University of Virginia Library

SCEN. I.

Philostratus, Callimachus, Pyle.
Phi.
Though I am sorry for that great misfortune
Leucasia hath receiv'd, yet in respect
I come t' enjoy your Countenance by it,
I cannot wish't undone.

Pyl.
It was a Judgment
From Heav'n upon her, 'cause she profer'd to
Ascend that Bed was only due to me.

Cal.
I do confess your Vertues do deserve
Rule, and Dominion; but they'l shew as fair
And gracefull in Despising it, as e'r
They could in Managing.

[They whisper her by turns.
Phi.
Don't hear him, Lady.
He would inveagle you: take it from me,
He is the notedst Flatterer in the Kingdom.

Pyl.
Can I be flatter'd then? I'd thought I had
Made all Praise Modest.

Cal.
Whatsoe'r he saies,
Do not regard it Madam: I do know
He laies a wile to catch you, every word
Hath some device, some Engine in't.

Pyl.
Think you
My Wisdom can be caught?

Cal.
No; but hee'l try
To overreach you, though I'm sure he cannot.
He is the notedst Leacher in all Asia.

Phi.
I wonder you can speak with him: he hath
Something at this time very deep in's bones.

Cal.
You are in danger, Madam, from his Breath;
I look each word of his should be your Ruine,
He hath no part about him that is sound;
A very walking Hospitall.

Pyl.
I thank you.

Phi.
What e'r he saies beleeve him not; he cannot
Settle his heart on any single Face.
He is the Common Stallion of the Country,
Is sent for far and neer to cure Green-sicknesses;
H' hath times appointed for't in Market Towns,
And such a day 'tis said, The Captain heals.

Cal.
I know he Complements as soothingly
As if he spoke Perfumes; ne'r credit him.
I've heard him swear he only loves your Wealth.

Pyl.
Good!

Phi.
He hath told me he could ne'r affect you;
Y'are of too deep a Wrinkle, as he saies,
To be call'd old; y'are broken, and not Aged.

Pyl.
Your Servant Sir.

Cal.
I've heard him Vow he would
Ne'r Marry you, but that there's certain hope
You will be Carkas ere the Morning.

Pyl.
Well!

Phi.
He is in doubt whether you are not old
Deucalion's Widdow, and is sure you have
Only two Rags of Flesh instead of Breasts.

Cal.
He vows you had
No Parents, as he thinks, but are the first
Of all your Genealogy; one that
Knows not what that word Ancestor doth mean.

Phi.
He saies y' were moulded out of the first Earth
For an Essay, not meant for good and all;
But slipt out unawares from your Contriver;
And that e'r since you wear that durty Face,
As a true Badge of your early Creation.

Pyl.
I'm bound t' y'truly.

Cal.
Then he saies you are
So noisome, and so nasty, that he dares not
Come neer you in a Morning, till the Sun
Hath been upon you for a while.

Phi.
He means,
If that he hath the luck to marry you,
To shew you up and down for some strange Monster.

Cal.
He is resolv'd t' allow you for his ease
Something i'th'shape of a great lusty Groom
To save himself a Labour.

Phi.
He gives out
Hee'l take a Bedstaff, or an holy Wand
And baste you lustily two or three hours
Before you go to Bed, to make you limber.
You are too stark (he saies) to make a Spouse.

Cal.
'Twould be a Curse, he saies, unto our Kingdom
Worse than the Tyrant is, if that he took
You to his Bed—

Phi.
Then when you dye he swears
Hee'l take your skin and make a Coat of Armour.

Cal.
—There were not other hope, but that we should
Have a most Rampant Petticoat born up
In Wars for th'Colours, and the low'st Tongu'd Woman
Whisper before the Army for a Trumpet.

Pyl.
I thank you heartily for your discovery.—
To Cal.
I'm bound to you for you Relation.—
To Phi.
I'l think upon your Sute assure your self.—
To Cal.
I will consider your request hereafter—
To Phil.
Pray let me see you oftner.
To them both
(Here's a brace
Of most notorious Villains; let me dye
A private Woman, if I fit you not.)

Ex. Pyle.
Cal.
I know you've got the Widdows promise Captain.

Phi.
No doubt she gave it you, you did so whisper.

Cal.
Good faith I spoke for thee most heartily.
I told her all thy Parts.

Phi.
Troth now and then
I intermingled thy good Qualities too.
All that I did was honest; as I live
I ask'd her not the Question all the while.

Cal.
I'l lay thee a brace of hundreds then shee's mine.

Phi.
Win her and wear her then, catch he that can.

Exeunt.