revive,
For twenty shillings OFFERS twenty-five .
He borrows of the Dutch at five per cent,
Whilst unto those who crowns inherit
At only four their money's lent .
Besides a pretty, little, snug douceur,
Which adds no trifling matter to the score.
He generously pays it all himself,
The Duty in one place collects,
And in another spends the Pelf .
Some farmers, thus, keep horses to make grain,
And only reap those horses to maintain.
Congress, thy sordid policy disdains,
Pays Speculators to a groat,
Nor at new Loans of millions strains;
But public credit to prop up intent,
Expends an Eagle to collect a Cent.
I marvel who thy Dad and Granam were,
A thrifty, squeezing, griping pair;
Of such as these a wag whom once I knew,
Just from the life this faithful picture drew.
SCOTCH ECONOMY—A TALE.
In the same shirt, still tolerably clean,
As Sawney thought, but that is not so clear,—
Crept naked into bed the sheets between.
At midnight bawl'd out fire, near Sawney's head.
Instant he wakes, and somewhat out of season,
Runs out stark naked, as he went to bed.
“Or say if this be some new Scottish fashion?”
Quoth Sawney, gravely, “Ken ye, I hate dirt;
“And once a year, this saves both soap and washing.”
This Ode appears to have been written in the Spring or Summer of 1794. Jonathan might have produced other examples had he lived to the present period. C. C.
See the account given by General Scott of the prices of grain, &c. in General Wayne's army, Spring 1794.
The reason assigned for this extraordinary policy was that foreigners might be prevented from becoming stock-holders in our funds. The Secretary of the Treasury must have been very shortsighted not to have foreseen, that it must produce the very reverse of that effect. To raise the funds above par was the ready way to invite those who wished to invest their property in secure funds, to prefer such where their stock would be of most value. And he must have known, that even at twenty-five per cent. advance, the stock-holder in the American funds would get five per cent. for his money, instead of four, which is the highest rate of interest paid in any part of Europe. It ought moreover to be remembered, that at the time of this extraordinary manœuvre public securities might have been bought for nine or ten shillings in the pound, in any part of America.
This fact being borrowed from the English newspapers, will no doubt obtain credit with many who might otherwise disbelieve it.
| The Probationary Odes of Jonathan Pindar, Esq | |