 | The Widow A Comedie |  |
Actus 1.
Sœna 1.
Enter Signior Martino (an old Justices Clerk) and Francisco.Fra.
Martino?
[Table and Standish.]
Mar.
Signior Francisco? y'ar the luckiest Gentleman to meet
Or see first in a morning: I never saw you yet
But I was sure of money within less than half an hour.
Fra.
I bring you the same luck still.
Mar.
What you doe not?
I hope Sir you are not come for an other Warrant?
Fra.
Yes faith, for an other Warrant.
Mar.
Why ther's my dream come out then. I never dream'd
of a buttock but I was sure to have money for a Warrant. It
is the luckiest part of all the body to me: let every man speak as
he finds. Now your Usurer is of opinion, that to dream of the
Devill is your wealthier dream; and I think if a man dream
of that part that brings many to the Devill, 'tis as good; and
has all one smatch indeed; for if one be the flesh, th'others the
be the meat, Leachery is the Porredge, they'r both boyld together,
and wee Clerks will have our modicum too, though it
conclude in the two penny chop: Why Sir,
Signior Francisco.
Fra.
'Twas her voice sure,
Or my soul takes delight to think it was,
And makes a sound like hers.
Mar.
Sir, I beseech you.
Fra.
It is the prettiest contriv'd building, this:
What Poesie's that I prethee?
Mar.
Which Sir, that
Under the great brass Squirt?
Fra.
I that Sir, that
Mar.
From fire, from water, and all things amiss,
Deliver the house of an honest Justice?
Fra.
Ther's like to be a good house kept then, when fire and
water's forbidden to come into the Kitchin.
And what's that yonder prethee? O loves famine,
Ther's no affliction like thee. I, I hear you Sir.
Mar.
Y'ar quicker ear'd than I then: you hear me
Before I heard my self.
Fra.
A gift in friendship
Some call it an instinct.
Mar.
It may be
Th'other's the sweeter phrase though; Look you Sir,
Mine own wit this, and 'tis as true as turtle;
A Goose-quill and a Clerk, a Constable and a Lanthorn,
Brings many a Baud from Coach to Cart, and many a Thief to one turn.
Fra.
That one turn helpt you well.
Mar.
'Tas helpt me to money indeed for many a Warrant.
I am 40. dollars the better for that one-turn; and 'twould come
off quicker 'twer nere a whit the worse for me. But indeed when
Thieves are taken, and break away twice or thrice one after an
other, ther's my gains; then goes out more Warrants to fetch'em
agen: one fine nimble villain, may be worth a man ten dollars
in and out a that fashion; I love such a one with my heart, I, and
him in at all times at a months warning: nay, say I let him run
like a Summer Nag all the Vacation: See you these blancks, Ile
send him but one of these bridles, and bring him in at Michaelmas
with a vengeance: nothing kils my heart, but when one of 'em
dyes Sir; then ther's no hope of more money: I had rather lose
at all times two of my best kindred, than an excellent Thief: for
hee's a Gentleman I'm more beholding to.
Fra.
You betray your mystery too much Sir. Yet no comfort?
'Tis but her sight that I waste precious time for,
For more I cannot hope for, she's so strict,
Yet that I cannot have.
Mar.
I'm ready now Signior.
Here are blanck Warrants of all dispositions, give me but the name
and nature of your Malefactor, and Ile bestow him according to
his merits.
Fra.
This only is th'excuse that bears me out,
And keeps off impudence and suspition
From my too frequent comming: what name now
Shall I think on, and not to wrong the house?
This Coxcomb wilbe prating.—One Astilio,
His offence wilfull murder.
Mar.
Wilfull murder? oh I love a life to have such a fellow
come under my fingers; like a begger that's long a taking
leave of a fat lowce, I'm loth to part with him, I must look upon
him over and over first; are you wilfull? y'faith, ile be as wilfull
as you then.
[Philippa and Violetta at a Window.]
Phil.
Martino?
Mar.
Mistrisse?
Phil.
Make haste your Master's going.
Mar.
I'm but about a wilfull murder forsooth, Ile dispatch that
presently.
Phil.
Good morrow Sir: oh that I durst say more.
Fra.
'Tis gone agen, since; such are all lifes pleasures,
No sooner known, but lost; he that enjoys 'em
The length of life, has but a longer dream,
He wakes to this i'th end, and sees all nothing.
Phil.
He cannot see me now; ile mark him better
Before I be too rash: sweetly compos'd he is;
Now as he stands, he's worth a womans love,
But I must have him wife, as well as proper,
He comes not in my Books else, and indeed
I have thought upon a course to try his wit: Violetta.
Viol.
Mistrisse.
Phil.
Yonders the Gentleman agen.
Viol.
Oh sweet Mistrisse
Pray give me leave to see him.
Phil.
Nay take heed,
Open not the window and you love me.
Viol.
No, I've the view of whole body here, Mistrisse,
At this pore little slit, oh enough, enough,
In troth 'tis a fine out-side.
Phil.
I see that.
Viol.
Has curld his hair most judiciously well.
Phil.
I ther's thy love, now, it begins in barbarism: she buys
a Goose with feathers, that loves a Gentleman for's hair; she
may be cozend to her face Wench. Away: he takes his leave.
Reach me that letter hither, quick, quick Wench.
Mar.
Nay look upon't, and spare not: every one cannot get
that kind of Warrant from me Signior. Doe you see this prick
i'th bottom, it betokens powr and speed, it is a privy mark, that
runs betwixt the Constables and my Mr. Those that cannot read,
when they see this, know 'tis for Leacherie or Murder, and this
being away, the Warrant comes gelded, and insufficient.
Fra.
I thank you Sir,
Mar.
Look you; all these are Nihils,
They want the punction.
Fra.
Yes, I see they doe Sir,
Ther's for thy pains, mine must goe unrewarded,
The better love, the worse by fate regarded.
Exit.
Mar.
Well, goe thy wayes, for the sweetest Costomer that
ever Penman was blest with all: now will he come for an other
to morrow agen; if he hold on this course, he will leave never
knave i'th town within this twelve month: no matter, I shalbe
rich enough by that time.
Phil.
Martino?
Mar.
Say you forsooth.
Phil.
What paper's that the Gentleman let fall there?
Mar.
Paper? Tis the Warrant I hope, if it be ile hide it, and
Phil.
What i'st Sirrah?
Mar.
'Tis nothing but a letter forsooth.
Phil.
Is that nothing?
Mar.
Nothing, in respect of a Warrant Mistriss.
Phil.
A letter? why 'tas been many a mans undoing Sir.
Mar.
So has a Warrant, and you goe to that Mistriss.
Phil.
Read but the superscription; and away with't:
Alas it may concern the Gentleman neerly.
Mar.
Why Mistriss, this letter is at home already.
Phil.
At home, how mean your Sir?
Mar.
You shall hear Mistriss. To the deservingst of all her
Sex, and most worthie of his best respect and love, Mrs. Philippa
Brandino.
Phil.
How Sir, to me?
Mar.
To you Mistriss.
Phil.
Run, as thou lov'st my honour, and thy life,
Call him agen, Ile not endure this injury:
But stay, stay now I think on't, 'tis my credit,
Ile have your Masters Counsell: ah base fellow
To leave his loose lines thus; 'tis even as much
As a poor honest Gentlewomans undoing,
Had I not a grave wiseman to my Husband:
And thou a vigilant varlet to admit
Thou car'st not whom
Mar.
'Las 'tis my office Mistriss.
You know you have a Kirtle every year,
And 'tis within two months of the time now,
The velvets comming over: pray be milder; a man that has a
place must take money of any body: please you to throw me
down but half a dollar, and Ile make you a warrant for him
now, that's all I care for him.
Phil.
Well, look you be cleer now from this fouls conspiracie
Against mine honour; or your Masters love to you
That makes you flout, shall not maintain you here;
It shall not: trust to't—
Exit.
Mar.
This is strange to me now:
Dare she doe this, and but eight weeks to New-years tide?
A man that had his blood as hot as hers now, would fit her with
French Velvet: Ile goe neer it.
If this be a wrong to modest reputation
[Enter Brandino (the Justice) and Philippa.]
Be you the censurer Sir, that are the Master
Both of your fame and mine.
Bran.
Signior Francisco?
Ile make him fly the land.
Mar.
That wilbe hard Sir;
I think he be not so well feather'd Master,
H'as spent the best part of his patrimonie.
Phil.
Hark of his bold confederate.
Bran.
There thour't bitter;
And I must chide thee now.
Phil.
What should I think Sir?
He comes to your man for Warrants.
Brand.
There it goes then;
Come hither knave: Comes he to you for Warrants?
Mar.
Why, what of that Sir?
You know I give no Warrants to make Cuckolds.
That comes by fortune, and by nature Sir.
Bran.
True, that comes by fortune, and by nature; Wife
Why do'st thou wrong this man?
Mar.
He needs no Warrant Master, that goes about such business,
a Cuckold-maker carrys always his warrant about him.
Bran.
La: has he answered well now? to the full?
What cause hast thou t'abuse him?
Phil.
Hear me out I pray:
Through his admittance, h'as had opportunitie
To come into the house, and court me bodly.
Bran.
Sirrah, y'ar foul agen me thinks.
Mar.
Who I Sir?
Bran.
You gave this man admittance intoth' house.
Mar.
That's true Sir, you never gave me any order yet
To write my Warrants ith' street.
Bran.
Why sure thou tak'st delight to wrong this fellow, Wife
Hah, cause I love him.
Phil.
Pray see the fruits: see what has left behind here:
Be angry where you should be: there's few Wives
Would doe as I doe
Bran.
Nay Ile say that for thee
I ne'r found thee but honest.
Phil.
She's a beast
Bran.
Read Martino,
Mine eyes are sore already, and such business
Would put'em out quite
Mar.
Fair, dear and incomparable Mistrisse,—
Bran.
Oh! every letter draws a tooth me thinks.
Mar.
And it leads mine to watring
Phil.
Here's no villanie?
Mar.
My love being so violent, and the opportunitie
so pretious in your husbands absence to night, who as I understand
takes a journy this morning.
Bran.
Oh plot of villany.
Phil.
Am I honest think you Sir?
Bran.
Exactly honest, perfectly improov'd: on, on Martino.
Mar.
I will make bold dear Mistresse, though your
chastity has given me many a repulse, to wait the sweet blessings
of this long desired opportunitie, at the back gate, between nine
and ten this night.
Bran.
I feel this Ins-a-Court man in my Temples.
Mar.
Where if your affection bee pleas'd to receive me,
you receive the faithfullest that ever vow'd service to woman
—Francisco.
Bran.
I will make Francisco smart for't.
Phil.
Shew him the letter, let him know, you know him;
That will torment him: all your other courses
Are nothing Sir to that: that breaks his heart.
Bran.
The strings shall not hold long then: Come Martino.
Phil.
Now if Francisco have any wit at all,
He comes at night; if not, he never shall.
Exeunt.
Sœna. 2.
Enter Francisco and Ricardo and Attilio.Ric.
Nay mark, mark it Francisco: It was the naturalest curtesie
that ever was ordaind; A young Gentleman being spent,
to have a rich Widow set him up agen: to see how fortune has
provided for all mortalities ruins; your College for your old
standing Scholer, your Hospitall for your lame creeping Souldier,
your Baud for your mangled Rorer, your open house for your
Beggar, and your Widow for your Gentleman: ha Fancisco?
Fra.
I Sir, you may be merry: you'r in hope of a rich Widow.
And why shouldst not thou be in hope of an other, if there
were any spirit in thee, thou art as likely a fellow as any is in the
company. Ile be hang'd now if I doe not hit the true cause of thy
sadness; and confess truly y'faith; thou hast some land unsold yet,
I hold my life.
Fra.
Mary I hope so Sir.
Ric.
A Pox ont, have I found it? 'slight away with't with all
speed man. I was never merry at heart while I had a foot: why
man, Fortune never minds us, till we are left alone to our selves:
for what need she take care for them, that doe nothing but take
care for themselves? why, do'st think if I had kept my lands still,
I should ever have look'd after a rich Widow? alas, I should have
married some poor young Maid, got five and twenty children,
and undone my self.
Fra.
I protest Sir, I should not have the face though, to come
to a rich Widow with nothing
Ric.
Why, art thou so simple, as thou mak'st thy self? do'st
think y'faith I come to a rich Widow with nothing?
Fra.
I mean with state not answerable to hers.
Ric.
Why ther's the fortune, man, that I talkd on;
She knows all this, and yet I am welcome to her.
Fra.
I, that's strange Sir.
Ric.
Nay more to pierce thy hard heart, and make thee sell thy
land if thou'st any grace: she has 'mongst others two substantiall
Suters,
She knows this too, and yet I'm welcome to her,
Nor dares the unconscionable Rascall trouble me;
Sh'as told him thus, those that profess love to her
Shall have the libertie to come and goe,
Or else get him gone first; she knows not yet
Where fortune may bestow her, she's her gift,
Therefore to all will shew a kind respect.
Fra.
Why this is like a woman: I ha' no luck in't.
Ric.
And as at a Sheriffs table, O blest custome,
A poor indebted Gentleman may dine,
Feed well, and without fear, and depart so,
So to her lips, fearless I come and goe?
Fra.
You may well boast, y'ar much the happier man Sir
Ric.
So you would be, and you would sell your land Sir
I have heard the circumstance of your sweet fortunes:
Prethee give ear to my unlucky tale now.
Ric.
That's an ill hearing; but come on for once Sir.
Fra.
I never yet lov'd but one Woman.
Ric.
Right, I begun so too; but I have lov'd a thousand since.
Fra.
Pray hear me Sir; but this is a mans wife.
Ric.
So has five hundred of my thousand been.
Fra.
Nay see and you'l regard me.
Ric.
No? you see I doe,
I bring you an example in for every thing.
Fra.
This mans wife
Ric.
So you said.
Fra.
Seems very strict
Ric.
Ha, humh.
Fra.
Doe you laugh at that?
Ric.
Seems very strict you said,
I hear you man, y'faith you are so jealous still.
Fra.
But why should that make you laugh?
Ric.
Because she seems so: you'r such an other—
Fra.
Nay Sir, I think she is.
Ric.
You cannot tell then.
Fra.
I dare not aske the question I protest
For fear of a repulse, which yet not having,
My mind's the quieter, and I live in hope still.
Ric.
Ha, hum: this 'tis to be a landed man. Come, I perceive
I must show you a little of my fortune, and instruct you:
Not aske the question?
Fra.
Me thought still she fround Sir?
Ric.
Why that's the cause fool, that she look'd so scurvily.
Come, come, make me your woman, you'l ne'r do't else,
Ile shew you her condition presently.
I perceive you must begin like a young Vaulter, and get up at
horse-tail, before you get into the saddle; have you the boldness
to utter your mind to me now, being but in hose and doublet?
I think if I should put on a Farthingale, thou wouldest never have
the heart to do't.
Fra.
Perhaps I should not then for laughing at you Sir.
Ric.
In the mean time I fear I shall laugh at thee without one.
Fra.
Nay you must think friend, I dare speak to a woman.
Ric.
You shall pardon me for that friend; I will not think it,
till I see't.
Why you shall then: I shalbe glad to learn too,
Of one so deep as you are.
Ric.
So you may Sir; Now 'tis my best course to look mildly,
I shall put him out at first else.
Fra.
A word, sweet Lady.
Ric.
With me Sir? say your pleasure.
Fra.
O Ricardo,
Thou art too good to be a woman long.
Ric.
Doe not find fault with this, for fear I prove
Too scornfull, be content when y'ar well us'd.
Fra.
You say well Sir. Lady I have lov'd you long.
Ric.
'Tis a good hearing Sir. If he be not out now ile be hang'd.
Fra.
You play a scornefull woman? I perceive Ricardo,
You have not been us'd to 'em: why ile come in at my pleasure
with you: alas 'tis nothing for a man to talk, when a woman
gives way too't: one shall seldome meet with a Lady so kind, as
thou playdst her.
Ric.
Not altogether perhaps: he that draws their pictures
must flatter 'em a little, they'l look he that plays 'em should doo't
a great deal then.
Fra.
Come, come ile play the woman, that I'm us'd too,
I see you ne'r wore shooe that pincht you yet,
All your things comes on easie.
Ric.
Say you so Sir?
Ile try your Ladiship 'faith: Lady well met.
Fra.
I doe not think so Sir.
Ric.
A scornefull Gom,
And at the first dash too: my Widow never gave me such an answer,
ile to you agen Sir.
Fra.
Ther's no body bids you Sir.
Ric.
Pox on thee thou art the beastliest crossest Baggage that ever
man met withall; but ile see thee hang'd sweet Lady ere I be
daunted with this: why thou'rt too awkward Sirha.
Fra.
Hang thee base fellow.
Ric.
Now by this light, he thinks he do'st indeed,
Nay then have at your plumb-tree faith, ile not be foild,
Though you seem to be careless Madam, as you have enough wherwith
all to be, yet I doe, must, and will love you.
Fra.
Sir, if you begin to be rude, ile call my woman.
What a pestilent Queans this? I shall have much adoe
with her I see that; tell me as y'ar a woman Lady, what serve
kisses for? but to stop all your mouths.
Fra.
Hold, hold Ricardo.
Ric.
Disgrace me VVidow.
Fra.
Art mad, I'm Francisco?
Atta.
Signior Ricardo, up, up.
Ric.
VVho is't Francisco?
Fra.
Francisco quoth a? what are you mad Sir?
Ric.
A bots on thee, thou do'st not know what injury thou
hast done me, I was i'th' fairest dream, this is your way now, and
you can follow it.
Fra.
'Tis a strange way me thinks.
Ric.
Learn you to play a woman not so scornfully then,
For I am like the Actor that you spoke on,
I must have the part that overcomes the Lady,
I never like the Play else.—Now your friendship,
But to assist a subtle trick I ha' thought on,
And the rich VVidows mine within these three hours.
Att., Fra.
VVe should be proud of that Sir.
Ric.
List to me then.
Ile place you too, I can do't handsomly
I know the house so well, to hear the conference
'Twixt her and I, she's a most affable one,
Her words will give advantage, and ile urge'em
To the kind proof, to catch her in a Contract,
Then shall you both step in as witnesses,
And take her in the snare.
Fra.
But doe you love hir?
And then 'twill prosper.
Ric.
By this hand I doe,
Not for her wealth, but for her person too.
Fra.
It shalbe done then.
Ric.
But stay, stay Francisco,
Where shall we meet with thee some two hours hence now?
Fra.
Why hark you Sir.
Ric.
Enough, command my life,
Get me the widow, ile get thee the wife.
[Exit. Ricardo & Attalio.]
Fra.
Oh that's now with me past hope; yet I must love her,
I would I could not do't.
[Enter Brandino and Martino.]
Yonder's the villain Master.
Bran.
Francisco; I am happy.
Mar.
Let's both draw Mr. for ther's no body with him; Stay,
stay Mr.
Let's draw just both together, and keep ev'n.
Bran.
What and we kill'd him now, before he saw us?
Mar.
No, then he will hardly see to read the letter.
Bran.
That's true: good counsell marry.
Mar.
Marry thus much Sir,
You may kill him lawfully, all the while he's a reading on't, as an
Anabaptist may lie with a Brothers wife all the while he's a sleep.
Bran.
He turns; he looks: Come on Sir, you, Francisco,
I lov'd your father well, but you'r a villain:
He lov'd me well too; but you love my wife Sir,
After whom take you that? I will not say
Your Mother plaid false.
Fra.
No Sir, you were not best.
Bran.
But I will say, in spight of thee, my wife's honest.
Mar.
And I, my Mistriss.
Fra.
You may, ile give you leave.
Bran.
Leave, or leave not, there, she defies you Sir;
Keep your adulterous sheet to wind you in,
Or cover your forbidden parts at least,
For fear you want one; many a leacher may
That sins in Cambrick now.
Mar.
And in Lawn too Master.
Bran.
Nay read, and tremble Sir.
Mar.
Now shall I do't Mr? I see a piece of an open seam in
his Shirt, shall I run him in there, for my Sword has ne'r a point.
Bran.
No, let him foam a while.
Mar.
If your Sword be no better than mine, we shall not kill
him by daylight, we had need have a Lanthorn.
Bran.
Talk not of Lanthorns, he's a sturdy Lecher,
He would make the horns fly about my ears.
Fra.
I apprehend thee: admirable woman,
Which to love best I know not; thy wit, or beauty.
Bran.
Now Sir, have you well viewd your bastard there,
Got of your lustfull brain? 'give you joy on't.
Fra.
I thank you Sir, although you speak in jest,
And often courted her, tempted, and urg'd her.
Bran.
Did you so Sir?
Then first before I kill thee, I for-warn thee my house.
Mar.
And I before I kill thee, for warn thee my office; dye to
morrow next, thou never getst Warrant of me more, for love,
or money.
Fra.
Remember but agen, from whence I came Sir,
And then I know you cannot think amiss of me.
Bran.
How's this?
Mar.
Pray hear him: it may grow to a peace:
For Mr. though we have carried the business nobly, we are not
altogether so valiant as we should be.
Bran.
Peace, thou sayst true in that: what is't you'ld say Sir?
Fra.
Was not my Father, (quietness be with him)
And you sworn Brothers?
Bran.
Why Right: that's it urges me.
Fra.
And could you have a thought that I could wrong you,
As far as the deed goes?
Bran.
You took the course Sir.
Fra.
To make you happy, and you rightly weighd it.
Mar.
Troth ile put up at all adventures Mr.
It comes off very fair yet.
Fra.
You in years
Married a young Maid: what do's the world judge think you?
Mar.
Birlady Mr. knavishly enough I warrant you,
I should doe so my self.
Fra.
Now to damp slander,
And all her envious and suspitious brood,
I made this friendly tryall of her constancy,
Being Son to him you lov'd; that now confirm'd
I might advance my Sword against the world
In her most fair defence, which joys my spirit.
Mar.
Oh Mr. let me weep while you embrace him.
Bran.
Francisco; is thy fathers soul in thee?
Lives he here still? what, will he shew himself
In his male seed to me? give me thy hand,
Me thinks it feels now like thy fathers to me,
Prethee forgive me.
Mar.
And me to, prethee.
Come to my house, thy father never' miss'd it.
Mar.
Fetch now as many Warrants as you please Sir,
And welcome too.
Fra.
To see how soon mans goodness
May be abus'd.
Bran.
But now I know thy intent
Welcome to all that I have.
Fra.
Sir, I take it:
A gift so given, hang him that would forsake it.
Exit.
Bran.
Martino, I applaud my fortune, and thy Counsell.
Mar.
You never have ill fortune when you follow it.
Here was things carried now, in the true nature of a quiet Duello;
A great strife ended, without the rough Souldier, or the—
And now you may take your journy.
Bran.
Thou art my glee Martino.
Exeunt.
| The Widow A Comedie | |