The Probationary Odes of Jonathan Pindar, Esq :: :: University of Virginia Library

The Probationary Odes of Jonathan Pindar, Esq

A cousin of Peter's, and candidate for the post of Poet Laureat to the C. U. S. In two parts

Tucker, St. George (1752-1827)

ODE I.

THE DRUNKEN INDIAN.—A TALE.

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ODE I.

SALUTATORY ODE.

Jonathan reneweth his Homage—complaineth of the Desertion of his Printer—laboureth to remove Prejudices against him—displayeth his Knowledge in Natural History, and concludeth with a little Story.

Ecce iterum Crispinus!

My Masters all! your poet's here again,
With heart, and wind and limb, sound as a roach:
My humble Ditties if you'll not disdain
Thus, cap in hand, once more I will approach.

That rogue Freneau has left me in the lurch,
Or, I 'd been with you early in the Winter;
Bishops could better do without a Church
Than lofty Poets can without a Printer.

Yet I 've some little smattering of fear,
Your worships, truly, do not like my name;

I'm no King-killer, Sirs, I vow and swear,
Tho' Cousin Peter may be, to his shame.

My Lilliputian arrows scarce could fly
So high, as to assault a Monarch's heel:
And sure I am, you'll every man deny,
That e're a shaft of mine has made you feel.

At Quimbus-Hestrin -Atlas should I shoot,
Unless I had him stretch'd upon the ground,
My blunted arrows from his royal Boot,
As from enchanted armour would rebound:

Or, could my love so far be turn'd to hate,
As to attack our Daddy-Vice, so big,
His Brain my shafts could never penetrate,
Lost in the bushy bulwark of his Wig :

The Bird of Wisdom, thus, in Ivy-bush,
Securely doth defy the Fowler's Lead,
Nor heeds its rattling terrors, all a rush,
Which ne'er can reach that Citadel his head.

Should I touch Midas, he might touch in turn,
Then Jonathan, at once, were stiff in Gold!
Such aukward trappings I should wish to spurn;
As Putnam, when he lost his dog of old .

Sagacious dog! of democratic breed;
As Argus faithful, and as Argus bold!
Who ne'er deserted in the hour of need,
But sled in terror from a coat of gold.

Or should I look at Minos, Judge of Shades!
His awful brow contracted to a frown,
The very thought of which my soul pervades,
Might, like the Gorgon, turn me into stone.

That huge purse-bellied-crocodile , whose weam
Affords its nurslings such a charming shelter,
Whither, if they but hear a Raven scream,
They run, like little 'possums, helter-skelter;

With pretty little Wrens, that pick his teeth
Of many a sav'ry morsel between whiles;
And chirp and flutter all his snout beneath,
To warn of him of that damn'd Ichneumon G * s;

Arm'd as he is, with plated Coat of Mail,
Harder than Elephant's or Rhinoceros' hide,
'Gainst which the Dart of Cephalus would fail,
Or e'en the Shafts of Phœbus glance aside,

May rest secure, 'till that dread period comes
When G * s; shall rear his fatal Battle-Ax:
Till then, his Wrens may feast upon his Gums,
Nor for a moment from their meal relax .

My spear-grass arrows cannot hurt him, then,
Were I to shoot them down his very throat;
And even should they hit a little Wren,
He'd turn and peck at me again, no doubt.

Then look not, Sirs, with a suspicious eye
Upon your Bard when he appears before ye;
Suppose that for a moment I should try
To entertain you with a little Story.

THE MAGPIES—A TALE.

A pair of Magpies once a visit made
To Court, and hopp'd familiarly about,
From Room to Room; still running in and out,
And peeping in each corner, whilst they staid.

One luckless day they found a door a-jar,
Where, in deep council and profound debate,
Sat all the feather'd great heads of the State
T' avert the prospect of approaching War;

The Cock had by the Lion been assaulted,
And ev'ry Savage beast had gather'd round
To get poor Chanticleer upon the ground,
Who still upon the house-top crow'd and vaulted.

A Bat who late had herded with the mice,
And in his heart the Quadrupeds prefer'd,

Though he profess'd to call himself a Bird,
To starve the Cock at once gave his advice.

The Magpies caught his words, and out they slew,
Not understanding more than half the matter,
About poor Chanticleer began to chatter,
And swore he would be starv'd outright, they knew.

The wond'ring Cock was struck with vast surprise:
A Bird for wisdom fam'd was heard to say,
Nor Bats nor Chatterers our nation sway,
The feather'd tribe are all the Cook's allies .

The first part of the Probationary Odes was printed in Freneau's Gazette, June 1793.

The Lilliputian's name for Gulliver: The epithet of man-mountain, as applied to our modern Atlas, must be confessed to be peculiarly happy.

Whether the venerable figure here alluded to is so well convinced of the strength of his pericranium as to dispense with that bulwark at present, or whether he is at length so far convinced of the absurdity of singularity, as to relinquish that favorite ornament, it is certain that he has lately laid aside his wig.

In the war which preceded the revolutionary war, General Putnam was an officer in the army. He was presented with a suit of laced regimentals by the General Assembly of the Province, and having dressed himself in them, on some Gala day, a favorite dog of his was so much affrighted at his metamorphosis, that he clapped his tail between his legs, and ran off yelping, and never after was seen by his master, who protested he would not have given his dog for a dozen suits of laced clothes.

The name of Ulysses's faithful dog.

See Ode V. Part I. The Bank seems to be very aptly compared to that animal. C. C.

Some writers on natural history mention that the crocodile admit the wren to this kind of familiarity, and that the bird in return gives him warning on the approach of the ichneumon, his natural and only formidable enemy, who attacks him by scratching out his eyes: others say he destroys his eggs.

Jonathan here seems to allude to advantages which the favourites of the Bank derive from that institution; a circumstance which may well account for the alarm spread by them whenever that Holy of Holies is supposed to be in danger of an inquiry. C. C.

Perisuus—alias Camillus

The chatterer is the general name given by naturalists to the whole class of Jay-birds.

Alas! poor Jonathan! how horridly hast thou been mistaken! The event hath proved that Bats and Chatterers are of more consequence than the whole nation put together. C. C.