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The Muses Sacrifice

[by John Davies]

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The Sinner recounting his manifold transgressions, and finding himselfe thereby in danger of perdition, desireth Grace, through a world of sorrowes, to auoid both Sinne, and damnation.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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The Sinner recounting his manifold transgressions, and finding himselfe thereby in danger of perdition, desireth Grace, through a world of sorrowes, to auoid both Sinne, and damnation.

My Soule (still faint in doing well: and strong
in working ill) now, now thy selfe retire
From outward Cares: or else amidst their throng
poure out thy Sorrowes to thy heau'nly Sire.
Thy scatter'd thoughts (in Fancies lewd, as light)
gather together; and with all thy Pow'rs,

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(Vnited) shew thy sinne and cursed plight;
sith meeke Confession grace, for sinne procures.
Weighing my deeds, I finde too light they be;
yet, more then I can beare; nay, me they quell:
So, am farre lighter, if thou ballance me;
and yet my lightnesse weighes me downe to Hell!
Shame shall not let me (though it boile my Bloud)
t'vnfold the foule diseases of my Soule
To him, that can and will (so) doe me good;
and, make her Angell-faire, though ougly-foule.
My Time then, to my shame I must confesse,
(vnto my Soules Physitian, grace to winne)
Hath all in sinne beene spent; yet, ne'erthelesse,
too short I thought it for my shortest sinne!
If I, at any time, did seeming-good
t'was but corrupt, or counterfaite at least:
And, so, t'was but well done in likelihood,
being but a sinne well-coulored, at best.
My deeds with ill haue (then) depraued bin,
or else of good depriu'd; so, both accurst:
And, if my best be nought but cloaked sinne;
what are my worst, but worse than what is worst!
Not for committing odious sinnes in act,
but for omitting deedes of Charitie;

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(Which Iustice, at her Iudgement, will exact)
the Reprobate are damn'd; and, so, may I:
For, tis but halfe the duty of my whole
to doe no ill; but, still, I good should doe
With all the care and forces of my Soule;
else ill I may be doom'd; and, damned too.
God gaue me life, but for his Seruice; than
I must account how I each moment spend;
And, sinn'd I not; yet, sith I am a Man
that doth no good, it's damned in the end.
And, were my deeds vnited, and (withall)
clear'd from pollution, and from all defect,
Yet are they nought to gifts meere corporall,
which I haue had, and yet haue, in effect.
So that too like an idle beast I am,
that still deuoureth more then he doth earne;
And lookes for food ere he deserues the same;
nor, doth the giuers gifts, from Fates discerne.
O! out vpon me (most vngratefull beast
abusing Reason, as if I had it not)
What shall I say (deare Lord) I must, at least,
confesse I haue thy goodnesse most forgot.
O! with what Marble Eyes, or flintie Front
shall I the glory of thy presence brooke,

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Who art both Iudge (of me to take account)
and Witnesse too, as witnesse will thy Booke!
And yet (alas!) lesse pow'r I haue to shunne
thy presence, then haue heart the same t'abide;
For, thou art all in All: then, can I runne
from thee, when thou dost compasse all, beside!
Yet haue I bin (but in Ciuilitie)
more loath t'offend my meanest mortall Friend,
Then (in good Conscience) so great maiestie
that filleth All, and All doth comprehend!
And haue (I shame to say't) more sham'd to sinne
in sight of men, then in thy dread aspect:
My Soule is blinde; so, saw thee not within:
and mortall Eyes, but mortall things respect.
And for the Graces which thou gau'st to mee,
to glorifie the Giuer, I (vile wretch)
Haue to my selfe the glory tane from thee:
so, with thy gifts, I doe thee still impeach.
I haue not lou'd thee for thy mercy; nor,
haue fear'd thee for thy Iustice: yea, thy might
(Though most almighty) I did most abhorre
when it, in Iustice, on me (wretch) did light.
Thou hast to me reueal'd thy Will; but looke
how often I haue glost it with mine owne,

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(Were it within, or else without thy Booke)
so oft hath thine, by mine, bin ouerthrowne.
And if, I reckon right betweene thy Law
and mine obseruance; (though I feare thy Rod)
I must confesse neere Dauids soole I draw,
that said in Soule (at least) There is no God.
I haue obserued nought but what my sense,
(depraued sense) being Ill, did hold for good;
Which Ill (with all the Stormes of foule Offence)
still wrought vpon the Current of my Bloud.
Mine Eyes, are sharpe, as eager, still to pry
into mens worst parts rather than their best;
And wrench that little much, that is awry;
and, what's most right, to make it lesse, at least.
Apt to detract from others; and exact
praise to my selfe from others: this is it
That makes me enuy eu'ry witty Tract,
vnlesse it be composed by my Wit.
As apt (most apt) to giue, as take offence;
hard to be pleas'd, displeas'd too easily:
As prompt to Choler, as to violence,
but, fearing death; yet (desperate) prest to dye!
In reasoning rash; and yet soone (rudely) round
to compasse Faith to falshood (soone) thereby:

[73]

And where Truth stands, to throw her on her ground
in beastly rage, vntill shee seeme to lye.
False in Humilitie, and true in pride;
in iesting, rough; and rash in censuring:
To gouerne, I haue made my Heart too wide;
t'obey too straite, through griefes straite gouerning.
More then the Mount Vesuuius haue I burn'd
in vaine Ambitions euer-raging flame;
And, all good gifts and graces haue I turn'd
to Fewell; burning in desire of fame.
Thou gau'st me gifts whereof the praise I sought;
so, robb'd thee (Lord) of glory, and (with speede)
I wages seeke, for that which thou hast wrought:
for, for thy Workes in me, I looke for meede.
More proud than Lucifer (the Fount of Pride)
for, he, being glorious made, might soone o'erweene;
But I, being bred of but Slime-putrifide,
vsurpt thy praise; so, much more proud haue beene.
Wherein, if thou hast crost me, I haue storm'd
worse than that Hell-bound: for, he fell to Hell;
Then easily might fume, being so enorm'd;
but I on Earth, at ease, against thee swell.
The lightest pleasures make me (lighter) doate:
but, easiest paines doe presse me downe to death:

74

If Fates but smile, in pleasures Seas I floate;
and if but frowne, it eu'n expires my breath.
I foulest Vices, vnder vertuous Names,
doe patronize: as, extreame Crueltie,
For vpright Iustice; Loue of lightest Dames,
for perfect Zeale; Selfe-loue, for Charitie:
Craft, for true Wisedome; Pride, for Cleanlinesse;
Basenesse, for Meeknesse; Doubt, for Holy Feare;
Meere Cowardize, for discreet Warinesse;
Rashnesse, for Manhood; Couetize, for Care.
And so of others (in none other sort)
I vaunt their vice, with vertuous tearmes inuolu'd;
And haue an eye but onely to Report
while I, but right to seeme, am wrong resolu'd.
All good Instructions fall into my Soule,
as Aprill-showres into the Sea doe fall;
Whose swelling surges doe their drops controule;
and euer turne their sweetnesse into Gall.
When I haue beene reprou'd for ought vnright,
I would deny, excuse, or it defend:
Or else reproch my iust reprouers straight;
and so, without offence, would faine offend.
If I haue vow'd deuotion; and (withall)
haue taskt my selfe with holy Exercise;

[74]

I soone infring'd it (were it ne'er so small)
so, loath'd I Manna, Leekes to gurmandize.
And looke how one that taketh fire in hand,
but out of hand straight thowes it; cannot hold
The heate thereof; so, I doe vnderstand
but small effect of Prayer made so cold.
As Cates vnchewed, haue they past from me
without concoction, not without annoy;
For, when I thinke they went away so free,
my Soule is sicke with griefe, and grieu'd with ioy.
Thus lose I still my time in going on,
and comming off from eu'ry good attempt:
So, purpose without prosecution,
leaues my best actions (idle) in contempt.
With but beginnings haue I worne my dayes;
and oft haue fail'd, but in the meere assay:
Yet, for but failing, haue I lookt for praise;
(ô shame!) sith I good motions did obey.
I (likewise) haue beene light in my Dsiere;
now this, now that, and then the other face
(Sparkes of thy beauty) set my Heart on fire
with Beauties grace to sinne, for want of grace.
So, could not walke abroad, but that (anon)
my wandring sight would giue thy sight offence;

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For, eu'ry sparkling Eye mine lighted on,
through mine, straight kindled my Concupiscence.
For, this (too oft) I haue abus'd the Muse
thou gau'st me, but to woo thee, for thy Loue;
But I (lewde Louer) did her Measures vse
to mete fraile motions, strongly, so, to moue.
Thus Beauty (that should make me loue thee more)
I made the wrest, to rend my loue from thee:
So, both with mine, and others gifts, did gore
the Giuers heart, erst split for loue of me.
And if I made (as seldome so I did)
a Cou'nant with mine Eye that it should gaze
No more on Beauty; yet (the more forbid)
the more, thereby, it glanc'd on Beauties Blaze.
Alas! how brutish haue I bin the while,
that (like a Beast) haue swayed beene by sense;
And made my Reason obey Affections vile,
repugnant to mine owne Intelligence!
O life (dead life, depriu'd of life of grace)
how stirr'st thou so, without that vitall pow'r?
Thou art too proud, and yet too beastly base:
at highest height but like a fading Flowre.
O Lord of life, a death it is to mee
to minde my life so drown'd in deadly sinne!

[75]

Which though it Be, and moue, and liue in Thee;
yet (as without thee) it hath cursed bin:
For, I haue made no scruple to offend;
but with such boldnesse haue I sinn'd as it
Had beene a meane but to a blessed end;
so, seem'd to sinne with Will, enforc'd by Wit!
Nay, should I bring my best deeds to thy Test,
they'le proue but drosse of meere Hypocrisie;
Or Vice in Vertues habit, at the best,
which is too bad for basest Pietie.
With Iacobs voyce, and Esaus hands I held
my Soule to sinne, and good opinion too:
The wicked (so) the World, at will, doe weild;
which faine I would, but that I cannot doe.
The World's t'vnweildy for my feeble gripe;
it still fals from me sith I cannot hold;
And, at each fall, thou giu'st me (Lord) a stripe,
sith, though I cannot weild it, yet I would.
Yea, would much rather then my wilde affects,
or ought that holy men doe take in hand:
For, my best doings, my iust doubt suspects,
sith they in doubt of doing ill doe stand.
How tedious Time hath seem'd when I haue praid!
how wearisome the practise! tir'd how soone!

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How much distracted! and how well apaid
when it was done, though done ere well begunne!
So was I like but one of Pilates Slaues,
that croucht to thee (ô Christ) but to offend:
So my best actions are but holy braues,
that haue more shew then strength to foile the Feend.
Haue I done good to any? if I haue,
t'was but of debt; and though it were but lent,
I prizde it more, and bragd of what I gaue;
so, all my good was done with ill intent.
Haue I discours'd of things that heauenly were?
In curious Questions (lightly it was done:
As where Heau'n stands? and Hell (it locall) where?
not how to come to Heau'n, and Hell to shunne.
I haue beene prompt to learne, what Wisedome would
abhorre to teach; and I haue Eares and Eyes
To heare and see, but what she scornes t'vnfold;
for, I attend to nothing that is wise.
What shall I say (that haue so much to say;
for, endlesse plaint holds endlesse Sinne in chase)
My first, was filth; my progresse, Sinne; my stay,
is double death, without Gods treble grace.
O Sinne (the Soules death; and, of Death, the life)
I would not shunne thee, when (at first) I might;

[76]

And now I cannot without endlesse strife;
then, help me Grace, with strong sinne still to fight.
My Soule is tir'd with vanitie and Sinne;
I loath to liue; and yet I feare to dye:
Then (wretch) what should I doe but now beginne
to dye to liue, sith liuing-death is nye!
But, ah (alas) could I weepe endlesly,
it were but meete mine endlesse sinnes to cleare:
But though I should lament them ceaselesly
in longest mortall life, too short it were.
Yet, will I not dispaire; no, God forbid:
seau'n times a day, the iustest men doe fall:
And though, from men, the fall and bruise be hid,
yet, thou dost see them both, who seest All.
At all houres no man's wise: for, sober Noah,
may be oe'er-come with Wine: stout Abraham too
Through terror lye: Meeke Moses may destroy
th'Egyptian in his ire; and, so, misdo.
Religious Ioseph, irreligiously
sweare by the life of Pharaoh (faith to binde)
Gods Darling Dauid, hide Adultery
with murther of his Seruant, true as kinde.
Wise Salomon, the veriest Foole became,
when Pharos Daughter, and his Pagan-wiues,

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(Through grosse Idolatrie) made him defame
Gods truth: so Blots, the clear'st haue in their liues.
Saints, so are call'd; as eu'ry thing is nam'd
of whatsoe'er therein most worthy is:
As Golden-mines are stiled so, though fram'd
more full of Drosse then Golden-rarities.
And so the best men, though inherent Vice
may ouer-weigh their Vertue; yet, we see,
Th'are called vertuous by their Vertues price,
that doth out-price the Vice, though more it be.
Then giue me courage (Lord) t'aduance my Hope
to thy great mercy (that doth equall thee)
And let All, couerd with the Heau'nly Cope,
for thy deare Loue, be but as Doung to mee.
Vaine pleasures packe, Preferments-vaine, auaunt,
that would but make me quite forget to dye;
My Soule, ye Syrens, doe no more enchaunt:
for, if you doe, Ile breake your strongest Tye.
And all my ioy shall now but be in griefe;
griefe for the Ioy which I conceiu'd in sinne:
So, nought but dying shall be my reliefe:
for, life well lost, immortall life doth winne.
Lord, giue me strength to offer violence
to wicked Custome, till I breake it quite:

[77]

And, still to striue with Nature; Sinne and Sense,
vntill they striue no more in Peace nor fight.
And, for my Sinnes, come all annoyes on me
in royall-armies till you blow me vp,
Aboue the sunne; and all despights that be
fall freely on me from my Sauiours Cup.
Scorne me, proud World, still looke on me ascance;
deride me, Diuell, plague me, doe thy worst:
Nay (Lord) from me conceale thy Countenance;
so thou, in fine, wilt blesse me so accurst.
And, for I haue despis'd thee (Lord of All)
let all that Is, despise me till I dye;
Nay, let disgrace, with death, vpon me fall;
so I may rise to grace, and life thereby.
O thou, my cursed Nature, swolne with Pride,
swell not against contempt (though ne'er so vile)
Take all and more, if more can be beside
contempt of all; and, ioy therein the while.
For, being nothing, of my selfe, but Sinne;
or else (besides that But) I Nothing am;
How can or sinne, or Nothing, Glory winne
but through a World of woe, contempt, and shame?
Skill, will, and pow'r then giue me (Lord) to breake
this head-strong Iade, my Flesh; and, make it glad

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To beare a World of woe; to make it meeke;
and, but for falling vnder it, be sad.
I am thy Worke, then, worke thy Will in mee;
And, make my Carriage (Lord) from falling free.