University of Virginia Library

When Saturn shakes his frostie feathers;
When Russia Garments are rough leathers;
When Dutch Dames over Stoves do chatter;
When Men dry-shoo'd traverse the water:
When Popish partie invocats,
Both Saints and Angels, when their pats,
While they want Weights of Air and Earth,
May be repay'd with water's birth:
E're Trouts begin to move their finnes,
While Fanes give place to black dog skines;
Which at that time as some supposes,
Are fittest farr for Ladies noses.
Which tho their natural Sent be brusk,
They're helpt with Cars dirt, and with Musk:
Because that Scots-men endeavours,
To take their Marks from evil hours.
It was not long from that time, when
The chaste and tossed Western-men,
Were dissipat at Pictland fells,
By Devils, Drummonds, and Dalzells.
When Veals for Rarities are sold,
And when young Ladies catcheth cold;
This season sure works strange Effects,
Upon their naked breasts and necks.
But pardon me, it is ill breeding,
To touch the Modes of Ladies Cleeding,
Hence I'll not do the like again,
Tho they wear nothing but their skin.
Comets raign'd above the City,
Preachers prison'd without pitty;
Some knut up for wearing Gunes,
Wine was drunken out in Tunes.
Next with blasphemie and rude speeches,
New coin'd scurvies vex the Leidges.
Ladies Heckl'd, and Lords Horn'd,
Some for lending Money scorn'd:
Men fin'd for preventing murders,
Princes owning Bishops Orders:
Curats swearing by their Gowns,
Old French Taylours ruling Towns.
Tho it be so, ye need think nought of't,
They best deserv'd, who dearest bought it.
Self Defenders termed Rebels,
Proclamations, grievous Libels,
Majors turning Hang-mens mates,
Sentries watching Bishops gates.
Lawyers words, their Writs bewraying,
Councils Acts, their Oaths betraying;
Bonds imposed, prisons mended,
Men suspect who nev'r offended.
London Letters all revolving,
Placuit each Querie solving.
Councils Acts amounting to,
What ever Parliaments could do.
Lords and Souldiers Sundays work,
To robb the people of the Ark.
Commons chas'd from Pleughs and Harrows,
Gentry charged with Laborrows;
While none appeareth for to swear,
That they their goods or bodies fear.
Yet the Gentry must enact them,
Or else they'll horn them, & then take them.
Plundering and Desolations,
Men imprison'd for Relations;
Horse in hazard of Thieves holls,
Because they were not learn'd when Foals,
To answer, and to tell whose aught them,
It seems they wanted Art who taught them.
Gentlemen of Good Account.
Might not think it an affront,
To sit with Lousie Rogues together,
Yea stand and serve their Foot-mens Brother,
New made Earls, and some that
Are judged, nihil significat,
With a pack of Redshank-Squires;
Eating up the Western-shires,
Plundering without restraint
Even persons known for innocent;
Stewes and Masses nothing checked,
Nought but Presbytrie rebuked;
Women of their shame bereaft,
It's feard a Highland brood be left,
Who afterward may starve for want,
While thus they make the Victual scant;
Clergies Acts, and Cannon Law,
Put on cartes for horse to draw,
Cables towes, Ligure chists,
Manackles for thumbs and fists,
Powder, Lead, Spads, and Shovels,
To cover the dead with turffes and muiles.
And to cast up some sheughs and Ditches,
Steel capes, Armour and Buff Breetches;
Cords for wreaking peoples throats
Germans for contriving plots.
Durks to stop in Musquets end,
Pray, What may all this portend?
With all such other Provinent,
As was to Greece by Xerxes sent.
And if ye please all such provision,
As was for Godfrey's Expedition:
But here my fancie's at a stance,
Are we to have a Warr with France?

Yet I'm inclined to relate,
What things concerning Church and State;
Was gravely by the Squire narrate,
Before the Host when they were met.
What was the cause of such conventions?
What was their aim and their intentions?
VVhat was that grievous Proclamation,
That did affront the King and Nation?
We need not stay to tell the place,
Where they were charg'd to met his Grace:
Because their slight was from the North,
It was near to the River Forth.
I must commend their Trust and Faith,
For in an instant, as some saith:
They met together all misguided,
With Drift, and Rain, toss'd blash and blyned.
But to discrive them Right surpasses,
The Art of nine Parnassus Lasses;
Or Eucan, Virgil, or of Horaes
Of Ovid, Homer, or of Flores,
Yea sure such sights might have inclin'd,
A Man to nauseat at Mankind;
Some might have judg'd they were the creatures
Call'd Selfies, whose customes and features,
Paracelsus doeth discry,
In his Ocult Philosophy,
Or Faunes, or Brownies, if ye will,
Or Satyres, come from Atlas Hill
Or that the three tongu'd Tyke was sleeping,
Who hath the Stygian Door a keeping:
Their head, their neck, their leggs and thighs,
Are influenced by the Skies.
Without a clout to interrupt them,
They need not strip thō when they whip them;
Nor loose their Doublet, when they're hang'd,
If they be miss'd, it's sure they're wrong'd,
This keep their bodies from corruptions,
From fistuls, tumours and eruptions;
Unless they come to Towns perhaps,
They must not miss their bits of claps.
They are so gent, they will not want it,
The Men who knows them best will grant it.
Their Durks hang down between their leggs,
Where they made many slopes and geggs;
By rubbing on their naked side,
And wambling from side to side.
But those who were their chief Commanders,
As such who bore the pirnie Standarts;
Who led the Van, and drove the Rear:
Were right well mounted of their Gear:
With Brogues, Trues, and pirnie Plaides,
With good blew Bonnets on their Heads:
Which on the one side had a stipe,
Adorn'd with a Tobacco pipe.
With Durk, and Snap-work, and Snuff-mill,
A bagg which they with Onions fill,
And as their strick Observers say,
A Tape Horn fill'd with Usquebay.
A flasht out Coat beneath her plaides,
A Targe of timber, nails and hides;
With a long two handed Sword,
As good's the Countrey can affoord
Had they not need of bulk and bones,
Who fights with all these Arms at once,
It's marvelous how in such weather,
Ov'r hill and hop they came together,
How in such stormes they came so farr,
The reason is, they're smear'd with Tar.
Which doth defend them heel and neck,
Just as it doth their Sheep protect;
But least ye doubt that this is true,
They're just the colour of tar'd Wool:
Nought like Religion they retain,
Of moral Honestie they're clean.
In nothing they're accounted sharp,
Except in Bag-pipe, and in Harpe.
For a misobliging word,
She'll durk her neighbour ov'r the boord.
And then she'll flee like fire from flint.
She'll scarcely ward the second dint;
If any ask her of her thrift,
Foresooth her nain sell lives by thift.

When this thrice savage Crew was met,
And in their Ranks and Order set;
Then straight before them came the Squire,
Like to Æneas in attire.
And in his hand he had a Lance,
Which some said he had us'd in France,
Some said he learn'd his warlike Fates,
With Grand Signieor beside the Straights.
Some in Russia, some in Polland,
Some in Flanders, some in Holland;
Some in Denmark, some in Spain,
Some with Gustavus of Swedden.
When with Scots Lads he did daunt,
Each Prince that did about him Vaunt;
But others, who were better read,
Said he storm'd Cities in his bed:
He walk'd in State, tho somewhat wide,
Ye know what makes some Gallants stride:
He stood upright, tho shoulders slopt,
Tho brans and leggs krain'd and clopt,
Tho bumm and belly were best boulked,
They all admir'd who on him looked.
But here I seruple to rehearse,
Or put that blank into my Verse;
Which in his throat some old wound makes;
Occasioned by some mistakes:
When in his Lodging he did bide,
It's said he call'd one oft a side.
To ask of beatten Buttons prices,
Of Silver work or strange divises:
Tho she be somewhat old and teugh;
She's a Scots Woman hough enough;
If of his Counteance ye ask,
It would be a difficult task,
For a Phisogmanist to tell,
Which of three doeth most excel;
Bachus, Venus, Mars, to wit,
Foresooth it were a kittle put:
But some there are, who think it be;
A just Commixion of the three.
Others who know his old projections,
Says wars is least in his affections;
While with such Grace and State he stood,
All the bulk of Highland Brood,
Admit'd their chance and their mishap,
When that he did not lift his Cape,
While he was speaking to the Laird,
Had it not been for the Life-guard,
She would have durkt him, when she saw,
He keeped so the Laird in aw:
The whole Crew stair'd him in the face,
Some asked if it was his Grace;
And other some who knew nothing,
Did ask if he could be Sir King;
On every hand they did enquire,
Till they were told it was the Squire.
He was afflicted with a cough,
Which vexed him right sore, although
He crub'd it as much as he could,
And got good Syrups when he would;
Yet it brake out with such a force,
As mar'd the Ranks of Highland horse;
When he had cought and cleans'd his throat
And from his mouth the phlegme had put,
He paus'd a little, then he spake,
And then drew forth the Councils Act:
Which is not safe for to insert,
It's known whose pockets made him smart,
E're to his reading he began,
He cry'd keep quiet every man,
Because they did not understand,
He hosted and lift up his hand,
And made signs they might hold still,
Till he declar'd his Graces will;
For all the pains that he had taken,
Yet instantly he was mistaken,
For these ignoramus fellows,
Thought he desir'd to hear their hollows;
With one consent they rais'd a cry:
Which echoed: from Sky to Sky,
That so the Clouds did toss and rift,
Then presently fell snow and drift:
The Squire this dumped stood amused,
And glour'd as if he were confused,
While they redoubled their cryes,
While hail and snow did blind his eyes,
His wounded neck was nipt with froast,
He looked like some wight or ghoast:
Some thought that he might have expired,
Had it not been they partly tired:
And partly stoped when rebuked,
By her hain Laird, yea some were knocked.
The Squite pufft, gapt, and drew his breath,
Like a Game Cock, then cursing, sayeth,
I wish I never may do good,
If I do like this Highland Brood.
When all their tumults were appeased,
The Squire himself was somewhat eased:
He read the Order, Act, and Bond,
Tho much difficultie he found,
His Judgement being somewhat Jumbl'd,
His brains with shouts and yelloughs tumbled:
He rested till he was composed,
Till brains, tongue, breath, were well disposed;
In Oratrie to shew his Worth,
Like Catilina or Jugurth:
When he had rested to content,
He rose and gave a complement,
But short as Souldiers use to do,
And then brevi manu he falls too;
And sayes, it's like ye'll ask the cause
Which at this time together draws:
Such multitudes in Winter frosts,
An unfit time to levie hosts;
Might this not all have been foreborn,
Till ye had till'd and sawen your Corn:
Then would ye come in Troups, and Fleets,
Like Tartars or like Moscovites;
And done whatever he had pleased,
Attila's title would received:
Tho I might all these knots unloose,
With it's thought fit, and so to close,
Yet I will all your doubts disjoint,
And answer unto every point.

It's known what mischief in times past,
In Southern shires, and in the West:
What to Haugh-head and hill-side fleetings,
Rebellious and seditious meetings.
Which by the Council is declared,
By wholesome Laws, and well prepared,
To be Seditions sole foundation
And this is all their Occupation:
They rail the Clergie and the State,
And hurts their Fame at a strange rate,
They say it's Alamode the Year,
For Noblemen the Horns to wear.
And that the most part are too readie,
To wait upon their Neighbours Ladie,
They rail on Courtly Lady's carriage
As if they did not honour Marriage:
Since they are turn'd so highly rude,
It's known to whom they do allude,
As if that Word were not within,
The compass of their Bible's skin;
There should not be an evil speaker,
Of peoples Prince, but what the Meeker,
Are they of that, they never heedlit,
As if they never heard nor read it:
They say we'r murderers of the Saints,
Court Parasites, gross Sycophants;
That Prelats are related sure,
Unto the Babylonish Whore;
Yea they'r alledging that his Grace,
Must to his Ladies wit give place;
Then this will follow, I suppose,
She drags the whole ware by the Nose.

It's frequently among them told,
That Lawyers Rules, are Leidges Cold:
And for a Proof, they cite a Process,
Of Melvil with the Earl of Rothess:
And of his Grace, with th' Earl of Twidsdale,
And some of late, with Will of Clidsdale.
Tho now he's hectored by ilk,
Even from his Grace, to Castle milk:
And that's but Just, for he before,
Catch'd his own Friends in that same bore:
It's known he would have interdited,
But he was forc'd with shame to quite it:
Now he's rewarded for such pranks,
VVhen he would pass, it's told he Janks:
For information they prevail,
With those who made the last appeal;
They have contriv'd rebellious Books:
Whose paper well might serve the Cooks,
To sing their Poultrie I dare swear,
A thousand or three hundered Year:
As Napthali, of much reputed,
By Hang-man, that was refuted:
Think his hyre he had deserved,
If he his Answerer had served;
At the same rate he serv'd the first,
He sham'd us all, he never durst:
And Apologetick Relation,
And Gilbert Burnet's Refutation,
Which he durst never yet red argue,
He found it easier to argue
With Ladies, and I'll tell you too,
He hath some other thing to do;
For he hath left Pindarick Rhime,
In writing Memoirs, spends his time.
Damascus Altar, and Lex Rex,
And thousands more the people vex,
Got from Buchannan, now he's gone,
Let Papists curse him, for I'm none;
I never so could love their wayes,
As keeps Lent's Nights, farr less its Dayes.
To answer all their Books we tyred,
We intercommun'd them, and fired;
Yet I'm afraid for all our pains,
That their Seditious Seed remains,
With other Pamphlets stuff'd with Lies,
Like Mitchels Ghosts and Tragedies,
And Answers to Oyas Covenanters,
Where they like Witches and Inchanters,
Even things to come presume to tell,
And placeth chief Rulers in Hell;
Tormenting Belzebub with fear,
Least some of them usurp his chair:
And other some pervert his laws,
And Arbitrarly judge each cause:
Yet I am fixed in Opinion,
He's absolute in his Dominion;
Neither will he yield his place,
When both comes there that's term'd his Grace

Now to such meetings runs in flocks,
Men with Hats, Swords and Cloacks:
Yea, some with great Cocks on their Hats,
Pearl'd Sleeves, and Lac'd Gravats,
Behaving well in every Gesture,
Neat in Ridding Gear and Vesture.
If they imagine ought to do,
They'll have their Hulster Pistols to.
Ye are informed what a sture,
Innes got at Lilsly Mure;
And Sharps Lifeguard, how they in Fife,
Were in the hazard of their Life;
Where all the Guard did flee or smart,
By of their Number a third part:
Yea, surely they might been devouted,
Had it not been they were secured,
By such a Man as Master Bruce,
Who yet for fear did keep his house:
Tho Silver Plate, Sharps Guard did plunder,
With Horse and Cloaths, I think no wonder,
For a pack of Tinkler Fellows,
Will steal tho they should get the Gallows.
And at their Meetings as some say,
They'r still in Armes in Galloway:
And now with Hume, tho he be wicked,
They bell the Cat, and him have tricked:
There ye may see as hansome Men,
As I when drest by her ye kenn;
Tho Men should come in such a case,
I would not valu'd a Traes Ace.
But wives with clubs and cudgels, save us,
It would affright an Old Gustavus:
They give Communions and Baptizes,
And convocats with their surmises,
The Leidges without Law and Order;
They haunt the Inland and the Border:
Yea, they'l perform a private Marriage,
Who would connive at such a Carriage?
But thir last words did raise his passion,
He hoasted, as it was his fashion,
He coaghed neat to Expiration,
As he had got the last Citation
From grim Death, the king of Terrours;
He griev'd when he thought on their errours.
He made signs for his Ligure Coat,
And Balsome to anoint his Throat;
For some good Drink to wash his Mouth,
For he was like to choak for drowth:
He got of Beer a full bowl Glass,
Which got bad Passage at his Hasse;
His Throat was so to excess dry,
It spung'd it up e're it got by:
He got the other drink, and sayeth,
Have at ye yet if I had Breath.
When that his Heart and Wind-pipes settles,
He rose as he had sit on Nettles;
He hasted to tell out the rest o't,
To handl't hotly is the best o't.
He had his passion overcome,
And gave a great silentium,
Placing his hands on both his haunches,
Gave in his Speech in several branches.
And sayes, I would be well content,
Because there's some thats ignorant
To tell ye of supream Government,
From which flows honour and preferment:
On which our properties are founded,
Our Laws and Liberties are grounded,
As sole power for decyding Questions,
And putting stops to hot Concestions;
But since it is a sacred thing,
Not to speak rashly of a King.
I'l tell ye when and where ye'le get it,
Scholastickly and learn'dly treated;
In the Trone Kirk when Annan prayes
On Sabbaths, and on Holy dayes,
If I mistake not, he ne're misses
When the Kings Majesty he blesses;
What power how absolute and great,
The King has over Church and State.
Yet Presbyterians never stands,
To violate the Kings Commands,
Yea just as if they could defy him,
His due Allegiance they deny him;
His Grace who is so much concerned,
To see the Kingdom right governed;
To see each thing in order put,
Each Law and Statute execute,
To see that Schismaticks be checked,
Least the True Clergie be neglected;
His Grace I say will never sit
With such Affronts, he'l ne're permit;
That such irregular Practisers,
Should pass without some Catechisers,
It nicks him nearer than his Life,
Yea, nor his Conscence, or his Wife:
I you assure he cannot bide it,
He'l either end it, or decide it:
Since to such Arrogance they'r mounted;
He will not see the King affronted:
Yea, tho his Grace should endeavour,
The patience of the Lord Strathmore,
Who if he had been in such a tash, as
If he had been so dastly rash, as
He, who gave him the provocation,
Even for thy Heart, or thy Foundation,
Thou dare not offer to rescent it,
Blood and Wounds might made's repent it:
Tho in patience he exceed
Socrates, and all we read:
If the King's Credit be at stake,
Some Course effectual he must take.
It's like ye'll say, there's something lurking,
That there's some other thing a working:
Some Powder pint, or strange Contriving,
Within his Grace's Brains is hiving:
But I declare, I know nothing.
Of his Intention or Design;
Whatever some may vainly boast,
They know what mov'd to call this Hoast:
Yet doth his Grace it so conceal,
That he'll to no Man it reveal:
He keep'st so closs I cannot show it,
He will not let the Angels know it,
Yet I imagine, I may say it,
Tho I tell you, ye'll keep it quiet.
His Grace's Courtship is more pusl'd,
Than Regal Credit's mar'd or musl'd.
If he had granted Libertie,
As was propos'd to Presbytrie,
The Clergies conjunct might have foil'd him,
And as it was, almost turncoyl'd him:
E're of his Interest ought he tine,
He'll try the most severe designe;
He will not plainly tell what led him,
Says dev'l be in the breast it bred in;
His Grace knows Presbytrie as well,
As Besrie doth the Privy Seal:
He knows well how to loose their knots,
For he was once on all their Plots,
By Vowes and Bonds was tyed to them,
He knew the better to undoe them:
And if ye think this cannot true be,
The Truth thereof I can let you see;
It is no Fancie, nor no Fable,
He was concern'd at the Green-table;
Which I can prove, if that I need it,
In Burnet's new penn'd Race ye'll read it.
Now I have showen some Cause and Reason,
That we are here, it's suspect Treason;
For all the Prelats, as we hear,
Are in such a panick fear,
They know not how, nor where to creep to,
They must be guarded when they sleep too:
The wiser men I do repute them,
For their own Gunns are like to shoot them;
Its hard to bide the hard reproaches,
That some of them gets from their Coaches.

As for the harshness of the Season,
I can give a sufficient Reason,
For these who's duk't over Lug and Horn,
In snow or Dubbs as soon as born;
More boasterous Weather may endure,
Than might their Horse and Nolt devour:
This Season strongest Storms still yeelds,
They'l not have power to keep the Fields:
So we shall catch them by the Neck,
If they'l not bow, we'le cause them break:
As for your labour neyer regard it,
For ye to full shall be rewarded:
Ye'le get more booty by your Durking,
Than might surpass full two years working;
For there are routh of Geese and Hens,
As fat as ever flew on pens;
Turkies, Sheep, Nolt and Horse,
If ye be hindred take by force,
Cloaths of Linning, Wolling, Silk,
Butter, Cheese, Bread and Milk,
Beer and Ale, and good salt Beef,
And all that may engadge a Thief:
Armour, Money, and some Gold;
We shall them raze from house and hold:
There's something yet I have forgotten,
Which ye preferr to roast and sodden;
Wine and wastels I dare say,
And that is south of Usequebay,
Yea, there is Spanish Least enough,
As good as ever was mill'd in snuff:
I hope the's many here to day
Who with a mirtie heart will say,
Now we have got a fair occasion,
And fitt for to revenge our Lesione
We have sustain'd, goe to and rise it
Wee'll not gett such if yee refuse it
Tho there be some men that may blame her:
Yet they'll be far in wrong to shame bet.

I think the three great doubts be solved,
And yee contented and resolved
That yee may be the better hearted
I'll start each doubt that may be started:
Its like, that some may fall a shrinking
And pussl'd be while they'r a thinking!
That those who here Commanders are
Are not well Verst in fates of ware,
But thats a silly supposition,
For we'l not meet with opposition,
And if that were yet for commanding
Doubt yet nought while I am a standing,
A copper Guinzie for their Feed
For I am a able hand indeed
And if we had such expectations:
One of his Graces near relations,
Give his assistance for a word would,
Who great things practice with his Sword could,
In sixtie six he prov'd as stout as,
And bold as any of the Rout was,
He level'd equal, when he shot too,
So that his Horse luggs bullets got too,
Was he not in a grievous perril,
VVhen hot lead did his Horse luggs quarrel.

It's like ye'll think if ye steal too much,
And with your Durks the people touch:
If the Country be to excess wrong'd,
Ye'll be knut up like Doggs, and hang'd:
Tho there be many of the mind,
That Hanging is good of your kind;
The like of that should not demure you,
It's not be so, I shall assure you:
Your Order is so vast and large,
It will defend you like a Targe:
And for example, I'll you tell,
Of my Brother, Old Dalzel:
How he caus'd shoot an Innocent,
Because he would not speak, anent
Things that he neither heard nor knew,
Ye see he's never question'd now.

It's like that some of you may spear,
VVherefore his Grace is not come here:
To start such doubts, is too like Treason,
Yet I'll presume to give a Reason:
His Grace he cannot stire a foot,
He's so oppressed with the Gout:
Altho his Gout were somewhat eased,
Yet he might be Dilematized,
As to his Lady, what were best,
To leave her East, or bring her VVest;
To leave her East, would not be Right,
She'll wearie in the VVinter Night,
To bring her VVest, would mend but little,
For Highland Lairds are very kittle.

Altho his Grace do stay at home,
Ye'll say his Neighbour might have come:
He's not so closs ty'd to his VVife,
But he behoov'd to wait on Fife:
To press the Band, and them redact,
To Order, by the Council's Act;
In which Shire, he as some relate,
Behav'd himself at such a Rate,
That by his Care, and Diligence,
A Gentleman was at expence:
In Oratrie to rack invention,
And shamefully lost his intention,
For as it's said, he was put out,
Because he could not solve a Doubt,
His Countenance was somewhat broken,
Because he knew not how to slocken:
But here's enough of this already,
Because it doth concern a Lady:
VVho, tho she aged be, and grown is,
Hath made good use of what her own is:
Ye need not doubt him, for he's Loyal,
He's grown without remisness Royal,
Which clear appears, and now is past out,
Since Lesly Families are cast out,
Tho these who were the chief Agenters:
In sixty six, are now Repenters,
And are discourted for reward,
That's nought his Grace is our safe guard.

And now I'le give you my advise,
And look to it if ye be wise,
Since that I hear that Rebels do
Haunt about the Highlands too,
If once their Doctrine their get rooting
Then farewell Theift, the best of Booting,
And this ye see is very clear,
Dayly experience makes it appear;
For instance lately in the Borders
Where there was nought but Theift and Murders
Rapine, Cheating and Resetting
Slight of hand fortuns getting
Their designation as ye ken
Was all along the taking men;
Now Rebels prevails more with words
Then Drawgouns, does with Guns and Swords,
So that their bare preaching now,
Makes the thrush bush keen the Cow,
Better then Scots or English KINGS
Could do by Killing them with strings,
Yea those who were the greatest Rogues
Follows them ov'r hills and Boges,
Crying for Prayers and for Preaching,
For thy'l now hear none others teaching.
I Charge you all, ye go not near them
If once they you engage to hear them,
There preaching easily prevails;
I'le pawn my Throat your trading fils,

At this Discourse their tails all bobed
They gave a gaunt and then they sobed,
They threw there faces like Babowns
They muttered and raised Sounds,
It griev'd them to the very Heart
To think that men and thieft should part,
And those last words inrag'd them more
Than all the Squire had said before.
The Squire perceiv'd his Heart did dance
For he had fall'n on this perchance,
He did admire and praise the pith of't
And leugh and said, I hit the lith of't:
When he saw them so much concern'd
He lockt as if he had Govern'd,
A Thousand Millions at a hoast
The Whiggs he did at randome boast,
When he had them to full abused
And all indemnitie refused
He paus'd a litle, plac'd his hand
Upon his mouth and so did stand,
In imitation of great Jove
While he did convocat the Drove
Of Poets fancies, that he might
See that a Rogue got nought but right,
When he had roll'd his brains about
To see if he could ought find out,
That was mistaken or foregot,
He found he had not loos'd a knot,
VVhich very necessar to loose is;
He lifts his hand, and mouth uncloses,
Stood with such State and Reverence,
As he had been a Court to fence,
Her Nain-sell shooke her naked Breeches,
For she was tyred with his speeches;
She would farr rather had a tirtle,
Of an Aquavitæ Barrel,
But he some patience extorted,
By promissing that he should short it.

And sayes, ye will make inquiry,
For the Ground and Reason why,
The Primat, who was still so eagare,
To cleanse the Kirk with Sword and Dager,
Is not come here to give his Blessing,
Ye'll wonder that he is a missing.

He cannot come to distant places,
He's troubled with so many Cases
Of Conscience, which he's still dissecting,
And Court Exorbitances checking;
As whither the Liturgie hath set formes,
For Sea-dangers, and great Stormes:
If Presbyterians, or VVitches,
Deserves in Law the Sharpest touches,
If Men for Reason should be pyn'd.
VVithout informing of their mind:
VVhither its best for Edinburgh Lasses,
To haunt Conventicles, or Masses.
Vowes and Covenants oblieges
His Majestie and all his Leidges,
Whether or no the late rescinding,
Did quite cut off such Oaths from binding?
If it were right such Bonds were torn,
If those did right who did conform
To Prelates, who the other day
Own'd publick Resolution, Way;
Whether since that some Remonstrators,
Are gain'd by Rulers, Wiles and Flatters:
If their Indulgence and such things,
Secures them under Prelates Wings:
Which Peace and Ease to them provides,
With Stipends, Tythes, with Manse and Glibes,
If such like plots will break their strength,
If we'le quite raze them at the length;
Whether its best for Men and Ladds,
To haunt Conventickles or Bawds:
Whether or not it was far best,
To put some Rebels to their Rest?
After they had got a Remit:
Whether or not it be most fit,
To conceal Deaths of murder'd Babies?
Whether or no the Clergie Rabbies,
May give Commissions to marrie
Tho private, one of which I carrie;
But Gentlemen I crave your pardon,
A Swerff of Love my Heart is hard on,
Still by her features I'm confounded,
When I think on her, my heart's wounded:
Then down he shrunk like one that faint,
When deadly wounds the Leeches taint,
When stocks that are half rotten lowes,
They burn best, so doth dry broom kowes
Her naine sell thought the speech was ended,
Their cryes arose, the shouts ascended,
Tho Epilogie and Perroration
Did want that made no hesitation,
With one consent they raised Applaudo,
Till every hill resounded Laudo.
When this was done their Ranks were broken,
Some ran for drink their drought to slocken,
Some for Sack to help their Esquire,
For he was plunged in Desire:
Pipes were playing, Drums were beating,
Some snizeing from their fellows getting?
Some were chasing hens and cocks,
Some were loosing horse from vocks,
Some with snapwarks, some with bowes,
Were charging Reers of Toops and Ewes,
Their stomacks so on edge were set,
That all was Fish came in the nett;
Trumpets sounded, Skeens were glanceing,
Some were Tonald Cowper danceing,
Some cryed, here to her Laird and Lady;
Some to her Mother and her Daddie,
And Sir King too, if the Laird please,
Then up with Plaids and scarrs her Thighs,
There swarms of vermine, and sheep raids,
Delights to lodge beneath the Plaids,
For they like not in frostie VVeather
To sit upon her open leather,
Her nane sell lapp and clapt her narse,
More like a Monkie, nor like Mars.
Some were stealing, some were riveing:
Some were Wives and Lasses grieving,
Some's teeth for cold did chack and chatter,
Some from plaids were wringing Water:
Yea, to be short, moe different postures.
Than's sewed on Hangings, Beds or Bolstures,
Moe various actings, modes and Stances,
Than's read in Poems or Romances;
If some had seen this grand confusion,
They would have thought it a delusion,
Some Tragedie of dismal Wights,
Or such like enchanted sights.
Heraclitus if he had seen,
He would have bluther'd out his Een:
Democrites he would gone dast.
Or elfe with laughing riven his chast;
Even such as might have understood them,
Did think their senses did delude them.
To leave them here I think its best,
They're charg'd to march into the West,
How they behaved when come there,
How neither friend nor foe did spare,
What plunder they away did bear,
Ye partly afterwards shall hear,
Because some will be curious,
To know how madly furious.
They prov'd against the publick fleets,
Which at Barn doors and midings meets,
How each Rank by them abused,
What beastly shamles tricks they used;
I hope to give a short narration,

Grounded on the Information,
The heavy beer and sad complaint
Which to the Committee was sent,
By that poor and tossed shire,
When the Committee sat at Air:
The man who was Commissionat,
Was Grave Sage, Pos'd and Moderat
He gave a perfect Information
And Instances for his Probation,
It is the best we can affoord.
We'l strive to give it Word by Word
We need not tell how he got throw,
The swarmings of the Red shank Grew,
Or what great hazard he was in too
E're be the Town of Air could win too
It is enough for our intent,
To tell that he was theither sent,
That he got there and him behaved
According as the countrey craved,
When he arives, his beard he trimes,
Put new silk Stockings on his limbes,
And put on shoes of Turkie Leather,
As good as e're tholl'd wind or Weather,
He could not walk on with his Boots,
Because they did coarck his Coots,
His hands and face he wash'd and dighted
His lac'd Gravat he caus'd be righted,
His Knots and Ruffles was right fine too,
He caused bring a Glass of Wine too,
To keep his countenance from matring,
For great mens looks are very darring;
He Comb't and Powdered his head too,
And in his hand he took a Reed too,
Went to the Glass and saw all fited
Then went he on and was admitted
He bow'd with humble reverence,
And saying, May't please your EXCELLENCE
With patience to lend your Ear
To our complaint and heavie bear,
We'le be repused in a miss
If we but speak of grievances,
Its true we are not Ignorant,
That ye by Order here are sent;
And that ye are Commissionar,
The Westren shires to subjugar,
We know his Grace does you allow,
In several things thats acted now
Tho he be not sole Head and Rector,
He's like to turn a Lord Protecter,
The last we had, just us so tricked,
When he caus'd some subscrive the ticker,
I say the Tender, luck and shame on't,
For I can never keep the name on't;
We thought his Grace would ne'er given orders
To commit rapin, Thiefts and Murders
At that rate they're now committed,
He never was so shallow witted,
For truly, they more cruel carrie,
Than ever Frenchmen under Marie,
Or Spaniards under Ferdinando did,
Or French, when Duke of Guise commanded,
Yea they more savage far than those were,
Who with Kollkittoch and Montrose were,
And sixtie times they're worse than they
Whom Turner led in Galloway,
They durk our Tennents, shames our Wives
And we're in hazard of our Lives,
They plunder horse, and them they loaden,
With Coverings, Blankets, sheets and Plaidin
With Hooding gray, and worsted Stuff,
They sell our Tongs for locks of snuff.
They take our Cultors and our soaks,
And from our doors they pull the locks
They leave us neither shoals nor spaids,
And takes away our Iron in laids,
They break our pleughs, ev'n when they're working
We dare not hinder them for durking;
My Lords, they so harasse and wrong us:
There's scarce a pair of shoes among us,
And for Blew bonnets they leave non,
That they can get their Claurs upon
If any dare refuse to give them,
They Durk them, Strips them, & so leavs them
They ripe for Arms, but all they find,
Is arms with them, leaves nought behind,
Is't not a strange mistake in that,
Our tankerds, and our Chamber Pot,
And stool pans, should be thought Granads
They take our Sadles and our Pades,
They stripe our Lecquies, ripes their Pouches,
They leave us neither Beds nor Couches,
Yea to be short they leave us nought,
That can from place to place be brought,
The Red Coats can tell them who spiers,
When they with them fell by the eares
VVhen that their bootie they laid hold of,
They had much more than I have told of,
VVhere some gott wounds with sword and ball
I'm sorrie for't they were so small,
As if they could not Doe eneugh,
They fall on poor men at the pleugh,
Because they doe not understand,
Their Language they'll cut off their band,
And for a proofe, I thinke I have it.
Took out the hand and to them gave it
Another Instance, I shall tell,
In which the Irish they excell,
VVhen they a poor man had Destroy'd
Of meat cloathes money made him voide,
They left him nought that they could take
Except two horse and a corne stack,
The stack they fir'd through very spyte
But with the horse they would not quite,
Till he some Money them did give,
One half whereof they did receive,
To buy the other nought he had,
Yet they so savage were and mad,
While the poor man with heavie Looks,
Was begging favour from these Ruikes,
The horse most die without remead,
They drove Lead Bullets through his head;
An other instance I shall give yet,
I shall be briefe and to you Leave it,
When they by violence and force,
Had plundered a poor mans horse,
And Loaded him with his own gier,
For they took more than they could bear,
The poor man follow'd to releave him,
Still begging that they bake would give him,
But finding he could not Prevaill,
That his requests did nought avail,
He slipt the branks from his horse head,
For which they shot this poor man dead,
Even Instantly without remorse.
Because they could not grip the horse,
His wife perceiv'd this Cruell deed.
She clapt her hands and ran with speed,
There she cry'd out as she thought good,
The Bishops guiltie of this blood,
The King himself can scarce be free,
The Council, most of all the three,
As well as these who did the fact,
A vengeance come on the whole pack
She pray'd, that God would charge allon them
His, her's, six childrens curse upon them
For giveing out such wicked Lawes,
Against his people and his Cause
To gratifie the Whore of Rome,
Long, Sad, and Heavie be their Doom.
For all the Mischiefs, Rapes and Murders
This Hells Crew does, are by their Orders.
Tho they did neither rive nor steal,
Their meat which is good Hens and Veal,
The best of Bread, good Ale and Wine
It sets them ilk, shame on their kind;
Would us destroy in a short space,
Its true, as I hold up my face,
For they most have four times a day,
And more at once, I'm clear to say,
Then might sustain a great Coach Mare,
For any half day in the Year;
For sixty men or but few more
They'l take up quarters for seven Score,
An shilling Starling we most grant,
For each person that they want,
And six pence also they receive,
For each Tail of them they have,
And thus each day must be renew'd,
That they take Meat. I wish they spew'd;
Our Glasgow Provost its told to us
With his new Acts will quite undo us
That hagish headed Cawlie sure,
Hath done to break us, to his power,
It were an Almes-deed to hang us
When we let such a Varlet wrong us,
Amongst the rest of their Trespasses
They'r oft imployed in chaseing Lasses,
It is too evident a token,
Of this when Maidens bakes are broken
Yea tho they touch them not at all,
They'r like to starve for very cald
For when they sit their plaids do hang by,
Ye'l see from Navels down each thing fy,
Such sights the Lasses cannot bide,
So they must starve in a backside,
And here ou instance I shall tell,
Of what to one of them befell:
This red shank from no good pretence,
Pursued the Lass been to the spence
And aiming at some naughtie deed,
Pull'd up his plaid and ran with speed,
She with a fleshcruik in her hand,
Advised him a back to stand,
But he presuming for to strugle,
Occasioned a huble buble
The story it is something od
She mith a Flesh eruik gript his cod,
So held and rag'd as made him squil
And ay cry out the Deu'l the Deu'l,
But getting of a way he flees,
VVhile blood was streading down his Thighs
For severall dayes he keept his Bed
And when got up he strid led
From either hands they get small thanks
VVho are the Authors of such pranks.
VVas't not a cunning plot and wittie,
To make Killmarnoek two hours bootie,
Must he not be a man of sense,
And well deserves a recompense
VVho fell upon that famous way,
To make the Red shanks ready pay,
At once to work that subtile ploy,
Them to make up and us destroy.
But here I'le stop, if these offend not,
And only say behold the end o't.
They answered him we'l cleanse your Land
If ye be clear to take the Band,
He paus'd a little, drew his breath,
And made a congie, then he saith:
My Lords if we had got fair play,
Ye had not came so soon this way,
For we'r informed that ye found
As great opposers to the Bond,
In Clidsdale where you were before
As ye do here, I do abhore,
That Nations rulers should prove partial
In this affair tho it be Mariiall,
For Clidsdales bonders, as ye ken
Are scarcely reckon'd amongst men,
The Tumid Earle, Papist Haggs,
An Athiest Jew, to save his Baggs,
And Fleeming too did prove a sot,
Least he had lost the Bishops Coat.
Bedlay with Towcorss and Wood-hall,
John Thomsons man, plague on them all,
There's also other two or three,
Which with Your Leave I must let be,
Or else resolve to get me hence,
Or spew before your Excellence:
For, since I took them in my mouth,
They have defil'd it so in Truth,
That I was ne're so sore agasting,
To keep my Stomack from ov'r casting:
We know their Overture propos'd,
But that's nought, since it was refus'd:
It was repute a good Defence,
Yet they lost both their Meat and Mense.
I am not clear for such Politicks,
Tho Statesmen, but for fear of Criticks.
I'le say no more, this is the sum o'it,
Let none do ill, that good may come o'it,
We who with our Indulgence still bydes,
When others runs to Muires and Hill sydes,
Are first assaulted by Oppressours,
Who are by far the least Transgressours:
Even as so that which ye call Law,
Your Lordships does the samen knaw.
And this be all the good we get o'it
We would not care tho we were quite o'it.
We are inform'd we're nought the better
Of Some who lately wrote a Letter,
Now let them drink as they have browen,
if it be true, the worst's their own.
We cannot guess unto this time,
What is our Fault, or what's our Crime.
Nor any Reason to annoy us,
Far less, wherefore ye thus destroy us?
The like is not upon Record,
Nor read, that ever King or Lord,
Destroy'd their own, both Flock and Fleece,
While harmless and living in peace,
Giving no provocation,
Not doing harm to any one;
Had there been one in all the Land,
That did oppose or yet gainstand,
Ye might have pleaded some pretence,
In defence of your Violence,
But since there's none, makes Ours alas,
Be an unprecedented case,
Which case is partly I conclude,
Even by your Lordships understood,
Tho, there's not told the thousand part,
Of our afflictions and our smart,
The whole no persons can express,
Of all our Ruine and Distress,
Altho that innocent we be,
We're plagued, & harasted as ye see,
For innocence proves no defence,
Against this Spait of violence,
What can the great Turk order worse,
Then murder, rob, and Conscience force?
But there's a Righteous Judge who sees
Such who govern, and who tyrannize,
Who in his due time prepar'd,
To give to each his own reward,
Before whose throne I hope ye'r, clear.
Both great and small must all appear,
Advise my Lords what than yee'll say,
For that which yee practise this day
Tho we now suffer to our Loss,
We hope the Lord will blesse our Cross,
If yee have no reliefe to send us,
Goe to, dispatch, eat up and end us
They answer'd if yee'll not conforme,
Yee must resolve to byde the storme,
His Grace hath sworn that every man,
That is beswixt Bersheba and Dan,
Must take the band or he'll doe better,
He'll heat the furnace seven times hotter,
At which, this good man was amaz'd,
Lookt sternly upon all and gaz'd,
Then made a small bow, turn'd his bake,
And not one other word he spoake,
VVhen he was gone they did admire,
To finde the man so void of fear,
So wise so grave and confident,
So readie, and so eloquent,
They Judg'd he was a man of Sence,
That well could Defend Innocence,
His countenance was very stay'd,
He was not easily dismay'd,
His personage did represent
As much as any could be sent:
In Politicks he was well seen,
Yet Machavile and Mazarine,
And all other Assickles he hates,
He counts their Policies Deceits,
Grand Oppressions, Tricks, Tyrannicks,
Countrey Plagueing, Plots, Satanicks,
He was well versed in Court Modes;
In French Pavies, and new Com'd Nods;
And finally, in all that can
Make up a Compleat Prettie Man.

Now how the Red-Shanks ran away,
How these behaved that did stay,
How they the Halie Kirk Reform'd,
What Castles, and what Towns they storm'd,
Whose Hens was slain, whose Geese murder'd
What great Designes by them was further'd
And what great Credit to the King
His Grace procur'd by this designe:
How Conventickles all were quasht,
And Schismaticks destroy'd and dasht:
And how our nobles Journyed
How their addresses did succeed,
Att court how they did represent
The countries Losse, and sad complaint,
And what success therein they had,
And whether it was good or bad,
How they gott off and how things past,
Which of ye factions had the best,
Ye'l hear when my Parnassus whinchie,
Gets of Fount Cablin a pounchie,
And therewith stives her empty Tearses,
And hatcht up with lumps of Verses.