University of Virginia Library

CHAPTER V.

It will need but very little penetration
in any one acquainted with the character
and habits of that most potent and blustering
monarch, the sovereign people,—to
discover, that, notwithstanding all the
bustle and talk of war that stunned him
in the last chapter, the renowned city of
New Amsterdam is, in sad reality, not a
whit better prepared for defence than before.
Now, though the people, having
gotten over the first alarm, and finding
no enemy immediately at hand, had,
with that valour of tongue for which
your illustrious rabble is so famous, run
into the opposite extreme, and by dint of
gallant vapouring and rodomontado had
actually talked themselves into the opinion
that they were the bravest and most
powerful people under the sun, yet were
the privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant
somewhat dubious on that point. They
dreaded moreover lest that stern hero
should return, and find, that, instead of
obeying his peremptory orders, they had
wasted their time in listening to the hectorings
of the mob, than which, they well
knew, there was nothing he held in more
exalted contempt.

To make up, therefore, as speedily as
possible for lost time, a grand divan of
the councillors and burgomasters was
convened, to talk over the critical state
of the province, and devise measures
for its safety. Two things were unanimously
agreed upon in this venerable
assembly:—first, that the city required
to be put in a state of defence; and
secondly, that as the danger was imminent,
there should be no time lost—
which points being settled, they immediately
fell to making long speeches and
belabouring one another in endless and
intemperate disputes. For about this time
was this unhappy city first visited by
that talking endemic, so prevalent in this
country, and which so invariably evinces
itself, whenever a number of wise men
assemble together; breaking out in long,
windy speeches, caused, as physicians
suppose, by the foul air which is ever
generated in a crowd. Now it was,
moreover, that they first introduced the
ingenious method of measuring the merits
of an harangue by the hour-glass; he
being considered the ablest orator who
spoke longest on a question. For which
excellent invention, it is recorded, we are
indebted to the same profound Dutch
critic who judged of books by their size.

This sudden passion for endless harangues,
so little consonant with the customary
gravity and taciturnity of our
sage forefathers, was supposed by certain
philosophers to have been imbibed,
together with divers other barbarous propensities,
from their savage neighbours;
who were peculiarly noted for long talks
and council fires, and never undertook
any affair of the least importance, without
previous debates and harangues among
their chiefs and old men. But the real
cause was, that the people, in electing
their representatives to the grand council,
were particular in choosing them for
their talents at talking, without inquiring
whether they possessed the more rare,
difficult, and oft-times important talent of
holding their tongues. The consequence
was, that this deliberative body was composed
of the most loquacious men in the
community. As the