University of Virginia Library

Jack Careless, was a Man of Parts,
Well-skill'd in the politer Arts,
With Judgment read, with Humour writ,
Among his Friends past for a Wit:
But lov'd his Ease more than his Meat,
And wonder'd Knaves could toil and cheat,
T'expose themselves by being Great.
At no Levees the Suppliant bow'd;
Nor courted for their Votes the Croud:
Nor Riches, nor Preferment sought,
Did what he pleas'd, spoke what he thought.
Content within due Bounds to live,
And what he could not spend, to give:
Wou'd whiff his Pipe o'er nappy Ale,
And joke, and pun, and tell his Tale;
Reform the State, lay down the Law,
And talk of Lords he never saw;
Fight Marlbro's Battels o'er again,
And push the French on Blenheim's Plain;
Discourse of Paris, Naples, Rome,
Tho' he had never stirr'd from home:
'Tis true, he travell'd with great care,
The Tour of Europe—in his Chair.
Was loth to part without his Load,
Or move 'till Morning peep'd abroad.

One day this honest, idle Rake,
Nor quite asleep, nor well awake,
Was lolling in his Elbow-chair,
And building Castles in the Air,
His Nipperkin (the Port was good)
Half empty at his Elbow stood,
When a strange Noise offends his Ear,
The Din increas'd as it came near,
And in his Yard at last he view'd
Of Farmers a great Multitude;
Who that Day walking of their Rounds,
Had disagreed about their Bounds:
And sure the Diff'rence must be wide,
Where each does for himself decide.
Vollies of Oaths in vain they swear,
Which burst like guiltless Bombs in Air;
And thou'rt a Knave, and thou'rt an Oaf,
Is banded round with Truth enough.
At length they mutually agree,
His Worship should be Referree,
Which Courteous Jack consents to be:
Tho' for himself he wou'd not budge,
Yet for his Friends an arrant Drudge;
A Conscience of this Point he made,
With Pleasure readily obey'd,
And shot like Light'ning to their aid.
The Farmers summon'd to his Room,
Bowing with aukward Rev'rence come.
In his great Chair his Worship sate,
A grave, and able Magistrate:
Silence proclaim'd, each Clack was laid,
And flippant Tongues with pain obey'd.
In a short Speech, he first computes
The vast Expence of Law-Disputes,
And everlasting Chanc'ry Suits.
With Zeal, and Warmth, he rally'd then,
Pack'd Juries, Sheriffs, Tales-Men;
And recommended in the close,
Good Neighbourhood, Peace, and Repose.
Next weigh'd with Care each Man's Pretence,
Perus'd Records, heard Evidence,
Observ'd, reply'd, hit ev'ry Blot,
Unravell'd ev'ry Gordian Knot;
With great Activity, and Parts,
Inform'd their Judgments, won their Hearts:
And without Fees, or Time mispent,
By strength of Ale, and Argument,
Dispatch'd them home, Friends, and content.
Trusty, who at his Elbow sate,
And with surprize heard the Debate,
Astonish'd, cou'd not but admire
His strange Dexterity, and Fire;
His wise Discernment, and good Sense,
His Quickness, Ease, and Eloquence.
Lord! Sir, (said he) I can't but chide,
What useful Talents do you hide?
In half an hour you have done more
Than Puzzle can in half a Score,
With all the Practice of the Courts,
His Cases, Precedents, Reports.
Jack with a Smile reply'd, 'tis true,
This may seem odd, my Friend, to you,
But give me not more than my due.
No hungry Judge nods o'er the Laws,
But hastens to decide the Cause:
Who hands the Oar, and drags the Chain,
Will struggle to be free again.
So lazy Men, and indolent,
With Cares oppress'd, and Bus'ness spent,
Exert their utmost Pow'rs, and Skill,
Work hard; for what? why to sit still.
They toil, they sweat, they want no Fee,
For ev'n Sloth prompts to Industry.
Therefore (my Friend) I freely own
All this Address I now have shown,
Is mere Impatience, and no more,
To lounge, and loiter, as before:
Life is a Span, the World an Inn,
Here, Sirrah, t'other Nipperkin.