University of Virginia Library

Act. 3.

Scene 1.

Pandolfo. Cricca.
Pan.
While the Astrologer hews out Trincalo,
Squaring and framing him t'Antonio,
Cricca Ile make thee partner of a thought
That something trouble me.

Cri.
Say sir, what is't?

Pan.
I have no heart to give Albumazar
The chain I promist him.

Cri.
Deliver it me
And Ile present it to him in your name.

Pan.
'Thas been an Aire loom to our house foure hundred yeers,
And should I leave it now, I feare good fortune
Would flie from us, and follow it.

Cri.
Then give him
The price in gold.

Pan.
It comes to a hundred pounds.
And how would that well husbanded grow in time?
I was a foole to promise, I confesse it,
I was too hot and forward in the businesse.

Cri.
Indeed I wondred that your wary thriftinesse
Not wont to drop one peny in a quarter
Idly, would part with such a summe so easily.

Pan.
My covetous thrift aymes at no other marke
Then in fit time and place to shew my bounty.
Who gives continually, may want at length
Wherewith to feed his liberality.
But for the love of my deare Flavia
I would not spare my life, much lesse my treasure.
Yet if with honour I can winne her cheaper,
Why should I cast away so great summe?

Cri.
True: I have a trick now hatching in my brain
How you may handsomely preserve your credit,
And save the chain.

Pan.
I would gladly do it,
But feare he understands us what we say.

Cri.
What can you lose to try't, if it take
There's so much sav'd, if otherwise, nothing lost.

Pan.
What is't Good Cricca?

Cri.
Soon as Albumazar comes, loaded with news
Of th'transmutation of your servant Trincalo,
Ile entertain him here meanwhile steal you
Closely into the Room, and quickly hide
Some speciall piece of Plate: Then run out amaz'd,
Roaring, that all the Street may know y'are rob'd.
Next threaten to attach him and accuse him
Before a Iustice, and in th'end agree
If he restore the Plate, you'le give the Chain,
Otherwise not.

Pan.
But if we be discov'red!
For by his Instruments and Familiars
He can do much.

Cri.
Lay all the fault on Trincalo.
But here's the mayn point. If you can dissemble
Cunningly, and frame your countenance to expresse
Pitty and anger, that so learn'd a man
Should use his friend so basely: if you can call
An out-cry well, roare high and terrible.

Pan.
Ile fetch a cry from th'bottome of my heels
But Ile roare loud enough; and thou must second me
With wonder at the sudden accident.

Cri.
But yours is the mayn part, for as you play't
You win or lose the chain.

Pan.
No more, no more, he comes.

SCENE. 2.

Albumazar, Pandolfo, Cricca.
Alb.
Signior Pandolfo, three quarters of an houre
Renders your servant perfectly transform'd.

Cri.
Is he not wholy chang'd? what parts are wanting?

Alb.
Antonio's shape hath cloath'd his bulk and visage,
Onely his hands and feet, so large and callous,
Require more time to supple.

Cri.
Pray you sir
How long shall he retain this Metamorphosis?

Alb.
The compleat circle of a naturall day.

Cri.
A naturall day? Are any days unnaturall?

Alb.
I mean the revolution o'th first mover,
Iust twice twelve houres, in which period the rapt motion
Rowles all the Orbs from East to Occident.

Pan.
Help, help, theeves, theeves, neighbours I am rob'd, theeves, theeves!

Cri.
What a noyse make you sir?

Pan.
Have I not reason
That thus am rob'd, theeves, theeves, call Constables,
The Watch and Serjeants, Friends, and Constables,
Neighbours I am undone.

Cri.
This well begun
So he hold out still with a higher strain.
What ayles you sir?

Pan.
Cricca my chamber's spoild
Of all my hangings, clothes, and silver plate.

Cri.
Why, this is bravely fain'd; continue sir.

Pan.
Lay all the Goldsmith, Keepers, Marshals, Bayliffes.

Cri.
Fie sir, your passion fals, cry louder, roare
That all the Street may heare.

Pan.
Theeves, theeves, theeves!
All that I had is gone, and more then all.

Cri.
Ha, ha, ha: hold out; lay out a Lyons throat,
A little lowder.

Pan.
I can cry no longer,
My throat's sore, I am rob'd, all's gone.
Both my own treasure, and the things I borrow'd.
Make thou an out-cry, I have lost my voyce:
Cry fire, and then they'l heare thee.

Cri.
Good, good, theeves,
What ha you lost?

Pan.
Wine, jewels, table-clothes,
A Cup-board of rich plate.

Cri.
Fie, youle spoyle all.
Now you out-do it. Say but a bowle or two.

Pan.
Villain, I say al's gone; the Room's as clean
As a wipt looking glasse: oh me, oh me.

Cri.
What, in good earnest?

Pan.
Fool in accursed earnest.

Cri.
You gull me sure.

Pan.

The window towards the South stands ope, from whence
went all my treasure. Where's the Astrologer?

Alb.
Here sir, and hardly can abstain from laughing
To see you vex your selfe in vain.

Pan.
In vain Albumazar?
I left my Plate with you, and tis all vanisht,
And you shall answer it.

Alb.
O! were it possible
By powre of Art, to check what Art hath done,
Your man should nere be chang'd: to wrong me thus
With foule suspition of flat Felony?
Your Plate, your cloth of silver, wine, and jewels,
Linnen, and all the rest, I gave to Trincalo,
And for more safety, lockt them in the Lobby.
Heel keep them carefully. But as you love your Mistris
Disturbe him not this half houre, lest youle have him
Like to a Centaure, halfe Clown, halfe Gentleman,
Suffer his foot and hand that's yet untoucht,
To be innobled like his other members.

Pan.
Albumazar, I pray you pard on me,
Th'unlookd for barenesse of the Room amazd me.

Alb.
How? think you me so negligent to commit
So rich a masse of treasure to th'open danger
Of a large casement, and suspitious Alley?
No sir, my sacrifice no sooner done
But I wrapt all vp safe, and gaue it Trincalo.
I could be angry, but that your suddain feare
Excuses you. Fie, such a noise as this
Halfe an houre past, had skar'd the intelligences,
And spoyld the work, but no harm done, go walke
Westward, directly westward, on halfe houre:
Then turn back, and take your servant turnd t'Antonio.
And as you like my skill, performe your promise.
I mean the chain.

Pan.
Content, lets still go westward,
Westward good Cricca, still directly westward.

SCENE 3.

Albumazar, Ronca, Harpax, Furbo.
Alb.
Fvrbo , Harpax, and Ronca, come out, al's cleere.
Why hero's a noble prize worth ventring for.
Is not this braver then sneak all night in danger,
Picking of locks, or hooking clothes at windows?
Here's plate and gold, and cloth, and meat and wine,
All rich, and easily got. Ronca stay here about,
And wait till Trincalo come forth: then call him
With a low reverence Antonio,
Give him this gold with thanks, tell him he lent it
Before he went to Barbary.

Ron.
How lose ten peeces?

Alb.
There's a necessity in't, devise some course
To get't again: if not, our gain's sufficient
To beare that losse. Furbo finde out Bavilona
The Curtezan, let her fain her selfe a Gentlewoman
Inamored of Antonio, bid her invite him
To banket with her, and by all means possible
Force him stay there two houres.

Har.
Why two houres?

Alb.
That in that time thou mayst convey
Our treasure to the Inne, and speak a Boat
Ready for Gravesend, and provide a Supper:
Where, with those precious liquors, and good meats,
Wee'l cheere our selves; and thus well fed, and merry,
Take Boat by night.

Fur.
And what will you do?

Alb.
First in and usher out our changeling Trincalo.
Then finish up a businesse of great profit,
Begun with a rich Merchant, that admires
My skill in Alchymy. I must not lose it.

Ron.
Harpax bestow the plate, Furbo our beards,
Black patches for our eyes, and other properties,
And at the time and place meet all at Supper.

SCENE. 9

Albumazar. Trincalo.
Alb.
Stand forth transform'd Antonio fully mued
From brown soare feathers of dull yeomanry
To th'glorious bloome of Gentry: prune your selfe, slick;
Sweare boldly y'are the man you represent.
To all that dare deny it.

Tri.
I finde my thoughts
Most strangely altred, but me thinks, my face
Feels still like Trincalo.

Alb.
You imagine so.
Senses are oft deceiv'd. As an attentive Angler
Fixing his steady eyes on the swift streams
Of a steep tumbling torrent, no sooner turns
His sight to Land, but giddy, thinks the firme banks
And constant trees, move like the running waters:
So you that thirty yeers have liv'd in Trincalo,
Chang'd suddainly, think y'are so still; but instantly
These thoughts will vanish.

Tri.
Give me a Looking-glasse
To read your skill in these new Lineaments.

Alb.
I'rather give you poyson: for a glasse
By secret power of crosse reflections,
And Optick vertue, spoyls the wondrous work
Of transformation, and in a moment turns you.
Spight of my skill, to Trincalo as before,
We reade that Apuleius by a Rose
Chang'd from an Asse to Man: so by a mirrour,
You'l loose this noble lustre, and turn Asse.
I humbly take my leave; but still remember
T'avoid the Devill and a Looking-glasse.
New-born Antonio, I kisse your hands.

Tri.
Divine Albumazar, I kisse your hands.

SCEN. 5.

Trincalo. Ronca.
Tri.
Now I am grown a Gentleman, and a fine one,
I know't by th'kissing of my hands so courtly,
My courteous knees bend in so true distance
As if my foot walkt in a frame of purpose.
Thus I accost you: or thus sweet sir, your servant:
Nay, more your servants servant: that's your grand-servant.
I could descend from the top of Pauls to th'bottome,
And on each step strew parting complements,
Strive for a doore while a good Carpenter
Might make a new one. I am your shadow sir,
And bound to wait upon you yfaith I will not: pray sir, &c.
O brave Albumazar!

Ron.
Iust Æsops Crow, prink't up in borrowed feathers.

Tri.
My veins are fild with newnesse: O for a Chyrurgian
To ope this arme, and view my gentle bloud,
To try if't run two thousand pounds a yeere.
I feele my understanding is inlarg'd
With the rare knowledge of this latter age.
A sacred fury over-swayes me. Prime!
Deale quickly, play, discard, I set ten shillings six pence.
You see't? my rest, five and a fifty. Boy, more Cards.
And as thou go'st, lay out some roaring oaths
For me; Ile pay thee again with interest.
O brave Albumazar!

Ron.
How his imagination boyls, and works in all things
He ever saw or heard!

Tri.
At Gleek? content.
A mournnevall of Ases, Gleek of Knaves.
Iust nine a piece. Sir, my gray Barbary
'Gainst your dun Cow, three train sents and th'course,
For fifty pound; as I am a Gentleman
Ile meet next Cocking, and bring a Haggard with me
That stoops as free as lightning, strikes like thunder.
I lye? my reputation you shall heare on't.
O brave Albumazar!

Ron.
He'l grow stark mad I feare me.

Tri.
Now I know
I am perfectly transform'd my minde incites me
To challenge some brave fellow for my credit,
And for more safety, get some friend in private
To take the businesse up in peace and quiet.

Ron.
Signior Antonio?

Tri.
There's not a crum of Trincalo.
In all this frame, but the love of Armellina:
Wer't not for thee I'de travail, and home again
As wise as I went over.

Ron.
Signior Antonio? welcome ten thousand times:
Blest be the Heavens and Seas for your return.

Tri.
I thank you sir: Antonio is your servant,
I am glad to see you well. Fie, I kisse your hands: and thus accost you.

Ron.
This three months all your kindred, friends, and children,
Mourn'd for your death.

Tri.
And so they well might do,
For five dayes I was under water; and at length
Got up and spred my selfe upon a chest,
Rowing with arms, and stearing with my feet;
And thus in five dayes more got land: believe it
I made a most incredible escape,
And safe return from Barbary: at your service:

Ron.
Welcome ten thousand times from Barbary,
No friend more glad to see Antonio
Then I: nor am I thus for hope of gain;
But that I finde occasion to be gratefull
By your return. Do you remember sir,
Before you went, as I was once arrested,
And could not put in bayle; you passing by,
Lent me ten pound, and so discharg'd the debt?

Tri.
Yes, yes, as well as 'twere but yesterday.

Ron.
Oft have I waited at your house with money,
And many thanks: but you were still beyond Seas.
Now am I happy of this faire occasion
To testifie my honest care to pay you:
For you may need it.

Trin.
Sir, I do indeed,
Witnesse my treasure cast away by shipwrack.

Ron.
Here sir.

Tri.
Is the gold good, for mine was good I lent you:

Ron.

It was, and so is this. Signior Antonio, for this curtesie.
Call me your servant.

Tri.

Farwell good servant, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
I know not so much as his name! ten pounds? this change is better
then my birth: for in all the yeers of my yeomanry I could never
yoake two crownes, and now I have hoarded ten faire twenty
shilling pieces. Now will I go to this Astrologer, and hire him
turn my Cart to a Caroch, my foure Iades to two Dutch Mares,
my Mistris Armellina to a Lady, my Plow-boy Dick to two guarded
foot-men: then will I hurry my self into the Mercers Books,
weare rich clothes, be call'd Tony by a great man, sell my lands,
pay no debts, hate Citizens, and beat Serjants: and when all fails,
sneake out of Antonio with a two-peny Looking-glasse, and turne
as true Trincalo as ever.

SCENE 6.

Harpax, Trincalo.
Har.

Signior Antonio, welcome.

Tri.

My life here's ten pound
more. I thank you heartily.

Harp.
Never in fitter season could I finde you.
If you remember sir, before you went
To Barbary, I lent you ten pound in gold.

Tri.
Faith I remember no such thing, excuse me.
What may I call your name?

Harp.
My name is Harpax,
Your friend and neighbour, of your old acquaintance.

Tri.
What Harpax? I am your servant, I kisse your hands?
You must excuse me, you never lent me mony.

Har.
Sir, as I live, ten twentie shilling pieces.

Tri.
Dangers at Sea, I finde, have hurt my memory.

Har.
Why here's your own hand-writing: seal'd and sign'd,
In presence of your cousen Julio.

Tri.
Tis true, tis true; but I sustaind great losses
By reason of the shipwrack. Here's five pieces,
Will that content you? and to morrow morning
Come to my house and take the rest.

Har.
Well sir,
Though my necessitie would importune you
For all, yet on your Worships word, the rest
Ile call for in the morning. Farewell Antonio.

Tri.
I see we Gentlemen can sometime borrow
As well as lend, and are as loth to pay
As meaner men. Ile home, lest other Creditors
Call for the rest.

SCENE. 7.

Ronca. Trincalo.
Ron.
Signior Antonio: I saw you as I landed,
And in great haste follow'd to congratulate
Your safe return, with these most wisht embraces.

Tri.
And I accept your joy with like affection.
How do you call your selfe?

Ron.
Have you forgot
Your deare friend Ronca, whom you lov'd so well?

Tri.
O I remember now my deare friend Ronca.

Ron.
Thanks to the fortune of the Seas that sav'd you.

Tri.
I feare I owe him monie: how shall I shift him?
How do's your body Ronca?

Ron.
My deare Antonio,
Never so well as now I have the power
Thus to embrace my friend, whom all th'Exchange
Gave drown'd for three whole moneths. My deare Antonio.

Tri.
I thank you sir.

Ron.
I thank you.

Tri.
While my dear Ronca
Clipt me, my purse shook dangerously; yet both his arms
And hands embrac'd my neck: here's none behind me.
How can this be?

Ron.
Most deare Antonio,
Was not your passage dangerous from Barbary?
We had great windes and tempests; and I feare me,
You felt the force at Sea.

Tri.
Yes dearest Ronca.
How's this? I see his hands, and yet my purse is gone.

Ron.
Signior Antonio, I see your mind's much troubled
About affaires of worth; I take my leave:
And kisse your hands of Liberalitie.

Tri.
And kisse my hands of Liberalitie?
I gave him nothing: Oh my purse, my purse!
Deare Master Ronca.

Ron.
Whats your pleasure sir?

Tri.
Shew me your hand.

Ro.
Here tis.

Tr.
But where's th'other?

Ron.
Why here.

Tri.
But I mean where's your other hand?

Ron.
Think you me the Gyant with a hundred hands?

Tri.
Give me your right.

Ron.
My right?

Tri.
Your left

Ron.
My left?

Tri.
Now both.

Ron.
There's both my deare Antonio:
Keep your selfe dark, eat broth: your fearfull passage,
And want of naturall rest, hath made you frantick.

Tri.
Villain, rogue, cut-purse, thief, dear Ronca stay: he's gone
I'th'Devils name, how could this fellow do it?
I felt his hands fast lockt about my neck;
And still he spoake, it could not be his mouth:
For that was full of deare Antonio:
My life he stole't with his feet: such a trick more
Will work worse with me then a Looking-glasse:
To lose five pound in curt'sie, and the rest
In salutation!

Ron.
Signior Antonio,
What ails you?

Tri.
Ronca a Rogue, a Cut-purse
Hath rob'd me of five twenty shilling pieces.

Ron.
What kind of man was he: something like me?

Tri.
Had such a thievish countenance as your own,
But that he wore a black patch ore his eye.

Ron.
Met you with Ronca: tis the cunningst nimmer
Of the whole company of Cut-purse hall:
I am sorrie I was not here to warn you of him.

SCENE 8.

Furbo, Beuilona, Trincalo.
Beu.
Furbo no more, unlesse thy words were charms
Of power to revive him: Antonio's dead.
He's dead, and in his death hath buried
All my delights: my eares are deafe to Musick
That sounds of pleasure: sing then the dolefulst notes
That e're were set by Melancholly: O Antonio!
Furbio sings this Song:

Beu.
Break thy sad strings, and instrument: O strange! he's here.
Signior Antonio! my hearts sweet content!
My life and better portion of my soule!
Are you return'd? and safe? for whose sad death
I spent such streams of tears, and gusts of sighs?
Or is't my love, that to my longing fancy
Frames your desired shape, and mocks my senses?

Tri.
Whom do you talk withall faire Gentlewoman?

Beu.
With my best friend, commander of my life,
My most beloved Antonio.

Tri.
With me?
What's your desire with me sweet Lady?

Beu.
Sir, to command me, as you have done ever,
To what you please: for all my liberty
Lies in your service.

Tri.
Now I smell the businesse.
This is some Gentlewoman enamoured
With him whose shape I beare: Fie what an Asse
Was I to strange my selfe, and lose the occasion
Of a good banquet, and her company?
Ile mend it as I can. Madam, I did but jest
To try if absence caus'd you to forget
A friend that lov'd you ever.

Beu.
Forget Antonio,
Whose deare remembrance doth informe the soule
Of your poore servant Bevilona? no,
No, had you dy'd, it had not quencht't one spark
Of th'sweet affection which your love hath kindled
In this warme brest.

Tri.
Madam, the waves had drown'd mee,
But that your love held up my chin.

Beu.
Wil't please you
Enter, and rest your selfe, refresh the wearinesse
Of your hard travaile; I have good wine and fruits,
My Husband's out of town: you shall command
My house, and all that's in't.

Tri.
Why are you married?

Beu.
Have you forgot my Husband: an angry roarer?

Tri.
O I remember him: but if he come.

Beu.
Whence grows this feare? how come you so respectfull?
You were not wont be numb'd with such a coldnesse.
Go in sweet life, go in.

Tri.
O I remember while I liv'd in Barbary
A pretty Song the Moores sing to a Gridiron:
Sweet Madam by your favour Ile sing't to this.
Alcoch Dolash, &c. Thus 'tis in English.
This the Moores call two wings upon a Gridiron.
But it goes sweeter far o'th'iron instrument.

Ron.
There's one within my Kitchin ready strung: go in.

Tri.
Sweet Lady pardon me, Ile follow you.
Happy Antonio in so rare a Mistris!
But happier I, that in his place enjoy her:
I say still, ther's no pleasure like transforming.

SCENE 9.

Ronca. Bevil. Trincalo.
Ron.
Now is the Asse expecting of a banquet,
Ready to court, embrace, and kisse his Mistris.
But Ile soon stave him. Tick, tock, what ho!

Beu.
Who's that so boldly knocks? I am not within;
Or busie: Why so importunate? who i'tt?

Ron.
Tis. Is

Beu.
Your name?

Ron.
Thomas up William, up Morgan, up Davy, up Roger, &c.

Tri.
Spinola's Camp's broke loose: a troupe of Souldiers! si

Beu.
Oj me! my Husband! Oj me wretch, 'tis my Husband.

Tri.
One man, and weare so many names!

Beu.
O sir
H'as more outragious Devils in his rage,
Then names. As you respect your life, avoid him.
Down at that window.

Tri.
Tis as high as Pauls.
Open the Garden doore.

Beu.
He has the keyes.
Down at some window, as you love your life,
Tender my honour, and your safety.

Ron.
Bevilona?
Down, or Ile break the doores, and with the splinters
Beat all thy bones to pieces: Down you whore!

Beu.
Be patient but a little; I come instantly.

Tri.
Ha' you no trunk nor chest to hide me?

Beu.
None sir.

Tri.
Alas I am clean undone, it is my Husband.

Ron.
Doubtlesse, this whore hath some of her companions
That wrong me thus. But if I catch the villain,
Ile bath my hungry sword, and sharp revenge,
In his heart-bloud. Come down.

Beu.
I cannot stay.
There stands a empty Hogshead with a false bottom
To ope and shut at pleasure; come hither, in,
In as you love your life.

Tri.
But heare you Madam,
Is there no Looking-glasse within't? for I hate glasses
As naturally as some do Cats, or Cheese.

Beu.
In, in, there's none.

Ron.
Who now? Is the Asse past?

Beu.
I tunn'd him up, ha, ha, ha, I feare he'le fall a working.

Ron.
Second me handsomely, we'le entertain him
An houre or two, and laugh and get his clothes
To make our sport up. Wife where's the empty Hogshead
That wont to stand under the staires?

Beu.
There still.

Ron.
Out with it quicly: I must have it fild.

Beu.
Not to day, good sir, to morrow will serve as well.

Ron.
I must ha't now.

Beu.
Tis more then I can carry.

Ron.
Ile help thee: so, so. Foh! this vessell's musty.
Fetch out some water.

Beu.
Fetcht your selfe.

Tri.
Pox of all Transmutation, I am smother'd.
Lady, as you love me, give the Hogshead vent.
The beere that's in't will work and break the vessell.

Beu.
Signior Antonio, as you love your life
Lie still and close, for if you stirre you die.

Ron.
So, so, now shake it, so, so.

Tri.
Oh I am drown'd, I drown!

Ron.
Whence comes this hollow sound? I drown, I smother!

Ron.
My life tis Trincalo, For I have heard that Coxcombe,
That Asse, that Clown, seeks to corrupt my wife,
Sending his fruit and dainties from the Country.
O that 'twere he. How would I use the villain!
First crop his eares, then slit his nose and geld him,
And with a red hot iron seare his raw wounds;
Then barrell him again, and send the Eunuch
To the great Turk to keep his Concubines. Tick, tock, who's within heere?

Beu.
One that you dare not touch.

Ron.
One that I dare not?
Out villain, out. Signior Antonio!
Had it been any but your selfe, he dyed.
But as you sav'd my life before you went,
So now command mine in your services.
I would have sworn y'had been drown'd in Barbary.

Tri.
'Twas a hard passage: but not so dangerous
As was this vessell. Pray you conceive no ill,
I meant no harme, but call'd of your wife to know
How my sonne Lelio did, and daughter Flavia.

Ron.
Sir I believe you.

Tri.
But I must tell you one thing,
You must not be so jealous, on my honour
She's very honest.

Ron.
For you I make no question.
But there's a Rogue call'd Trincalo, whom if I catch.
Ile teach him.

Tri.
Who, you mean Pandolfo's Farmer.
Alas poore foole, he's a stark Asse, but harmlesse.
And though she talk with him, tis but to laugh,
As all the world do's at him: come be friends
At my intreaty.

Ron.
Sir, for your sake.

Ben.
I thank you.

Tri.
Lets have a fire; and while I dry my self,
Provide good wine and meat. Ile dine with you.
I must not home thus wet. I am something bold with you.

Ron.
My house and self are at your service.

Tri.
Lead in.
Alas, poore Trincalo, hadst thou been taken,
Thou hadst been tunn'd for Turkie.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, faire fall Antonio's shape.
What a notorious Wittal's this! Ha, ha, ha.