Additional Talk—Done in the Country.
I.
.... Life in the country may be
compared to the aimless drifting of a house-dog
professing to busy himself about a lawn. He goes
nosing about, tacking and turning here and there
with the most intense apparent earnestness; and
finally seizes a blade of grass by the middle, chews it
savagely, drops it, gags comically, and curls away
to sleep as if worn out with some mighty exercise.
Whatever pursuit you may engage in in the country
is sure to end in nausea, which you are quite as
sure to try to get recognised as fatigue.
II.
.... A windmill keeps its fans
going about; they do not stop long in one position.
A man should be like the fans of a windmill; he
should go about a good deal, and not stop long—
in the country.
III.
.... A great deal has been written
and said and sung in praise of green trees. And
yet there are comparatively few green trees that
are good to eat. Asparagus is probably the best
of them, though celery is by no means to be despised.
Both may be obtained in any good market in the
city.
IV.
.... A cow in walking does not, as
is popularly supposed, pick up all her feet at once,
but only one of them at a time. Which one
depends upon circumstances. The cow is but an
indifferent pedestrian. Hœc fabula docet that one
should not keep three-fourths of his capital lying
idle.
V.
.... The Quail is a very timorous
bird, who never achieves anything notable, yet he
has a crest. The Jay, who is of a warlike and
powerful family, has no crest. There is a moral in
this which Aristocracy will do well to ponder.
But the quail is very good to eat and the jay is
not. The quail is entitled to a crest. (In the
Eastern States, this meditation will provoke dispute,
for there the jay has a crest and the quail has not.
The Eastern States are exceptional and inferior.)
VI.
.... The destruction of rubbish
with fire makes a very great smoke. In this particular
a battle resembles the destruction of rubbish.
There would be a close resemblance even if a battle
evolved no smoke. Rubbish, by the way, is not
good eating, but an essayist should not be a
gourmet
—in the country.
VII.
.... Sweet milk should be taken
only in the middle of the night. If taken during
the day it forms a curd in the stomach, and breeds
a dire distress. In the middle of the night the
stomach is supposed to be innocent of whisky, and
it is the whisky that curdles the milk. Should
you be sleeping nicely, I would not advise you to
come out of that condition to drink sweet milk.
VIII.
.... In the country the atmosphere
is of unequal density, and in passing through the
denser portions your silk hat will be ruffled, and
the country people will jeer at it. They will jeer at
it anyhow. When going into the country, you
should leave your silk hat at a bank, taking a
certificate of deposit.
IX.
.... The sheep chews too fast to
enjoy his victual.
