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Albvmazar

A Comedy
  
  
  

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Act. 5.
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Act. 5.

Scœne. 1.

Albumazar, Ronca, Furbo, Harpax.
Alb.
How? not a single share of this great prize,
That have deserv'd the whole? was't not my plot,
And pains, and you meere instruments and porters?
Shall I have nothing?

Ron.
No, not a silver spoon.

Fur.
Nor cover of a Trencher-salt.

Har.
Nor Table-napkin.

Alb.
Friends, we have kept an honest trust and faith
'Long time amongst us: Break not that sacred league,
By raising civill theft; turn not your furt
'Gainst your own bowels. Rob your carefull master!
Are you not asham'd?

Ron.
'Tis our profession,
As yours Astrology. And in th'days of old,
Good morrow Thiefe, as welcome was receiv'd,
As now your Worship. Tis your own instruction.

Furb.
The Spartans held it lawfull and th'Arabians,
So grew Arabia happy, Sparta valiant.

Har.
The World's a Theater of theft: great Rivers
Rob smaller Brooks; and them the Ocean.

Alb.
Have not I wean'd you up from peti-larceny.
Dangerous and poore? and nurst you to full strength
Of safe and gainfull theft? By rules of Art
And principles of cheating made you free


From taking, as you went invisible;
And doe yee thus requite mee; this the reward
For all my watchfull care?

Ron.
We are your schollers,
Made by your helpe, and our aptnesse, able
To instruct others. Tis the Trade we liue by.
You that are seruant to Diuine Astrology,
Doe something worth her liuery. Cast Figures,
Make Almanackes for all Meridians.

Fur.
Sell Perspicils, and instruments of hearing,
Turne Clownes to Gentlemen; Buzzards to Falcons,
Cur-dogs to Grey-hounds; Kitchen-maides to Ladies.

Har.
Discover more new Stars, and unknown planets:
Vent them by dozens, stile them by the names
Of men that buy such ware. Take lawfull courses,
Rather then beg.

Alb.
Not keep your honest promise?

Fur.
Believe none, credit none: for in this City
No dwellers are, but Cheaters and Cheateez

Alb.
You promis'd me the greatest share.

Ron.
Our promise!
If honest men by Obligations,
And instruments of Law are hardly constrain'd
T'observe their word; Can we that make profession
Of lawlesse courses, do't?

Alb.
Amongst our selves:
Faulcons that tyrannize o're weaker fowle,
Hold peace with their own feathers.

Har.
But when they counter
Upon one quarry, break that league as we do,

Alb.
At least restore th'ten pound in gold I lent you.

Ron.
'Twas lent in an ill Second, worser Third,
And lucklesse Fourth: 'tis lost, Albumazar.

Fur.
Saturne was in Ascension. Mercury
Was then combust when you delivered it.
'Twill never be restor'd,

Ron.
Hali, Abenezra,
Hiarcha, Brachman, Budda Babylonicus,
And all the Chaldes and the Cabalists,
Affirme that sad aspect threats losse of debts.

Har.
Frame by your Azimut Almicantarat,
An engine like a Mace, whose quality
Of strange retractive vertue may recall


Desperate debts, and with that undo Sergeants.

Alb.
Was ever man thus baited by's own whelps?
Give me a slender portion for a stock
To begin Trade again.

Ron.
Tis an ill course
And full of feares. This treasure hath inricht us,
And given us means to purchase and live quiet
Of th'fruit of dangers past. When I us'd robbing.
All blocks before me look't like Constables,
And posts appear'd in shape of Gallowses.
Therefore good Tutour take your Pupils counsell:
Tis better beg then steale: Live in poore clothes,
Then hang in Sattin.

Alb.
Villains, Ile be reveng'd,
And reveale all the businesse to a Justice.

Ron.
Do, if thou longst to see thy own Anatomy.

Alb.
This treachery perswads me to turn honest.

Fur.
Search your Nativity: see if the Fortunates
And Luminaries be in a good Aspect.
And thank us for thy life. Had we done well,
We had cut thy throat ere this.

Alb.
Albumazar,
Trust not these Rogues; hence and revenge.

Ron.
Fellow away, here's company. Let's hence.

Exeunt.

SCENE. 2.

Cricca. Pandolfo.
Cric.
Now Cricca, mask thy countenance in joy,
Speak welcome language of good news, and move
Thy Master, whose desires are credulous,
To believe what thou giv'st him. If thy designe
Land at the Haven tis bound for; then Lelio,
Eugenio, and their Mistresses, are oblig'd
By oath to assure a state of forty pounds
Upon thee for thy life.

Pan.
I long to know,
How my good Farmer speeds; how Trincalo
Hath been deceiv'd by Lelio.

Cri.
Where shall I finde him?
What we most seek, still flies us; what's avoided,
Follows, or meets us full. I am embost


With trotting all the streets to finde Pandolfo,
And blesse him with good news.

Pan.
This haste of Cricca.
Abodes some good; doubtlesse my Trincalo,
Received for Antonio, hath given me Flavia.
Cricca?

Cri.
Neither in Pauls, at home nor in the Exchange?
Nor where he uses to converse? hee's lost:
And must be cryed.

Pan.
Turn hither, Cricca, Cricca,
See'st me not?

Cri.
Sir, the news, and haste to tell it.
Had almost blinded me. Tis so fortunate,
I dare not powre it all at once vpon you,
Lest you should faint and swound away with ioy.
Your transform'd Trincalo

Pan.
what newes of him;

Cri.
Entred as owner in Antonio's house—

Pan.
On.

Cri.
Is acknowledg'd by his daughter Flavia,
And Lelio for their father.

Pan.
Quickly good Cricca!

Cri.
And hath sent me in haste to bid you—

Pan.
What?

Cri.
Come with your sonne Eugenio

Pan.
And then?

Cri.
That he may be witnesse of your marriage:
But Sir, I see no signes of so large goodnesse
As I expected, and this news deserv'd.

Pan.
Tis here, tis here, within. All outward symptomes
And characters of joy, are poore expressions
Of my inward happinesse: my heart's full,
And cannot vent the passions. Run Cricca, run.
Run as thou lov'st me call Eugenio,
And work him to my purpose: thou canst do it:
Haste, call him instantly.

Cri.
I flie sir.

SCENE 3.

Pandolfo.
How shall I recompence this Astrologer?
This great Albumazar? through whose learned hands,
Fortune hath powr'd the effect of my best wishes,
And crown'd my hopes. Give him this chain? alas!


Tis a poore thanks, short by a thousand links
Of his large merit. No he must live with me,
And my sweet Flavia, at his ease and pleasure,
Wanting for nothing. And this very night
I'le get a boy, and he erect a figure
To calculate his fortunes. So there's Trincalo
Antoniated, or Antonio Intrinculate.

SCENE. 4.

Antonio. Pandolfo. Lelio. Eugenio.
Ant.
Signior Pandolfo! welcome.

Lel.
Your servant sir.

Pan.
Well met Antonio, my prayers and wishes
Have waited on you ever.

Ant.
Thanks dearest friend.
To speak my danger past, were to discourse
Of dead men at a Feast. Such sad relations
Become not marriages, Sir, I am here
Return'd to do you service: where's your sonne?

Pan.
He'le wait upon you presently.

Eug.
Signior Antonio!
Happily welcome.

Ant.
Thanks Eugenio,
How think you Gentlemen? were it amisse
To call down Flavia and Sulpitia,
That what we do, may with a full consent
Be entertain'd all?

Pan.
Tis well remembred.
Eugenio, call your sister.

Ant.
Lelio, call your daughter.

SCEN. 5.

Pandolfo. Antonio.
Pan.
Wisely consider'd Trincalo: tis a faire Prologue
To the Comædy ensuing. Now I confesse
Albumazar had equall power to change,
And mend thy understanding with thy body.
Let me embrace and hug thee for this service.
'Tis a brave on set: ah my sweet Trincalo!



Ant.
How like you the beginning?

Pan.
Tis o'th'further side
All expectation.

Ant.
Was't not right? and spoken
Like old Antonio?

Pan.
'Tis most admirable:
Were't he himself that spake, he could not better't.
And for thy sake, I wish Antonio's shape
May ever be thy house, and 's wit thy In-mate.
But where's my plate, and cloth of silver?

Ant.
Safe.

Pan.
They come: keep state, keep state, or al's discover'd.

SCENE. 6.

Antonio, Pandolfo, Eugenio, Lelio, Flavia, Sulpitia.
Ant.
Eugenio , Flavia, Lelio, Sulpitia;
Marriages once confirm'd, and consummate,
Admit of no repentance. Therefore 'tis fitting
All parties with full freedome speak their pleasure,
Before it be too late.

Pan.
Good! excellent!

Ant.
Speak boldly therefore: do you willingly
Give full authority, and what I decree
Touching these businesses, you'l all performe?

Eug.
I rest at your dispose: what you determine,
With my best power I ratifie; and Sulpitia,
I dare be bold to promise, says no lesse.

Sul.
What e're my father, brother, and your selfe
Shall think convenient, pleaseth me.

Le.
In this,
As in all other service, I commit my selfe
To your commands; and so I hope, my sister.

Fla.
With all obedience: for dispose of me
As of a childe, that judgeth nothing good
But what you shall approve.

Ant.
And you Pandolfo?

Pan.
I most of all. And, for I know the mindes
Of youth are apt to promise, and as prone
To repent after; 'tis my advice they sweare
T'observe without exception, your decree.

Fla.
Content.

Sul.
Content.

Pan.
By all the powers that heare
Oaths, and raine vengeance upon broken faith,


I promise to confirme and ratifie
Your sentence.

Le.
Sir, I sweare no lesse.

Eug.
Nor I.

Fla.
The self-same oath bindes me.

Sul.
And me the same.

Pan.
Now Antonio, all our expectation
Hangs at your mouth. None of us can appeale
From you to higher Courts.

Ant.
First, for preparative
Or slight Præludium to the greater matches;
I must intreat you that my Armellina
Be match't with Trincalo. Two hundred Crowns
I give her for her portion.

Pan.
Tis done. Some reliques
Of his old Clownery, and dregs o'th' Country,
Dwell in him still: how carefull he provides
For himself first! Content. And more, I grant him
A lease for twenty pounds a yeare.

Ant.
I thank you.
Gentlemen, since I feele my selfe much broken
With age, and my late miseries, and too cold,
To entertain new heat; I freely yield
Sulpitia, whom I lov'd, to my sonne Lelio.

Pan.
How cunningly the Farmer hath provided
T'observe the semblance of Antonio's person,
And keep himselfe still free for Armellina!

Ant.
Signior Pandolfo, y'are wise, and understand
How ill hot appetites of unbridled youth
Become gray haires. How grave and honourable
Wert for your age to be enamored
With the fare shape of vertue, and the glory
Of our Fore-fathers! Then would you blush to think
How by this dotage, and unequall love,
You stain their honour, and your own. Awake,
Banish those wilde affections; and by my example
Turn t'your reposed self.

Pan.
To what purpose, pray you,
Serves this long proæme? on to th'sentence.

Ant.
Sir,
Conformity of yeers, likenesse of manners,
Are Gordian knots that binde up Matrimony.
Now betwixt seventy Winters and sixteen,
There's no proportion, nor least hope of love.
Fie that a Gentleman of your discretion,


Crownd with such reputation in your youth,
Should in your Western days, lose th'good Opinion
Of all your friends; and run to th'open danger
Of closing the weak remnant of your days
With discontentment unrecoverable.

Pan.
Wrack me no more; pray you let's heare the sentence:
Note how the Asse would fright me, and endeare
His service; intimating that his power
May over-throw my hopes: Proceed to th'sentence.

An.
These things consider'd, I bestow my daughter
Upon your sonne Eugenio; whose constant love
With his so modest carriage, hath deserv'd her.
And, that you freeze not for a bed-fellow,
I marry you with Patience.

Pan.
Treacherous Villain!
Accursed Trincalo! Ile—But this no place,
He's too well backt. But shortly when the date
Of his Antonioship's expir'd, revenge
Shall sweeten this disgrace.

Ant.
Signior Pandolfo,
When you recover yourselfe, lost desperately
In disproportion'd dotage, then you'l thank me
For this great favour: be not obstinate;
Disquiet not your selfe.

Pan.
I thank you sir.

SCENE. 7.

Pandolfo.
And that you freeze not for bad-fellow,
I marry you with Patience. Traiterous villain!
Is it not enough to wrong me, and betray me,
But 't must be done with scoffs; accursed Trincalo:
And me most miserable! I that when I thought
T'imbrace young Flavia, see her before my face
Bestowd upon my sonne! my sonne my Rivall!
This is Eugenio's plot, and his friend Lelio's;
Who, with my servant Cricca, have conspir'd,
And suborn'd Trincalo to betray his Master.


Why do I rage 'gainst any but my selfe,
That have committed such a serious businesse
To th'hands of a base Clown, and ignorant?
I see mine errour, but no means to help it.
Only the sweetnesse of revenge is left me,
Which I must execute: th'houres of's Gentry
Are now clean spent. Ile home, and there attend him.

SCENE 8.

Trincalo
drunk, but something recovered.

Welcome old trusty Trincalo, good Farmer welcome!
give me thy hand, we must not part hereafter. Fie, what
a trouble tis to be out of a mans self! If Gentlemen have no pleasure
but what I felt to day; a team of horses shall not drag me out
of my profession. There's nothing amongst them but borrowing,
compounding for half their debts, and have their purse cut for the
rest, coozned by whores, frighted with husbands, washt in wet
hogsheads, cheated of their cloaths, and falling in cellars for conclusion.


SCENE 9.

Pandolfo at the window. Trincalo.
Pan.
O precious piece of villany! are you unchang'd?
How confident the Rogue dares walk the streets!

Tri.

And then such quarrelling: never a suite I wore to day, but
hath been soundly basted. Only this faithfull Country case scap't
fist-free; and be it spoken in a good houre, was never beaten yet
since it came from fulling!


Pan.
Tiff. toff. Base treacherous villain! toff. toff. toff.

Tri.
Is this the recompence of my days work?

Pan.
You marry me to patience? there's patience.
She's a good bed-fellow; have patience.

Tri.
You'l beat me out on't sir: how have I wrong'd you?

Pan.
So, as deserves th'expression of my fury


With th'cruelst tortures I can execute.

Tri.
You kill me sir.

Pan.
Have patience.

Tri.
Pray your sir!

Pan.
Seek not by humble penitence t'appease me.
Nothing can satisfie.

Tri.
Farewell humility.
Now I am beaten sober.
(takes away Pandolfo's staffe.)
Shall age and weaknesse master my youth and strength?
Now speak your pleasure: what's my fault?

Pan.
Dar'st deny
Thy own act done before so many witnesses?
Suborn'd by others, and betray my confidence
With such stony impudence?

Tri.
I have been faithfull
In all you trusted me.

Pan.
To them; not me.
O what a Proæme stuft with grave advice,
And learned counsaile, you could showre upon me
Before the thunder of your deadly sentence!
And give away my Mistris with a scoffe!

Tri.
I give your Mistris?

Pan.
Didst not thou decree
Contrary t'our compact, against my marriage?

Tri.
Why when was I your judge?

Pan.
Just now, here.

Tri.

See your errour! then was I fast lockt in Antonio's Cellar:
Where making vertue of necessity, I drunk stark drunk; and waking,
found my self cloth'd in this Farmers suit, as in th'morning.


Pan.
Didst not thou sweare t'enter Antonio's house,
And give me Flavia for my wife? and after,
Before my own face, gav'st her to my sonne?

Tri.
Ha, ha, ha!

Pan.
Canst thou deny't?

Tri.
Ha, ha, ha!
Whilst Trincalo laughs, and falls the staffe, Pandolfo recovers it, and beats him.
Have you got Mistris Patience? ha, ha, ha!

Pan.
Is not this true?

Tri.
Ha, ha, ha!

Pan.
Answer me.

Tri.
Ha, ha, ha, wan!

Pan.
Was't not thus?

Tri.
I answer.
First, I never was transform'd, but guld,
As you were by th'Astrologer, and those that cald me Antonio.
To prove this true, the Gentleman you spoke with, was Antonio,
The right Antonio, safely returnd from Barbary.

Pan.
Oh me; whats this?

Tri.
Truth it selfe.

Pan.
Was 't not thou that gav'st the sentence?

Tri.
Believe me no such matter:
I nere was Gentleman, nor otherwise


Then what I am, unlesse 'twere when I was drunk.

Pan.
How have I been deceiv'd? good Trincalo
Pardon me. I have wrong'd thee.

Tri.
Pardon you?
When you have beaten me to paste, good Trincalo,
Pardon me?

Pan.
I am sorry for't; excuse me.

Tri.
I am sorry I must excuse you. But I pardon you.

Pan.
Now tell me where's the plate and cloth of silver,
The gold and jewels that the Astrologer
Committed to thy keeping?

Tri.
What plate, what jewels?
He gave me none. But when he went to change me,
After a thousand circles and ceremonies,
He binds me fast upon a forme, and blindes me
With a thick Table-napkin. Not long after
Unbindes my head and feet, and gives me light:
And then I plainly saw, that I saw nothing:
The Parler was clean swept of all was in't.

Pan.
Oh me: Oh me!

Tri.
What ails you? Sir, what ails you?

Pan.
I am undone, I have lost my love, my plate,
My whole estate, and with the rest my selfe.

Tri.
Lose not your patience too. Leave this lamenting,
And lay the Town; you may recover it.

Pan.
Tis to small purpose. In and hold thy peace.

SCEN. 10.

Cricca. Pandolfo.
Cri.
Where shall I finde my Master to content him
With welcome news? He's here; news, news!
News of good fortune, joy, and happinesse!

Pan.
Cricca, my sadnesse is uncapable
Of better tydings: I am undone most miserable!

Cri.
Offend not your good luck, y'are now more fortunate
Then when you rose this morning: be merry, sir,
Cheare up your selfe, y' have what you wisht, feare nothing.

Pan.
May be Antonio newly repents himselfe.
With purpose to restore Flavia.


Cricca, what ist? where's all this happinesse?

Cri.
Lockt in Antonio's closet.

Pan.
All alone?
Sure that's Flavia. Is not Eugenio
Suffred to enter?

Cri.
Antonio keeps the Key:
No creature enters but himselfe; all's safe
And shall be so restor'd.

Pan.
O my sweet Cricca!

Cri.
And they that wrong'd you, most extreamly sorry,
Ready to yield you any satisfaction.

Pan.
Ist possible they should so soon repent them?
That injur'd me so lately? tell me the manner
That caus'd them see their Errour.

Cri.
Ile tell you, sir.
Being just now at old Antonio's house,
One thunders at th'back doore, enters, and presses
To speak in private with yong Lelio;
Was instantly admitted: and think you who?
Twas your Astrologer Albumazar.
When he had spoke a while; Lelio and Antonio
In haste command me fetch a Constable.

Pan.
How can this Story touch my happinesse?

Cri.
I up and down through slimy Ale-houses,
Cloudy Tobacco-shops, and vapouring Taverns:
My mouth full of inquiry: at last found one.

Pan.
What of all this? ist possible a Constable
Concerns my good?

Cri.
And following my directions,
Went to a Tipling-house, where we took drinking
Three handsome fellows with a great chest; attacht them,
And brought all to Antonio.

Pan.
Well, what then?

Cri.
These were th'Astrologers intelligences, that
Robd you through th'Southwindow.

Pan.
I thought th'hadst spoke
Of Flavia's restoring.

Cri.
I mean your plate
And treasure; pray you, sir, ist not great happinesse
To re-obtain three thousand pounds in value,
Desperatly lost? and you still dote and dream
Of Flavia, who by your own consent
And oath is promisd to your sonne Eugenio?

Pan.
Forward.

Cri.
Within this chest Antonio found your plate,
Gold, jewels, cloth of silver, nothing perisht,


But all safe lockt till you acknowledge it.
And since Albumazar of his owne accord
Frely confest, and safe restord your treasure:
Since tis a day of Iubile and marriage:
Antonio would intreat you to release
And Pardon the Astrologer. Thanking your fortune
That hath restord you to your wealth, and selfe.
Both which were lost i'th'foolish loue of Flauia.

Pan.
Reason hath cleard my sight, and drawn the vaile
Of dotage that so darkt my understanding.
I clearely see the slavery of affections;
And how vnsuitable my declining yeares
Are for the dawning youth of Flavia.
Let the best joys of Hymen compasse her,
And her young husband, my Eugenio,
With full content. And since Albumazar
By accident, causd all this happinesse:
I freely pardon him, and his companions:
And haste to assist the Marriages and Feasts.

Cri.
Why now you shew your selfe a worthy Gentleman.

SCEN. ult.

Trincalo, Cricca.
Tri.
Cricca I over-heard your news: all parts are pleasd,
Except my selfe: Is there no news for Trincalo?

Cri.
Knowst it not? in and see: Antonio
Hath given thee Armellina with a portion,
Two hundred Crowns; and old Pandolfo bound
By oath t'assure thee twenty pounds a yeer,
For three lives.

Tri.
Haj!

Cri.
Come in.

Tri.
Ile follow.