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Canis whispers Dama.
Canis.
Well done, my Buck, we'll catch the gulls,
The gloss you gave will quiz the Bulls.
Who's our first witness?

Dama.
(whispering)
modest Ovis.

Canis.
A buxom ewe.

Dama.
Ah! she's no novice;
She know her cue....besides, 'tis thought
She's little jealous of the goat;
And we have many hopes from thence.
Call up and swear our evidence....

[aloud.
Cryer.
First—Ovis!

Ovis.
Here!

Cryer.
My gentle ewe,
We'll have a chat along with you;
Hold up your paw.

Dama.
No! call the rest,
And swear them all at once; that's best.

Cryer.
“You all and sev'rally declare,
Affirm, insist, aver, and swear,
That all the stories you report,
As evidence before the court,
Shall be the truth, and nothing more,
A thing they never spoke before....
[aside
So may the monarch of the wood,
Supply you all with drink and food.”

Dama.
Come, now, my lively, bounding ewe,
Ovis, we'll first examine you.
You're a member of the bleating canton?
You know the plaintiff, ha?

Ovis.
Balantum!
I mess'd with her, sometime ago,
And consequently I must know.

Dama.
You've seen her often with defendant?

Ovis.
Aye! that I have, you may depend on't.

Dama.
Have you not seen her call him to her?

Ovis.
I have.

Dama.
What time?

Ovis.
I am not sure;
But think 'twas near two years ago,
'Twas pleasant weather, that I know.

Dama.
At her request, did he not call,
Repeatedly, at Capra's stall?

Ovis.
She often ask'd him when he couldn't:
Sometimes he came....sometimes he wouldn't.

Dama.
Would she her choicest food prepare,
And treat the Dog, to coax him there?

Ovis.
O yes....so well she fed the cur,
She almost starved myself and her.

Dama.
This intimacy was, you say,
Sometime in summer?

Ovis.
After May.

Dama.
And yet, my lord, two months before
She'd been insulted o'er and o'er!

Ovis.
One evening, he was with us there,
When, on my honor, I declare,
She kiss'd him....for the smack I heard,
And saw his tongue about her beard.

Dama.
Where was her mate, then, Capricorn.

Ovis.
Why, on that evening he was gone,
To see a public show, I think,
Some capers of a northern Mink.

Dama.
Did Capra e'er the Dog invite,
To tarry with her all the night?
Come, recollect yourself.

Ovis.
I will....
He slept there once, when he was ill.

Dama.
A hydrophobia, I suppose.

Ovis.
And the next morning, when I rose,
I met her coming from his straw,
And this my lord, I swear I saw.

Dam.
[to Canis]
Poor Ovis then was disappointed?

Canis.
[to D.]
Yes, all our plans were quite disjointed.

Dama.
Was Capricorn then present?

Ovis.
No,
But where he was, I do not know;
It always seem'd to be her care,
To send and get defendant there,
During the absence of her mate.

Dama.
Can you now recollect the date,
When last she yean'd, and whom you saw
That came to see her in the straw?

Ovis.
Yes, that event took place, I know,
Last April, sir, a year ago;
And then she sent for Canis thither,
Who had a secret confab with her.

Reynard.
O! she intended nothing worse
Than just to learn the Dog to nurse.

Dama.
Did Capra ever make remarks,
About her eyes' alluring sparks?

Ovis.
She said she fear'd to have them shown,
Lest all her wishes should be known.
With males herself she dared not trust,
She was so great a slave to lust;
And had too weak a spot about her.

Dama.
She wish'd her mate was warmer, stouter?
Ha? Did she not? How was it, Ovis?

Ovis.
She call'd her Capricorn a novice:
He did the best he could to please her,
But still, poor thing, he did but tease her;
She wish'd a mate, whose amorous fires,
Were equal to her own desires;
Some love-physician who could cure her
Of what they call Uterus furor.

Reyn.
For that the best would have to strain hard.

Martin.
Why not apply to Dr. Reynard?

Dama.
Did any conversation pass,
With you and Capra, 'bout the Ass?

Ovis.
She said she could, whene'er she chose,
Lead sister Nanny by the nose.

Cross-examined, by Pardus.
Pardus.
From Capra's conduct, you conceived,
She had no virtue?

Ovis.
I believed
That she was light and vain; but had
No proof of acts extremely bad.

Pardus.
Her conversation you conceived
Libidinous?

Ovis.
So I believed,
For if it turns out otherwise,
I can't believe my ears and eyes.

Pardus.
Did Capricorn the Dog invite,
The time he came and staid all night?

Ovis.
He did.

Pardus.
The time you heard the kiss,
Canis complained of illness?

Ovis.
Yes.
But as for that, she's not to blame,
I would myself have done the same.

Dama.
I dare be sworn you would my ewe....

aside.
Pardus.
He never gave a kiss to you?

Ovis.
O yes....before he quitted us,
He offered me a kind of buss.

Pardus.
Her mate was present, was he not,
When Capra mentioned her weak spot?

Ovis.
He was.

Pardus.
And when she mentioned too,
That all she wish'd he could not do?

Ovis.
He might have heard it; but if not,
I'm sure she spoke the thing she thought.

Pardus.
The Dog kiss'd you as well as her?

Ovis.
Twice only....hang the stupid cur!...

[aside
Pardus.
Both friendly kisses, I suppose?
Yes....more than friendly had he chose....

[aside.
Pardus.
From Capra's treatment of the cur,
You thought not he'd insulted her?

Ovis.
O no....I thought, and justly too,
That her attachment stronger grew.