LETTER XXXVII.
TO MR. CHARLES DEIGHTON.
Hartford.
DEAR CHARLES,
My hopes begin to revive. I am again
permitted to associate with my Eliza; invited
to the same entertainment! She does not
resuse to join with me in the mazy dance, and
partake the scenes of festive mirth. Nay, more;
she allows me to press her hand to my lips; and
listens to the sighing accents of love. Love her,
I certainly do. Would to heaven I could marry
her! Would to heaven I had preserved my
fortune; or she had one to supply its place! I
am distracted at the idea of losing her forever.
I am sometimes tempted to solicit her hand in
serious earnest; but if I should, poverty and
want must be the consequence. Her disappointment
in the expectation of affluence and splendor,
which I believe her ruling passion, would
afford a perpetual source of discontent and mutual
wretchedness.
She is going to Boston with her friend, Mrs.
Sumner. I must follow her. I must break the
connection, which is rapidly forming, between
her and Mr. Boyer; and enjoy her society a
while longer, if no more.
I have had a little intimation from New-Haven,
that Miss Laurence is partial to me, and
might easily be obtained, with a handsome property
into the bargain. I am neither pleased with,
nor averse to the girl. But she has money, and
that may supply the place of love, by enabling
me to pursue independent pleasures. This she
must expect, if she marries a man of my cast.
She doubtless knows my character; and if she
is so vain of her charms or influence, as to
think of reforming or confining me, she must
bear the consequences.
However, I can keep my head up, at present,
without recourse to the noose of matrimony;
and shall, therefore, defer any particular attention
to her, till necessity requires it.
I am, &c.
