University of Virginia Library

A Yeoman bold (suppose of Kent)
Liv'd on his own, and paid no Rent;
Manure'd his old paternal Land,
Had always Money at command,
To purchase Bargains, or to lend,
T'improve his Stock, or help a Friend:
At Cressy, and Poictiers, of old
His Ancestors were Bow-Men bold;
Whose good Yew-Bows, and Sinews strong,
Drew Arrows of a Cloth-Yard long:
For England's Glory, strew'd the Plain,
With Barons, Counts, and Princes slain.
Belov'd by all the Neighbourhood,
For his Delight was doing good:
At ev'ry Mart his Word a Law,
Kept all the shuffling Knaves in awe.
How just is Heaven, and how true,
To give to such Desert its Due!
'Tis in authentick Legends said,
Two Twins at once had bless'd his Bed;
Frank was the eldest, but the other
Was honest Numps, his younger Brother;
That, with a Face effeminate,
And Shape too fine, and delicate,
Took after his fond Mother Kate,
A Franklin's Daughter. Numps was rough,
No Heart of Oak was half so tough,
And true as Steel; to cuff, or kick,
Or play a Bout at double Stick,
Who but Friend Numps? while Frank's Delight
Was more (they say) to dance, than fight;
At Whitson-ales King of the May,
Among the Maids brisk, frolick, gay,
He tript it on each Holy-Day.
Their Genius diff'rent, Frank wou'd roam
To Town; but Numps, he staid at home.
The Youth was forward, apt to learn,
Cou'd soon an honest Living earn;
Good Company wou'd always keep,
Was known to Falstaff in East-Cheap;
Threw many a merry Main, cou'd bully,
And put the Doctor on his Cully;
Ply'd hard his Work, had learnt the way,
To watch all Night, and sleep all Day.
Flush'd with Success, new rigg'd, and clean,
Polite his Air, genteel his Mien:
Accomplish'd thus in ev'ry Part,
He won a buxom Widow's Heart.
Her Fortune narrow, and too wide,
Alas! lay her Concerns, her Pride:
Great as a Dutchess, she wou'd scorn
Mean Fare, a Gentlewoman born;
Poor, and expensive! on my life
'Twas but the Devil of a Wife.
Yet Frank with what he won by Night,
A while liv'd tolerably tight;
And Spouse, who sometimes sate 'till Morn
At Cribbidge, made a good Return.
While thus they liv'd from hand to mouth,
She laid a Bantling to the Youth;
But whether 'twas his own or no,
My Authors don't pretend to know.
His Charge enhanc'd, 'tis also true
A Lying-in 's expensive too,
In Cradles, Whittles, Spice-Bowls, Sack,
Whate'er the wanton Gossips lack;
While Scandal thick as Hail-shot flies,
Till peaceful Bumpers seal their Eyes.
Frank deem'd it prudent to retire,
And visit the good Man his Sire;
In the Stage-Coach he seats himself,
Loaded with Madam, and her Elf;
In her right Hand the Coral place'd,
Her Lap a China Orange grace'd:
Pap for the Babe was not forgot,
And Lullaby's melodious Note,
That warbled in his Ears all day,
Short'ned the rugged, tedious Way.

Frank to the Mansion-House now come,
Rejoice'd to find himself at home;
Neighbours around, and Cousins went
By Scores, to pay their Compliment.
The good old Man was kind, 'tis true,
But yet a little shock'd, to view
A Squire so fine, a Sight so new.
But above all, the Lady fair
Was pink'd, and deck'd beyond compare;
Scarce a Shrieve's Wife at an Assize
Was dress'd so fine, so roll'd her Eyes:
And Master too in all his Pride,
His Silver Rattle by his side,
Wou'd shake it oft, then shrilly scream,
More noisy than the Yeoman's Team;
With Tassels, and with Plumes made proud,
While jingling Bells ring out aloud.
The good old Dame, ravish'd out-right,
E'en doated on so gay a Sight;
Her Frank, as glorious as the Morn;
Poor Numps, was look'd upon with scorn.

With other Eyes the Yeoman sage
Beheld each Youth; nought cou'd engage
His wary, and discerning Heart,
But Sterling Worth, and true Desert.
At last, he cou'd no longer bear
Such strange sophisticated Ware;
He cries, (enrage'd at this odd Scene)
What can this foolish Coxcomb mean,
Who, like a Pedlar with his Pack,
Carries his Riches on his Back?
Soon shall this Block-head sink my Rents,
And alienate my Tenements,
Which long have stood in good repair,
Nor sunk, nor rose, from Heir to Heir;
Still the same Rent without advance,
Since the Black Prince first conquer'd France:
But now, alas! all must be lost,
And all my prudent Projects crost.
Brave honest Race! Is it thus then
We dwindle into Gentlemen?
But I'll prevent this foul Disgrace,
This Butterfly from hence I'll chace.

He saddles Ball without delay,
To London Town directs his way;
There at the Heralds Office he
Took out his Coat, and paid his Fee,
And had it cheap, as Wits agree.
A Lion rampant, stout, and able,
Argent the Field, the Border sable;
The gay Escutcheon look'd as fine,
As any new-daub'd Country Sign.
Thus having done what he decreed,
Home he returns with all his speed:
Here, Son, (said he) since you will be
A Gentleman, in spight of me,
Here, Sir, this gorgeous Bauble take,
How well it will become a Rake!
Be what you seem: This is your Share;
But honest Numps shall be my Heir;
To him I'll leave my whole Estate,
Lest my Brave Race degenerate.