 | The coquette, or, The history of Eliza Wharton : a novel, founded on fact |  |
LETTER XLI.
Hartford.
The retirement of my native home
is not so gloomy, since my return from Boston,
as I expected, from the contrast between
them.
Indeed, the customs and amusements of this
place are materially altered, since the residence
of Major Sanford among us. The dull,
old fashioned sobriety which formerly prevailed,
is nearly banished; and cheerfulness, vivacity,
and enjoyment are substituted in its
stead. Pleasure is now diffused through all
ranks of the people, especially the rich; and
surely it ought to be cultivated, since the wisest
of men informs us, that “a merry heart doth
good like a medicine.” As human life has
many diseases, which require medicines, are
we not right in selecting the most agreeable
and palatable? Major Sanford's example has
had great influence upon our society in general;
and though some of our old dons think
him rather licentious; yet, for ought I can see,
he is as strict an observer ofdecorum, as the best
but what of that? The Deity is not consined to
temples made with hands. He may worship
him as devoutly elsewhere, if he chuses; and
who has a right to say he does not?
His return from Boston was but a day or
two after mine. He paid me an early visit;
and, indeed, has been very attentive ever since.
My mamma is somewhat precise in her notions
of propriety; and of course, blames me for
associating so freely with him. She says,
that my engagements to Mr. Boyer ought to
render me more sedate; and more indifferent
to the gallantry of mere pleasure-bunters, to
use her phrase. But I think otherwise. If I
am to become a recluse, let me, at least, enjoy
those amusements, which are suited to my taste,
a short time first. Why should I refuse the
polite attentions of this gentleman? They
smoothe the rugged path of life, and wonderfully
accelerate the lagging wheels of time.
Indeed, Lucy, he has an admirable talent
for contributing to vary, and increase amusement.
We have few hours unimproved. Some
new plan of pleasure, and sociability is constantly
courting our adoption. He lives in all
the magnificence of a prince; and why should
I, who can doubtless share that magnificence if
I please, forego the advantages and indulgences
it offers, merely to gratify those friends
who pretend to be better judges of my happiness
than I am myself.
I have not yet told my mamma that he entertains
me with the lover's theme; or, at least,
that I listen to it. Yet I must own to you,
from whom I have never concealed an action
or idea, that his situation in life charms my imagination;
that the apparent servor and sincerity
of his passion affect my heart. Yet there is
something extremely problematical in his conduct.
He is very urgent with me to dissolve
my connection with Mr. Boyer, and engage not
to marry him without his consent; or knowledge,
to say no more. He warmly applauds
my wish, still longer to enjoy the freedom and
independence of a single state; and professedly
adopts it for his own. While he would disconnect
me from another, he mysteriously conceals
his own intentions and views. In conversation
with him yesterday, I plainly told him
that his conduct was unaccountable; that if his
professions and designs were honorable he
could not neglect to mention them to my
mamma; that I should no longer consent to
carry on a clandestine intercourse with him;
that I hourly expected Mr. Boyer, whom I esteemed,
and who was the favorite of my frinds;
and that unless he acted openly in this affair before
his arrival, I should give my hand to him.
He appeared thunderstruck at this declaration.
All his words and actions were indicative
of the most violent emotions of mind. He
entreated me to recall the sentence; for I knew
not, he said, his motives for secrecy; yet he
replied in the words of the poet,
False, deceitful, treacherous, and inconstant.
When a man talks of love, with caution hear him;
But if he swear, he'll certainly deceive you.”
he had provoked my suspicions; by what
means he had forseited my confidence? His
importunity vanquished my fortitude; and
before we parted, I again promised to make
him acquainted, from time to time, with the
progress of my connection with Mr. Boyer.
Now, my dear friend, I want your advice more
than ever. I am inadvertently embarrassed by
this man; and how to extricate myself, I know
not. I am sensible that the power is in my
hands; but the disposition (shall I confess it)
is wanting!
“I know the right, and I approve it too;
I know the wrong and yet the wrong pursue!”
I have just received a card from Major Sanford,
inviting me to ride this afternoon. At
first I thought of returning a negative answer;
but recollecting that Mr. Boyer must soon be
here, I concluded it best to embrace this opportunity,
of talking further with him. I must
now prepare to go; but shall not close this letter,
for I intend writing in continuation, as events
occur, till this important business is decided.
Tuesday evening. The little tour which I
mentioned to you this afternoon, was not productive
of a final determination. The same
plea was repeated over, and over again, without
closing the cause. On my return I found
Mr. Boyer waiting to receive me. My heart
beat an involuntary welcome. I received him
very cordially, though with a kind of pleasure
mixed with apprehension. I must own that his
conversation and manners are much better calculated
to bear the scrutinising eye of a refined
understanding and taste, than Major Sanford's.
But whether the fancy ought not to be consulted
about our settlement for life, is with me a
question.
When we parted last, I had promised Mr.
Boyer, to inform him positively, at this visit,
when my hand should be given. He therefore
came, as he told me in the course of our conversation,
with the resolution of claiming the
fulsilment of this promise.
I begged absolution; told him, that I could
not possibly satisfy his claim; and sought still
to evade, and put off the important decision.
He grew warm; and affirmed that I treated
him ungenerously, and made needless delays.
He even accused me of indifference towards
him; and of partiality to another. Major
Sanford he believed, was the man who
robbed him of the affection which he had supposed
his due. He warned me against any intercourse
with him, and insisted that I must renounce
He would leave me, he said, this evening
and call to morrow to know the result of
my determination. It was late before he bade
me good night; since which I have written
these particulars. It is now time to lay aside
my pen, and deliberate what course to take.
Wednesday Evening. Last night I closed not
my eyes. I rose this morning with the sun,
and went into the garden till breakfast. My
mamma doubtless saw the disorder of my mind,
but kindly avoided any inquiry about it. She
was affectionately attentive to me, but said nothing
of my particular concerns. I mentioned
not my embarrassment to her. She had declared
herself in favor of Mr. Boyer; therefore
I had no expectation, that she would advise
impartially. I retired to my chamber,
and remained in a kind of reverie, for more
than an hour; when I was roused by the rattling
of a carriage at the door. I hastened to
the window, and saw Major Sanford just driving
away. The idea of his having been to
converse with my mamma, gave me new sensations.
A thousand perplexities occurred to my
mind relative to the part most proper for me to
act in this critical situation. All these might
have been avoided, had I gone down and inquired
into the matter; but this I delayed
till dinner. My mamma then informed me,
that Major Sanford had been with her, and
inquired for me; but that she thought it unnecessary
particular business with him. I knew the motives
by which she was actuated, and was vexed
at her evasions. I told her plainly, that she
would never carry her point in this way; that
I thought myself capable of conducting my
own affairs; and wished her not to intersere,
except by her advice, which I should always
listen to, and comply with when I could
possibly make it consistent with my inclination
and interest. She wept at my undutiful
anger (of which I have severely repented since)
and affectionately replied, that my happiness
was the object of her wishes and prayers; conformably
to which she felt constrained, sreely
to speak her mind, though it incurred my displeasure.
She then went through again with
all the comparative circumstances and merits
of the two candidates for my favor, which have
perpetually rung in my ears for months. I
shed tears at the idea of my embarrassment; and
in this condition Mr. Boyer found us. He appeared
to be affected by my visible disorder; and
without inquiring the cause, endeavored to dissipate
it. This was kindly done. He conversed
upon indifferent subjects; and invited
me to ride, and take tea with your mamma, to
which I readily consented. We found her at
home; and passed the time agreeably, excepting
the alloy of your absence. Mr. Boyer
touched lightly on the subject of our laft evening's
debate; but expatiated largely on the
should one day both realize and exemplify it
in perfection. When we returned, he observed
that it was late, and took his leave; telling
me that he should call to morrow; and begged
that I would then relieve his suspense. As I
was retiring to bed, the maid gave me a hint
that Major Sandford's servant had been here
and left a letter. I turned instantly back to
my mamma, and telling her my information,
demanded the letter. She hesitated, but I insisted
on having it; and seeing me resolute, she
reluctantly gave it into my hand. It contained
the following words:
“Am I forsaken? Am I abandoned? Oh
my adorable Eliza, have you sacrificed me to
my rival? Have you condemned me to perpetual
banishment, without a hearing?
I came this day, to plead my cause at your
feet; but was cruelly denied the privilege of feeing
you! My mind is all anarchy and confusion!
My soul is harrowed up with jealousy! I will
be revenged on those who separate us, if that
distracting event take place! But it is from
your lips only that I can hear my sentence!
You must witness its effects! To what lengths
my despair may carry me, I know not! You
are the arbitress of my fate!
Let me conjure you to meet me in your garden
to morrow at any hour you shall appoint.
My servant will call for an answer in the morning.
pity on your faithful Sanford.”
I wrote for answer, that I would meet him
to morrow, at five o'clock in the afternoon.
I have now before me another night for confideration;
and shall pass it in that employment.
I purpose not to see Mr. Boyer, till I
have conversed with Major Sanford.
Thursday Morning. The morning dawns,
and ushers in the day; a day, perhaps big with
the fate of your friend! What that fate may be
is wrapped in the womb of futurity; that futurity
which a kind Providence has wifely concealed
from the penetration of mortals!
After mature confideration; after revolving
and re-revolving every circumstance on both
sides of the question, I have nearly determined,
in compliance with the advice of my friends,
and the dictates of my own judgment, to give
Mr. Boyer the preference, and with him to
tread the future round of life.
As to the despair of Major Sanford, it does
not much alarm me. Such violent passions are
seldom so deeply rooted, as to produce lasting
effects. I must, however, keep my word, and
meet him according to promise.
Mr. Boyer is below. My mamma has just
sent me word that he wished to see me. My
reply was that I had lain down, which was a fact.
One o'Clock. My mamma, alarmed by my indisposition,
has visited my apartment. I soon
principally to the want of sleep; and that an
airing in the garden, which I intended towards
night, would restore me.
Ten o'clock, at night.—The day is past! and
such a day it has been, as I hope never more to
see!
At the hour appointed, I went tolerably
composed and resolute into the garden. I
had taken several turns, and retired into the little
arbor, where you and I have spent so many
happy hours, before Major Sanford entered.
When he appeared, a consciousness of the impropriety
of this clandestine intercourse suffused
my cheek, and gave a coldness to my manners.
He immediately penetrated the cause,
and observed that my very countenance told
him he was no longer a welcome guest to me.
I asked him if he ought so to be; since his ma-tives
for seeking admission, were unworthy of
being communicated to my friends? That he said
was not the case, but that prudence in the present
instance required a temporary concealment.
He then undertook to exculpate himself
from blame, assuring me that as soon as I should
discountenance the expectations of Mr. Boyer,
and discontinue the reception of his address, his
intentions should be made known. He was
enlarging upon this topic, when we heard a
footstep approaching us? and looking up saw
Mr. Boyer within a few paces of the arbor.—
Confusion seized us both! We rose involuntarily
He spoke not a word, but casting a look of indignant
accusation at me, a glance which penetrated
my very soul, turned on his heel, and
walked hastily back to the house.
I stood a few moments, considering what
course to take, though shame and regret had
almost taken from me the power of thought.
Major Sanford took my hand. I withdrew
it from him. I must leave you, said I. Where
will you go? said he. I will go and try to retrieve
my character. It has suffered greatly
by this satal interview.
He threw himself at my seet and exclaimed,
leave me not, Eliza, I conjure you not to leave
me. Let me go now, I rejoined, or I bid you
farewell for ever. I flew precipitately by him,
and went into the parlor, where I found Mr.
Boyer and my mamma, the one traversing the
room in the greatest agitation; the other in a
flood of tears! Their appearance affected me;
and I wept like an infant! when I had a little
recovered myself, I begged him to fit down;
He answered no. I then told him, that however
unjustisiable my conduct might appear, perhaps
I might explain it to his satisfaction, if he
would hear me; that my motives were innocent,
though they doubtless wore the aspect of
criminality, in his view. He sternly replied,
that no palliation could avail; that my motives
were sufficiently notorious! He, accused me of
treating him ill, of rendering him the dupe of
Major Sanford, and declared his determination
to leave me for ever, as unworthy of his regard,
and incapable of love, gratitude, or honor!—
There was too much reason in support of his
accusations for me to gainsay them, had his
impetuosity suffered me to attempt it.
But in truth I had no inclination to self defence.
My natural vivacity had forsaken me;
and I listened without interrupting him to the
fluency of reproachful language, which his resentment
inspired. He took a very solemn and
affectionate leave of my mamma; thanking her
for her politeness, and wishing her much future
felicity. He attempted to address me, I suppose
somewhat in the same way; but his sensibility
overcome him; and he only took my
hand, and bowing in silence, departed.
The want of rest for two long nights together,
the exercise of mind, and conslict of passions,
which now tortured my breast, were too
much for me to support!
When I saw that he was gone; that he had
actually forsaken me, I fainted. My mamma,
with the assistance of the maid, soon restored
me.
When I opened my eyes, and beheld this amiable
and tender parent, watching and attending
me with the most anxious concern; without
one reproachful word, without one accusing
look, my reflections upon the part I had acted,
in defeating her benevolent wishes, were
to mention the occasion of my illness; and I
complied with her advice to take some refreshment,
and retire to my chamber. I am so much
fatigued by the exertions of the day, that reft
is absolutely necessary; and I lay aside my pen
to seek it.
Friday Morning. When I shall again receive
the balmy influence of sleep, I know not.
It has absolutely forsaken me at prefent. I have
had a most restless night. Every awakening
idea presented itself to my imagination; whether
I had sustained a real loss in Mr. Boyer's
departure; reflections on my own misconduct,
with the censure of my friends, and the ill-natured
remarks of my enemies, excited the most
painful anxiety in my mind!
I am going down, but how shall I see my
mamma? To her will I consess my faults, in
her maternal breast repose my cares, and by
her friendly advice regulate my conduct. Had
I done this before, I might have escaped this
trouble, and saved both her and myself many
distressing emotions!
Friday Evening. I have had a long conversation
with my mamma, which has greatly relieved
my mind. She has soothed me with the
most endearing tenderness.
Mr. Atkins, with whom Mr. Boyer lodged,
while in town, called here this afternoon. I
did not see him, but he told my mamma that
Mr. Boyer had returned home, and left a letter
his own hand. By this letter I am convinced
that the dye is absolutely cast, with respect to
him, and that no attempts on my part to
bring about a reconciliation would be either
prudent or successful. He has penetrated the
cause of my proceedings; and such is his resentment,
that I am inclined not much to regret
his avoiding another interview.
My excuses would be deemed utterly insufficient,
and truth would not befriend and justify
me.
As I know you are impatient to hear from
me, I will now dispatch this long letter without
any other addition, than that I am your
sincere friend,
| The coquette, or, The history of Eliza Wharton : a novel, founded on fact | |