University of Virginia Library

SATYR 4.

Go search Niles deeps, and find me if you can,
A thing so ugly as this monster man!
I mean that lean-chopt fellow, whose white face
And night-cap make him look like th'Ace
Of Spades, so formal is his pickdevant,
While hee so meagre looketh, and as wan
As Adam 'gainst the hedge in clay, when he
Was set a drying fore the Sun, to be
Inspir'd with breath: no Ananias e'r
Painted on Countrie tapistrie could appear
So Ghostly or precise; as he had fed
On roots alone, for those he studied,
As Hebrew with a Chaldee paraphrase,
Or Syriack, while the Greek and Latine was
Prophane and modern language counted: but
Behold his clean-starcht ruff o'th' holy cut
And pure Geneva set! whose every one
With the bright steel of Revelation
Was throughly open'd: but to say no more,
Most pure he was from head to foot all o'r:
I could have wisht this Hypocrite had bin
But half so pure, and so sincere within.
Such hollow falshood in a Prophet guide,
Confirms the errours of the world beside.
Did he not roundly pay for's Benefice
By symoniack contract e'r 'twas his?
Did he not wed his Patrons niece? some say
Hee sprung her mine too e'r the marriage day:
And puts her portion now to usurie.
But oh! what an egregious dunce is he?
And when ordain'd examining did fear
More than a young thief caught, and made appear
Before a Justice for his first offence:
But his preventive wit and impudence
Wrought wel with th'Bishops Chaplain I believe,
Whom he had fed on Ordination Eve
To say as th'Ordinary to th'Judge is wont,
Legit ut clericus, my Lord: though he don't
One letter know. 'Tis usual this: while so
By such cheats knaves and fools get livings too.
But oh! how drunk for joy hee got that night
I'th' Bishops sellar! now the thankful wight
Having his fees discharg'd goes home, looks worse
Austere and graver than his Lordships horse;
Wrangles and sues his neighbours, keeps no house
Of hospitalitie, nor gives one sous
Throughout the year to th'poor. Gripe comes to be
Resolv'd a case of conscience, if Usurie
Of ten i'th' hundred may be lawful ta'n?
Yes, yes: your talent must not up be lain
But to the most improved. Hear you me!
The tithe of all your coines encrease must be
Paid mee your Parson! Nay, then Gripe replies,
I'l rather let't at nine per cent. as is
My usual course: my sows shal farrow too
No more than nine at a time: I wil go
Sel all my land, and stock, and into gold
Convert it for encrease; all shal be sold
Before I'l give one doight away: the King
Sha'nt have a subsidie, the poor nothing
For mee. Thus Gripe is now a Chymist grown,
What he should eat, drink, wear the miching hound
Turns into metal, whose each new Image
He sacrificing doth adore: no Age
E'r such a muckworm bred: he never wil
Marry; children are charges, Women il.
Hee buyes bread, pares it, sends it back again
For staler, for which cause the Baker's lain
I'th' Pillorie: he ne'r at home wil eat;
But at anothers board until he sweat
Again, he swils like any thresher, and
Communion wine he drinks til's neighbours stand
Amaz'd, and think as if in stead of's own
Hee drinking were his Saviour's health around.
Hee won't part with a hair, and for that cause
No Shaver neer him comes; and hates the Lawes
'Cause they forbid ingrossing: and is dumb
When Cosk wou'd borrow; nay shou'd Christ once come
On Earth again, the Wretch would not lend him
One tester, wer't the whole world to redeem
Without securitie of Angels. The Jew
So circumcis'd his silver he was brought
Before the Judge to answer for his fault.
Hold up thy lean hand Gripe! Guiltie or not?
Not guiltie my good Lord: the Jurie that
Shal trie. These clippings all I found
In's trunk. 'Twas but to make the money round,
Gripe pleads, which first the coyners did neglect;
Onely Rix dollars which I did elect
'Cause they were too square, and broad, for that respect.
Hence take him Jaylour! oh the sad effect
Of covetizing! Can't I ransom'd be?
Take all my goods! save but my life and me.
No: sentence is past: how the hangman swears
And curses 'cause no better cloathes he wears.